how does a girl deal with unavailable guys?

so..i have been confused with these questions for a while...hopefully some of you guys can help me out...thanks!!!!

there are two guys A and B. both are taken. they met their girlfriends before they met me.

Now A and B start being nice to me...let me give a bit details in case i just think too much...

A. is very patient to me and asks me whether I am avoiding him...accidentally touched my arms three out of 5 times when we are together for work discussion


B. took me to the beach, drove to the hill for views, went to grocery shopping


so how should i deal with them? should I stay away or what rules can be applied to this type of situations? say, if they asked me to go out (not a date)alone, should I go?

Celine, first of all, why would you want to deal with unavailable guys?

Quick! PM Cain right now about this before his attitude improves!

No way!

You should pursue them both.

In a perfect world, you'll be able to have your way with both of them.

Okay, nevermind; he saw it.

starbuck...i know what you mean...i certainly would rather deal with available guys...but most good guys here are taken..so i am thinking if it is a good idea to be just friends with them...and they will figure out whether they seriously want to be with me or not.....at the same time, i will keep on looking for other available good guys... is this feasible??

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Originally Posted by celine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

starbuck...i know what you mean...i certainly would rather deal with available guys...but most good guys here are taken..so i am thinking if it is a good idea to be just friends with them...and they will figure out whether they seriously want to be with me or not.....at the same time, i will keep on looking for other available good guys... is this feasible??

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The only guys you should be pursuing are the unavailable ones. The singles ones are single for a reason, right?

well...it makes a bit sense honestly...

also I am not pursuing them!!! they are semi-pursuing me..

ahahahhahahaha! Cain's cracking us up tonight!


Celine, DON'T, I repeat DON'T start anything, especially not sexual, under no circumstances, until one of them becomes single. You'll only end up used and hurt.

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Originally Posted by celine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

well...it makes a bit sense honestly...

also I am not pursuing them!!! they are semi-pursuing me..

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Great!

Call them both up and schedule some dates! Separately, of course, unless you want a threesome!

Just make sure that each date ends in the bedroom! You've got to make sure that they are worth pursuing! If they suck in bed then they aren't worth anything!

jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cain, slowly step away from the confused girl looking for advice. Before, god forbid, she takes it from you and sleeps with both of them.

OP, dealing with unavailable guys is a very slippery slope. How are most of the guys around you taken? Do you live on a remote desert island? There are guys everywhere!

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Cain, slowly step away from the confused girl looking for advice. Before, god forbid, she takes it from you and sleeps with both of them.

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That's how it was intended, baby!

Free love!

She's got two opportunities and she needs to act on them. Let them get a taste of that vagina and they won't be going anywhere!

OP, "All the good guys are taken," just seems like a way to rationalize away the icky feelings associated with going after someone else's man.

Love is complicated enough when the guy is single. When you "date" unavailable guys there are repercussions that go beyond you and he, and someone is going to get heartbroken, either you or the unknowing girlfriend. Do you really want to ***k up someone else's relationship willingly?

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Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The only guys you should be pursuing are the unavailable ones. The singles ones are single for a reason, right?

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I squirm when I read this, but in a very basic way...not being out there ****ing as many women as you can is a sign of not being a dominant male--that is true. In an earlier generation, things weren't quite as primitive as they are today, but reality is reality.

In the wild, dominant primate males will **** anything, which becomes the basis of a reputation. Non-dominant male primates are often shy or picky. So, pure animal nature

In human society, the less dominant male can compensate for this a bit if he's financially loaded...essentially, he "buys" her attention. But, it is never really quite as real as the bestial attraction. Who knows, maybe Peckinpah (director) was right in a way, despite his terribly disgusting portrayal.

But, it is totally the case that women are much more attracted to men that other women either already have or who are the object of other women's interest. It becomes a competition...its more than just attraction to the man, it is also part of the female "pecking order"--a competition.

Of course, all of this is a generalization, but generally it is true

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

OP, "All the good guys are taken," just seems like a way to rationalize away the icky feelings associated with going after someone else's man.

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To me it sounds more like deep seated personal insecurities. Lack of self motivation to go out looking combined with self esteem issues ussually rationalize the datings scene in this way.

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Originally Posted by celine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

.so i am thinking if it is a good idea to be just friends with them...and they will figure out whether they seriously want to be with me or not.....at the same time, i will keep on looking for other available good guys... is this feasible??

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I think this is your best option. Don't do anything you will regret.

Cam, Cain's just having a MAJOR male-PMS session b/c I and others here have been riding him about his uber-conservative view on things.

I think he finally went & looked up the definition of hyperbole & he's liking it. ;)

Celine, why are you letting a taken guy drive you to the beach & grocery shopping? Was his GF with you? Doesn't that seem odd to you?

Cain, first of all, you are a jerk!

second, i pity you...you are single for a reason; if you are taken, your gf is crazy...

good luck with your mental healing process..

He's just having a bit of an over-reaction to some overwhelming opposition to some of his more conservative views, so he's doing the excessive sarcasm bit. He's generally not this annoying.

If you are young, there are plenty of available and single guys. So, why bother with the unavailable ones?

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you are young, there are plenty of available and single guys. So, why bother with the unavailable ones?

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Maybe she feels it's the emotionally safer thing to do. That was she won't risk getting attached or hurt? She just wants to see or test if they would do anything to compromise their relationship just for her? Wants to see if these guys would dump their current gf's just to be with her? Low self-esteem in need of an ego boost?

Or maybe most of the available and single guys around her have been losers and wimpy unattractive types. Maybe that's the image and feeling she has in her head when she hears or finds out that a guy is available or single. Maybe those guys immediately seem unattractive, whereas the unavailable guys seem more attractive?

I'm with lastwish on this one though. There's a wealth of available and single guys out there which are more than dating quality. The challenge is to get them off their PSP or Nintendo DS, or to pry that brainy book or periodical out of their hand just long enough to hold a good conversation with them.

Stay clear of unavailable guys. You'll either find yourself in trouble or end up getting hurt.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Celine, why are you letting a taken guy drive you to the beach & grocery shopping? Was his GF with you? Doesn't that seem odd to you?

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yes..when i think back, it did seem odd...but it was a group get-together for his new fireplace... i happened to show up earlier than others..so he said we should go to the beach to pick up some wood for the fireplace..then he drove around..and then said he really had to buy some food for breakfast..

so I thought it may just friend thing...friends can do this, right? I went with him because I am afraid I read into it too much and think too much...maybe it is just simple friend thing??

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you are young, there are plenty of available and single guys. So, why bother with the unavailable ones?

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not so young...I am 26

I never plan to make a move or anything...and I will not...

I am in a small town...guys are not that many...available guys are fewer...good available guys are even fewer...

just be friends with them, is this too much??? what are typically couple things that i should stay away from? (yes..sexual relationship, i know this..any other things? if what we talk are all pure friend-type, does it matter if we do somthing that seems like couple things? say go to see a movie together?

As long as you don't cross any boundaries, doing anything that friends do should be fine.

Certain things, however, should be avoided... such as being over at his house alone with him at 2am.

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Originally Posted by celine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

just be friends with them, is this too much??? what are typically couple things that i should stay away from? (yes..sexual relationship, i know this..any other things? if what we talk are all pure friend-type, does it matter if we do somthing that seems like couple things? say go to see a movie together?

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Celine, these guys are both with their partners. Avoid anything you would ask your partner to avoid if you weren't single. Would you be okay with your bf hanging out and seeing movies with a girl he is extra friendly with? Look at it from perspective of their partners, this will set the stage for what's appropriate and what's not.