I feel like/am a dumbass

Yep, I’m a ****ing idiot, and in need of a rant. Well over a month ago now I met an amazing girl. She had a boyfriend, but took a major interest in me and they broke up soon after I met her, coincidentally. I shouldn’t have gone in so soon but I’m moving very shortly to about an hour away so I felt like I needed to go for it or I’d never be able to…We started going out about 4 weeks ago. It was going extremely well, and I know she was on the rebound and it was stupid, but I just couldn’t and still can’t resist this girl.

Obviously 4 weeks is not very long, but I’ve started to grow more attached to this girl than I have with anyone in over 3 years. I let it down for this girl more than girls I’ve dated for significant periods of time over the past few years. It has honestly blown my mind, but she has completely got me. Unfortunately I went on vacation last week, and we obviously have not made anything official or anything like that, but we were spending every minute together and neither sleeping with anyone else.

So when I’m leaving for vacation she says to me “you better wait,” regarding sleeping with someone else while I’m gone. I was going somewhere where it would have been pretty easy to score and I did subsequently turn down at least one sure thing while gone. I agreed, of course, because I saw potential and felt very good about her. So let’s just say that when I got back home I wanted to see her and she appeared to feel the same. Everything seemed cool, we’re lying in bed, nothing unusual, things were just like before I left. Then she starts in on me about if I’d slept with anyone while I was gone. I say none, and she then tells me that she had. Her ex-boyfriend found out about me and got extremely jealous, and she let him **** her. WTF. She tells me that I “better wait,” and then she goes out and gets ****ed. However, I still then, after I was able to mentally gain my composure long enough to get it up, banged her for a significant period of time because I had waited, and even though that’s made me feel more like shit, it was still worth it. But this mother****er ex-boyfriend is now sending her messages all the time that he “loves her,” calling her, and she was dealing with it right in front of me…

She knows that I’m falling over the edge, and she’s playing games with me. We went out last night and the shit just keeps coming from this dude and she’s so blatant as to just ride in the car and talk to him with me there now. A mutual friend who is a very close friend of mine told me yesterday that she’s trying to get a rise out of me, to get the two of us to more or less go at it over her (who wants it most). Well, being yesterday was a holiday, I got real drunk during the day at a party a few hours before I hung out with her. So, she got the rise out of me…I was moderately inebriated at dinner with her from earlier and in the most beat around the bush way, made a little pissed off bitter speech about how I wouldn’t drag someone that liked me so much through my shit. She then cried at the table about how she’s in a shitstorm right now and she certainly is. I felt bad for her as I do for myself too. On the hour ride home last night, we didn’t say anything, which especially for me is rare because I never shut up, so it was quite clear that I was not stoked with this anymore whatsoever.

I’m not a moron, but I’m sure acting like one. I used to get stuck in shit like this all the time, so I just stopped letting myself get emotionally invested in a relationship. I try again (obviously with someone I shouldn’t have in the first place) and I fall in the same shit. I feel like I just shouldn’t call her ever again. We do have mutual friends…one of which is her best friend who’s having a birthday party tonight that my best friend and I were invited to, but I don’t even feel like I should go to that? I’ll get drunk, sleep with her, and then get smacked down again. My friends act like I should just keep throwing it at her, but I don’t think they understand the fact that I’ve fallen for this girl as opposed to just the usual "stuff occasionally" relationship. I just need a bunch of people to yell at me and tell me to get the **** away from this broad.

Ugh. Walk away from this mess. No, don't walk, run. No matter how you feel about this woman, you certainly don't deserve to get dragged into her drama with her ex. She has obviously not moved on and until she becomes emotionally available, which could take a while, you're going to be stuck on the sidelines.

Mutual friends or no, there's no reason you need to even see this woman right now. She's making you crazy and pissed off. Unplug from this situation. She's probably using you to try and get over her ex. You don't deserve it. There are plenty of women out there to date. You don't need to continue along with the one who is immersed in so much obvious back-and-forth with her ex.

dont be with a person who makes you unhappy... no excuses. you want happy positive people in your life

Dump the broad, get rid of her before it goes even further.

Such a mess like this to practically begin with will lead to bigger messes in the future. Don't waste your time, energy and feelings on it anymore. It might hurt a little but it's better for that little bit than it could for much longer.

I don't think I understand... what did you do wrong? You got drunk and told her you didn't appreciate all the ex drama? The only mistake I can see is that you were drunk when you said it... it was RIGHT of you to draw boundaries, and now the ball is in her court. She needs to make a choice - you or the ex.

