need help to heal a broken heart :(

my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago for good when i finally brought up that we have to get out of this limbo. i just said i can't wait around for him anymore. he tried 2 months ago but i resorted to begging and pleading and he decided to give it another chance but those 2 months were hell because i knew he wasnt into it and i just kept trying to win him over and give him the "space" he needed. we were ok for awhile but then after a few weeks he just went back to being shut off. he said he didn't know if he wants to be with me or not but he would let me know but that it was getting better and he sees me trying so i shouldn't worry. he had shut off a long time ago and was trying to see if he could go back and put the effort again but it was too late. he said he loves me but not like before and knows it's going to take awhile but doesn't want to completely lose me and hopes to become friends again in the future because we used to be best friends. i want that also but i'm too fragile right now. we still talk a little online because we need to exchange stuff we have of each other and we have mutual friends. it's HARD because we go to the same places and do the same things so i don't want to have to change my whole lifestyle for him.

i haven't been to work and i had to take a leave of absence and try to get away on vacation for awhile to keep my mind off this but i don't know if it will help because i'm going with my friend to the east coast and she got a new job so i'm gonna be alone sometimes and that's the last place we went to together. but either way, being home is reminding me of him all the time. i just want to get past this and get over it but i have all these stupid thoughts in my head like what if he moves on and sleeps with someone or gets back with the ex before me!? he says he really just wants to be alone and plans to be single for awhile because he wants to focus on his work which was the main reason we broke up. i was suffocating him and when i finally let go and decided i have to get my own life it was too late and he had "turned off". he said he just didn't have it in him to meet me halfway or put effort because he just was done and wasn't into it anymore.

i love him so much but i want to move on and become independent and better but i have NO ENERGY and have been so depressed the past 2 months. sometimes i can't even cry anymore because of how drained i am. i just don't know what to do. i know they said keep busy, find new hobbies, all that. but i don't even feel like it. i've been stuck in my room most of the week. just feel SO miserable and hopeless. it should be enough to know he doesn't want this and i can do better but i just can't seem to get past it. it's my first real heartbreak because i put my ALL into it and never thought i'd ever get hurt like this... please help..

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Originally Posted by mm4184 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i love him so much but i want to move on and become independent and better but i have NO ENERGY and have been so depressed the past 2 months. sometimes i can't even cry anymore because of how drained i am. i just don't know what to do. i know they said keep busy, find new hobbies, all that. but i don't even feel like it. i've been stuck in my room most of the week. just feel SO miserable and hopeless. it should be enough to know he doesn't want this and i can do better but i just can't seem to get past it. it's my first real heartbreak because i put my ALL into it and never thought i'd ever get hurt like this... please help..

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Time will heal everything.

Same time next year you will be reading this with a smile not quite knowing why you felt so much over someone so undeserving.

Maybe not so much keeping busy, but maybe it's time to spoil yourself. Do the things you always wanted to do, but didn't (Though don't go over board). Every break up presents us with positive opportunities, freedom and self empowerement. A slight change of perspective, seeing your loss as an eventual gain in the long term will help you a lot.

i hope so.. i just feel so miserable. it's hard for me to get out of bed sometimes and i've been missing work. i hate that i'm letting it affect every aspect of my life. and i hate reading stuff about people not moving on for YEARS. that scares me! i'm so emotional and depressed i feel like i'll never get out of this hole i'm in. and it's worse because i know i'm gonna see him around.

I think letting go becomes easier when you open up to the positive opportunities that this situation presents you. A not so good chapter of life is closed and a new one begins. It's exciting if you look at it this way.

Misha is right, you'll eventually start feeling better in time. He said something to me in one of my broken-hearted posts about my emotions catching up to my brain and it made so much sense to me. You know you need to move on, but your emotions haven't caught up yet. They will, but you'll have to be patient with yourself. There is no finger-snapping technique here.

Try not to let your mood make you miss work. Your daily life shouldn't stop because you are heartbroken. I would throw myself into work if I were you because it can be an excellent healing technique. If you don't have the energy, fake it till you make it. You have to get through this. I would also avoid going to places you and he went. You'll eventually be able to go back to these places once you feel better. And lastly, I'd recommend no contact with him. Contact with him will erode any progress you've made so just block him from everything and throw out his number.

