Would no marriage put you off ?

I have been with my partner for 5 years now.

Before her, I was married which ended in divorce.

I said to my girlfriend a few years ago that I have no desire to marry again, my exact words were 'been there, done that and got the t-shirt'.

She is upset about this, she has never been married.

She says me having this attitude on marriage means I am holding baggage or that I don't love her enough to marry her.

What do you suggest ? I won't marry again just because she wants to, I just don't have a desire to marry, once I've been married its out of my system. But i can see it being a bit unfair on her.

What exactly are your objections to getting married, besides "I don't feel like it"? "I've already done it once" isn't valid unless you can point out what it was exactly that you don't want to do again.

I think you're going to end up a lonely old man, with only a t-shirt to keep you warm.

well, you've said it all, ladies.

Like it was said before - what's the big deal? If you really AREN'T holding onto any emotional baggage, then marrying again shouldn't be an issue. The only issue would be if you are not completely certain you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman. That would be a fair reason to really analyze the idea of getting married again. Nobody wants to go through a divorce, and definitely not twice. If it's the money you're worried about, get a really good pre-nup.

I was previously married, and as hellish as my marriage was, I was happy to accept my current fiance's proposal because I have no doubt he's the right one. It didn't jade me towards marriage in general, just bad men ;)

Oh, and to answer your original question, yes, no possibility of marriage would be a deal breaker for me, for more than just traditional reasons. I'm not cool with referring to my mate as my boyfriend when I'm 65.

Why get marry if You already think about divorcing her? Leave her and finito ;]

Marriage is a thing to assume Your love to each other.If You don't even think about marrying her then what... She's just a doll to have a place to cum to?

If you don't want to remarry, I suggest you date women who are likewise not interested. You might find them in greater numbers if you date middle-aged or older, financially secure women.

It's not that I can't see it lasting, I can. We've been together a long time and I love her. I just don't feel I need a bit of paper to prove it.

Before I married, it was something I wanted to do and it just felt like the next step with my then wife.

But now I kinda feel it's out of my system and the desire to get married again isn't as strong.

But that doesn't mean to say I love my partner any less.

It's a fact that second marriages aren't as expensive or grand as the first and I do believe that's coz it isn't about having a big wedding anymore.

My firlfriend has never been married and I think that's why she wants it. I think if she had been married previously, she would be less bothered about it.

Isn't the fact that we are a couple living together happily the most important thing ?

I am not against marriage, but I'm just saying the desire or excitement of it isn't as strong as it was with my first wife and if I was to propose or marry my girlfriend, I would be worrying about the resons behind it 0 because it's what she wants.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you don't want to remarry, I suggest you date women who are likewise not interested. You might find them in greater numbers if you date middle-aged or older, financially secure women.

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Are you saying women want to get married for financial security ?

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Originally Posted by Pettit-Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why get marry if You already think about divorcing her? Leave her and finito ;]

Marriage is a thing to assume Your love to each other.If You don't even think about marrying her then what... She's just a doll to have a place to cum to?

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I'm not thinking about divorcing her. I can see it lasting.

Just that I dont feel the need to have a piece of paper to prove it.

Don't you think a couple can be happy together without marriage ?

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Originally Posted by Dave Pearce [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's not that I can't see it lasting, I can. We've been together a long time and I love her. I just don't feel I need a bit of paper to prove it.

Before I married, it was something I wanted to do and it just felt like the next step with my then wife.

But now I kinda feel it's out of my system and the desire to get married again isn't as strong.

But that doesn't mean to say I love my partner any less.

It's a fact that second marriages aren't as expensive or grand as the first and I do believe that's coz it isn't about having a big wedding anymore.

My firlfriend has never been married and I think that's why she wants it. I think if she had been married previously, she would be less bothered about it.

Isn't the fact that we are a couple living together happily the most important thing ?

I am not against marriage, but I'm just saying the desire or excitement of it isn't as strong as it was with my first wife and if I was to propose or marry my girlfriend, I would be worrying about the resons behind it 0 because it's what she wants.

