Relationship with girl - help needed!

hello - just joined this forum as i was looking for some help, infomation and advice which i hope you may share with me.

If i can start with a little thing about myself - im 21, fat, more gravel pitt than brad pitt, never had a relationship or even been close to girls, i am very very shy when it comes to girls/relationships (takes me ages to open up to people).

so.. my problem....

A girl started work about 6 months ago, i didnt batter a eye lid when she first started and for the past 3/4 months i beleive i have fallen in love with her and i dont know if she feels the same way.

From talks/overhearing she does like the 'black' males so i thought i had no chance

Once we was talking with her friend in which her friend asked me 'if "X" asked you out, what would u say?' because i was shy i just kept quiet and turned red.

About 2 days later, again all 3 of us talking and joined by a male colleague and the friend say 'i think "josha" and "X" would make a good couple' and because of all extra people around i shaked my head and said no.

One lunch she said that someone she met was wanting to take her to a clothes show, but i dont know if she went in the end (probs because of not having a "dress" rather than not wanting to see the man)

About two days later i looked on a networking site and her realtionship status changed to 'in a relationship'

I wrote on my networking site with the status as 'blown it' (becuase i have liked her for ages, i should of said something), when i turned up for work the next day her and her friend asked what i had blown - using the girls powers, they managed to get it down to the girl at work, and finally one of the two girls they basically know its her but not why i have blown it with the girl.

I presume she is waiting for me to say something or maybe thinking they got it wrong.

Im too shy to go up to her and ask her and what should i say? "if u fancy going out sometime, just give me a call?" and because of the shyness i am even thinking about sending a text to say or even sending a private message on a networking site.

i really really need some help with this, what would u do? what do u think about the above?

She and her wing people are are screaming to you to ask her out! Girls change their status on networking sites to "in a relationhip" all the time to avoid getting hit on!

The point is ... she and/or her friends are watching you on MySpace, FaceBook, whatever ... that shows INTEREST!!! So does "'if "X" asked you out, what would u say?"

You just have to own up to the fact that despite being a "Gravel Pitt" fat guy, you have a girl who is interested in you romantically!

If you are too shy to approach her directly, just tell her friend "you know what, if X asked me out, I would be thrilled. I like her!" ... sounds like she's a bit shy too.

Carl.

OK Listen. You CAN get this girl.

DO THIS and you'll get her.

Go up to her. Look her in the eye and smile & say,

"Look! Do you want to go out with me?"

ITS THAT SIMPLE! I swear it is. Show Confidence. If she doesn't reply back right away, you can go on and tease her by saying something like,

"C'mon I know you wanna."

You have to understand that this is very SIMPLE. You are only one making it complicated by acting shy. If you show confidence and do what I just told you. You could get her.

C'mon DUDE! MAN UP!!

Come back and tell us what she says.

For reals I agree with everyone else.
Just man up and go up to her and ask her out.

Believe me you don't want to be looking back at this
moment and saying to yourself "what if i asked her out"?

DO IT!

Timeless is right, assertiveness is a HUGE HUGE factor in how a girl perceives you. You don't have to throw down alpha male dominance, just be confident in yourself. Nine out of ten times the macho guys are the most insecure.....win over yourself, then win her over. Hope is not lost, don't avoid what you want, grab it by the horns.

Sounds very very scary!

As an update, i said to her and her friends that i was going to stay at work extra hour as i was home alone, and the friend said "you should invite "X" around for some tea" - hopefully they aint teasing me about all this!

Ill pop the question on monday as thats when we are both next in.

Do i go with your "Do you want to go out with me?" as to me thats strong (or is that what is needed?) or maybe "do you fancy coming out one night with me?"

whats would be the best line to say, word for word if possible.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by josha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds very very scary!

As an update, i said to her and her friends that i was going to stay at work extra hour as i was home alone, and the friend said "you should invite "X" around for some tea" - hopefully they aint teasing me about all this!

Ill pop the question on monday as thats when we are both next in.

Do i go with your "Do you want to go out with me?" as to me thats strong (or is that what is needed?) or maybe "do you fancy coming out one night with me?"

whats would be the best line to say, word for word if possible.

---

You know what the funny thing is Joshua? Either would work just fine. But if you need a script, I'll give it to you.

"Hi [her name] ... would you like to go with me to [where you are thinking of going] next [day of week]?"

Yes, it is that simple!!!

Carl.

Yeah, "do you want to go out with me [sometime]?" is an awkward question. Even if she says "yes", you will then need to think of something specific to follow it up with ("ok, how about [such and such] on [this day]." And if she hypothetically didn't want to, it would harder for her to say so gently. So try Carl's approach. He's always right anyway. So just start with the specific plan - win-win situation.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by josha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds very very scary!

As an update, i said to her and her friends that i was going to stay at work extra hour as i was home alone, and the friend said "you should invite "X" around for some tea" - hopefully they aint teasing me about all this!

Ill pop the question on monday as thats when we are both next in.

Do i go with your "Do you want to go out with me?" as to me thats strong (or is that what is needed?) or maybe "do you fancy coming out one night with me?"

whats would be the best line to say, word for word if possible.

---

Pop the question? LMAO! I'm sorry, I laughed at that. Your going out with her not marrying her.

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO. Listen to me. I'll give you the script.

When you see her on Monday. The first thing your going to do is ask her out and this is how you'll do it.

When you see her, say Hey, and then she'll say hey or whatever.

Then say "Look!" Look is an attention grabbing word. When you say "Look!" you'll get her attention. So she'll look at you. Go figure! So when she looks. Then you look into her eyes (Don't stare her down or stall), give a nice smile and say, "Do you want to go out with me?"

