Silent treatment going on 8 hrs

I need some advice- I would really rather not hear "you're too good for him," or "He's just an asshole" or anything like that, because well frankly I can figure that out for myself.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Due to the economic struggles I was unable to find work after the beach season ended (I am a caricature artist and plant merchandiser, both seasonal only careers). I work all day all summer, and save as much $ as possible, so that I can do school during the fall and not have to worry about working. However, my boyfriend lost HIS job about a year ago. He hasn't been able to find out either. Businesses here are going under left and right, and those who haven't closed their doors have cut hours for the employees they already have.

Bottom line: We lost our apartment.

SO- I am living with him at his mothers house. I have my own room. Yay. I'm so happy- let. me. tell. you.

He spends his time:
* in a storage shed with his friends (band practice, very important)
* at his buddy's house (he's "fixing" up the place, but nothing has gotten done yet)
* on his computer downloading movies
* laying around with our even more lazy than he is dog name Jersey.



I spend my time looking for work, networking, making calls, cleaning, helping his mother who recently had surgery, and going completely out of my mind.

Yesterday

I told BF that he did not need to ask me for permission to go to band practice/friends house/bar/show whatever, unless he's already made plans with me- because then it would be rude- but he's his own man and can think for himself.

Today

I was getting ready to go to a friends house, when BF comes in and says "Why are you getting all dressed up? " (Mind you I'm in yoga pants and sweat shirt). I told him I was going to her house. He said "but I made plans for the whole day," which completely blew me away. I told him right away I would cancel.. and he laughed, and said he was just kidding, he had not made any plans with me.

I shrugged his hand away, and said "that isn't funny" and started to say that I would have liked it if we spent the day together, but he got so pissed off he stormed away and has not spoken a word to me since.

8..9 hours ago.

If I talk to him he ignores me.

Then he left and picked up a friend (who is an even BIGGER dead beat) so that I wouldn't bother trying again.

What now?

Enjoy the silence?

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Enjoy the silence?

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I've heard that one..

If I were a man, I would. But I'm not. I hate being ignored, I don't demand attention, I'm not a cheerleader, I just expect a reply when I ask my boyfriend a question. I mean, he even ignored food! And he's a fat boy!

Fat boys can ignore food, they got so much stored up. It'll do him some good.

Anyway, if I were you, I'd get yourself financially sound and move out by yourself, let him stay home with mommy.

We'll see who breaks the silent treatment then.

You can only fix things about yourself.

Then again, he's been out of work for a year. He might very well be having some pretty big emotional turmoil that he doesn't feel he is able to voice.

But, silent treatment is bullshit. Treat him like a spoiled child, ignore him and go on with your life as normal. Eventually he'll talk, and when he does kindly explain to him that you find the silent treatment to be petty, childish, and passive-aggressive. That if he does not want to talk about something, then he should directly say so like a mature adult.

so, why are you still there?

That would piss me right off. Just carry on with your own business, eventually he will talk and when he does tell him how immature and childish it is to use the 'silent treatment' and that he needs to cut that shit out if he wants you to treat him like an adult and be his girl.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You can only fix things about yourself.

Then again, he's been out of work for a year. He might very well be having some pretty big emotional turmoil that he doesn't feel he is able to voice.

But, silent treatment is bullshit. Treat him like a spoiled child, ignore him and go on with your life as normal. Eventually he'll talk, and when he does kindly explain to him that you find the silent treatment to be petty, childish, and passive-aggressive. That if he does not want to talk about something, then he should directly say so like a mature adult.

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My whole life I heard of women trying to change their men, and I thought "why would change someone you love?". Well, I recently found out that you CAN'T, and I'd also heard that my whole life, but didn't realize I was trying to do that. I just want my old boyfriend back- the sweet guy I fell in love with. The man who would do anything for me who now didn't even bother getting me a birthday present because he was broke. ((Which he KNOWS he could have picked flowers out of the woods and I'd have been happy)).

Where do you draw the line? When do you walk away, change yourself, and wait and see if he follows the lead? Because I am moving out as soon as possible, he isn't invited. Work for me starts in a month, and school shortly after. When do I say, you haven't even tried, and just... disapear?

Everyone changes and grows. To wish you had the old person back is farcical. They're not that person anymore, and likely never will be that person ever again. It's just a part of life. Either you grow together, or you grow apart, or you stagnate. Only one is good for the relationship, and I'm sure you can figure out which one that is.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Everyone changes and grows. To wish you had the old person back is farcical. They're not that person anymore, and likely never will be that person ever again. It's just a part of life. Either you grow together, or you grow apart, or you stagnate. Only one is good for the relationship, and I'm sure you can figure out which one that is.

