Distructive relationship behaviour

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17-12-08, 04:13 AM
casco

Distructive relationship behaviour

Hi All,

I've posted a couple of times about a girl I am mad over at the moment who is young and although i think shes messing me about, the bottom line is shes just young and being "18"

The fact is hasnt worked out has been another blow to me, as at 29, i've only had 1 serious relationship (2yrs), and the rest are over in under 4 months usually.

Truth is, today i went to a counsellor to discuss this. Its been bugging me for a long time that I probably can't hold down a relationship because of the values and standards i set myself, and also the girls i am with. Plus, i just CANT seem to relax in a relationship, and go into them with a very negative attitude, expecting the worst to happen, so I end up looking out for reasons as to why it wont work. This all stems from a very sad experience I had with my first serious relationship, and its turned into a habit. The bottom line is I am insecure in relationships, but although i am not clingy or outwardly jealous, i do expect relationships to advance quickly, so this must be offputting for girls, and i am not giving them space or allowing the relationship to take a pace.

This is going to sound big-headed, but I am a good looking guy, I have been asked out by most of the girls i have been with, and have model scouted twice. But i think i am being shallow by putting too much emphasis on my looks, and thats been my downfall.

Does anyone else relate to my sad feelings about not being "good" at relationships? I told my counellor today that i doubt i'll ever marry as i cant advance a relationship far enough, and i meant it too.

Any thoughts?
17-12-08, 05:41 AM
vashti

Did I understand you correctly? You are upset that a relationship with an 18 year old kid didn't work out, and you are 29? Why aren't you dating women who are more age-appropriate? Do you find they require more out of you than simply your good looks?
17-12-08, 06:09 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did I understand you correctly? You are upset that a relationship with an 18 year old kid didn't work out, and you are 29? Why aren't you dating women who are more age-appropriate? Do you find they require more out of you than simply your good looks?

no you've missed the point totally. re-read the post and you'll see there is more to it than that.
17-12-08, 06:13 AM
vashti

Okay, I read it again. I am still coming to the conclusion that you are upset because you can't hold down a relationship, most recently with an 18 year old child. How am I misunderstanding this?
18-12-08, 03:49 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay, I read it again. I am still coming to the conclusion that you are upset because you can't hold down a relationship, most recently with an 18 year old child. How am I misunderstanding this?

right, so i'm a peado now am i? I take it i should feel ashamed of my feelings because i fall for someone that you regard as a child? Perhaps you could bear some consideration that we all all human, and are all entitled to our feelings, whether they be hurt or whatever, and should feel free to express these without being made to look stupid or inferior (or a peado).

Pathetic to be honest.
18-12-08, 04:49 AM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

right, so i'm a peado now am i? I take it i should feel ashamed of my feelings because i fall for someone that you regard as a child? Perhaps you could bear some consideration that we all all human, and are all entitled to our feelings, whether they be hurt or whatever, and should feel free to express these without being made to look stupid or inferior (or a peado).

Pathetic to be honest.

I could do that, but I rather think it would be more accurate the way *I* posted it. If I thought you were a pedophile, I would have said so. Instead, I think you have some issues with your maturity level. Do you care to discuss that further?
18-12-08, 05:14 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I could do that, but I rather think it would be more accurate the way *I* posted it. If I thought you were a pedophile, I would have said so. Instead, I think you have some issues with your maturity level. Do you care to discuss that further?

yes please. A child is trechnically someone under the age of 16, after which they become an adolecent, then an adult at 18. To be involved with a child is paedophilia, something which disgusts me, and its certianly not something i would ever like to be branded as.
18-12-08, 05:18 AM
vashti

On the other hand, ever heard of "college kids"? They are called that for a reason: the vast majority of adults consider them kids.

Now why don't you tell us when the last time was that you dated someone more similar in age to yourself?
18-12-08, 05:41 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

On the other hand, ever heard of "college kids"? They are called that for a reason: the vast majority of adults consider them kids.

Now why don't you tell us when the last time was that you dated someone more similar in age to yourself?

my previous girlfriend was / is 33, she is back in Australia now as a chiropractor.

Its easy to say that you should go for someone your own age, i am sure the statistics would vouch for that, but i like to look for positive qualities and give someone a chance if i like them whatever their age, so perhaps thats my downfall
18-12-08, 05:41 AM
Indignant

this is fun! BTW I am on vashti's side completely.