Once you're on the other side of this, you'll be much stronger than you were before.

I am going through a breakup as well and like you say it is so hard. Take one day at a time and you will get over him. Today you feel like this....:( Tomorrow you probably feel like this.....:mad: These emotions repeat itself and finally you will exhale ......:D

thank you. sometimes i don't want to talk to my friends because i feel like i'm tiring them but i'm the kind of person that needs to keep talking it out to get it out. i know it will take time, i'm just worried it will take YEARS and i hate not being who i used to be because i feel like i've lost so much. i keep telling myself that i'm better than this and that he doesn't deserve me anyways, but then i go back and start dwelling on what could have been and what if this or that.. i have such a negative outlook on everything because of my depression and i keep having stupid thoughts of him hooking up with someone else (he hasn't been single for 12 years!) because he says he doesn't know how to be single..

i know i shouldn't worry about him but i can't help but worry that i'll get hurt more when i see him or hear about him being with someone else. i'm not going to try and outdo him by finding a rebound because i know i have to work on myself since i lost ME in the relationship and was so dependent but it's just SO HARD. i want to get out and do stuff but i don't FEEL like it and i hate that i can't go to certain things knowing he might be there. like why does it have to be ME to change my lifestyle and not him. but he DOES work in the entertainment industry so he HAS to be at certain things. but i don't want to have to find places to go because i tried and i didn't even like the crowd. AHH i hate this so much. i feel like i'm draining everyone especially myself.. and i have trouble sleeping at night and wake up with chest pain and longing for him. i sound so ridiculous but this is how i feel :upset:

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Originally Posted by mm4184 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i know i shouldn't worry about him but i can't help but worry that i'll get hurt more when i see him or hear about him being with someone else. i'm not going to try and outdo him by finding a rebound because i know i have to work on myself since i lost ME in the relationship and was so dependent but it's just SO HARD. i want to get out and do stuff but i don't FEEL like it and i hate that i can't go to certain things knowing he might be there. like why does it have to be ME to change my lifestyle and not him.

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Yes, it's not exactly fair, but you'll only be torturing yourself going to these places where you know he'll be. It's only a temporary move until you get over him. Then you'll be able to go back to not avoiding these spots.

Time heals all wounds. Do not have any communication with him as it will only delay the healing. I am going thru it myself. Just today I got a standard email acknowledging something I told her (we are still separating our goods and bills) and just ready a nothing special no emotions email brought a bad feel to my stomach, thus having no communication for a while is the best thing.

Stay strong. If you ever need to let out your emotions, we are here and we will help you to get through it. In fact, I feel like letting some emotions out....that short old ass SOB. Who does he think he is to play me like that! Bitch ass, old tired ass, MF!

WOW...I feel better! It is not the end of the world. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Listen to that song by Mariah Carey....Always Be My Baby. If he does not come back to you, maybe there is someone that is better for you. Regardless, God has a plan for all of us....rather we like it or not.

i just saw him today to get the rest of my stuff and get his stuff out my way. i kept my composure until the end and just cried and hugged him goodbye. he said we would talk after i got back from my 1 week vacation but i said we don't have to but he just said no we'll talk.

i don't know what else to do anymore. he said he was sad and that he did miss me at times (i asked) but i know inside this is what's best. i just can't find the strength to really LET GO and just feel better. i keep going backwards and thinking negative thoughts of him with another girl or his ex before me. i hate my brain! i just wanna be ok but i know it's gonna take TIME. and that's all i can really do is wait. and force myself to go out and pretend to have a good time knowing i MIGHT just run into him. i'm not going to the events they have anymore but i will go to other things and i'm pretty sure there will be a day when he'll be there.

i know i have to be completely healed before i can even TRY to be friends with him. but i don't know how to heal! it's like i lost my best friend, the one i ran to and confided in about EVERYTHING and anything.. and now i don't have that. i told him that and he said that i would just have to find someone else to talk to for now but that in the future we can probably be open like that with each other again. i have stupid hope that when we both fix ourselves we might be ok.. but i need to erase that form my head because it's just gonna leave me more hurt in the end when it doesn't happen.

i know it sounds selfish but i just wish i would be the first to move on so it wouldn't be as hard if i saw him with someone else. but with my luck, that won't happen! thanks so much for listening.. sometimes i feel like i drain my friends so i keep things in.

