found a perfect partner only to know...

that he is married.

It's a disappointment.
We fit in so well only to find out that he is married with 2 kids. Though the marriage is not a happy one, he is still married.

Just wanting to post here and share my thoughts.
Its miserable. For all these years, I have finally found the one. But that one is married with a wife who doesn't treasure him as an honest and responsible husband. She spends all his savings and now they are in financially tight-up.

He mentioned briefly, out of frustration, that his wife is very difficult to please and he seemed at
many times wanting to share his pain in the marriage. But I suppose as an honest and responsible person as he is, he chose to curtail the conversation. I can almost feel he has a lot of dilenma, always sighing and worrying.
Its a far cry from his days before his marriage.

Personally I think its tragedy. We cannot date and talk like we wantto. But behind our minds, we like each other a lot and we chat about life in general. He is always so happy to talk to me, even if its only on the phone. We now live miles apart but it seems that we are only a heartbeat away.

I have so much on my mind now and I don't have my friends near me to talk about it. Most of them are working overseas with families and I don't want to trouble them.

Any advice here ?

The sadness comes in big because I have spent a long time finding such a person and also because I have met quite a few unsuitable people before.

I like to have a family of my own, a loving husband I could cherish and a kid or 2 whom I could always take care and love. Finding someone whom I could share my life with and support in what he does. We could have been perfect. He's work and life ideals are very similar to mine. We share the very similar temprements and character.

Many times, I do think life has really know how to play with me.

Thanks for reading and I hope to read some advice.

How long have you known him?

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Originally Posted by cheeryelfin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

that he is married.

It's a disappointment.
We fit in so well only to find out that he is married with 2 kids. Though the marriage is not a happy one, he is still married.

Just wanting to post here and share my thoughts.
Its miserable. For all these years, I have finally found the one. But that one is married with a wife who doesn't treasure him as an honest and responsible husband. She spends all his savings and now they are in financially tight-up.

He mentioned briefly, out of frustration, that his wife is very difficult to please and he seemed at
many times wanting to share his pain in the marriage. But I suppose as an honest and responsible person as he is, he chose to curtail the conversation. I can almost feel he has a lot of dilenma, always sighing and worrying.
Its a far cry from his days before his marriage.

Personally I think its tragedy. We cannot date and talk like we wantto. But behind our minds, we like each other a lot and we chat about life in general. He is always so happy to talk to me, even if its only on the phone. We now live miles apart but it seems that we are only a heartbeat away.

I have so much on my mind now and I don't have my friends near me to talk about it. Most of them are working overseas with families and I don't want to trouble them.

Any advice here?

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Yes. Go find someone who isn't married.

The length of time you've known each other is irrelevant. This man is married with children. You are on the path to making these children's lives hell. Your needs are not even on the map.

You know what you are doing is wrong or you wouldn't be posting here about it. Send this man home to his wife & tell him to fix his problems with his marriage so his kids can grow up happy.

He's not perfect, or he wouldn't be having an emotional affair with you. You're looking at him through rose-tinted glasses. You have no idea what he's really like to live with.

If the man of your dreams is married then he isn't perfect.

He has made a commitment to his wife and an obligation to his children. If you think he is magically going to up and leave them for you then think again. It rarely happens this way.

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Originally Posted by Dasein [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If the man of your dreams is married then he isn't perfect.

He has made a commitment to his wife and an obligation to his children. If you think he is magically going to up and leave them for you then think again. It rarely happens this way.

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can i please disagree on this one? my brother in law was married to a girl who made his life miserable. then had 1 child. there's only so much a man can take. and he did leave her for a much nicer lady who is now pregnant, and both of them are happy with each other.

Indignant, time will tell. I know I sound skeptical, but the stats on second marriages are far worse than first ones. I hope I'm wrong, but I will bet that 5 years down the line you will see your brother in law having similar problems.

Of course, it depends on the character of his first wife, which you have said nothing about. Perhaps she was an abusive drug addict with no life prospects and they married due to a teenage pregnancy.

But most marriages are not like that.

In the case of the OP, she only knows what HE is telling her. I bet things would be quite a lot different if she got the wife's side of things.

In any case, even if this guy does leave his wife for her (very unlikely, btw) its a lot harder to become Step Mommy than ppl think. Or is the OP also supposed to get the guy to just drop his two kids for her?

Lots to think about.

Probably easier to find someone available.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

can i please disagree on this one? my brother in law was married to a girl who made his life miserable. then had 1 child. there's only so much a man can take. and he did leave her for a much nicer lady who is now pregnant, and both of them are happy with each other.

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I get you- my brother is also unhappily married, but the fact that he IS, indeed, married makes him not only imperfect but completely unavailable for anyone else.

