i feel like im living a fairytale
I cannot beleive my situation at the moment.
some of you may have seen my posts i few weeks ago. pretty much in a nutshell it goes like this: i fell in love with a boy (we'll call him x) when i was only 11 years old. i know that seems silly, how would i know right? well i just do and its like people say you never know how much you love someone until you lose them. well that pretty much sums up how ive been feeling for the past 5 1/2 years.
i was with this boy for over a year but we went to different schools and i still dont have a decent reason but i ended it. i hated doing it but at the time i truly beleived it was the right thing to do. i cried for weeks after doing it. i really broke his heart. i still REALLY wanted to be his friend cos he's the best person i know, i was terrorfied we wouldnt be friends. anyway time went by and thank god we were still friends. he still called me every week. he was having a tough time moving on. a year later and he was still not over me, i thought i was, i had a new bf by that time too. that didnt last all that long though, he turned out to be a jerk and i started comparing him to x. he didnt compare AT ALL. and so i ended it with him too and i started realising that my feeling for x were still there, just very very deep down. i didnt know what to do about it. i thought x was definately over me by now, i didnt know how to tell him i still liked him after i'd hurt him so bad.
then the day came when he told me his family was moving to canada (im in australia). i practicaly died that day. we were still really good friends, i was still the last one to see him and say goodbye. when i had to go i cried, he cried, my mum cried. it was terrible. i wanted to tell him so badly! but what was the point? he was moving to the other side of the world!
time went by again and we started talking over the internet. we still stayed really close considering the distance. i missed him so much but i pushed my feelings away, far far away, since ive tried everything to move on completely. every reasonable and unreasonable method in an attempt to get over him. every boy i got the slightest crush on i would compare to x , it was driving me nuts!
during the 4 years he's been living in canada, we talked as often as we could but the 18 hr time difference made it difficult alot. sometimes he would stay up till 2 oclock in the morning just to talk to me. sometimes we would tease each other, we talked about the day we would see each other again. every year he said i can come down next year! but something would happen and he couldnt.
hes an amazing writer and not long after he moved he wrote me a song, i should have realised how he felt then but i guess i was too naive. as the years went by he sent me other songs, not ones he had written but ones he said would explain everything. once a couple years ago we had a really close conversation, we teased each other and we talked about what it would be like if we were still together. he said he was getting teary and had to go so he sent me a song and said it would explain everything but i had no way of listening to it so i never got to until earlier this year. when i finally did hear it did explain everything and i kicked myself for being so naive not to realise that he still had feelings for me! it got me hopeful but also terrorfied and i was in agony because these things were a couple years ago so i had no idea how he felt now! did he still feel something for me after all this time? we still talked but there had been none of the flirting that there was back then.
i was in agony not knowing and as crazy and as dramatic as this sounds i didnt want to simply ask him over the net or over the phone or something cos things get misinterpreted so easily that way so....i worked my ass off every day and night at work over the summer to save enough dough to get me a return flight to canada. we had always got excited at the thought of one of us going to the other, we always thought it would be him cos he was a lot wealthier than me. but i beat him to it. it cost me my entire car savings and alot more but it was SO worth it!
i flew over near the end of june and i had the most amazing time. he was so stoked to see me. and everything went better than perfect! the second night i was there we went to a party, we flirted alot and he held my hand. tingles were sent through my entire body! later that night i kissed him so passionatley, and he returned it. it was amazing. then he asked if i wanted to go all the way with him, he was such a gentleman about it. i had never done it before because in truth the only person in the world i wanted to do it with especially my first time was him because i trusted him so much.
before we went ahead with it though i had to tell him how i felt and why i had come all this way. i told him everything, i told him i still loved him, always had, that i regretted letting him go and i was so so sorry. he said i didnt need to be sorry for anything, he said it would have been too hard to leave if we had still been together.
other things were said but the main thing was he said i was the most gorgeous person in the world to him and he wants to grow old with me. i was stunned! i couldnt beleive he kissed me let alone wanted to grow old with me! that was the sort of thing i had dreamt of in my most personal fantasies when i was letting my hopes get too high! i was simply stunned but it was the happiest moment of my life! i told him all ive ever wanted is to grow old with him.
i was there for three weeks but by the end i really did not want to come home. i had an unbeleivable time with him, i was his date to his high school graduation, and we went on two massive roadtrips. it was simply amazing, i feel like i am living a fairytale. it was incredible! now im here back in Aus and he's there and i miss him so much! but one day we'll be together again, one day, no idea when which kills me but one day hopefully not too far away.
sorry its so long.