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You say if she had been married before you don't think she would feel as strongly about it. Well, put yourself in her shoes. When you were in a relationship with your wife, you felt like it was the next step. That's how your girlfriend feels now, and why should you deprive her of taking that next step? You got to take it! It's not her fault you've already done it.

Also, you say the desire and excitement isn't "as strong". It's not as strong, or it's not there? It's funny because there are plenty of people here who don't want to get married for various ideological reasons, and that's thrown a huge wrench into the works of their relationships, making it seem impossible for them to stay together.

Consider yourself lucky that you came out of your first marriage without bitterness towards marriage, that you aren't faced with this massive difference in beliefs about relationships and marriage that many couples are, and sure, do it to make your partner happy.

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Originally Posted by lovesjoyajm [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You say if she had been married before you don't think she would feel as strongly about it. Well, put yourself in her shoes. When you were in a relationship with your wife, you felt like it was the next step. That's how your girlfriend feels now, and why should you deprive her of taking that next step? You got to take it! It's not her fault you've already done it.

Also, you say the desire and excitement isn't "as strong". It's not as strong, or it's not there? It's funny because there are plenty of people here who don't want to get married for various ideological reasons, and that's thrown a huge wrench into the works of their relationships, making it seem impossible for them to stay together.

Consider yourself lucky that you came out of your first marriage without bitterness towards marriage, that you aren't faced with this massive difference in beliefs about relationships and marriage that many couples are, and sure, do it to make your partner happy.

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I can understand her point to be honest.

When I married, I had expectations that were not the reality of life as a married couple. What I thought were important then, wasn't really important at all. That's not to say we married for the wrong reasons or that we didn't love each other though.

Now I know what is really important and it's what I have now.

I'm not bitter about marriage or to my ex wife, we are on good terms and I'm still in touch with her family.

Of course, I can give my girlfriend what she wants but I don't want to disappoint her.

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Originally Posted by Dave Pearce [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm not thinking about divorcing her. I can see it lasting.

Just that I dont feel the need to have a piece of paper to prove it.

Don't you think a couple can be happy together without marriage ?

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If You see it lasting - WHERE IS THE PROBLEM TO MARRY HER?

If You don't care about piece of paper , why it can't be there? Is this a problem ? Tell Yourself - if a piece of paper would do You a problem?

Yes I do.Only if both think they don't want to marry. But if one wants, and other thinks he doesn't need to just because he feels like it, I don't see them happily ever after...


I really don't understand why do people act like they have BIG trauma after they,their parents or their neighbours get divorced. It happens jesus. It's not the end of the world. You don't have to say ,untill You die, that You will never get married because there is so many divorces now, or Your parents got divorce, or You already got divorce once...
MArriage for a woman is such a beautiful day ,almost every woman dreams about this.I would be really upset if my partner would tell me he will never marry me.
And You know why?
Because if people aren't married, if they get to fight, they can jsut split up like there was nothing between them. But when they are married,before they got divorced, they try to fix this.Divorce is the last step for them.Marriage ties people closer .That's my point of view...

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Originally Posted by Pettit-Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If You see it lasting - WHERE IS THE PROBLEM TO MARRY HER?

If You don't care about piece of paper , why it can't be there? Is this a problem ? Tell Yourself - if a piece of paper would do You a problem?

Yes I do.Only if both think they don't want to marry. But if one wants, and other thinks he doesn't need to just because he feels like it, I don't see them happily ever after...


I really don't understand why do people act like they have BIG trauma after they,their parents or their neighbours get divorced. It happens jesus. It's not the end of the world. You don't have to say ,untill You die, that You will never get married because there is so many divorces now, or Your parents got divorce, or You already got divorce once...
MArriage for a woman is such a beautiful day ,almost every woman dreams about this.I would be really upset if my partner would tell me he will never marry me.
And You know why?
Because if people aren't married, if they get to fight, they can jsut split up like there was nothing between them. But when they are married,before they got divorced, they try to fix this.Divorce is the last step for them.Marriage ties people closer .That's my point of view...