Ah hell, who cares? Its just a wedding vow afterall.

If you are so certain these guys are The One, then go for it. Marriage is just an artificial human construct in any case. Kids do just fine after a divorce.

Open season on anyone, single, married, who cares?

Just remember that, in such a free-for-all society, that means that you don't cry when it happens to you.

Gribble?? Are you ready to come see me for a wild week of sex on a tropical island? Your plane ticket is ready, babe. ;)

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Originally Posted by cheeryelfin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Any advice here ?

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He is neither perfect nor the one. The fact that he's sharing his personal "tragedy" and building intimacy with you is a testament to that.

The flaw I can see in you is you are playing a victim and using a scarcity mentality to alienate yourself from the many posibilities available to you. You are blaming life for dealing you a bad hand and using it to justify your romaticism to this unavailble guy. Instead of blaming yourself for not trying harder to a find a good match. Out of hundreds of millions of available single men out there he is NOT the only one for you.

Well if he is married with two kids he is obviously not perfect. Jebus Webus Women are dunb mother ****eres sometimes. Sometimes women are not perfect to me because they have a funny looking nose but this girl somehow over looks that the guy is married? come on.

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Originally Posted by cheeryelfin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...He mentioned briefly, out of frustration, that his wife is very difficult to please

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...according to him, ...I wonder what his wife's side of the story is???

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cheeryelfin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But I suppose as an honest and responsible person as he is

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...He seems anything but, considering he is maintaining a relationship with you and confiding in you regarding things that should be discussed with his wife

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cheeryelfin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The sadness comes in big because I have spent a long time finding such a person and also because I have met quite a few unsuitable people before.

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...this one is just as unsuitable as the rest

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cheeryelfin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I like to have a family of my own, a loving husband I could cherish and a kid or 2 whom I could always take care and love. Finding someone whom I could share my life with and support in what he does. We could have been perfect. He's work and life ideals are very similar to mine. We share a very similar temperment and character.
.

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...you are grasping at straws, ...not to mention the fact that you are invading the sanctity of another woman's marriage and family


...time for you to move on, ...until this "perfect" man is single


.

If I found out some girl thought my husband was perfect for her, she's be in trouble.

traicionero!

you need to stay away from him or his wife is gonna kill you.

Yeah, all I have to say is that when my ex cheated on me he used to tell the other women utter lies about me (I know, I read the emails he sent). He told them I was broke and couldn't pay the bills, and that I was controlling and had no direction in life.....which is actually what HE was. Pretty shocking.

So maybe this guy is telling you these things about his wife, but it doesn't mean they're true. Come on now. You don't think you can do better than a man that disrespects his wife and marriage?

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How long have you known him?

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very casually as friends for 7 years and close only these 2 years.
He is married for 7 years. Please note that we didn't not start off anything romantic. It is only been close friends and that is it. He didn't confess he loves me though he said he still likes me.
Neither did I say I love him though I say his wife is really lucky to have him.

I have no intention to make him my boyfriend until he is single. And neither do I have the intention of breaking people's marriages. I am just posting it here to say how life is for me so far as romance is concerned......

but thanks for all the replies though. I really appreciate it and I will reply each and everyone of you in detail.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes. Go find someone who isn't married.

The length of time you've known each other is irrelevant. This man is married with children. You are on the path to making these children's lives hell. Your needs are not even on the map.

You know what you are doing is wrong or you wouldn't be posting here about it. Send this man home to his wife & tell him to fix his problems with his marriage so his kids can grow up happy.

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thanks for the advice.

We didn't start any kind of hideous relationship. So no worries there. I know he loves his kids very dearly and wanted the best out of them. The main reason why he hangs on, I think, is because of his kids.

I was worried that he might not be able to take it. He sounds almost like he is about to break down. I told him that he should give time for himself and maybe his wife would listen to him and everything would be fine.

I wrote here about this because of the frustration. I know him pretty well to say that before his marriage, he was very successful and positive. Now it appears that he has a lot of problems at home that has affected his work too. Even his colleagues know that he hates his wife and often slams his handphone as a sort of venting his frustration. He rarely says anything much of his family other than work and the projects that we both have aspirations in.

We always keep it at that. He also started a business with his wife too in the hopes of turning their financial problems around. He only mentioned once in one line that she spent almost all his savings. He just stopped right there and said he hopes they will get rich.

He let me see his business startup and the first sight of it was negative. I hinted that he should be doing what he is good at and not the expensive garments at such a time when consumer confidence is low. Nonetheless, he followed his wife's idea and did it. Sure enough, today they are in the red. He used to be very well off.