I think all of us on this board have suffered a bad break up.

I remember after a break up of mine I struggled to get out of bed and go to work but I made myself. I forced myself to do everything as normal because you need to develop new patterns and routine. It is the emptiness of the familiar that we often miss as well as the person them self.

I agree with pampering yourself but give yourself time. Different people grieve for different periods of time. When you feel a little better get your girlfriends together and go out dancing (or something that you enjoy doing).

i woke up today with the feeling of longing and emptiness in my chest. i went to work for the first time since we broke up and it was my last day for a couple weeks because i'm going on a leave until mid october. even at work, all i could do was think of him and relate EVERYTHING to him. i look out the window at the ocean and i just think of things like how we went to so many beaches and all that crap. it's been a week but i can't shake him out my head!

what made it worse was when i got home, there was a box of cupcakes that was delivered here and it said "thank you for everything you've done for me" and it's from him to my family. it just hurts so much. we're on good terms but he made it clear that we have to not have any contact for awhile until i'm "fully healed" before we can even hang out as friends. i don't even see that coming because i've been stuck in this rut for so long. not just this week but that last 2 months when we were in limbo. it does feel better now that i'm not continuously thinking about if we're gonna break up or not. but this is complete heartbreak. even my dad said he doesn't want to hate him but he wonders how he can just give it all up after me giving him SO much and showing him so many new things and taking him to so many places... it's just so horrible how i feel and i don't know how i'm ever going to get out of this.

is keeping myself busy only suppressing the thoughts and pain and will ultimately build up? or will it diminish over time.. because i don't see that light at the end of the tunnel or whatever. i don't see my ever getting through this because all i can think of is him and the little hope that if once we both fix ourselves things might work out. but he told me i can't think that way because then we can never be friends since i won't really be over him.. AHHH help me :(

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Originally Posted by mm4184 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

is keeping myself busy only suppressing the thoughts and pain and will ultimately build up? or will it diminish over time.. because i don't see that light at the end of the tunnel or whatever. i don't see my ever getting through this because all i can think of is him and the little hope that if once we both fix ourselves things might work out. but he told me i can't think that way because then we can never be friends since i won't really be over him.. AHHH help me :(

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I am all in favour of allowing yourself to grieve. If you feel miserable and want to stay in bed do it.

However there is a time where you must force yourself out of it. I'm not sure if this vacation is necessarily a good thing. I have found in the past that going to work is the best thing because you have to put on a face for people and that helps get over it. The more time you have alone the more you will think about it which isn't good.

You are in the toughest earliest part of your break up. You have to feel all of these things until they start to get better..and they WILL get better.

thank you all.. tonight was rough because it was my friend's going away dinner (i'm going with her to the east coast for my vacation and she's moving there) and my ex didn't go because he didn't want to really see all my friends and have it awkward.. but his brother went and it just hurt me hearing him talk to my friend about her coming home and going to this and that with him... knowing I CAN'T because my ex will be there. the reason my friend and him got close (best friends!) was because of my and my ex! and now i feel so left out :(

i hung out with my friends tonight and it was nice to kind of be distracted... but then i come home and here it goes again.. i know it will take time.. i just wish i was there already.. don't know how else to get through this... and i do force myself to go out although i hardly ever enjoy it. maybe one day i will. fake it til i make it right? haha that sounds horrible. but what else can i do..

i'm so sad... my ex called my sister today (since we're supposed to not have any contact) and was just asking her to handle some stuff with his car that he's donating which is parked at my house. today i was feeling OK and hadn't cried. then that happened. and his roomate also texted me saying he knows it's not easy and that he hopes it's not goodbye forever. but i know it's just kind of a nice way to say BYE! and he really probably doesn't care if he ever sees me again either or not..

i just feel self-destructive because i keep thinking all these negative thoughts that he's gonna move on before me then i'll find out somehow and it will put me back even further and make me feel worse. as selfish as it sounds, i want to be the first one to move on so that i won't hurt AS MUCH if i found out he was already seeing someone else. ARGH. i just don't even know how to get through this. time time time.. it's my enemy right now :(

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you´re going through that, I´ve been there and I know it´s not easy, and nothing I tell you right now will take that pain away, I will say this though, be patient with yourself and with life, I know this seems endless, and trying to get him back is not the right choice since it seems to me he made his mind up, you will take control of your life and everything will be better when you least expect it, your soul-mate is out there and athough you don´t want to think about that possibilty now, later when all this is nothing but a memory, you´ll give yourself another chance to be happy, trust me, it´s coming, I promise.

