Deleted. Piss off trolls.
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Deleted. Piss off trolls.
She has kids? She's off-limits. Don't be the slimy greaseball that breaks up a child's home. Have some human decency. Quit thinking with that little worm between your legs.
my gut: she's hinting alright....if u want sex fine.....because thats all she wants you for to get back at the hubbie and feel justified to let off the steam with you. If you're an emotional guy then no don't go for it....
also its very messy....the husband might come after you, there are kids....AND she works with you
you'd be mad to go near her in my honest opinion
Wow...Maybe I joined the wrong forum for advice. Gribble I'm not a greaseball, not even close. Did you even read the entire message? I've known her for a year, she's practically spilled her life story at me over the past year. I know more about her brother and father then I do about my own biological father (who my mother left when I was 5, but that is besides the point).
I care about her feelings and hate seeing her get shredded emotionally like this by her indecent dick of a husband. I'm not thinking of the "worm between my legs" you atrocious ass. I don't like random sex with people, been there, done that, no thanks. She seemed like she was expressing interest and she WAS the one that got the ball rolling on the divorce. It's not like I influenced her in any way. Wow, just cannot belive how you reacted there Gribble. Do you act like this in real life too? If so it's no wonder you are here on these forums.
Big mistake...guess not every forum has helpful people.
Go **** yourself, dick.
You are influencing her. Just being the warm, compassionate guy she talks to is influencing her and leading her down a certain path. The right thing to do, the decent thing, is to back off, let her think this through for herself and let her make her own choices. If, without your influence, she decides to leave her husband, then go for it. But so long as she's married, you're nothing but scum for letting yourself get involved. Selfish scum.
People like you never can see it that way, though. You're the knight in shining armor, right? Of course you only have her best interests at heart. Bull. You'd love to get in those panties and no matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise, you know the truth. You're the same as any other male, only you're a bigger hypocrite than some.
You are too young to even consider taking on a woman with two children, especially one who is coming from so much drama. Her kids are going to need someone very experienced with children that they can rely on because their parents are screwing up their lives and creating nothing but instability. this means they will very likely be difficult children to raise, especially during their teen years, and they will resent you for the role you played in supporting their mother's decisions to split up. (Kids love both parents, even if one of them is a jerk, regardless of what a hero you tried to be.)
The other thing is that you are only hearing what she wants you to know. I'm sure her husband has another side to this story, and if she were an emotionally healthy woman, she wouldn't have been attracted to such creep to begin with.
You are heading in WAY over your head. I suggest you turn around and run far, far away.
:bored: drama....
...you'll just be her stress reliever. Most likely she won't divorce...she's just saying that. Until the divorce is finalized, it isn't happening.
Why give your life unnecessary drama?
OP, in case you're still readng. She's in bad marriage, and if she really does divorce, she'll need alot of time to get her emotions straightened out. I suggest you stay strictly friends with her until she gets all of this sorted out. For your sake as well as hers. You don't want to make things any more sticky than they already are.
I think you sound like a decent guy, and you clearly stated you didn't want her to divorce for you, and that you wanted her to divorce of her own accord. That doesn't sound selfish to me. I do however think that you need to examine your reasons for wanting to eventually date her and make sure that you aren't going into "rescuer" mode because I don't think that that is a healthy basis for a relationship.
On another note, as far as him being too young to help her raise her children. He said he was in his midtwenties. If she hypothetically divorces her husband and she starts seeing the OP, let's say in a year, is 26 or 27 still too young? I'm genuinely curious about what you guys think. Especially since I don't have children so I'm kind of a noob when it comes to giving any advice that involves children in the picture.
I think to be a first time parent at that age is hard enough, but to attempt to step-parent at that age? It's biting off more than you can chew. I don't think anyone should be allowed to step-parent until they have experience raising their own children.
BTW - I have step kids. I know what I'm talking about, and trust me, it's 10,000x harder than raising your own. Step-parenting issues are the number one reason for divorce in remarriages, and if you think the divorce rates are high, check out the stats on remarriage.
I may do that. Those studies sound interesting and I'm always wanting to learn more about the parent's perspective. Like I said, since I don't have kids so these types of posts are the hardest for me to give answers/thoughts about. I'll leave it to the actual parents on here to give their thoughts about the kids part :)Quote:
Originally Posted by shh! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
For some reason I also feel like I have trouble responding to the posts of the teenagers who come on here needing advice. Maybe if I could actually remember what it was like to be a teenager, it would come more easily.
I sort of remember what I was like and that's why it's hard to give teenagers advice. I couldn't imagine doing the things that some of the teens posts on here. It was very much worth in to abstain when I was that age. I have absolutely no regrets. These kids 'wow' me. They need religion badly. hehe jk...I think. :PQuote:
Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I thought it was easier to just abstain at that age too, Lesa. Sex to me as a teenager, just seemed way too complicated. I was a virgin until I was 21.
ye i agree, me too, it was way to scary to think about before 21, catholic guilt had a part to play....which in this case happened to be good for me..... until i became a rebel at 21 :)Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
First off, you say you appreciate ANY advice and when given advice by Gribble that you don't want to hear, you got mad, so no, you didn't appreciate any advice given.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueHarvest [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Secondly, you said you knew it would NEVER go anywhere, so why are you so curious to know if she's even interested in you or not? You're just a rebound, you're just there to console her. You dislike this forum because we're telling you the truth and not what you want to hear. If you want people to tell you to go for it, type in "love forums with members who make me feel good even when Im ****ing up" in the google search box.
Plain and simple op, she's in the middle of a divorce, and she has kids with the man she is trying to divorce. Getting in the middle of it all is setting yourself up for a heartbreak. Then you'll be right back on here complaining about how women are so coldhearted.
