In love with best friend... can it work?

I met this girl just over 3 years ago through her current boyfriend at the time, from the moment I met her I knew she was something special. We have kept in contact over the last 3 years even though she is no longer with her boyfriend. We have had deep discussions and both agreed that from the day we met we both knew we were meant to be best friends forever and that we can always rely on each other and love each other very much as friends.

However, we went on holiday recently and she flirted with some other bloke. This really really hurt and I told her I loved her, which I do, but this made it difficult to talk for a time, and when we did I am sure she is not saying exactly how she feels about the situation.

Since we got back I think it has put a huge strain on our friendship and I'm scared to lose a friend as good as her, because they don't come around very often.

My question is can we rebuild that friendship, and if we can, is it possible for one of us to be in love with the other and continue as best friends?

Your thoughts on this would be most appreciated....

This is going to be awkward for both of you. The friendship just wouldn't be the same now that she knows this. It depends on the girl. If she is the type that is used to guys having feelings for her then she'll get over whatever you said. But if she's not then I think you guys lost your friendship.

I fully agree on what lastwish said... it is over...

You can't be in love with a friend. It won't work, because you'll always be jealous of her being with another guy. As much as it hurts, you're gonna have to move in and try to get into a relationship with her or back off and lose her as a friend.

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Originally Posted by headCrab [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I met this girl just over 3 years ago through her current boyfriend at the time, from the moment I met her I knew she was something special. We have kept in contact over the last 3 years even though she is no longer with her boyfriend. We have had deep discussions and both agreed that from the day we met we both knew we were meant to be best friends forever and that we can always rely on each other and love each other very much as friends.

However, we went on holiday recently and she flirted with some other bloke. This really really hurt and I told her I loved her, which I do, but this made it difficult to talk for a time, and when we did I am sure she is not saying exactly how she feels about the situation.

Since we got back I think it has put a huge strain on our friendship and I'm scared to lose a friend as good as her, because they don't come around very often.

My question is can we rebuild that friendship, and if we can, is it possible for one of us to be in love with the other and continue as best friends?

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Probably not. As stated, your relationship has taken an awkward turn, and it might be hard for the both of you to act as if nothing happened. It's laudable that you value your friends, but she has become more than a friend to you and has crossed into the territory of Love Interest.

If I had unrequited love for a friend, I'd have to break off the friendship and spend some time away from him to get over my feelings. For Pete's sake, why torture yourself?

Firstly, thank you all for your responses. I appreciate them all.

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Probably not. As stated, your relationship has taken an awkward turn, and it might be hard for the both of you to act as if nothing happened. It's laudable that you value your friends, but she has become more than a friend to you and has crossed into the territory of Love Interest.

If I had unrequited love for a friend, I'd have to break off the friendship and spend some time away from him to get over my feelings. For Pete's sake, why torture yourself?

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I don't see it as torture, her friendship always has been and always will be far more important to me than any relationship we could have. I have been in this situation before with another girl and we are still great friends to this day, as I learnt to deal with my feelings for her. Maybe I can do the same again.

I told a friend of mine I was thinking of talking to her whilst away but was scared of ruining the friendship, he said to me that if the friendship is as strong as I think it is then we can get through it and remain friends.

Surely it's worth the effort trying to save a friendship like the one we have, even if it doesn't work out? Isn't it better I regret trying than regret doing nothing at all?

You play Half Life?

lol, i used to years ago, guess my alias gave that away... still the best game ever! :P

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Originally Posted by headCrab [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Firstly, thank you all for your responses. I appreciate them all.



I don't see it as torture, her friendship always has been and always will be far more important to me than any relationship we could have. I have been in this situation before with another girl and we are still great friends to this day, as I learnt to deal with my feelings for her. Maybe I can do the same again.

I told a friend of mine I was thinking of talking to her whilst away but was scared of ruining the friendship, he said to me that if the friendship is as strong as I think it is then we can get through it and remain friends.

Surely it's worth the effort trying to save a friendship like the one we have, even if it doesn't work out? Isn't it better I regret trying than regret doing nothing at all?