Did I misunderstand you?

Honestly, you should've seen a failed future from time she left her boyfriend for you...IMO, when you meet people that end up doing things like that, it never really ends up in a happy ending. It always ends up with some kind of bizarre drama filled story, well at least from the ones I've seen on here and in real life. Just let her go. She isnt worth the time and the stress cuz while you are here ranting on a love forum over her, she's probably screwing her ex right now. NEXT!!

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just need a bunch of people to yell at me and tell me to get the **** away from this broad.

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Dasein is shouting...

GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM THIS BROAD!!!!!

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Originally Posted by shh! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think I understand... what did you do wrong? You got drunk and told her you didn't appreciate all the ex drama? The only mistake I can see is that you were drunk when you said it... it was RIGHT of you to draw boundaries, and now the ball is in her court. She needs to make a choice - you or the ex.

Did I misunderstand you?

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I feel like what I did wrong was that I involved myself with her in the first place...I felt like I'd just be a rebound, but went after it anyway. Now things are definitely starting to look like I was right. Also, the other night when I gave her my take on things, I wasn't too drunk, just drunk enough to say something and she didn't know that I was anyway, so that's of no concern.

But last night I went to this supposed birthday party, and it was ridiculous. She wouldn't have anything to do with me (or as she said, I wouldn’t have anything to do with her, so we were both not making any move), spent the whole night texting and running away to talk on the phone or text some more. The most ****ed up part, though, was that she was pissed off at me. I had talked to her on the phone multiple times during the day and it was fine.

She finally said something to me right before I went home, that I "live to make people feel like shit about themselves." My best friend was sitting on the other side of her, and I'm pretty sure that his jaw dropped even more than mine did. This just straight up ****in' pissed me off. She just doesn't get it...why would I make a consistent effort to spend time with her when she is constantly on the phone or texting with her ex now. When one minute she tears my clothes off and an hour later I can’t even get her to kiss me. This is so ridiculous. I’m going to call her this afternoon and set the record completely straight.

I don't know how you guys put up with females sometimes.... so many of us are completely whacked. Anyway, I don't think it was "wrong" of you to go after a girl who may use you as a rebound... just not particularly self-protective.

Anyway, I hope she does something soon to redeem her crazy self, or I am going to vote for getting rid of her.

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Originally Posted by shh! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

so many of us are completely whacked.

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Preach on, sister.

I was just thinking about this today at breakfast. A woman can look perfectly normal, but then just fall apart out of nowhere.

I think it reached the point last night where it's time to get rid of her. It truly was awful. I really only want to call her now to clear the air...until yesterday I was obviously extremely fond of her, but I can't deal with all this ex-bf stuff. Literally, in a matter of 2 days it went from no mentions of this stuff to being in bed one morning, her getting one text from the guy that says, "I love you. You're beautiful." Which she ****ing showed to me, which tipped me off right then. After that, it was non-stop for two days, her being distant, clutching that cell phone for dear life either for a call or a text. The games people play...I don't know if she wants me or not, but I will be asking that question straight up, because obviously I shouldn't be investing myself in this if there's no chance. I mean, I don't necessarily expect her to say she wants to be with me, but she could give me some indication that she is interested in me but conflicted at the same time...

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think it reached the point last night where it's time to get rid of her. It truly was awful. I really only want to call her now to clear the air...until yesterday I was obviously extremely fond of her, but I can't deal with all this ex-bf stuff. Literally, in a matter of 2 days it went from no mentions of this stuff to being in bed one morning, her getting one text from the guy that says, "I love you. You're beautiful." Which she ****ing showed to me, which tipped me off right then. After that, it was non-stop for two days, her being distant, clutching that cell phone for dear life either for a call or a text. The games people play...I don't know if she wants me or not, but I will be asking that question straight up, because obviously I shouldn't be investing myself in this if there's no chance. I mean, I don't necessarily expect her to say she wants to be with me, but she could give me some indication that she is interested in me but conflicted at the same time...

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This is why it's not smart to get into a rebound relationship. She wasn't over him, and regardless of how good of a guy you are, she'll be ready to run right back to him if she thinks things will be better.

I wouldn't even give her the benefit of choice. (Why should you?) Just get rid of her, and tell her you think she is one crazy bitch.