Hi again,

sweetie, be patient, I know it´s not easy, but think of all the good in you, how much to have to offer and how happy you can make others who really deserve it, time is enemy now but it also helps you heal, embrace this horrible situation you´re going through right now, it will get better.

i'm on "vacation" to get away.. and all i can think of is him. i didn't cry (yet) today because i'm here with my friend.. but really. how do i stop my thoughts!? how do i just forget everything we've been through when things keep replaying in my head :( i think of how we both cried when we knew it was really over... the memories we had when WE were on vacation here on the east coast.. and just everything i do reminds me of him. i always find something to connect to him and i know it's self-destructive but how do i stop it :(

i hate being like this and i'm dreading coming home and being around everything again... i guess no matter where i go i'll be reminded of him.. plus i can try to avoid the places he might be at... but i know we'll end up running into each other since we have the same interests in what places to go and the people we know are all connected.. i don't wanna move because i shouldn't run away but it's just 100x harder having so many ties with him.. plus, i still have his PW (he doesn't know) to stuff and i've been trying not to check it but sometimes i just have the urge to "accidentally" find something that will show me he's moved on so i can just hurt myself and put myself back to the beginning but at least, i'll know not to have ANY hope.

i know i shouldn't have hope at all... but we were such good friends that i would want him to be at least that in the future.. and he said he does too.. i know it can't happen for awhile.. AHH i just don't know what to do anymore.. i've been reading books, websites, getting advice from people... i'm so depressed :(

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Originally Posted by mm4184 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i'm on "vacation" to get away.. and all i can think of is him. i didn't cry (yet) today because i'm here with my friend.. but really. how do i stop my thoughts!? how do i just forget everything we've been through when things keep replaying in my head :( i think of how we both cried when we knew it was really over... the memories we had when WE were on vacation here on the east coast.. and just everything i do reminds me of him. i always find something to connect to him and i know it's self-destructive but how do i stop it :(

i hate being like this and i'm dreading coming home and being around everything again... i guess no matter where i go i'll be reminded of him.. plus i can try to avoid the places he might be at... but i know we'll end up running into each other since we have the same interests in what places to go and the people we know are all connected.. i don't wanna move because i shouldn't run away but it's just 100x harder having so many ties with him.. plus, i still have his PW (he doesn't know) to stuff and i've been trying not to check it but sometimes i just have the urge to "accidentally" find something that will show me he's moved on so i can just hurt myself and put myself back to the beginning but at least, i'll know not to have ANY hope.

i know i shouldn't have hope at all... but we were such good friends that i would want him to be at least that in the future.. and he said he does too.. i know it can't happen for awhile.. AHH i just don't know what to do anymore.. i've been reading books, websites, getting advice from people... i'm so depressed :(

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Deep down you know that you can't be just friends with him. It'll hurt you too much and you'll never really be able to get over him. The memories will go away. Trust me. I had a hard time not thinking about my ex. I thought about her every day no matter what I did. It wasn't until I met another girl that I stopped thinking about her so much. I still do every now and then, but it's a healthy thing. It doesn't have to be someone you date, either. You just have to know that there is better out there and that you will find someone else.

Why don't you come on here and just chat and get involved with other threads?

I can't emphasise how keeping busy helps (plus copious amounts of alcohol or is that just me?)