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It sounds as if you are saying, I just want it easy to walk away if things go wrong ?

It is no big deal to me, I would be happy with a quick registry office but I doubt my girlfriend would like that.

The marriage is surely more important than the wedding day.

Do as You wish. You asked how other females see that and we've told You. We don't guarantee Your gf will be happy with that.but if it makes YOU happy,do Your thing. Maybe she breaks up with You or You stay forever together. Best luck.

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Originally Posted by Dave Pearce [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It sounds as if you are saying, I just want it easy to walk away if things go wrong ?

It is no big deal to me, I would be happy with a quick registry office but I doubt my girlfriend would like that.

The marriage is surely more important than the wedding day.

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So your problem is the wedding, not the marriage?

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Originally Posted by Pettit-Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do as You wish. You asked how other females see that and we've told You. We don't guarantee Your gf will be happy with that.but if it makes YOU happy,do Your thing. Maybe she breaks up with You or You stay forever together. Best luck.

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Yes, and I appreciate that.

At the time I felt my ex wife and I were entering marriage with our eyes wide open but only in hindsight we probably had expectations that were different from the reality.

If I were to marry again, I would want a quick registry affair, not the whole 9 yards that costs way over the top again. I'd rather see the money go towards a future house together.

I just don't want my girlfriend to have the same expectation and be disappointed.

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Originally Posted by lovesjoyajm [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So your problem is the wedding, not the marriage?

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I don't see myself as having a problem.

I just feel that it's the everyday things that are important. Being there for each other, supporting and comforting each other and loveing each other, love and affection.

But what I would say to young couples now is that I'd rather see the money on a big wedding go towards a home together instead.

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Originally Posted by Dave Pearce [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't see myself as having a problem.

I just feel that it's the everyday things that are important. Being there for each other, supporting and comforting each other and loveing each other, love and affection.

But what I would say to young couples now is that I'd rather see the money on a big wedding go towards a home together instead.

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But it's not that You pay a lot of money for the wedding and You get nothing. There are always presents and mostly people give always money as presents so sometimes it's like You didn't even pay for the wedding. You didn't that that way?

DON'T MARRY IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

yeah, unless you're going to have kids. Then it's worth it.

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Originally Posted by Dave Pearce [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What do you suggest ? I won't marry again just because she wants to, I just don't have a desire to marry, once I've been married its out of my system. But i can see it being a bit unfair on her.

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I suggest you do nothing. You explained yourself years ago. Maybe you can reiterate that point. It's not unfair because she knew how you felt about marriage long ago. It's not fair to you that she has a problem with comprehension.

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Originally Posted by Pettit-Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But it's not that You pay a lot of money for the wedding and You get nothing. There are always presents and mostly people give always money as presents so sometimes it's like You didn't even pay for the wedding. You didn't that that way?

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Not for the wedding I sent to in Malibu...

Of course they could marry without a wedding.

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Originally Posted by Dave Pearce [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Are you saying women want to get married for financial security ?

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Of course that plays a part if they want to have children (which is what most young women want). Unless the woman is stupid. Financial security is an important aspect of family planning. Are you saying women shouldn't hope/expect to be financially secure before bringing children into the world?

Anyway, you focused entirely on the financial aspect, when the age was equally important. Older women generally have already HAD their children (or determined they don't want any), so they are less likely to want to form a marital relationship to have them. Financially secure women don't want you for your money, so they are less likely to want to form a marital relationship for financial security. Tie them together, and you will end up with a woman who is unlikely to want to marry you.

You are allowed to not wish to marry, but you shouldn't expect to monopolize the time of a woman who wants marriage. If your issue is really the cost of a wedding, just tell her you aren't interested in having another big wedding. You can always elope. I think that is reasonable.