I Need Your Opinion Guys!!!

I'm engaged since last July 2008. I met him last October 2007. And we have this compatibility. Were honest to each other and we share a lot things that happened in our past. By the way I live in Italy and I'm here in the USA for a visit. So I'm here for a vacation, for 3 months and i saw a lot of stuff. Knowing him better. And one time I noticed that he's sneaking on me.He's waiting that I'm sleeping and then he gonna go out to his office and surf. I got curious and I saw that he's surfing about all hot girl in CL and other site. Like strip club. And this is happening while I'm there with him. Not only once.. he's doing it everytime and everyday. I felt so angry with him. Jealous. Betrayed. And I feel like I'm that ugly even though I know myself that I'm very attractive and beautiful woman. I feel so small.So I told him about it. And he's response was " I FEEL LIKE IM BEING INVESTIGATED BEHIND MY BACK. IF I DIDN'T ANSWER YOUR QUESTION IS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TAK ABOUT IT AND WHEN THAT THINGS HAPPENED I STILL DIDN'T KNOW YOU. SO MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU DON'T ASKED ME ANYMORE ABOUT A DUMB QUESTION".
So guys I really need your help here. Opinion. Why he's doing that? I can't get a straight answer from him. So maybe u guys can give an answer to me. Why guys go to a forum or CL about having a service with a provider? Even though they are already married or committed to someone?

I'm so confuse.. :upset:

I think your English is a bit unclear.

It seems as though you are upset that your finace is checking out girls online while you are on an extended vacation in the States. Is that correct?

Most guys do this, and I wouldn't consider it an reflection on you at all. I would only consider it a problem if he does it to such an extent that it interferes with normal living.

is he looking at porn sites? Or is he going to sites to arrange actual sex?

What is "CL"??

Craiglist- Cl

It's not really a porn site. Its a CRAIGLIST ADS if you know about that, Erotic services and Strip club. Forum about all the provider in the area..

for vashti,
yes that's correct and i dont know why he's acting like that.

The thing that worries me is he had a hostile response to your worries.

Thats not normal for a person who loves you to do.

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Originally Posted by Cbrider [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The thing that worries me is he had a hostile response to your worries.

Thats not normal for a person who loves you.

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I agree with this^. You are surprised at his unreasonable response to your reasonable concern. When people lash out like this, you can bet its b/c you have 'caught' them out. I'm sorry.

All I want is an honest answer, no more no less,...I understand that he's past. But still my concern is, he's still doing it, and that scare me most. I mean, I'm engaged with him and still I didn't hardly know him at all. All the secrets and past that I had I did shared with him. And everything I'm doing he knows. He control my laptop. Everything. Who's I'm talking to, I'm an open book to him. I don't know what to do....

Being engaged doesn't mean you give up your Self to another person. Why does he have so much control over you?

I wouldn't marry someone I didn't trust completely. You may want to rethink your situation.

Sounds very fishy. He has been caught so he is on the defensive. He has some explaining to do. Otherwise I would kick him to te curb.

Even aside from the computer girls (which sounds sketchier by the minute), I would be more concerned about his other controlling behaviors. I really think you should reconsider marrying him. It sounds like you'd be asking for a life of heartache.

Thanks guys I really appreciate all this.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with this^. You are surprised at his unreasonable response to your reasonable concern. When people lash out like this, you can bet its b/c you have 'caught' them out. I'm sorry.

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I'm not sure that it's unreasonable, it's that he's embarassed. Either because you caught him doing something he knows he shouldn't have been doing, or because you found whatever his kink is out.

Looking at porn is one thing, looking at dating sites is another altogether. The daily bit makes me think that it's some sort of habit or routine he's ahving trouble breaking. Though i'd be at a loss to explain why. On the other hand, he's obviously having trouble communicating something to you and the is something I'd be worried about if there were long-term promise to the relationship.

I'd ask him about it again, and explain that you'd like to know what's going on. Reserve judging statements until after the talk, and see how you feel after that. If you feel good, suggest some couples counseling. If you feel bad about it end the relationship and move on being grateful to have dodged a bullet.

