I hurt a freind, please help.

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15-08-08, 04:37 AM
johnstock

I hurt a freind, please help.

Last week I really hurt one of my freinds after they said they didn't want to go out with me. We were both drunk and I really don't want to lose her as a freind. She's barely talking to me and when I do I just get a load of abuse. I didn't mean to hurt her because she mean a lot to me.

I was thinking about asking her how I could make it up to her but I have a feeling she'll just say "its ok you don't need to make it up to me" and shell just carry on ignoring me.

What can I do or say to her?

Thanks,
John.
15-08-08, 04:40 AM
IndiReloaded

Sincere apology.

When you say hurt, what did you do? Beat her up or verbally insult her?
15-08-08, 04:42 AM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sincere apology.

When you say hurt, what did you do? Beat her up or verbally insult her?

I had a massive go at her and embarassed her in front of her freinds.

I would never EVER hit a girl.

John.
15-08-08, 04:46 AM
IndiReloaded

Then you better have a massive apology go at her & her friends.

Abase yourself, what you did was really shitty.

However, I am older & experience has taught me that, usually, things do not occur in a vacuum. Did you have ANY justification for your anger? Not that makes your choice of expression okay, just wondering if there are larger issues at play.
15-08-08, 04:48 AM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Then you better have a massive apology go at her & her friends.

Abase yourself, what you did was really shitty.

However, I am older & experience has taught me that, usually, things do not occur in a vacuum. Did you have ANY justification for your anger? Not that makes your choice of expression okay, just wondering if there are larger issues at play.

I was just drunk and I thought that she might go out with me as we are quite close freinds. I'm fine with not having a relationship but I feel I really need her as a freind.

I just feel so bad because if anybody ever hurt her I would rip their heads off but I went and hurt her myself, something I said I would never ever do.
15-08-08, 05:07 AM
IndiReloaded

Ah, my bad. So by 'go at her' you mean you hit on her strongly, in front of her friends, is that it? Were you the 20-armed octopus?
15-08-08, 05:22 AM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ah, my bad. So by 'go at her' you mean you hit on her strongly, in front of her friends, is that it? Were you the 20-armed octopus?

I was all over her, then she kept tryin to get away from me so I followed her everywhere, so she started gettin upset and then left. Not that long ago she was hinting about a relationship so i'm not sure if it was just the way I acted or if she doesn't want to go out with me.
15-08-08, 05:26 AM
IndiReloaded

So, are you really prepared to only accept friendship? Are you prepared for when she dates other guys and you get to hear all the gory details?

If so, I would call & leave a *brief* message apologizing for your behaviour. Say that you appreciate her friendship & would like the chance to make things up to her. Keep it fairly brief. Don't spill your guts by phone. Emphasize the *friendship* & what it means to you.

It is really hard when a friend falls for someone who isn't available, whatever the reason. Been there, done that. Hope things get better for you.
15-08-08, 05:42 AM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, are you really prepared to only accept friendship? Are you prepared for when she dates other guys and you get to hear all the gory details?

If so, I would call & leave a *brief* message apologizing for your behaviour. Say that you appreciate her friendship & would like the chance to make things up to her. Keep it fairly brief. Don't spill your guts by phone. Emphasize the *friendship* & what it means to you.

It is really hard when a friend falls for someone who isn't available, whatever the reason. Been there, done that. Hope things get better for you.

Thanks for the help. Is there a more subtle way I could ask her if I could make it up to her?

Thanks,
John.
15-08-08, 08:01 AM
IndiReloaded

A more subtle way? Meaning a way that protects your ego even tho you embarrassed her like hell?

I don't think you want any ambiguity on an apology like this, John. Subtlety only has a place when there's room to screw up on communication & intent. Right now, sounds to me like you got NO wiggle room.

If you had something else in mind, tho, why don't you just ask what we think of the idea?
15-08-08, 10:44 PM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A more subtle way? Meaning a way that protects your ego even tho you embarrassed her like hell?

I don't think you want any ambiguity on an apology like this, John. Subtlety only has a place when there's room to screw up on communication & intent. Right now, sounds to me like you got NO wiggle room.

If you had something else in mind, tho, why don't you just ask what we think of the idea?

We've been out once before and it was going great. She sends me all the signals she likes me though and then never acts on them. I was thinking about sending her an email telling her how I feel but I don't really know what to put in it.
16-08-08, 12:51 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnstock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We've been out once before and it was going great. She sends me all the signals she likes me though and then never acts on them. I was thinking about sending her an email telling her how I feel but I don't really know what to put in it.

Didn't you already tell her how you felt once and she didn't take it?

Why are you going to put her in an awkward situation again?
16-08-08, 02:20 AM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Didn't you already tell her how you felt once and she didn't take it?

Why are you going to put her in an awkward situation again?

Yeah but I didnt do it in a very nice way and we were both drunk.

John.
16-08-08, 03:02 AM
misombra

how often does the drunkenness occur?
16-08-08, 04:31 AM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

how often does the drunkenness occur?

About once a month for me on average.
16-08-08, 04:34 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnstock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah but I didnt do it in a very nice way and we were both drunk.

John.

You might want to wait a little longer than a week before trying this again.
16-08-08, 05:26 AM
IndiReloaded

I think any communication about your feelings for her is a bad idea right now.

Just keep communication neutral. Try to reestablish the friendship. If she isn't biting even that much, then you definitely don't want to mention your feelings. She will start thinking 'stalker' territory, if you do.
16-08-08, 06:09 AM
johnstock

Ok how much time do you guys suggest leaving it before talking to her again (as freinds or whatever) because at the moment she is completely ignoring me.
16-08-08, 06:12 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnstock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok how much time do you guys suggest leaving it before talking to her again (as freinds or whatever) because at the moment she is completely ignoring me.

You guys have to be friends again first. And I'd give it at least a couple of months after you're friends again before even mentioning it... but don't overload her and express all your feelings quickly either.

Do it with tact.
17-08-08, 04:00 AM
johnstock

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You guys have to be friends again first. And I'd give it at least a couple of months after you're friends again before even mentioning it... but don't overload her and express all your feelings quickly either.

Do it with tact.

Thanks. How long do you think I should give it before we try and be freinds again.

John.
17-08-08, 04:08 AM
Cain

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnstock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks. How long do you think I should give it before we try and be freinds again.

John.

A couple of weeks. Let the emotions from that night leave her.

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