My boyfriend has a problem with masturbation?

hey well I have a problem with my boyfriend. He doesn't live with me, he is renting a room in a house but he has his own computer. He is obsessed with watching porn, watches it every single day and he downloads pictures and videos to his computer.

He told me that before we got together he used to masturbate at least 3 times a day, and that he normally masturbates every day.. even if we have had sex.

I am actually bisexual, but have a stronger preference for guys, but my boyfriend has seen that as a chance to show me porn videos of girls together and stuff.

The thing that I don't like is that he tells me about masturbating.. and saying that he watches pictures at the same time.

I know it's something I am going to have to accept, but it makes me feel really inadequate. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but this annoys me a lot because I see him every single day, then when I leave, he masturbates.

I have told him before about me not liking him downloading all these pictures on his computer, because he saves them onto his desktop and you can see them, but he hasn't done anything about it.

Maybe I'm just over-reacting, because I know guys are like that. (Well maybe not all guys, but just being stereotypical here :) )

So.. what should I do?

Deal with it, like you said you have to. He is being open about it and honest with you rather than hiding it. That's a good thing. Rare are relationships so open and honest. So just be happy about that and move on. It's your emotional issue and insecurity.

The only thing is that he has started comparing me to them and that has made me feel quite down. Like he tells me that my boobs aren't perfect and I should start taking pills and think about surgery to make them look like porn star's haha

I guess you are right, i just have to accept it. But i would rather he didn't tell me every single detail. Like everytime he masturbates, he tells me in detail.

Never mind you are right.

Thanks you

WRONG! This is not LOVE! Get away from him ASAP! I have known more people who were ruined by porn... primarily that they cannot have healthy relationships with actual humans.

The fact he wants you different means he wants someone else.

LEAVE HIM!!!!!! This is not the guy for you.... possibly not the guy for anyone... other than a computer!

Well basically i'm not changing for anyone and i've told him that. We used to live a long way from each other and he moved to be by me.

I accept that he could have a problem, or that I could have a problem trusting him, but I believe he definitely is the guy for me.

And leaving him.. are you sure?

Because I won't love anyone else like I love him, so that would be the worst thing I could possibly do to myself.

And he can have a healthy relationship.. we do have a healthy relationship, except this small part.

So thanks for the advice, but I would never even think about leaving him over this. He doesn't mean any harm.

Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine doing and saying the things he is saying to you: "Hey I've been watching this guy on guy porn and it's so hot!" Then imagine telling him in detail how you masturbate to it. The imagine telling him his penis isn't good enough and you'd like him to get it altered, to have an operation.... get my drift? Where do you think comments like that would be coming from inside of you?

I dated a guy who wanted to change how I looked. In the end, he was interested in someone else and left me for her.

Also, it seems, when a guy finds out a woman is bisexual, many times they just want to use her to explore multi-partner sex with other women.

i appreciate what you're saying and i genuinely feel for you. I am just going to try and make this work and if he ends up doing that, then I will run to you and thank you for warning me.

he's not a pushy person, so he might suggest multi-partner sex but he wouldn't force me, only if i wanted to do it.

i appreciate your concerns and thanks for trying to help me

Watching porn is not abnormal for a man, and masturbating is certainly not abnormal. But there are boundaries that, if crossed, do raise flags. Most guys who watch porn compartmentalize the porn fantasy world from their real relationships. Apparently your bf doesn't. That's a yellow flag at least, and his comparisons are tasteless and insensitive. You should talk with him about that and he should at least stop the hurtful comparisons.

Other than that, as long as his porn watching and masturbation doesn't interefere with your sex life, it's OK in moderation. But for God's sake, show him how to download into a folder and not onto the freakin' desktop!!! What a dope!

Carl.

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Originally Posted by bexico5 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The only thing is that he has started comparing me to them and that has made me feel quite down. Like he tells me that my boobs aren't perfect and I should start taking pills and think about surgery to make them look like porn star's haha

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Whoa, what a jackass. Tell him that his dick is too small and beak up with him.

I never understood the whole porn thing. I only watch it when I masturbate for visual stimulation, but when I'm seeing someone I never watch it because I have no need. I haven't even masturbated in almost a week.

Why masturbate when you can have sex?

I don't think the porn is really a problem- after all, it's his computer in his house and his business. This bullshit about commenting about your breasts, though, that's a big problem.

Why did you title this thread "My boyfriend has a problem with masturbation"? It should have been "My boyfriend is an asshole to me and I'm blaming it on the porn".