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Originally Posted by Ms.Cruise [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He control my laptop. Everything. Who's I'm talking to, I'm an open book to him. I don't know what to do....

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Some of the most untrustworthy people I know are also the most controlling of their mates. Personally I would take a deep look at myself and ask if I really wanted to live that way forever. Which is what marriage is supposed to be a commitment for.

End it now, find someone who respects you, AND trusts you...whom you can trust in return.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Some of the most untrustworthy people I know are also the most controlling of their mates. Personally I would take a deep look at myself and ask if I really wanted to live that way forever. Which is what marriage is supposed to be a commitment for.

End it now, find someone who respects you, AND trusts you...whom you can trust in return.

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I think why he do that is because he's afraid that I'm doing what he's doing! Last night, he saw me that I'm reading on this site and he laughed at me telling me that I'm bored with my life. AWWWW!!I told him that ,,would you like if I'm viewing some sort of GUY'S NAKED PIC OR GETTING SOME PROVIDER FOR ME?. And he told me that I'm such a grump..waaaaaaaaaaaa. I really do need A nice soul searching here finding myself. :upset:

Right, so you feel there's a serious enough problem that you're asking random internet people for help, and he's being dismissive of you. <--- Do you not see anything wrong with this picture?

Why would you put up with that?

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why would you put up with that?

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He always thanking me for that.. And I don't know what to do. He always told me how much he LOVE ME!! ... Still don't know what to do.

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Originally Posted by Ms.Cruise [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Still don't know what to do.

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I'm guessing you know what to do, you just don't want to make a decision about it. Which is the same thing as making a decision, only passive and leads to bad things in life.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Looking at porn is one thing, looking at dating sites is another altogether. The daily bit makes me think that it's some sort of habit or routine he's ahving trouble breaking. Though i'd be at a loss to explain why.

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I don't think this is rocket science. She's there for a 3 month visit, but otherwise they are having a long-distance relationship. Obviously, he's looking at the ads as part of a regular routine when they are apart. Perhaps he's even dating on the sly. Its certainly a possibility you should consider, Mrs.C.

Its not behaviour that I would expect from a guy engaged to be married. Especially after his response. If he had fessed up & laughed it off as some harmless fun he has, I'd be less suspicious. In fact, b/c of his response, I question his commitment to their relationship.

I tell a lot of my opinion to others, but it's really true that when it happens to you ,,you can't do it!!!!!!!! We still talking about it and I want to get to the bottom of this.

I'm thanking everybody to your opinion I really appreciate it. And I keep you updated.

Ms. Cruise

Oh yes. Saying and doing are nothing alike. That's why I prefer the posts from folks that I know have some experience in a matter.

oh you are italian as well? anyway,i think that i wuouldn't go to this kind of site if I had a GF ,but sice i don't i once tried....they are funny, but i wouldn't ever dream to consider those realtionshps real...the main problem anyway is not that he goes to those sites......but that he had this kind of responses.....so...try asking again saying you are REALY worried......if he still gets mad,then reconsider how much you like him......

I agree that you should reserve judgment and have a "take two" with this, but for someone that close to you, snapping is just not a very good sign. Hes old enough to know better.

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Originally Posted by Ms.Cruise [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's not really a porn site. Its a CRAIGLIST ADS if you know about that, Erotic services and Strip club. Forum about all the provider in the area..

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It's not just that. It's also ads for random hookups and such- people bored at work trying to arrange lunchtime hookups at a hotel near their office, etc. It's the cliche cheating site.

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Originally Posted by Ms.Cruise [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think why he do that is because he's afraid that I'm doing what he's doing! Last night, he saw me that I'm reading on this site and he laughed at me telling me that I'm bored with my life.

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He's trying desperately to get you off of CL so you won't see his ads, maybe.

Look, surfing porn is one thing, but this is quite another. This is red flag behavior. Pay attention.