Well, here goes. I have completely wussed out. I called her, looking for an explanation or whatever of what was going on, why she was ignoring me, and ultimately why she made such a terrible comment to me. Honestly, I am pretty thick skinned, but what she said last night really did hurt my feelings. I lightly interrogated her about that, and she apologized. I almost get the impression that she doesn't want herself to like me so she treats me crappy half the time and tries to act like I'm an asshole.

Either way, we discussed why each person was acting like a jerk, apologized, etc. I asked her what all this meant...did she still want to see me, does she still like me?? The answer I got was one I was not hoping for, and directly allows me to apply the title of this thread to myself.

She told me that she does really like me, but that she doesn't want to lead me on because there is someone else that she really wants to be with...that said, she still wants to see me because in the mean time she'll just sit around lonely, by herself, if she doesn't. And this was where being a horny guy in his mid-20s overtook my ability to logically think. And at this point, which I'm now questioning, I decided that I'd rather keep seeing her for a few weeks, and then I'll feel like shit about myself when I move away. Although, that said, if I don't get to stuff, then I won't be continuing it. I definitely feel like/am a dumbass.

And the guy she is interested in is most certainly her ex.

Avoid these women in the future.

I also don't think you should continue to see her for the next few weeks. You might get off, but she's basically using you and you're letting her do it.

Dude, we warned you. I know it is SO easy to sink into the hole again...believe me. But what you've told us about her conversation with you she basically screamed "I'M USING YOU!" right in your ear. She just wants you to stick around so she isn't lonely and looks to you more as a companion/potential tool-so-her-ex-will-come-back.

Get out man, just ignore her, she's messing with you and you're falling for it...I know it's easy to fall for it but be strong.

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Although, that said, if I don't get to stuff, then I won't be continuing it. I definitely feel like/am a dumbass.

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If you are both getting what you want (her - companionship, you -sex), then you aren't a dumbass. Just don't wish for more. She isn't going to give it to you.

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Originally Posted by shh! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you are both getting what you want (her - companionship, you -sex), then you aren't a dumbass. Just don't wish for more. She isn't going to give it to you.

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Sex isn't the only thing I want, but she told me straight and simple that I'm not going to get what I want out of this. I was just saying, although I should end this now, that I cannot throw away some free sex with her, especially since I've already done it and it's really good. I'm basically just going to try and act like things are good for the next few weeks, and then I'll feel sorry for myself. In the end, I'm still a guy...I want a relationship with her, but if I can't get that I can still take advantage of the sex. Whether it's right now or in a couple weeks, I'll feel the same shitty feeling about it at the end, so I might as well enjoy what I can from it.

Aren't you worried your attachment to her will grow in the next couple of weeks?

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Originally Posted by shh! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Aren't you worried your attachment to her will grow in the next couple of weeks?

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Extremely...

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Extremely...

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Then why the hell are you going to go through with this?

If you're going to get more attached, it's going to hurt a lot more when you do have to leave, especially because since she wants a companion she's likely to act like you're together for those three weeks.

I think doing this would be incredibly stupid.

I'm doing this because, honestly, in the back of my mind, I think I could possibly sway her over the next few weeks. I don't think that's likely, but it's worth a shot. And I really don't want to turn down sex with her at all. I've considered the fact that an extra few weeks with her could be detrimental to me, but then again, it is only a few weeks, and I think it's worth the risk.

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm doing this because, honestly, in the back of my mind, I think I could possibly sway her over the next few weeks. I don't think that's likely, but it's worth a shot. And I really don't want to turn down sex with her at all. I've considered the fact that an extra few weeks with her could be detrimental to me, but then again, it is only a few weeks, and I think it's worth the risk.

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You're just setting yourself up for failure.

You don't have a history with her and she trashed you at the first sign that her ex was interested again. Why would you even want her in the first place?

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Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're just setting yourself up for failure.

You don't have a history with her and she trashed you at the first sign that her ex was interested again. Why would you even want her in the first place?

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Thank you. This definitely put me in my place. I don't know and when it's put that way, I don't.

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you. This definitely put me in my place. I don't know and when it's put that way, I don't.

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Good.

You don't deserve to be used that way. Even if the sex was good, I'm sure you can find another girl to satisfy those cravings... one that isn't using you.

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I felt like I'd just be a rebound, but went after it anyway.

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WRONG! For you to be a rebound, they'd have to be broken up, which they aren't, not really.

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Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, here goes. I have completely wussed out. ....