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If you feel you can move on and deal with your feelings, then more power to you. But if you are staying in the "friendship" in the hopes that one day, she's going to wake up and reciprocate your adoration for her, then you might be spinning your wheels...is all I'm sayin'.

I said the same thing about this when I was in love with my friend...we liked eachother and we flirted hardcore..it was like me and her were alone in this world. We ended up kissing and and almost slept with eachother but we both stoped cuz I said "what if this does not work, and ruins our friendship"? Well, we never slept with eachother, but the next day, we did not speak or text...then after those days...it seemed as if we were not alone in this world after all...we just stop talking totally like we never knew eachother.

((we just stop talking totally like we never knew eachother)) but i 'd like to add, that was painful or at least for sometime when u remember...

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Originally Posted by clearskies [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

((we just stop talking totally like we never knew eachother)) but i 'd like to add, that was painful or at least for sometime when u remember...

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Do you just not know how to use the quote feature?

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Originally Posted by headCrab [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't see it as torture, her friendship always has been and always will be far more important to me than any relationship we could have. I have been in this situation before with another girl and we are still great friends to this day, as I learnt to deal with my feelings for her. Maybe I can do the same again.

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I'd say it's posible to still be friend with her. You will have to get over the infatuation you have with her in one way or another. Which is posible as well. Just bear in mind that she will be flirting with other guys and at some point she might have a boyfriend. If you think you'll be okay with that and not harbour any feelings of jealousy or resentment, then start getting over your feelings for her and friendship will once again be posible.

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Originally Posted by clearskies [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

((we just stop talking totally like we never knew eachother)) but i 'd like to add, that was painful or at least for sometime when u remember...

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Nope! No pain. This friendship or relationship did not get to the point where I could of said, "it was worth it anyways".
Have you been in this situation?

NiceLoverBoy:(( Have you been in this situation?))
My experience, even with a short relationships, was like that: I was left with some pain unfortunately.. this pain varies from a long to a short term relationship..
I am glad you did not have this feeling ... that is good and i wish to be like you. I do not think it is useful to be so sensitive or thoughtful about past events like that way I am..I need to get over things (i mean bad memories) quickly.

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Originally Posted by clearskies [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

NiceLoverBoy:(( Have you been in this situation?))
My experience, even with a short relationships, was like that: I was left with some pain unfortunately.. this pain varies from a long to a short term relationship..
I am glad you did not have this feeling ... that is good and i wish to be like you. I do not think it is useful to be so sensitive or thoughtful about past events like that way I am..I need to get over things (i mean bad memories) quickly.

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CS, if you look in the bottom right corner of the post you'll see this nifty little button that says "Quote"... I really recommend that you use it.

Just an update on the situation.

I spent around 5 hours talking with her last night about various things, and from what was said the love of our friendship is indeed mutual. It seems things are getting back on track and our friendship can be saved... we even went out for lunch today and had a good time.

I still love her deeply in some ways but I have also learned a few things I don't particularly like about her... this is helping me deal with the fact a relationship won't work but our friendship will, even if it does hurt.

In my opinion if a friendship/bond is good enough, then nothing can break it, and you make it through the hard times together. I think that this is the case here, and hope it continues.

I'd like to thank you all for your time and effort it helping me again. :)

I know I couldn't do it...

Having feelings for a friend drove me nuts. I keep talking to her to a minimum now. She kind of figured out I liked her when I asked her out twice and she turned me down both times. She kind of stopped talking to me and so did I after that.

It drove me crazy, I wanted to just throw my arms around her and kiss her.

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Originally Posted by headCrab [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In my opinion if a friendship/bond is good enough, then nothing can break it, and you make it through the hard times together.

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As long as you bear in mind that her next relationship most likely will. Once she finds a compatible partner you will be seeing a lot less of her and your friendship may reach a point of being non-existent.

I don't think that will happen any time soon as she has stated she does not wish to be in a relationship for the foreseeable future. She just wants to enjoy her life, this is due to past bad relationships.

But even through her previous relationships we remained good friends, so I can't see us losing contact.