Battle of the Exes

There's still ex-drama in my life, and I don't know how to solve it.

See, my loser ex still owes me money. I mean, I supported his sorry ass for four years while he partied, so he owes me for that....but that's not recuperable. He actually owes me money for a truck he bought on a loan in my name, and also the legal fees for our divorce.....a total of about $3500. He keeps giving me some sob story about how he's broke, but he really WANTS to pay me, and he WILL....whenever he can.

Then I find out he's going to Vegas in two days and also paying his loser girlfriend's way. So I'm pissed.

What's worse is, it's upsetting my bf. He hates seeing me upset, and he knows I am. I keep saying "Oh, I should just take the hit for the money...." and he is adamant that I do NOT. He's furious at my ex.

I've had friends offer to send their seedy friends over to 'talk to him' if you know what I mean....but I think that would just piss him off. He is a real stubborn bastard, and a huge manipulator. Any ideas of what I can do to make him pay up? I'm at my wits end with him.

Take him in to see Judge Judy. I love her.

leave him alone. you'll never see the money. it's not worth the stress of even trying.

just delete him from your life and your thoughts before he causes misery in your perfectly decent current relationship.

but wait, the truck should've been included in the divorce papers. did you guys do pro se or did you get a lawyer?

Yeah, forget the "seedy friends" idea. What this guy needs is a huge muscular guy, preferably black, to scare the hell out of him. HE needs to go and not ask for the money, but tell him to have it in like 3 days. And if he doesn't, you do "something," this is where there is some room for creative thinking. Your ex sounds like a dimwit and he wouldn't know what some guys can do, although I don't know if these seedy friends of yours are genuine bad guys or not

I don't know why but I find women talking about their divorces really sexy. I used to love hearing about the Brazillian's divorce. I guess that's kind of screwy. I think it's because it makes them sound all grown up, or something.

My advice is not good but is from experience. Let the money and the things he owe you go (maybe not the truck loan though).

It's going to hurt you more than it will ever hurt him if you keep contacting him for repayment.

Maybe cause they get kind of riled up and fiesty over it

Like when they talk about changing their joint credit-cards and talking about their "ex-husbands". It turns me into putty.

Find someone to stick a shovel up his ass! (got this idea from watching Big Stan last night)

We did the divorce ourselves....no lawyers. Way cheaper.

Plus, the issue witht the truck is this: We took out a loan for the truck for $18,000....his sister had to cosign with me at the time. When we broke up, he 'sold' the truck to MY sister....for $13,000. The balance on the loan was $16,000 at that time and he agreed to take a hit because it was fair due to depreciation and what not. So my sister has the truck and makes the loan payments. She couldn't afford to get a loan herself, and she had two little kids and no car. So this was a way to help her out until she's back on her feet.

So, I can't sue him for the money, because what I did was kind of sketchy.....I 'gave away' an asset I'm still owing money on. The bank would not be happy with this, even if my sister IS making the payments. It's supposed to remain in my possession until the debt is paid off.

I want to walk away from it all, but my bf thinks it's wrong to let him get away with it. A male ego thing, maybe?

If you really care about the money, start documenting every conflict with him you have. You can start by writing down his past procrastinations. If you have evidence that he's going to vegas, keep a record of it for yourself and make copies.

What a slimy bastard.

My mother has been holding a grudge on my father since they divorced almost 2 decades ago. He still owes her $7000 in child support, and somehow, he's managed to avoid that all this time.

It may be really hard to get the money back, unfortunately. Has he paid off most of the loan back to you? Is the truck registered under your name? Maybe you can take ownership of it, if so.

edit: Oh damn, nevermind about the truck. That sucks balls. I hope you find comfort in the idea that what goes around comes around.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We did the divorce ourselves....no lawyers. Way cheaper.

Plus, the issue witht the truck is this: We took out a loan for the truck for $18,000....his sister had to cosign with me at the time. When we broke up, he 'sold' the truck to MY sister....for $13,000. The balance on the loan was $16,000 at that time and he agreed to take a hit because it was fair due to depreciation and what not. So my sister has the truck and makes the loan payments. She couldn't afford to get a loan herself, and she had two little kids and no car. So this was a way to help her out until she's back on her feet.