"Its been bugging me for a long time that I probably can't hold down a relationship because of the values and standards i set myself, and also the girls i am with. Plus, i just CANT seem to relax in a relationship, and go into them with a very negative attitude, expecting the worst to happen, so I end up looking out for reasons as to why it wont work. This all stems from a very sad experience I had with my first serious relationship, and its turned into a habit. The bottom line is I am insecure in relationships, but although i am not clingy or outwardly jealous, i do expect relationships to advance quickly, so this must be offputting for girls, and i am not giving them space or allowing the relationship to take a pace."

what values and standards do you set for yourself if you are dating chicks who have no values and standards at that age (most of them). how can you relax in a relationship that requires commitment, work, compromise, respect and loyalty? so you end up driving them away by making every aspect of their life miserable. grow up!
18-12-08, 05:58 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

this is fun! BTW I am on vashti's side completely.

"Its been bugging me for a long time that I probably can't hold down a relationship because of the values and standards i set myself, and also the girls i am with. Plus, i just CANT seem to relax in a relationship, and go into them with a very negative attitude, expecting the worst to happen, so I end up looking out for reasons as to why it wont work. This all stems from a very sad experience I had with my first serious relationship, and its turned into a habit. The bottom line is I am insecure in relationships, but although i am not clingy or outwardly jealous, i do expect relationships to advance quickly, so this must be offputting for girls, and i am not giving them space or allowing the relationship to take a pace."

what values and standards do you set for yourself if you are dating chicks who have no values and standards at that age (most of them). how can you relax in a relationship that requires commitment, work, compromise, respect and loyalty? so you end up driving them away by making every aspect of their life miserable. grow up!

i think you are partonising quite a large population there (as well as me!) What makes you think an 18 yr old has no values or standards?? Thats such a sad view of the world. You can't just paint all youth with the same brush.

You need to grow up emotionally a bit more than you realise, and open your eyes to what is good out there, you and vashti are focusing purely on the negatives! I on the other hand am looking for ways to personally develop, and have sought professional help from a counsellor to overcome my issues! Life would be even sadder for me if i took both of your views all the time
18-12-08, 06:01 AM
vashti

Okay casco, but YOU ared the one who is here asking for advice. I suspect your unwillingness to hear other (rational) points of view are a large part of your problem.
18-12-08, 06:04 AM
Indignant

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You need to grow up emotionally a bit more than you realise, and open your eyes to what is good out there, you and vashti are focusing purely on the negatives! I on the other hand am looking for ways to personally develop, and have sought professional help from a counsellor to overcome my issues! Life would be even sadder for me if i took both of your views all the time

then what are you here for? to give two grown women an advise to grow up emotionally? why haven't you been able to have a lenghty relationship with a teenager? Me and Vashti have both done our share of holding up families. She has a son who is a teenager if I am correct, whom she is claiming to have raised as a fine young man with values and morals. What do you have to show for yourself besides one night stands with teens?
18-12-08, 06:04 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay casco, but YOU ared the one who is here asking for advice. I suspect your unwillingness to hear other (rational) points of view are a large part of your problem.

thats very true, but as of yet i havent heard any constructive advice, i have heard that i am chasing a child, that i need to grow up. Nothing relating at all advice around trying to develop myself personally to enjoy a relationship, which is the advice i saw looking for - but maybe you dont have the answer to that one either?
18-12-08, 06:09 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

then what are you here for? to give two grown women an advise to grow up emotionally? why haven't you been able to have a lenghty relationship with a teenager? Me and Vashti have both done our share of holding up families. She has a son who is a teenager if I am correct, whom she is claiming to have raised as a fine young man with values and morals. What do you have to show for yourself besides one night stands with teens?

another sweeping statement. This girl is by far the youngest i have been out with, no where in my posts have i implied in only have 1 night stands with teens? I have been out with girls 5 years older, my age and younger - a mixed bag.

In terms of what I have to show for myself - i have everything i life i could want, other than a fulfiling relationship. I earn over $160k a year, i have a second job as a volunteer worker for ex-convicts for some personal fulfilment, i have a wonderful group of friends, great family, a lovely house, nice car. There is nothing I have said to suggest i have nothing in life, which is what you seem to suggest, presumably because you associate those who are not good at relationships as saddos.
18-12-08, 06:09 AM
vashti

All you are giving us to work with is your defensiveness about dating teenagers. Until you want to contribute something more meaningful, I'm afraid no one can help you.
18-12-08, 06:13 AM
Indignant

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

thats very true, but as of yet i havent heard any constructive advice, i have heard that i am chasing a child, that i need to grow up. Nothing relating at all advice around trying to develop myself personally to enjoy a relationship, which is the advice i saw looking for - but maybe you dont have the answer to that one either?

