High standards!

It's a curse! I'm a very sensitive guy, which is not to say I don't like sports or computers. I'd say it has more to do with me trying to be non biased on most things, understanding people with different points of view then mine and such. Part of the curse of being a sensitive guy is being very critical of yourself. I have extremely high standards for women, I think too high. I have had like 20 women ask me out over the years, I think I probably rejected every single one of them. And ok, I KNOW THIS IS A BAD THING. Its shallow and selfish. Someone called me on it the other day at school, she asked why I didnt want to go out with her. I made up some bullshit exuse like, I'm too busy playing video games or something. But it made me realize that this character flaw would only act as a deterint in the long run. When I see a decent looking guy going out with a tank of a woman I just wonder why hes going out with her. It's so strange to me that I'm cursed by my own high standards. I want friends and a girl friend but, I seem to reject everyone who wants to come into my life. I don't want to go out with someone I'm not attracted to, but I dont want to be lonely like I am now either.
Even with guys, I have high standards. Although after a while my prejudice of them due to their outwards apearance fades when I get to know them. But with guys I dont have to be attracted to them to be their friend. Girls pose a big problem to me, a girl could be like an 8 out of 10 in looks and I probably wouldn't be attracted to them. The only girls I have ever gone out with have been very good looking. But their few and far in between and at this point in my life the lack of contact with anybody my own age is depressing me greatly... Does anyone have any advice to clear any of my problems up.

maybe your gay?

Lol I highly doubt it!


Bryan

well.. i feel where you are comming from. i feel the same way. i don't think that i'm conceited or anything, however i am very picky. i feel that if you're going to be with someone for a very long period of time, of course the physical attraction is the first thing that i would take notice of. however, if i'm am going to be with someone, i want the full package deal. the looks and the personality. sure bryan, you have to give and take, that is where you're losing out. you're all about taking, you, you you. girls are probably interested in you, but you're not willing to give them the time of day unless they meet certain requirement. you might want to try changing your outlook and toning it down a bit, then take it from there. raverboy

I'd say you have 2 main options, you could either a) wait till someone comes along that is to your standards, and then try to get her, and you'll probably be waiting a while, but it'd be well worth it if you could find that one person. Or b) Take a look inside and see if you really think its worth waiting for the all around "perfect" person or if you could be perfectly happy with somone who is near perfect.

As for me, I personally don't think anything is wrong with you. Why get yourself in a relationship that you're not gonna be happy with seeing the girl daily? You have to weigh whether it's worth waiting however long it'll be or not. I have fairly high standards myself. I look for a lot of things in a girl that I'm going to call a girlfriend. Sometimes though, someone will come along that doesn't fit my usual 'description' of a girl that I would normally consider, but something about them intrigues me and makes me want to get to know them anyway.

As for YOUR situation, why should you settle for second or third best? How would YOU feel if you were dating some girl and found out that they were using you and didn't think you were good enough but just wanted to kill time or hang out with someone? Probably not too good. So just hold off until you think you find someone that you want to ask out. But if it's taking THIS long to find that person, make sure you actually ASK THEM OUT and don't sit back and watch them go by.

Alexi

hes obviously gay and just doenst know it yet. sorry to be the one to tell you bryan

for example "I'm a very sensitive guy" GAY

more "Part of the curse of being a sensitive guy is being very critical of yourself. I have extremely high standards for women, I think too high. I have had like 20 women ask me out over the years, I think I probably rejected every single one of them"
um not 1 outof 20 women was even remotley attractive? sorry, GAY

hrmm "When I see a decent looking guy going out with a tank of a woman I just wonder why hes going out with her. " notice the focus is on HIM not her- GAY

yet again "Even with guys, I have high standards. Although after a while my prejudice of them due to their outwards apearance fades when I get to know them"

sorry dude, OBVIOUSLY your a homosexual, that sucks for you, you'll never appriciate the beauty of a woman, nothing in this world is more fantastic than that.

and if for some reason you really arent gay, then your not sensative at all, what you would be is a SHALLOW person, not only that you would have IMPOSSIBLE standards set by television, in which case ITS GOOD THAT U REJECT WOMEN, because any idiot who cant see that beauty is not 1 single look, and that imperfections and difrences are the things you treasure about someones appearance after youve been with her for a long time, your either ONE or the other though, so which is it?

SHALLOW OR GAY?

i find that you would hafto be extremely confused to be THAT shallow, so thats why i assume your a homosexual.

interesting point of view outline... lol

LMAO!!! Damn outline, sometimes you can be so harsh! lol I mean, my goodness!!! lol lol

I have a question. If you wait for someone to come along who 'fits' your standards, which as Exodus said could be a while, depending on your pickiness, what happens if she doesn't want to go out with you? That's the trouble with love isn't it? Finding someone you are enamoured with who truly adores you as well? Love is such an enigma.

well... sometimes you're looking in the wrong places. the last relationship i was in, i wasn't looking for a gf. i wasn't looking for anything at long, just a friendly lunch. i thought this girl wasn't attractive, however she was really cool and it was fun to cruz with her. and before i knew it, i was attracted to her, physically and mentally. sometimes you can't always judge a person by their looks because for the most part, all the girls that i are interested in a first basis that are based on looks, it never works out. there are times that you have to quit being shallow and actually get to know a person without any intensions to really see what you are looking for. raverboy

yeah im an asshole :/ oh well, id rather be an asshole and honest, than phoney and likeable. cause of that i havent made any new friends in years aside from girls, but at the sme time have a closenit group of REAL friends who i can trust with my life if it comes to it. i dont know-my opinions are generally honest and to the point though.