Just do a Google search for "emotional affair". If you are honestly wanting to do the right thing, I think this info will help you to understand better what is going on.
We've had posters like you come on here before. Exact same type of reaction as you've had. Gribble (and others) just know from experience what is going on & are trying to 'shock' you into understanding.
Do know that, right now, you are in a position of denial. So do read up on EAs, like I suggest. Once you've had a chance to digest this info, come back & discuss. Since you seem like an intelligent, thoughtful individual (obviously, b/c you came here for advice), I would bet you'll see things differently after reading up some.
This will get you started:
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair[/url]
Good luck. And don't despair, or beat yourself up over this. Its quite a common happening in today's mixed work environment.
simple.. the grass is always greener on the other side...
raverboy
Married people are OFF LIMITS. Especially with kids. You are a homewrecker. You are a slimy greaseball who only thinks with his dick. You make guys look like assholes. Your ****in horrible.
Gee, I'll remember that when shes at work yet again, crying at my shoulder, bitching about her husband to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by jcmeyer0886 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'll also take into consideration your paltry 12 posts as a sign that your nothing more then what most call "forum trolls".
Also, your the 2nd one to call me a 'slimy greaseball' step into line and come up with something else original for once.
She has asked ME to move in with her you ****ing dolt.
Forget it. THis is BY FAR the WORST advice forum I have ever come across. The apparent lack of moderation and lack of control and maturity on these forums is appalling. NONE of you would even talk or act like this if you were in some group therapy class but because you are hiding behind your computers you feel the need to be "BIG" women/men.
Whatever. Deleted, Done with this forum.
Whatever her problems are with her husband are between her and her husband. Not you. If she gets a divorce because of problems at home, fine... but you should not be an influential factor here at all because this is so much bigger than you. She has children with this man.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueHarvest [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You can be a friend to her, but don't try to influence her decision. She has to make this on her own as if she didn't have someone to fall back on. If her marriage is so bad, why hasn't she done anything about it? Why does she feel she needs to have someone ready to take his place before she acts?
Also, what do you expect in advice? There are many people here that each have their own opinions on each and every topic. I'm not sure where your lack of moderation comment comes in. People are free to give advice. There's no set advice for every situation. If you don't like the advice give, don't take it.
You know what most of us are tired of? People coming here with an idea of the advice that they want and getting angry when they don't hear what they wanted to hear.
I think we hurt the homewrecker's feelings by calling him on his selfish bullshit. Hopefully the husband will put this trash in the hospital.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueHarvest [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I want to help you. You are in the middle of drama. I've seen it before and I've been 'tested' too.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It's up to you. I wish you the best.
Harvest, this forum isn't about group therapy. It's an advice forum for adults who are hopefully mature enough to deal with the advice they are given. You felt insulted...fair enough. Don't take it too personally. If you stick around, you'll find that there are some smart people with a good amount of insight into relationships. More so than any other forum out there that I have found.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueHarvest [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I saw him sending a message on the forum feedback feature.
What a little prick.
"ATTENTION ADMIN! I wanted advice and they told me what I didn't want to hear so this forum is an unmoderated piece of shit!"
What happened to it? Did he delete it?
Forum feedback gets sent to the mod/admin email.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Ah I see. I thought you mean the LF suggestion section.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think more people should simply try lurking on a forum for a while before just coming in randomly and posting whatever is on their minds. That should give them the sense of the type of advice they are going to get, should they feel they may be too sensitive for it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I read through the forums pretty carefully when I came here and asked for advice. I got a good idea of the kind of advice people were getting and it all sounded very honest and intelligent. I knew that people weren't going to pat me on the back, but instead give me pretty straight up responses which were what I was seeking.
Are you a mod Cain? I want to be a mod!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Cain would be a good mod.
No, but I've run message board before and so I know the software that's being used.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
maybe thats the secret....maybe you're the one deleting anachronistics posts :surprised
Yeah, that's it.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm know so much about the software that I can do things that only mods and admins can do without actually having the power.
Yep I was a lurker. If I posted what I initially had questions about, I am sure to have gotten negative responses.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I remembered when I first came here I read a few posts before asking you guys anything. In my first post ("absence makes the heart grow fonder.....right?") I mentioned that I read you guys' past posts and trusted your advice. I had also said dont be too harsh cuz I read a couple lol but I said to be straight up. I hate when they come on and say they accept any advice and turn around and get mad when any advice is given. I still wuv visiting this site every day.
Pussy.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueHarvest [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
___________________
There is no way that my post about EAs could have been interpreted as anything other than polite & to the point. This is just an example of someone not really wanting advice, only looking for what he wanted to hear.
Oh well. Some ppl just need to learn the hard way. And when ppl lash out like that from advice on an anonymous forum, its usually a sign that the target *was* hit. Something went in; he just didn't like how it made him feel. Shrug.
It seems like more and more people are doing this now. They aren't coming here for advice. They're coming here in hopes that the majority will be there to reinforce their beliefs. God forbid anyone actually disagree with what the asshole is doing or offer him another perspective.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It's been that way since I came here.
In fact, I think we're due for some old fart to come in looking for justification to fool around with an underaged girl or vice versa.
It is my opinion that most ppl already know the answer to their issue before they post. They are simply looking for honest reinforcement. Its especially important for ppl like the OP, who are in denial, to know how the situation looks objectively.
Its not usually pleasant, tho. Hence the tendency for ppl like the OP to 'shoot the messenger'. Was Gribble and some others harsh in their assessment? Mbe, but that doesn't make them any less right. And its not like THEY are the ones chasing after a married woman. Its funny how ppl like the OP want to transfer *their* guilt onto someone completely removed from what is their own problem.
If the OP wants to be treated with kid gloves like a counsellor would, then he should pay the $$$ to be coddled by a professional. Don't come to a free forum, next time.