If he were to leave his wife for me, I would be getting nothing. But to tell the truth, he is already almost ruined in person and in wealth. So pramatically speaking he is not worth a dime. But I have been thinking. If there were such a day he were to leave her and come to me, I really would accept him. From the bottom of my heart, I know he is me and I am him. We know each other and read each other very well.

I was proposed before 3 times by different men whom I had no feelings for. Maybe its me being stupid. But I always go for character, and a kind heart. None of the 3 had it though they had lots of money.

Anyway, if someone like him comes along and is single, I will marry. I like family and kids.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How long have you known him?

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casually known him for 7 years as friends and close friends for 2 years.

Just posted this earlier but I am not very familiar with this format.
Hope it came through

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dasein [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If the man of your dreams is married then he isn't perfect.

He has made a commitment to his wife and an obligation to his children. If you think he is magically going to up and leave them for you then think again. It rarely happens this way.

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No I don't. Just to remention this again that we have never started any kind of affair. Its just mutual admiration of each other as friends.
We never even hold hands. We just talk like friends....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He is neither perfect nor the one. The fact that he's sharing his personal "tragedy" and building intimacy with you is a testament to that.

The flaw I can see in you is you are playing a victim and using a scarcity mentality to alienate yourself from the many posibilities available to you. You are blaming life for dealing you a bad hand and using it to justify your romaticism to this unavailble guy. Instead of blaming yourself for not trying harder to a find a good match. Out of hundreds of millions of available single men out there he is NOT the only one for you.

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Thanks for your post. I can understand what you are driving at.
Well I think first of all I should have said we have never even dated each other. Its just a personal admiration of each other.

As a person he is not perfect. He is not cool and in fact he talks like an old man at times when he is worried about the state of the world and his family and his kids. Everyone's like that at times. I am no perfect either.

Finding a good match is not easy. You got to have that feeling for each other big enough to give anything up for your loved one. You've also got to find someone who can compliment you as well as to criticise you. But most importantly by the end of the day, even in the event of quarrelling and fighting, you must make sure that both of you will patch up and love each other more. Then that is your match. If you keep on fighting and forget about each other when there is something beneficial to you, then that is a problem.

Well anyway, I am on the look out for someone like him who also truly loves me. The main reason why I like him and why he likes me is because we share almost the same causes in life. We are still friends but nothing more than just friends. It is just a pity really. Can't say much.

I sometimes ask if his kids are fine and he keeps quiet. He appears to have a heap of problems. But as just friends, I cannot ask any more but I did say if he needs help; I will be always around.

My thinking is: if we cannot be husband and wife; and if I really like him, then just help for help's sake. I bet his kids are cute though his hair is falling off ....

odd lousy joke, but he himself is laughing at hair...
he really looks old now.

I think you are over-romanticizing this whole situation. Quit making him sound like a victim. He got to CHOOSE his wife, you know. I doubt anyone forced him to marry her. Whatever horrible things he claims she has done, he put himself into this situation, and he continues to do so. You are dreaming if you think he is a victim.

And by the way: character and a kind heart? Yeah, right. I ALWAYS consider married men and fathers who are carrying on emotional affairs with outsiders to be kind-hearted and of good moral character.

::rolling eyes::

You really need to snap out of it, my friend. Stay away from this man before you ruin his children's family. You should strive to be a person of good character, too.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah, all I have to say is that when my ex cheated on me he used to tell the other women utter lies about me (I know, I read the emails he sent). He told them I was broke and couldn't pay the bills, and that I was controlling and had no direction in life.....which is actually what HE was. Pretty shocking.

So maybe this guy is telling you these things about his wife, but it doesn't mean they're true. Come on now. You don't think you can do better than a man that disrespects his wife and marriage?

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see my earlier replies

I have no intention of taking someone's man unless she chooses to break it up. For me, its no good to stay intimately close until the person is single.

Cheers..

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you are over-romanticizing this whole situation. Quit making him sound like a victim. He got to CHOOSE his wife, you know. I doubt anyone forced him to marry her. Whatever horrible things he claims she has done, he put himself into this situation, and he continues to do so. You are dreaming if you think he is a victim.

And by the way: character and a kind heart? Yeah, right. I ALWAYS consider married men and fathers who are carrying on emotional affairs with outsiders to be kind-hearted and of good moral character.

::rolling eyes::

You really need to snap out of it, my friend. Stay away from this man before you ruin his children's family. You should strive to be a person of good character, too.

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I think I missed this out.

Please kindly see my replies.
We've never step out of the boundaries.
......

anyway...thanks for the reply.

I read your replies. I remain unmoved, and you aren't going to convince me that your intentions are pure.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I read your replies. I remain unmoved, and you aren't going to convince me that your intentions are pure.

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I can understand how you think and I cannot change the way you think. I was just replying from what I really felt. That was it.
Cheer and have a good weekend.