Maybe you are not asking the right questions and therefore not getting the right answers?
18-12-08, 06:14 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

All you are giving us to work with is your defensiveness about dating teenagers. Until you want to contribute something more meaningful, I'm afraid no one can help you.

but thats the point i'm making - the teenage thing isnt an issue for me - its an issue for both of you! You are the ones who have a problem with it, i dont! I'm the one looking for meaningful contribution.
18-12-08, 06:15 AM
Indignant

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In terms of what I have to show for myself - i have everything i life i could want, other than a fulfiling relationship. I earn over $160k a year, i have a second job as a volunteer worker for ex-convicts for some personal fulfilment, i have a wonderful group of friends, great family, a lovely house, nice car. There is nothing I have said to suggest i have nothing in life, which is what you seem to suggest, presumably because you associate those who are not good at relationships as saddos.

huh? who are saddos? are you a Libra?
18-12-08, 06:16 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

huh? who are saddos? are you a Libra?

no, an Taurus, but i dont follow astrology, its something which gives a false sense of hope and direction
18-12-08, 06:19 AM
Indignant

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've posted a couple of times about a girl I am mad over at the moment who is young and although i think shes messing me about, the bottom line is shes just young and being "18"
The fact is hasnt worked out has been another blow to me, as at 29, i've only had 1 serious relationship (2yrs), and the rest are over in under 4 months usually.

Its been bugging me for a long time that I probably can't hold down a relationship because of the values and standards i set myself, and also the girls i am with. Plus, i just CANT seem to relax in a relationship, and go into them with a very negative attitude, expecting the worst to happen, so I end up looking out for reasons as to why it wont work.
This is going to sound big-headed, but I am a good looking guy, I have been asked out by most of the girls i have been with, and have model scouted twice. But i think i am being shallow by putting too much emphasis on my looks, and thats been my downfall.
[COLOR="red"]Does anyone else relate to my sad feelings about not being "good" at relationships?
Any thoughts?

this is what you gave us to work with, what can i say?
18-12-08, 06:21 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

this is what you gave us to work with, what can i say?

if you want to genunily help, ask me some sensible questions about my situation and thoughts, and i'll give you an honest answer.
18-12-08, 06:26 AM
Indignant

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if you want to genunily help, ask me some sensible questions about my situation and thoughts, and i'll give you an honest answer.

ha ha, i am not imposing myself on you. you were the one asking for what was it? any thoughts? or if anyone could relate? we gave you our thoughts and no, we can't relate.
18-12-08, 07:38 AM
Gigabitch

Well, casco, I'd love to hear what your counselor had to say about it all. Really. I'm all ears.
18-12-08, 07:51 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, casco, I'd love to hear what your counselor had to say about it all. Really. I'm all ears.

Also, I'd like to know why he broke up with the 33 year old chiropractor. Did she dump you, Casco? If so, she must have given you some reasons. The distance isn't usually enough reason to give up on an otherwise good relationship.
18-12-08, 08:23 AM
Indignant

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, casco, I'd love to hear what your counselor had to say about it all. Really. I'm all ears.

Who cares what they said? They are mostly fakes and mental cases anyway. When someone needs a kick in the ass, they'd rather medicate them.
18-12-08, 01:24 PM
Aeradalia

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi All,

I've posted a couple of times about a girl I am mad over at the moment who is young and although i think shes messing me about, the bottom line is shes just young and being "18"

Sounds like you were expecting this to fail by not really being surprised of her 'being 18.' Most (but not all) women at the age of 18 are not capable of handling the complexities of a meaningful relationship. I was 19 when I married and had a functioning marriage for 5 years... and though I was naive I did have a sense of responsibility. I'm sure you may find a 'responsible' 18 year old... but their immaturity (despite the best efforts of some) will leave much to be desired in the relationship... may even contribute to the failure of a relationship. Have you ever wondered if you unwittingly selected this 18 year old because some part of you sensed that these difficulties could eventually lead to the ending of the relationship? Thus satisfying your self-fulfilling prophecy that plays out in your subconscious?

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The fact is hasnt worked out has been another blow to me, as at 29, i've only had 1 serious relationship (2yrs), and the rest are over in under 4 months usually.

Seems like at one point you may have given a genuine effort... whereas with other relationships your heart may not have truly been in the effort required to give them a real chance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Truth is, today i went to a counsellor to discuss this. Its been bugging me for a long time that I probably can't hold down a relationship because of the values and standards i set myself, and also the girls i am with.