No need to give a day of the week or where you going because you'll keep her thinking. She'll be like, ohh I wonder where he'll take me or I wonder when its going to be. If you give specifics right off the bat. You take some of the excitement out of it.

I swear it will work. Its not the ONLY WAY to do it. There are other ways but I think this is a sure way of getting it done.

when she says YES, and she WILL SAY YES! then you say "cool" but dont get EXCITED. say it in an indifferent way, like its whatever. Then if you dont have her number say, "Give me your number, I'll call you" Then she gives it to you and its done. If you already have her number, just say "cool. I'll call you."

Then you come back on Monday and I'll give you directions for the next step. :)

GOOD LUCK AND YOU CAN DO IT! I BELIEVE IN YOU MAN!! YOU WILL GET THIS GIRL!! JUST MAN UP!! :) :)

I was all psyched and ready to say it at some point today but soon as she got in talking to her friend she said she had met someone at the weekend and they got on well etc.

She didnt say it to my face (i overheard) and because i heard it its set me off in to shy mode.

Due to people being on the shop/friends i couldnt say it till we was on our break, i had 30mins to say something and i didnt. This extreme shyness kills me.

So i am going to text her asking her out (The only thing i can think of to ask her) and see what she says, she then can use the excuse of she is seeing someone if she doesnt.

man, im so confused!

theres nothing wrong with asking her out in a text message. But it would probably be more effective in person.

Trust me. Not too many girls would take a guy serious if he asked her out through text message. Grow some balls & go up to her & ask. It'll just mean you take her more serious.

If you really want to get this girl then asking her our through a text message would not be the most effective way. You need to just suck it up and go talk to her. What is the worst that can happen? She can say no. And then you'll just suck it up, accept it, and move on and ask the next girl out.

^^^ I'm with him. Do NOT text her to ask her out. That's lame.

I agree with the others - DON'T ask her out by text message (unless you are 12).

I like the part about getting her attention, but I have a concern in the back of my head about the new relationship status. I think you should say "look - are you dating anyone? Because if not, I'd like to take you out."

i unfortnatly did ask her out via text (i was getting so sick/feeling faint with nerves) that it was the only thing i could do at the time.

I got a text message back (didnt know what it means, but it deffo doesnt say yes/no) and the text messages had turned into chat about a friends partner just died.

I went into work today, i know if may sound stupid but i feel like alot of weight has been lifted off my chest and i can actually speak to her now, but i agree with the comments above and will say "look - are you dating anyone? Because if not, I'd like to take you out." or similar to confirm it....

i got a gut feeling it will be a no now... but well see!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by josha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i unfortnatly did ask her out via text (i was getting so sick/feeling faint with nerves) that it was the only thing i could do at the time.

I got a text message back (didnt know what it means, but it deffo doesnt say yes/no) and the text messages had turned into chat about a friends partner just died.

I went into work today, i know if may sound stupid but i feel like alot of weight has been lifted off my chest and i can actually speak to her now, but i agree with the comments above and will say "look - are you dating anyone? Because if not, I'd like to take you out." or similar to confirm it....

i got a gut feeling it will be a no now... but well see!

---

Stop being so negative. Start being more positive. Women will notice when you aren't confident in yourself and they will lose attraction for you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by josha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i unfortnatly did ask her out via text (i was getting so sick/feeling faint with nerves) that it was the only thing i could do at the time.

I got a text message back (didnt know what it means, but it deffo doesnt say yes/no) and the text messages had turned into chat about a friends partner just died.

I went into work today, i know if may sound stupid but i feel like alot of weight has been lifted off my chest and i can actually speak to her now, but i agree with the comments above and will say "look - are you dating anyone? Because if not, I'd like to take you out." or similar to confirm it....

i got a gut feeling it will be a no now... but well see!

---

When a girl doesn't give you a direct answer when you ask her out (even via text message), here's the translation:

"No, I don't want to go out with you but I don't want to hurt your feelings."

Maybe if you asked her out in person it would of been different. but you failed here.

I guess you can still try.

BUT I think you should let it go. Trust me, there's no point obsessing over this ONE girl.

I been chatting to her friend most nights about it and basically today via Instant messenger asked her, and the result was "im in a relationship at the mo" which i knew she just started, im just happy to get it off my chest and have a answer and now move on, all though it would of been nice to be with her, these things are not ment to be!

With regards to my first post about the signals like "ask her to come for tea, what would u do if X asked you out and i think josha and X would make a nice couple" the friend cant remember saying it and no words was exchanged with the girl about me.

- now i can be the real me (and maybe u never know in the future)

cheers for all the help.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by josha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I been chatting to her friend most nights about it and basically today via Instant messenger asked her, and the result was "im in a relationship at the mo" which i knew she just started, im just happy to get it off my chest and have a answer and now move on, although it would of been nice to be with her, these things are not meant to be!

With regards to my first post about the signals like "ask her to come for tea, what would u do if X asked you out and i think josha and X would make a nice couple" the friend cant remember saying it and no words was exchanged with the girl about me.

- now i can be the real me (and maybe u never know in the future)

cheers for all the help.

---

You are not going to get any benefit from this experience as long as you think this way (see bold). Things don't happen because they are "meant to be" josha, things happen because you MAKE them happen. This is true in all aspects of life, including romance.

The fact that she found someone else she likes is the direct result of your hesitance. Chances are fleeting, and can easily pass you by while you are agonizing over how to pursue them. You have to learn to strike while the iron is hot, or it will cool on its own accord while you wait.

You should be kicking yourself in the ass, josha so next time inactivity will be more uncomfortable to you than taking a risk.

Good luck.

Carl.

Carl has some points, but I say kudos to you for actually being able to get the courage to ask her about it. It'll be more easier as you do it more often. Keep up the improvement and you'll have yourself a lady soon! :D