Masturbating every day? Masturbasting 3 times a day? Masturbating after you leave? Constantly watching and downloading porn? I'd call that a problem. I have no issue with people watching porn, I think we all have at some point and I know it's used for the visual stimulation to help things along.. but if this is a constant thing and he's got somewhat of an obsession with it-- it's not healthy.

Him comparing you to these women brings up another issue of him not seperating fantasy from reality.. the fact that he'd suggest you change yourself so you fit more into his porn ideal is just ridiculous to me.

He needs to get help. Porn addiction is like any other addiction.

oh, not this subject again...

I would give this guy no more of my time.

For the record, I think you should know that this is a slippery slope. If he finds time to masturbate right after sex, eventually he'll start to choose masturbation OVER having sex with you and you'll have a different problem on your hands.

Porn addiction WILL lead to problems. Does it just stop there? When does he start looking at it at work? When does he start neglecting other activities in order to watch porn? When does he get so enthralled with porn fantasies that he eventually cheats on you or pressures you into it?

i am definitely going to talk about it with him.

i know it sounds stupid... but it really makes me feel inadequate... i mean the whole boobs thing, if i chose to do it then it would be fine but i dont wanna be told what to do. hell i may even have done it if he hadnt said.

i know he loves me, but i just dont understand why he feels he needs to do whole masturbation thing like all the time.

we see each other basically every single day and we have sex quite a lot of those days. the problem is that if we dont one day, we both want to.

the difference is that i just get over it, he keeps saying "use your own fingers and just masturbate" but i dont like it, its not the same if im not with him. that's like porn. i admit i have watched it before and he knows i have, but i have never masturbated watching it or anything, because its not the same as being with him.

on the other hand, if we dont have sex, he will masturbate that night and it does make me feel like im not good enough for him because he made a conscious effort to turn down sex.

hmm maybe im reading too much into the situation.

but i dont mind it when we watch porn videos together because he knows the kind of girls i like.. basically the same ones as him.

but i would never want to look like them, because, lets face it, they're hot, but i doubt they have much else going for them.

thanks everyone for your help, i guess its an issue i just have to keep working at.

i have told him that i think he has problems, but he is strange because he believes that not masturbating is abnormal :S

the problem is that i cant just leave him because i love him so much and it would break my heart.

Masturbating isn't the problem. The problem is that he's neglecting sex with you to do it. The problem is that it is starting to consume him.

Don't be blind.

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Originally Posted by bexico5 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i have told him that i think he has problems, but he is strange because he believes that not masturbating is abnormal :S

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Masturbating IS normal. Compulsively wanking all the time isn't, but it sounds like the thrice-daily thing was before you got together and now it's just sometimes.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Masturbating IS normal. Compulsively wanking all the time isn't, but it sounds like the thrice-daily thing was before you got together and now it's just sometimes.

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exactly. its only if he cums once when we have sex, or when we dont have sex when he masturbates now

i just dont understand why if he feels horny, he doesnt tell me, instead of waiting for me to go and then doing it

ok so you think i should rape him then? ;)

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Originally Posted by bexico5 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

exactly. its only if he cums once when we have sex, or when we dont have sex when he masturbates now

i just dont understand why if he feels horny, he doesnt tell me, instead of waiting for me to go and then doing it

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Your last comment is EXACTLY why I'm telling you this is a problem. Do you know how many women have come on here complaining that their man has stopped having sex with them and chosen porn and masturbation instead? You aren't there yet but if this continues you may very well head right in that direction.

i know that now.

he is gonna get a talking to

he even said that if i do something then it takes him less time to cum and he prefers it....

so should i offer or what? :S

What do you mean if you do something? Why would he want to get off faster?

blowjob, handjob, anything.

and faster is still quite a long time lol

because it normally takes him a longgg time.

he says it's much more exciting for him if i do it.. so should i be the one to offer? or should i wait for him to come to me? because im not sure if hes gonna do that

He probably won't come to you. Instead, he'll sit his ass in front of his computer and just jerk off.

Sex with you isn't a priority.

hey there, no i am not gay and no i am not a loser.

I personally hate when guys talk about masturbating even if its all guys there. Its a stupid thing to talk about if ever a guy should have his 1 thing to just keep to himself its when him and his hand become pathetic together. Listen hes a loser if all he can talk about is masturbating and truthfully if he does it mroe then once or even twice a day, the kid is boring has no friends and really does nothing but sit at his computer. masturbating should be kept to yourself...it just isnt something you talk about...why are you gonna talk about the time where you became pathetic for a moment?--its like watching a girl sit on the toilet they just looks so awkward. God wtf is wrong with him what a weird thing to talk about