High School sweetheart is back - what do I do ?!
Ok - as you all know - I have been single for exactly 3 months yesterday. Well, ppl always say you will find love when you stop looking for it. This past week or two I basically have given up my search. I have been going out and doing my own thing by myself or with my brothers or Gene. Well yesterday Gene was sittin gon my porch when I got home from work and he wanted to go play baseball - I wanted too also - but I was too sore to run or throw a ball - so I asked him if he would just like to go to the batting cages. He thought for a few minutes and decided to do it. I got my step mom to watch Bryce for a few hours while we went out to go hit some balls.
We were there prolly 30 minutes and already I had busted out in a MAJOR sweat and my arms were are stiff and my muscles were bulging out in my upper chest, arms, and forearms - they have not bulged that much since I was in the high school marching band playing my bass drum. Well I got a call from my step mom after I had noticed how bad I stink and how sweaty i am and all the muscles and shit - I was think 'oh crap - what happened to Bryce' and I answered it all worried and everything walking out the door to the truck for a cigarrette (yes - I started up again) and she told me that Amy (i am not using her real name for privacy) was over at the house and wanted to see me - I was like 'Amy ?! You mean Amy Smith ?!' (again - this is not her real name) she talked in the background and then told me 'yes. what batting cages are you at?' I told her and Amy didnt know where they were so she got on the phone and just the sound of her voice made my insides melt all over again. I sat down on the ground beside my truck and then said 'hey babe.' and then gave her the directions. I sat there on the ground for a few minutes then Gene came outside and asked me what was up - and I told him my ex g/f from high school, Amy, was comming here to see me. He got all excited for me and was jumping around and doing the high five thing - lol - after about 30 minutes of waiting outside for her i decided to go back inside and hit a few more balls before she got here - right when I got back in the cage and was about to put the money in the machine my phone rang - so i got out of the cage so others could play and I answered the phone - it was her - she was in the parking lot. I instantly got SUPER nervous - so i went outside with Gene and when I saw her I couldn't believe my eyes. She is jsut as beautifule as she was in high school.
A little background info: I moved to where I am staying now back in the 6th grade and had to change schools - I met Amy at this school and we were instantly best friends - we were b/f and g/f for about a year until I went to high school - she is a year behind me so I didnt want to be a high school guy with a junior high girl - then when she got to high school we dated again for a few months and I really dont know what happened but we just kinda stopped and started going out with other ppl - i dont even remember who broke up with who - but I do know that we talked about it and it was what we both thought we should do at the time. We were friends all thru high school up until I graduated - that when I lost contact with her - I was with destine and I really lost contact of ALL my friends at that point - she was one of them. She graduated a year later and moved to Florida for college and got engaged with some guy that I met maybe once or twice but never really knew who he was. Now she is back in town for her summer vacation or something and she is still engaged with this guy but he is still in florida or somewhere else - i dont really know where he is but I do know he is nowhere near here.
Well we talked and joked and laughed together in the parking lot of the batting cages last night for prolly 2 hours. We hugged each other and held each other just like we used to back in high school - it was like we never lost contact - a very cool feeling. Then I noticed the time and invited Gene and Amy back to my dads house - I had to go back because of Bryce - I was already gone about an hour longer than I had planned. We stopped by Kroger first on the way there - I had to gets some cokes (i drink cokes like crazy) and while I was in the store Gene had asked Amy if she would date me again if she was single - I didnt know he was even going to ask that - the little ****er - well when I came out and got back in the truck with Gene he told me (she is in her own truck following us) what he asked her - I freaked out on him and said that she prolly thinks I got him to ask her - and he said no no no that she understood that i didnt - But he said that she said yes - if she was single and not engaged that she would definately get back with me. I didnt know what to say except for I called him a **** tard for asking her that.
Well back at my dads house gene sat one one side of the couch, Amy sat in the middle, and I sat on the other side - Amy was sitting really really slose to me so that our legs were touching together closely. I had my son in my lap and me and her were playing with him - he liked her right off the bat which is really good - he normally is really shy around new ppl. We were sitting there playing with Bryce and with each other for about 30 minutes then her mother called to check up on her and ask her to come home for something - then right after that her fiancee called her - she said 'I'm at.. uh... a friends house' and thats how I knew it was him. I kinda backed off then - I had forgotten all about him for awhile. After she got off the phone with him I walked her out to her truck and we talked for about 5 minutes and got each others phone numbers and screen names - Then she hugged me and I hugged her back - she did not want to let me - go I could feel it - she was holding me tightly and rubbing my back very intimately - I loved it so I held her tightly to and then kissed her on the forehead and whispered 'if only things were different' the she just looked up at my directly in the eyes and smiled really big - We stared into each others eyes for a few seconds then I started to move in very slowly towards her lips - then she started to move into mine - and then we kissed - we stood there outside her truck and kissed for about 5 minutes straight holding each other tightly. Then we looked into each others eyes again. I was like WOW ! on the inside but i didnt show it. And then she smiled really big and then she said 'ok, wel i got to get goin. i'll get on my computer and we'll chat.' I said ok and then she got in her truck and I stood in the same spot and watched her drive off and waved goodbye. then I went back inside - got Gene - and I drive him home - I was happy as all ****ing hell !!! lol - Gene could tell - I was singing and dancing in my seat - he said 'you kissed her, didnt you?' and i said 'yup yup!' he went 'damn dude!' and we laughed and I just kept singing to the radio and smiling - I dropped him off and we made plans for him to come over saturday and we would play a game of baseball then.
Last night when I went to bed I was the happiest I had ever been. I was smilling. I felt good inside. I felt at peace for the first time in about 9 months. I was at peace. I cant really describe it. I had dreams about Amy all night long - except for my last one - that one was kind weird - I was in high school again - but i had switched schools and on the first day I was in the office getting my schedule and stuff then I grabbed the phone and ordered a pizza then it appeared in my hands and I started to walk around the new school lost as **** carrying 3 boxes of pizza in my hands looking for my class. Then I woke up. Yeah - a bit off topic I know - but it was wierd - lol
Back to my point here - She is engaged - I know she has feelings for me because she is not the type of girl to jump from guy to guy or just kiss someone for the hell of it - I know that I like her ALOT! I have a job here in Houston and I cant leave this area because of it - she goes to college in Florida where her fiancee is and she is going back in August...
WHAT THE HELL DO I DO HERE ?!
One part of me says 'Go for her - if she likes me then she will leave her guy for me, then I would move to Florida with her and get a job there while she is at school.'
Then the other part of me says 'no - she is engaged - and is only here, alone, for the summer - maybe she is just looking for someone to be with for the summer and I dont want to be drug along like that'
then another part of me says 'she's not like that - she wouldn't do things with me and then go back to her fiancee and just leave me hanging'
then another part of me says 'just let things be - she is engaged - in a happy relationship for all I know - I wouldnt want to get in the way of something good those two have. if i was that guy i wouldnt want my girl to go back to her home state only to leave me for her high school sweetheart'
Than the process repeats - I dont know what to do here.
Any advice from the ppl ?!?! If you need to know information, just ask questions that you want to know and I will be happy to answer them to my best ability.
Thanks !