So, I can't sue him for the money, because what I did was kind of sketchy.....I 'gave away' an asset I'm still owing money on. The bank would not be happy with this, even if my sister IS making the payments. It's supposed to remain in my possession until the debt is paid off.

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^^^^ stop it, you're killing me.

sorry bsummer. your boyfriend is going to have to calm down. he's probably worrying about it so much because you are.

i say give it up. even if you did sue him you'd get nothing.

if your boyfriend wants to do something, tell him to send a friend to beat his ass or pull a drive by on his house. but still, you're not going to see any money from him. but it sure would be worth the pain!

What really got my goat last night was that his gf posted some thing on her Facebook mocking me, saying "Funny how people change when it comes to money! How pathetic!"

I'd like to slap them both stupid.

well, i'm sure her attitude will change when he cheats on her a million times.

Yeah, it's punishment enough that she's dating him.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What really got my goat last night was that his gf posted some thing on her Facebook mocking me, saying "Funny how people change when it comes to money! How pathetic!"

I'd like to slap them both stupid.

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Don't take that shit!

Just to expand on what I meant by creativity... There are devices made for the sole purpose of producing a very specific frequency that induces nausea and vomiting. Some are more powerful than others ;)

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Originally Posted by anachronistic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

edit: Oh damn, nevermind about the truck. That sucks balls. I hope you find comfort in the idea that what goes around comes around.

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Oh yes, I totally believe that karma is a bitch.

Oh, I see...the boyfriend is angry about the non-payment. Hmmm, I would reassure him that I am okay with letting it go. You definitely do not want the bf to carry any animosities of the ex into the relationship. He needs absolutely no energy spent on the ex...ever.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What really got my goat last night was that his gf posted some thing on her Facebook mocking me, saying "Funny how people change when it comes to money! How pathetic!"

I'd like to slap them both stupid.

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Lol we will see how she feels when she is in a similar predicament... then you can step in and giver her the ol' slap in the face. But hopefully she stays with him and has a miserable marriage.

Don't let those kinds of things bother you; that's what irresponsible people say.

here's a song for you...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-w0-agVE8g&feature=related"]YouTube - Toni Braxton - He Wasn't Man Enough[/ame]

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh yes, I totally believe that karma is a bitch.

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I agree w/what Miso said, let it go. Esp if your loan situation is a bit dodgy, you don't want to get into a situation where *he* complains. Things can often be argued more than one way.

Walk away Blue. $3500 isn't a lot of money for your peace of mind. As for the GF, she's nothing & you know *exactly* what she's getting. I'd just block her & don't even bother yourself anymore. Pity her if you can.

I think if you pursue this, you'll only be causing yourself grief. For what, a bit of money & some 'revenge'? You already mentioned karma, so you know where that's gonna go.

Just let go & be grateful you're free from this turd. You're lucky you didn't have to go to divorce court. Things could have been much, much more difficult.

I agree with the others about letting it go. It's like a scar that never heals. But if you let it go, it will heal. Your bf just needs to respect that. I'm sure he just wants the best for you, but this is your issue to deal with in whatever way you see fit.

Getting financially used can feel just as bad as being physically and emotionally used. Don't prolong your pain. Coming out of a relationship with a manipulator, I can definitely empathize.

my friend is going through a situation where she had to hire an attorney for her divorce. she wanted to do it pro se but her husband is such a liar and a manipulator that she couldn't get any truthful information out of him.

she's spending just about what your ex owes you in attorney and court fees.

I'm with miso on this, the money is not worth the stress and loss of health. Use this as an opportunity to slam the door on your ex completely, from now on he doesn't exist.

Can definitely understand your boyfriend's point of view, having the other ex "win" in such a way is just disturbing. When dealing with a jerk and legal methods not being an option I guess there's not much else you can do.

I probably didn't quite understand the whole loaning and selling-to-loan process with you and your sister and his sister, but is there any way for your sister to not pay the remaining $3000 or so of the loan as he wont be able to pursue the money legally either? If it means that she is paying the loan to him/his sister so that he/his sister then pays it to the bank.