^^ Spammer alert

hey guys, i'm still on vacation.. and my friend i was with is at work so now i feel so alone again. i've been crying all morning.. it's been like 2 weeks and i feel like i'm still the same :( i know it takes time.. but i keep finding little things out like he's trying to make friends with new girls and stuff.. and i KNOW him.. he gets so attached easily so now i'm afraid of him sleeping with someone else right away or whatever.

i know it's not in my control or my business.. but it hurts me so much to even think that and have all these stupid thoughts in my head.. how do i stop them?? i try to think of other things then it just pops right back in :( i'm feel so miserable and horrible and i don't know what to do anymore.. i feel like i'll never get out of this.. like i'm stuck in a deep black hole and i just keep on going in circles.. i don't know what to do anymore..

plus, his brother is my best friend's best friend. AND we have so many connections that it's impossible for us to not know what's going on with each other or accidentally bump into each other, etc. he asked my sister how i was doing n she said she didn't know really cuz i'm on vacation. WHY even ask? just because he cares about me as a friend?! i'm so lost.. please help!

I guess each new little thing presents another challenge. Just think of it like that. Each thing willl have its own recovery time. My relationship pales in comparison to yours, but I put in a lot of effort into a relationship what was only a month and a half and I got burned so I know how it feels to a certain extent. I'm doing a lot better now, but from what I read on your post, it will definately take you longer. I'm looking forward to seeing how you progress. I will keep checking back periodically.

i feel your pain, im in the same exact spot as you....
its just i've been in this spot for a while now since she dumped me and i can't seem to move on....
you are right about this black hole, its like a dark tunnel with no light at the end.

the thing i hate most is that, they want to keep contact and they always say "i don't want to lose you as a friend"
i don't get it...i really don't cuz to me it seems like such BS..and i know it won't work.

im confused too

thanks guys.. i really appreciate being able to talk on this because i feel like i'm burning everyone else out.. at least here everyone went or is going through it..

i'm just so sad.. i'm supposed to be on vacation and all i can think of is him. i can't sleep! i know he's been trying to make new girl friends and it's pissing me off cuz i have his PW to stuff and he doesn't know and i'm NOT about to tell him i have it either.. but it's a lose lose cuz i can't say anything since he doesn't even know i have access to these things. i tried not to check stuff as much.. but i feel like it's my only connection.. and i know he's been checking my social network stuff to see what i've been up to.. but i'm not like him trying to make new girl friends already. i'm sticking to the friends i DO have.. i hate this so much.

it sounds so selfish but why can't he see how much he's missing? i want him to regret this but i also don't want to sound so mean because i don't want things to come back to me.. i don't want to hate him because i really love him but i'm just so ANGRY at the situation.. and how we're not contacting each other "for awhile" but we're still there.. i'm having such a difficult time.. please help with ANY advice.. i know it's TIME but what else.. i hate that i can't do anything about this aside from help myself.. i can't change his mind. i can't win him back. i can't stop him from talking to other girls... i keep crying and i am so drained already...

Hi

be stronge and hang in there

Time is always a good medicine for this

cheers up

cayumi

so he's the one who told me we shouldn't have contact for awhile. he's the one who broke up with me. he asked my sister and my friend how i'm doing and if they've heard from me, etc. they don't really say much. then today, he sends me a message online and asks how my vacation is.. and talks about how he's sick and doesn't have much motivation but that he'd eventually find it. had some short conversation and i was proud of myself for not saying i miss him n love him etc... then i just said i had to go n to take care..

then a few hours later i get a text message saying "just want you to know i think about you everyday and im glad youre doing good".. then i started crying like an idiot. what the hell! i don't know what to think of this crap. is it like he misses me cuz he's lonely but not as a girlfriend? i hate this. so much heartache.. i mean, i want him to know what he's losing but i don't understand this..

Every time he contacts you he is setting you back. Until you understand that you will not be able to heal. You had each other for 2.5 years, were each others best friends, you were EVERYTHING to one another. Of course he misses it, just as much as you do. But, you don't want to be with someone who only misses you because they're lonely. I know this sounds like an impossible thing to do, but I really suggest blocking him on your phone, the internet, face book, and anything else he can contact you on. Take it from me, I've had no contact with my ex for almost 2 months, I still think about her all the time, dream about her, and I don't even want to look at other girls. But, I have to, life stops for no one, you don't want to dwell on the past, because that will just consume you.

Life goes on hun, live everyday to its fullest, and put a smile on (even if it's fake) it will make you much more happier :)