Knowing what these values and standards are could help with giving you advice... as well as what kind of girls you find yourself with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Plus, i just CANT seem to relax in a relationship, and go into them with a very negative attitude, expecting the worst to happen, so I end up looking out for reasons as to why it wont work. This all stems from a very sad experience I had with my first serious relationship, and its turned into a habit.

What bad experience? Sometimes when something bad happens to us... we tend to play over the events in our mind. If the bad experience is great enough... we may subconsciously encourage similar events in life to play out eerily similar to the events of that bad experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The bottom line is I am insecure in relationships, but although i am not clingy or outwardly jealous, i do expect relationships to advance quickly, so this must be offputting for girls, and i am not giving them space or allowing the relationship to take a pace.

Why the rush? Even if you were to advance the relationship faster... speed is no guarantee of success. If there is nothing there... speeding it up will just help you to reach it's inevitable end sooner. The quality of the relationship and the effort of both partners is where you'll have the greatest chance of establishing a healthy relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is going to sound big-headed, but I am a good looking guy, I have been asked out by most of the girls i have been with, and have model scouted twice. But i think i am being shallow by putting too much emphasis on my looks, and thats been my downfall.

Though I could think of many reasons as to how this could lead to your downfall... I'd like to hear how you think it leads to your downfall. Perhaps examining your thought processes on this might give you some new insight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Does anyone else relate to my sad feelings about not being "good" at relationships? I told my counellor today that i doubt i'll ever marry as i cant advance a relationship far enough, and i meant it too.

Any thoughts?

Everyone worries about having or maintaining a good relationship from time to time. However, you need to learn why you worry about relationships excessively. Learn where these fears originate from and learn how to control them and not have them control you.
19-12-08, 04:08 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Also, I'd like to know why he broke up with the 33 year old chiropractor. Did she dump you, Casco? If so, she must have given you some reasons. The distance isn't usually enough reason to give up on an otherwise good relationship.

She didnt dump me no, she was in my country working as a chiropractor to gain some experience on a points based system, then went back to Australia after her 2 years was done. I couldn't face moving away from friends and family, in the same way she couldnt face being away from hers.
19-12-08, 04:14 AM
casco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, casco, I'd love to hear what your counselor had to say about it all. Really. I'm all ears.

she initially told me not to focus on the negatives and too look at the positives in life (and through what i have learned in previous relationships and use the experience constructively) - which is exactly why i gave up on listening to the piss poor comments from indignavashti (they may as well be the same person).

What some of you are failing to spot is that whilst you thinking you are giving good advice, what you are really doing is proving my point, which is there is just no pleasing some women, they choose to hear what they want and like to manipulate the situation to belittle men at any given opportunity.

Its nice to know that this girl i was with isnt the only female who just doesnt "get it". There are others, as this thread has proved.
19-12-08, 04:50 AM
Gigabitch

When entering into a relationship with a significant age gap you must understand that you've got the deck stacked against you. Keeping it together is hard enough without added stressors like that.

Look, you tried. It didn't work. Think about it- most relationships don't work. Every relationship I've ever had with the exception of the one I'm in right now has ended. I don't know if that will make you feel any better about it, but there it is.

Do like the rest of us do- scrape your ass up off the ground and go out looking for something else.
19-12-08, 05:18 AM
Indignant

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What some of you are failing to spot is that whilst you thinking you are giving good advice, what you are really doing is proving my point, which is there is just no pleasing some women, they choose to hear what they want and like to manipulate the situation to belittle men at any given opportunity.

this is exactly why we should be thinking that all men are shallow and empty assholes, such as you, but we don't. all men and women are unique. you are too old to change and will probably stay a lonely and miserable jerk for the rest of your life, since you won't be able to let yourself see a wonderful person in any woman that you meet. women will always be manipulative little bitches in your eyes.
19-12-08, 05:32 AM
lovesjoyajm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds like you were expecting this to fail by not really being surprised of her 'being 18.' ....Have you ever wondered if you unwittingly selected this 18 year old because some part of you sensed that these difficulties could eventually lead to the ending of the relationship? Thus satisfying your self-fulfilling prophecy that plays out in your subconscious?

I was just thinking about this today, and I think it's definitely a possibility. (In my case, at least.) I have this weird, horrible idea that I'm just not date-able - that there must be some fundamental reason why I've never had a relationship - and while people tell me things like "it's not that hard to find someone to be in a relationship with!", I simply never do/have. It's not for lack of trying, either, but I think there's something to that "picking guys (people) with whom you KNOW or suspect it won't work out."

Anyway, casco, it does sound like you maybe do the same kind of thing - picking women who will be moving away (did you know she was going to be moving?) or women who aren't really in the right age range. Maybe you're pre-sabotaging the relationships because you have either some fear of relationships, or simply because that's "what you do". It's self-perpetuating.