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Sad but true.

Dating young is kind of a crap shoot, people haven't found who they really are and are constantly changing. Those who start dating young and make it to marriage are few and far between.

Takes a long time to actually know who you are really dating.

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Originally Posted by Merkury [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I need some advice- I would really rather not hear "you're too good for him," or "He's just an asshole" or anything like that, because well frankly I can figure that out for myself.

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Great. Thanks for saving me the time. Now what are you going to do about it?

And by "plant retailer", do you mean that you sell pot on the beach?

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Great. Thanks for saving me the time. Now what are you going to do about it?

And by "plant retailer", do you mean that you sell pot on the beach?

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you totally killed it!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Great. Thanks for saving me the time. Now what are you going to do about it?

And by "plant retailer", do you mean that you sell pot on the beach?

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Like a plant lamp shop?

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyP-3lTgKVk"]YouTube - A Night At The Roxbury, What is love techno RMX[/ame]

ya she spoiled the tempo

Yes, that satisfying tempo we were all enjoying so much.:bored:

It's like somebody is on fire and they don't want any suggestions about water buckets or anything like that.

hummm... u r smart gigabitch

Only in my pants.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Great. Thanks for saving me the time. Now what are you going to do about it?

And by "plant retailer", do you mean that you sell pot on the beach?

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Haha No- if I were that kind of "plant merchandiser" I probably wouldn't be having problems with him.


I work at places like Lowe's and Home Depot, we handle merchandising their outdoors/gardens areas. Plants from the nursery come in and we set up the displays, fill in holes, "make things pretty." It's a fun summer career.

****, he sounds like a pain in the ass, but since you live with his mom, I can see how it wouldn't be the easiest solution to just chuck him.

Which is more stubborn- you or lazy-ass fat boy?

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

****, he sounds like a pain in the ass, but since you live with his mom, I can see how it wouldn't be the easiest solution to just chuck him.

Which is more stubborn- you or lazy-ass fat boy?

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We're both some what stubborn.. I love his family, not his mom at the moment but that's because I'm living here.. and if you met her.. you'd understand...

I don't want to just "chuck" him. I do want to become independent again. I've spent the last three years trying to take care of myself, and him, and in the process lost my drive, my sense of what I want to do, and where I want to be. I want to take the time to get back on my feet and for HIM to do the same but I don't think he will. And then I wont have a choice.. I'm moving on. He can come too or he can stay behind. It's just hard to get him to understand that. (Also.. I have another 2 months here probably and I don't want to be homeless or have him trash all my things or something like that. Not that he's ever done that before, but I've never dumped him before either.)


So how to do you tell him that? When he isn't listening?

Who gives a shit if he's listening? Work on you. He'll just drain you dry.

Maybe you should start selling pot. Make some money. Get your own place. Then you'd be in more of a position to tell him how it's gonna be. (j/k, by the way. I don't actually think selling drugs is a good idea.)

See, he doesn't have to listen to you right now at all because you're pretty much at a disadvantage. You're dependent on him and his family.

Are you totally stuck there? Could you go away somewhere to work for a while, like at a resort or something where they pay your room and board? You wouldn't have to break up with him, but you could let him miss you a bit.

Yeah, I wouldn't even bother trying to tell him anything, anymore.

Just start to "fade away".

Disappear to places, and people that will help you get you back on your feet, but don't bother telling him, and if he asks, be honest, but don't let him get you down, don't let him stall you from what you need to do to get where you want to go.

When the time is right, you can simply move out.

Maybe you should stop dressing so fancy, you know, with the yoga pants and all. You're probably making him feel unworthy.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Who gives a shit if he's listening? Work on you. He'll just drain you dry.

Maybe you should start selling pot. Make some money. Get your own place. Then you'd be in more of a position to tell him how it's gonna be. (j/k, by the way. I don't actually think selling drugs is a good idea.)

See, he doesn't have to listen to you right now at all because you're pretty much at a disadvantage. You're dependent on him and his family.

Are you totally stuck there? Could you go away somewhere to work for a while, like at a resort or something where they pay your room and board? You wouldn't have to break up with him, but you could let him miss you a bit.

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No I'm totally stuck here.

Soon I'll have my car back tho, and I can live on peoples sofas if I have to.

He did the whole "I'm sorry I'm sorry I don't know why I was an idiot" thing ..... we started getting along better, but I told him I was still mad.

A few hours later he was asking me what my problem was. So. I give up.


Thanks for all the advice though people.