And at this point, which I'm now questioning, I decided that I'd rather keep seeing her for a few weeks, and then I'll feel like shit about myself when I move away.

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Oh, my freakin' God. Who are you, and what have you done with that guy who had balls?

I am quite surprised to see this thread. I thought you had more self-respect than this. If I could, I'd shake you, slap you up the back of the head, buy you a beer and introduce you to someone who wouldn't treat you like a bitch.

This entire thread seems so unlike our usual gHEXjt...

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Originally Posted by shh! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This entire thread seems so unlike our usual gHEXjt...

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I know it does. I honestly don't know what to say. I think it really just comes down to the sex. It is unbelievable. She makes me do things to her/does things to me that I've never done. I can't get enough, and she won't always let me, which just makes things more of a challenge. It's like I'm constantly trying to crack the lock on a safe and every time I do I find $5 million dollars. The reward is worth the risk. I already know this isn't going to go anywhere, but why deprive myself of 2 simple weeks of fun.

Just be careful to preserve your dignity and self-respect, hun. Don't become her lap dog.

Well, maybe this will give you some compassion the next time someone starts acting like you're God's gift. It's never a waste if you learn something, right?

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, maybe this will give you some compassion the next time someone starts acting like you're God's gift. It's never a waste if you learn something, right?

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This is true and does put things in perspective. I do feel bad about how I've treated girls in the past, ones that I knew loved me who I did not love back. It is slightly fitting that I am allowing myself to be treated this way. It happened years ago to me, and ever since I was the POS in the relationship. This is more or less a wake up call, though based on personal experience and nothing more, there always seems to be one person who is an asshole in the relationship. Never seems like any two people truly want the same things.

Okay, so in the last week and a half or so, things have been going extremely well with this girl. She hasn't been pulling all the cell phone bullshit and discussion of the ex has ceased. She's become the initiator of hanging out and of sex on a regular basis. Somehow I've even met her family already. That said, I still kind of get the feeling that I'm investing too much in this relationship. This is the first time that I've allowed myself to move past my brutally jaded view of relationships in years and it really concerns me.

As I noted when I started this thread, I am moving and the moving day has come. However, she told me last week that she wants to keep seeing me after I move and we already have about a week's worth of visits lined up. I constantly feel like I'm getting mixed signals from her though. I invite her to do something and she agrees, but then starts to act a little flaky. Then, though, she always follows through and accepts my invitations, but not until after she strings me along with the "maybes." Am I to interpret that as anything more than her having a little fun with me, or is she truly toying with me. I feel like she's frequently trying to leave me hanging on a limb, just to see how much I'll pursue her???

I'm not trying to take a strange turn here, but I am very close to my mother and we frequently discuss the details of my partying and sexual exploits. Not the gruesome details, but if I hook up with a girl she hears about it...it's not the typical mother/son relationship. But anyway, she sees how much I've fallen for this girl and was telling me yesterday that she can see that, with how much I talk about her and obviously like her and how this girl acts, that by continuing to sleep with her without truly knowing where I stand will soon result in me getting my heart broken again and will again result in my shutting down completely around women and once again treating them solely as objects instead of potential partners, as has been the case for 3 years or so now.

Really, I just want to know where I stand. We've been seeing each other for about 6 weeks now. Neither of us were employed during that time and literally spent almost all day every day together. We've done more dating and getting to know each other in the past month than I got out of 6 months with my last girlfriend.

So what I want to know is, is it too soon for me to ask her what we are? Are we a couple? Are we moving towards being a couple? Is there the potential for us to be a couple? I don't want to freak her out and be too upfront, but I also don't want to spend another month wondering what's going on while I continue to fall in love with this girl and then have her end what to her was simply FWB or maybe something that is only slightly more...So is it okay for me to ask her about this? And how should I word my primary question about where we stand?

[Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Goddamn, that's just dirty pool...yet valid.

Hahahaha... Neo's got your number, Hex.

Anyway, this gal is playing you. Both of you. In fact, you & Cain could be opposite sides of the same gal.

Listen to your gut, you know the deal. Have fun w/her, but don't get too invested b/c its not going anywhere longterm. Your mom knows and so do we. Mommy-radar is never wrong.

And for god's sake, make sure you wear a condom b/c I'm sure this gal has been (or still is) double-dipped.

Tho, if you think you might be ready for a serious relationship, why not dump this gal & find a nice girl who will respect you?