Printable View
Hello ladies,
Quick question for you all, do you think it is possible to become more than friends with someone after knowing them for some time? For reference, I've been friends with this girl for 5-6 years now and she claims she "doesn't like me 'that' way." Yet when we used to spend time together (at school), she was always joking around with me (and still does, but via text nowadays). She recently became single again and is still trying to get over her ex.
So what do you all think?
I say give your best shot......but after a while thought as she just break up
Hmm ok thanks. Well not sure what else I can do, I mean she knows I have feelings for her and from what she's told me I have everything she is looking for except for "it." The X factor if you will. Not sure if that can even be changed?
I think the best thing you can do is be there for her as a friend at the moment and help her through the break up. Show her how much you care for her and give her a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to. Just dont make any moves on her for a while and give her the time she needs to get over her ex and move on.
Take her out and have fun together as friends, see where things go from there. By doing this you are not putting any pressure on her and it gives her the chance to see how much of a nice guy that you are.
I am someone who belives that getting involved with friends and going out with them is not a wise move.
The reason for this is it can ruin everything and there is always the chance that you will not work out and if you dont you loose a partner as well as a good friend and things can never go back to being the same again when this happens.
Ok thanks for your advice. In all honesty, we're not exactly best friends or anything. We've never hung out outside of a school capacity really, so there's not much of a friendship to ruin.
Bit of an update. Guess I won't need to worry about this going anywhere anytime soon as she's decided to be a bit of a moody you know what lately.
yes i think its definately possible.. me and my best friend never thought each other in that way then one day we started dating it didnt work out but we still really good friends.. xQuote:
Originally Posted by steelsword [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I see. Did he approach you with this idea, did you approach him, or...?Quote:
Originally Posted by Chels! [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It depends on the type of girl. Some(beats me why) prefer not to mix "friendship" with "relationship" and it just seems twisted to me. If you plan on having a serious relationship with someone, he\she should really be your very good friend, with all the 'time spent together' and all.
If you're friends, you can talk about it all. You can tell her(not directly, if you don't want to, you can allude to another couple or even to one you've invented lol) that a guy who'se been your friend for a long time treats you with much more respect, understands you and really cares about you, although it may seem 'uncool'. Also state that a relationship shouldn't be able to destroy a friendship, it should improve it and, if in some cases, this doesn't happen, it just means those ppl were doing it wrong and you too are going to do it right ;).
It's worked for me, I hope it's helpful to you too.
Good luck.
She sounds like a bad risk to me. Since she's told you flat out it's not going to happen, she probably thinks she can blur the lines with you and still say "Hey! I told you no!" if it doesn't suit her purpose.
I'd put my energy elsewhere if I were you.
Yeah that is the feeling I am getting from her. Unfortunately I don't really have a lot of options in the female department here lately.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I currently have major feelings for a guy I've known for three years who recently became single and is reeling over a break up.
So yes, I think its possible.
Yes, but does he have feelings for you?Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyPetals [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
To the OP. I believe that if a person is a true friend, they will always stay your true friend no matter what happens. I am currently going through a tough time with my best friend whom I'm in love with. We even dated back in '02....but we've stayed best friends for 7 years. Also, as weird as this sounds, I'm still friends with all my exes. Granted, it's only 3....but we all still hangout.
I say you stick to being her friend for some time, let her get over the breakup, and maybe bring it up with her once more if you feel it's right. If she says no, respect her feelings and move on. If she says yes, then wallah. :) I wish you both luck. If she says no and doesn't ever talk to you again, then she isn't worth keeping a friendship anyhow. Good luck with everything.
Update #2: Well we texted this afternoon and she mentioned that is she going to dinner tonight with a female friend of hers and I took the opportunity to suggest that we have dinner together sometime....Here's the conversation regarding that:
Me (replying to her about having dinner with her friend):
We should do dinner sometime, Dutch of course.
Her: Ok.
Me: Maybe next Saturday.
Her: I dunno maybe. Usually weekdays are better for me we'll see about Saturday.
Me: Hmm ok, well perhaps Monday or Tuesday would be better then.
Her: I'll let you know. Things are complicated right now.
Me: Yeah I know. I just want to be there for you as a friend and do something nice together and catch up.
Her: Yeah.
Me: But if you don't want to/feel up to it, that's fine too.
Her: Just got a lot going on right now. Nothing against you.
Me: Alrighty, well we can still chat on here.
Her: Yeah there's really not much to catch up on. We talk just about everyday lol. I'm about to meet my friend for dinner just a heads up.
Me: Haha true, but still it'd be nice to see each other...Okie dokie, have a good time.
Her: She's not here yet. I'm waiting for her.
Me: Oh ok, well I'm glad you are getting out of the house and such.
Her: Yeah I try. I stay busier during the week than I do on the weekends. It makes me sad and lonely on the weekends.
Me: Awwww *hugs* Well I'm up for anything if you want to do stuff on the weekends, I'm sure we can figure out fun things to do.
Her: Yeah I guess.
Me: Don't be sad hun *hugs* My weekends are pretty lonely too. I'd love to spend them with you :)
At this point she hasn't yet responded so I assume her friend arrived for them to go to dinner....
Ok. I read this whole text conversation, and the bold lines really stood out to me. I know your intentions were to be friendly and there for her, but I have a feeling she read the part of "My weekends are pretty lonely too. I'd love to spend time with you." that as being too strong, as silly as that is. She knows you have feelings for her, and at this moment in time, she isn't in the mood to maybe complicate things by hanging out with you just yet. Again, I say I know your intentions aren't to make things complicated for her, but just to be her friend, yet it's all in the way you word things. Maybe try to give an even more "just friends" response by telling her "If ever you need a friend to hang with or chat with to keep your mind off things, I'm here. I'm good company and a good listener." I hope I didn't confuse you. Only trying to help you.Quote:
Originally Posted by steelsword [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Perhaps so. But the words still ring true. I guess I've never 100% gotten over her. Probably because she was the first woman to make feel like I ever meant anything to her/had a shot with her.
Actually, my intentions are to be a friend somewhat, but also hoping she'll decide to be with me. I know that's highly unlikely, but it's not like I have any other options right now.
Some more info I neglected to provide...sometimes she'll be flirty with me, sometimes not. Like the other day when she asked me how I was, I told her that I was "in the mood" and she said I needed to get laid, and laughed and then said that no she wasn't volunteering. I'm not sure what to make of that, if anything.
Sorry for the bad news, but the "Friend Zone" is a tough cookie to be in. Once, you're there for a certain woman...you're usually there to stay. As GigaBitch said, why not use your energy elsewhere? Talk to different girls, Don't waste time telling her you have "lonely times" and would "love to spend time with her". Comes off wrong, especially is she has already said she's not interested that way. There are 3 BILLION more man, go get one! From the sounds of your posts it seems as if she is the "Main" target. Don't let it be that way.
You're young have fun experience new girls and learn the way to get the ones you are attracted to! Don't waste time on something that most likely won't happen. And hint hint : Once you spend your time with other girls, she'll want your attention again. (Don't give into it immediately though) lol. But seriously, treat yourself as a prize and don't give yourself out so easy (without being an asshole). Learn that for the next young lady that might come along. She'll appreciate it if you uphold yourself like this. Trust me.
Well I don't exactly have the easiest time with meeting women, being somewhat shy/introverted. But I have been talking to a girl online so we'll see. Nothing to get too excited about just yet.