i can be a real sweetheart though, if you knew me in real life you'd probly see that :D

well that is true. i would rather be honest and upfront, rather then lie to your face telling you what a great person you are. honesty can hurt, but in the long run it does a person better. raverboy

Well, it depends on what you're being honest about, I guess. Sometimes a strategic little white lie can save a world of pain.

i'd rather know the truth because what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger mentally. raverboy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by outlines23

id rather be an asshole and honest, than phoney and likeable

---

Did you forget about the "honest and likeable"? As it is with EVERYTHING in this world, it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it. And you seem to WANT to say it in the asshole way. So don't try to make it sound like you can only be phony and likeable or honest and an asshole. Cause I consider myself to be a VERY honest guy (honesty is very important to me), but I don't consider myself even CLOSE to an asshole. So it IS easily doable. Or you could just flame on people and try to get them all riled up and claim that you need to in order to be honest.

Alexi

oh really? read what you just typed, your being honest definitaly, and being an asshole, so there you go :)

by the way, whats 'flame' on people? i dont get that, but theres a diffrence between wanting to be an asshole and wanting to express your opinion, wether negative or positive, heh, anyway though if i was how you say, im sure i could say plenty to be an asshole to you, but im not because theres no need. i am a nice person- but most people are not- so unless you earn my respect then im not going to go outof my way to be Honest in a 'nice' way.

Quote:

---

oh really? read what you just typed, your being honest definitaly, and being an asshole, so there you go

---

True. Because your replies really annoyed me. There was no reason to say those things how you did, but you chose to be an A-hole. "What goes around comes around" "Treat others as you would have them treat you." etc. etc. Just making sure it comes back around at this point.

Quote:

---

by the way, whats 'flame' on people?

---

Loose slang meaning make fun of or talk downwards to/about.

Quote:

---

i dont get that, but theres a diffrence between wanting to be an asshole and wanting to express your opinion, wether negative or positive

---

Exactly. And you chose to be an asshole while expressing your opinion, but then stated that you'd rather be an asshole and honest than phoney and nice.

Quote:

---

so unless you earn my respect then im not going to go outof my way to be Honest in a 'nice' way.

---

So what did the original poster do/say that prompted you to disregard being 'nice'?

Alexi

Cant you be nice without being an asshole...cant you be honest without being an asshole...i mean why would anyone blatanly WANT to be an ass? I dont get that? Other than Raverboy... ;)

But I dont see the point in being a jerk at anytime-or at any given moment. I think being honest is the ONLY way to go...and you can do that without coming off as a flamer!

Theres always a way of dealing with an issue whether you want to be in it or not...and youre way of dealing with it shows what kind of person you are...I for one dont want to be labeled as a bitch-therefore I dont act as one. Get my drift?

If you want to posses the qualities of a classified Asshole-who would want to be involved with you..if youre always acting like the donkey of the group. I dont think anyone here intends or wants to be that person...but there are some strong personalities in this forum! Which brings some good arguements or different views...makes this place interesting. But I wont give credit where it isnt deserved..theres not a real asshole in here. NOT ONE! NOT EVEN YOU RAVERBOY(kick my ass later for ruining your rep.)

Ok l do have to say something about the original post here-being sensitive or being the nice guy and having high standards doesnt constitute "GAY". He knows what he wants and he can have those high standards...its his life...nothings wrong with him-hes just looking for his Ms. Right...but he might be looking a looong damn time!!! But hey its his life...not ours.

Everyones got their own standards...and I for one wouldnt settle...but the idea is to LOOK and check the game out...how the hell do you know if you dont play the game?????

it just seemed to be in his head it comes out as high standards but in reality hes just not attracted to females, i pointed out a bunch of stuff that all comes together as a homosexual, i never said that there was anything wrong with that though haha

and really i dont care if people think im an asshole or not, but the way i grew up, the way me and my friends are, its just not a big deal to us, with females im generally mad sweet but with dudes i just am not goin outof my way to be nice unless i know you like that, just how i am, and how i was brought up..just cause i admit that im an asshole though doesnt mean i think its such a bad thing, could be alot worse, i could be a pathological lier, and be the nicest person in the world, till you wake up one morning and all your electronics are in the pawn shop and 500$ are in my pocket.

i'im the nice asshole. i always piss people off, but then they will get over it. hahaha. raverboy

*reads posts.........checks out Illusional's location. Smirk of agreement comes across face*

"It's not having what you want.....it's wanting what you got"
~Sheryl Crow

But everyone gets over whoever pisses em off anyway.. LoL..

Quote:

---

But everyone gets over whoever pisses em off anyway.. LoL..

---

True, true. I'm no longer pissed off at the way he replied and don't hold it against him. Maybe in the future he'll piss me off again, but I mean, seriously, how upset can I get/stay over some words that an unknown entity typed in an internet forum? I would hope I don't get so emotionally involved with my Dell that I freak out over some cyber-trash talking.

And hopefully others will heed this too. I get so annoyed when a thread goes on and on and on about people arguing and calling each other names. I mean if you want to state your point, go ahead. But when you fill up like two or three pages just back and forth arguements, it gets annoying. Especially if you're trying to actually read the ones inbetween that actually deal with the topic.

Alexi

well i just hate to hold grudges now because i feel that it's worthless. you keep everything inside and one day it just will explode. all the while during the buildup, that is a lot of tension to keep within one's self, and it will only lead to more stress in life. raverboy