When I figure out how to get around it I'll let you know. :)
19-12-08, 05:35 AM
Indignant

any relationship is a lot of work. any most people are too selfish to put the time and energy it needs to survive.
23-12-08, 07:54 PM
Aeradalia

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

she initially told me not to focus on the negatives and too look at the positives in life (and through what i have learned in previous relationships and use the experience constructively) - which is exactly why i gave up on listening to the piss poor comments from indignavashti (they may as well be the same person).

Focusing on the positive while remaining grounded in the realistic is usually the best way to be.

The good thing about a forum like this is you can choose who you want to listen to and who you do not. Hopefully you will be able to pull some useful advice from this forum and use it to help your current situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What some of you are failing to spot is that whilst you thinking you are giving good advice, what you are really doing is proving my point, which is there is just no pleasing some women, they choose to hear what they want and like to manipulate the situation to belittle men at any given opportunity.

I'm probably going to be persecuted for the following comments... but having dated females.. I have to say that I have found a suprisingly large percentage of these women to be quite negative, dissatisfied with most things in life (especially me), and quick to manipulate any given situation to use to belittle the other when they are angry, agitated, or even sad. My sympathies go out to straight males that have to date them... and especially to all the women who are decent and do not behave in this manner, for they are often overlooked by men who had been burned by these truly conniving bitches.

Quote:

Originally Posted by casco [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Its nice to know that this girl i was with isnt the only female who just doesnt "get it". There are others, as this thread has proved.

I'm not sure if it is really nice to know such a thing... I'd find it to be rather sad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

this is exactly why we should be thinking that all men are shallow and empty assholes, such as you, but we don't. all men and women are unique. you are too old to change and will probably stay a lonely and miserable jerk for the rest of your life, since you won't be able to let yourself see a wonderful person in any woman that you meet. women will always be manipulative little bitches in your eyes.

I'm not sure which 'we' you are referring to and why they should be more inclined to think 'all men' are shallow and empty assholes. This statement seems rather shallow and resentful in itself and quite uncalled for.

The OP left open the idea/possibility that not all women are manipulative bitches... so it's not a matter of him not believing that women can be better... it's more of a case of him not having encountered and/or realized a woman who wasn't seemingly manipulative. Belittling comments only serve to sooth the ego of the one who gives them and does little to help the OP with the advice that was requested.

Yes he may be wrong --- there is that possiblity, and yes he may have seemingly said some hurtful things... but is it really the correct course of action to belittle oneself in order to belittle another? It would be much easier to prove the OP wrong in the perceived assumption of him saying that most women are manipulative bitches if a woman were to demonstrate all the positive qualities that are so unlike the manipulative bitch 'theme' that he has come to know.
23-12-08, 08:12 PM
Aeradalia

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovesjoyajm [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was just thinking about this today, and I think it's definitely a possibility. (In my case, at least.) I have this weird, horrible idea that I'm just not date-able - that there must be some fundamental reason why I've never had a relationship - and while people tell me things like "it's not that hard to find someone to be in a relationship with!", I simply never do/have. It's not for lack of trying, either, but I think there's something to that "picking guys (people) with whom you KNOW or suspect it won't work out."

Some people are afraid of success... if they fail all the time, then nothing is expected of them. If they succeed once... then they run the risk of being expected to continue to succeed. However, relationships rarely are a matter of succeeding indefinitely or failing indefinitely. In any given relationship it has the potential to last a long time or a very short time. Each relationship you enter will be of varying lengths in duration. The quality of experience you gain from these relationships are of greater importance. With each failed relationship you learn more of the skills and lessons that you will need to increase the chances of a more successful relationship next time. You are learning from your successes and failures as you date and enter relationships... and this learning process tends to be ongoing throughout your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovesjoyajm [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Anyway, casco, it does sound like you maybe do the same kind of thing - picking women who will be moving away (did you know she was going to be moving?) or women who aren't really in the right age range. Maybe you're pre-sabotaging the relationships because you have either some fear of relationships, or simply because that's "what you do". It's self-perpetuating.

When I figure out how to get around it I'll let you know. :)

This sabotage may be a way of forcing a failure in the perceived notion that a relationship is merely a success or failure... when in reality a relationship and dating are a learning experience with success/failure being a secondary concern, but not the main focus. There is more to be learned if you give the greatest genuine effort to each relationship. True, you may risk more damage to your heart initially, but in the long run you will better understand what it is you need, want, and are truly capable of.