This will likely be my final update for a while.
Things have started to calm down. For a while, I wanted to remain friends with her. I'm not entirely sure why, but a part of me just didn't want to waste the time we had together. She was a part of my life for so long and I just wanted it to continue, even if only as friends. It just isn't going to work that way. I'm as over her as I'm going to get until she's replaced. It doesn't hurt anymore that we aren't together. I've gotten through that. What I miss now is the aspect of relationship, which is where her being replaced comes in. And I've realized that I don't want to be friends with her. A part of me will be a little bitter towards her for the way she handled things and with how quickly she's moved on.
She still checks on me and once I get my stuff back which should be done in the next few days, I'm going to block her so she can't check on me anymore. It's not so much that I'm doing it so that she can't check on me either. It's that it bothers me seeing her little messages. She doesn't know that I see them, because I shouldn't be able to, but I can because of a mod on my messenger. I see her little messages about her new bf, and how he's the best bf in the world without a doubt, and that he's a prayer from up above. It's all bullshit and she'll tire of him just like she tired of me.
I have taken one major step forward in regards to never being willing to take her back. A week ago, I would have taken her back if she sought counseling in order to figure out why she did what she did and what can be done to fix it. But, honestly, I don't want that anymore. She's ****ed up my trust in women completely, and she doesn't deserve a third chance. She broke up with me. She claims there was no guy involved at the time, but I believe otherwise. If she wants him, she can have him. I'm done with her.
All is not lost. I've been lucky that I haven't been struggling in the women department like some of the other heartbroken guys on here. Ever since I decided that I needed to move on, I've been doing well at talking to women and keeping contact. I'm going to stop trying to get with the original girl I was talking to. She'll be cool as a friend, but I don't have the time to deal with a girl that doesn't want to date and doesn't have the time. Lately, I've been talking to another girl and I'm going to try to set something up with her this weekend. And it should be a busy weekend. I'll try to fit her in and I'm going to hang out with another friend of mine. This friend is also introducing me to a girl that I wanted to talk to that is a friend of hers, and I'll be seeing her at a Halloween party. And then I'm waiting to see if a fellow poster here gives up on some hot little blondie so I can give it a shot, but I doubt he'll quit so I'm likely gonna stick with the other two. Selfish bastard.
All in all, things are working out. I'm living my life. I don't have to deal with distance in a relationship. And I'm going to find someone that's not a ****ing lunatic. And even though the relationship ended badly, positive things came from it. For starters, I'm not ready to settle down. I don't mind being in a serious relationship, but marriage and kids is going to be a long ways from now. I've learned that women need to earn trust just like I should have to earn theirs. Just when you think you know someone they can turn around and shove it right back in your face and show you that you never knew them at all. Before I make a commitment to someone, I need to be sure that the whole thing is real.
Before my ex, I had never experienced heart break. I had always been the one to end relationships. The only difference was I did it after a couple of months... not a year and a half. And I never said the love word. But, everyone needs to experience heartbreak once in their life. And although that first two months was absolutely excruciating, I'm extremely glad that it happened.