If you look for a retort, well, having a " F**k it, keep the money, I don't want anything from someone like you" sounds alright to me.

;)

Thanks, guys.

He emailed me this morning, acting all hurt, and like I was some greedy bitch that painted him as some devil when he really had such good intentions. He's going to pay me, OF COURSE, so he says. It's just that his Dad has cancer, and his work bonus wasn't as big as expected, and blah blah blah. Aaargh.

I talked it out with my bf last night and told him I just want to cut and run. Even just the thought of that loser causes me stress, and I'm done with that. I have a much better life now, but as long as he's still 'around', I feel like I can't be completely happy.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

but as long as he's still 'around', I feel like I can't be completely happy.

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He doesn't HAVE to be around

Cut him out completely

You could always cut AND still try to get paid, Blue. Use some reverse psych as a parting shot. Tell him that you doubt he'll *ever* do well enough for himself to ever be able to afford to pay you. Try to be as scornful as you can while still seeming like you feel completely sorry for him.

He will HATE that & will try to pay you *something* I'd bet as soon as he can, to salve his ego. If he doesn't then you can always truly feel bad for him b/c that's a broken man, if so.

Bitchy and manipulative? Yes, of course. But your ex is a cheating, abusive turd who doesn't deserve better, so shrug.

Hehe, I like that Indi :)

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if your boyfriend wants to do something, tell him to send a friend to beat his ass or pull a drive by on his house. but still, you're not going to see any money from him. but it sure would be worth the pain!

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That could be fun. You should go too. Make sure to wear your spikiest boots.

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

well, i'm sure her attitude will change when he cheats on her a million times.

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Baaahahahaaa!

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I talked it out with my bf last night and told him I just want to cut and run. Even just the thought of that loser causes me stress, and I'm done with that. I have a much better life now, but as long as he's still 'around', I feel like I can't be completely happy.

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Yeah, and if your bf feels like he's "getting away with something", remind him who gets to bang you every night. He'll start grinning and forget what you were talking about.

Old joke: Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.

The price you've paid to get that chode out of your house and off of your couch is a bargain, worth it at double that price. What's even better is the fact that, because you don't have kids, you aren't actually tied to him. In fact, once you realize you're not getting the money out of him, the only connection left is your own anger.

I think one good ass-kicking would help a lot. look into that.

Thanks Giga. You know what's funny.....that you called hima 'chode'....which in his language (Punjabi) translates into '****er'. I'm not sure if you knew that when you wrote it or not, but I thought "how fitting".

I think I will do what Indi said and walk away with a parting shot insinuating he's too much of a useless bum to ever come up with the money. He will HATE that I think that abut him.

He sent me another email this morning telling me that, basically, he's still a bum and that his girlfriend and all her friends are covering all his expenses on this trip because he's too broke. He then proceeded to go on and tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knows it's all his fault that things went south, and told me he was glad I finally found the happiness I deserved. Damn straight.

I love to see bad people grovel.

lol i was gonna say earlier, "he's probably having her pay for the whole trip."

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You could always cut AND still try to get paid, Blue. Use some reverse psych as a parting shot. Tell him that you doubt he'll *ever* do well enough for himself to ever be able to afford to pay you. Try to be as scornful as you can while still seeming like you feel completely sorry for him.

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Kind of late in posting, but I was out of town.

I don't think this strategy will work, indi. I've had lots of experience with professional bums... they are quite literally shameless.

I say write the money off. It isn't that much in the first place, and it's a complete waste of your time and energy to try to pursue it. You probably won't *ever* get it anyway. Just consider it the price you paid for your freedom.

Also, I would avoid letting your B/F involve himself in this. It's just a recipe for disaster.

If it's any consolation Blue, I spent soooo much money on the sloth (rent, food, utilities, etc.,). Even if I tried to get him to pay me back, I know he never will.

Like shh said, professional bums have no shame. And not only that, bumming is usually how they get by. They don't see borrowing money or buying something for them as a debt that needs to be paid the way we do. They'll find a way to rationalize it away instead of doing the hard work it take to pay it back. These types of guys usually feel like the world owes them somehow.

I wrote all the money off. I can always make more. And I refuse to contact him again for any reason.