Trouble cumming...

Hey so I've been having trouble orgasming for a long time now. When I first started having sex I was 16 and once I started I came pretty much every time. However, since then (so for about the past 4-5 years) I've never orgasmed from head or handjobs, and I very rarely orgasm during sex. I can orgasm when I masturbate, but I have to go through this process almost and flex my body in certain ways, etc. This all gets really embarrassing when I'm with someone new, they always tell me they don't mind and stuff, but I know they want me to, and I want to as well, yet for some reason I can't make it happen. So I was wondering if anyone had any idea why this might be happening, and even better any suggestions on how to fix it. This has really been haunting me for some time now, and I'm ready for it to be done. Thanks for helping.

Sounds like it might be anxiety related? Maybe it didn't happen for you once and you freaked out and now you get so worried that you won't have an orgasm that you don't (unconsciously psyching yourself out).

Happened to me at the first time. Yes, i was anxious. I have had a life long problem with anxiousness.

Find a better looking girl.

Take the condom off.

Lots of guys have trouble getting off from handjobs and oral. It's most likely anxiety (reaching orgasm is mostly mental) about it.

Or, you can tell her/him to stop dragging their teeth.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

stop dragging their teeth.

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goddamit I hate that.

Also, to the OP, suggest more foreplay. Wait until you're so desperate you can't wait any longer. Then go for it.

Dragging teeth is bad. very bad.

Orgasm is about 90% mental, bud. Just relax and it will come naturally (no pun intended).

Girls should be sympathetic, many have this issue. It's probably anxiety, spend more time fooling around and just enjoy the moment. Don't worry if you get off or not, you can always relieve yourself after the act if that works better for you.

Maybe you need to be with someone you're more comfortable with?

I believe that this technique is not very common in men, but you can tell your girl put a finger in your ass. They say that man can reach orgasm easily I never tried with my boy.

Some of the Reason for not having an orgasm, this may be due to stress or tiredness. Relax

If this is anxiety related.... then what you're trying to do is similar to putting a pot of water on to boil... if you sit there and watch the water... it'll never seem to start to boil. However, if you walk away for a few minutes and do something else... you might end up running back about the time you hear the water bubbling over.

Stop worrying about cumming... or how 'weird' it is for you to cum... or whether or not you'll be letting her down for not cumming that night. As cheesy as it may sound, try to focus more on the intimacy of the act and less on the mechanics of it. Admire how beautiful she is, the lovely moaning and cooing she makes, and how lucky you are to have a sight as lovely as a woman completely wanton of you strewn out before you. Partake in foreplay more... pleasure her... let her pleasure you. Enjoy the closeness... the excitement... and if in the midst of all that... you happen to cum... then great. If not, then focus on making the act special for her --- get satisfaction from pleasuring the ever living hell out of her.

In time, you'll pay attention less to cumming.... and while you are distracted... you may cum more... as by then, you'll be caught off guard.

Give it a try...

Who cares? Less chance of pregnancy.. right?

Haha.. I have the same problem, I have NEVER came during a hand job or head.. only during sex or masturbation. Don't worry about it playboy.

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Originally Posted by thefinaltuba [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey so I've been having trouble orgasming for a long time now. When I first started having sex I was 16 and once I started I came pretty much every time. However, since then (so for about the past 4-5 years) I've never orgasmed from head or handjobs, and I very rarely orgasm during sex. I can orgasm when I masturbate, but I have to go through this process almost and flex my body in certain ways, etc. This all gets really embarrassing when I'm with someone new, they always tell me they don't mind and stuff, but I know they want me to, and I want to as well, yet for some reason I can't make it happen. So I was wondering if anyone had any idea why this might be happening, and even better any suggestions on how to fix it. This has really been haunting me for some time now, and I'm ready for it to be done. Thanks for helping.

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I suggest to stop looking at it as a curse and start looking at it as a blessing:

You are able to have intercourse for a long time without having an orgasm, thus having the possibility to give your partner multiple orgasms. That's a huge bonus.

Definitely stop thinking it won't be happening. You had orgasms in the past and you will have them again. There's nothing wrong with you biologicaly, your problem is mentally so stop trying to hard to WANT one. All you're doing is putting more pressure on yourself.

Women really don't mind if you don't have an orgasm. Having sex is not necesairely about having an orgasm, it's about having a great time with someone you really like.

Stop trying to have an orgasm. Relax and enjoy it. The orgasm is a bonus. Sorta like eating ice cream and saving the cherry for last. Don't you enjoy the icecream?

Let it happen naturaly. If you don't get one, no big deal. Meanwhile, ENJOY hours of pleasurable sex and focus more on your partner than on yourself.

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Originally Posted by Yggdrasil [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You are able to have intercourse for a long time without having an orgasm, thus having the possibility to give your partner multiple orgasms. That's a huge bonus.

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Considering most women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone I'm not sure how this really applies. You can give women multiple orgasms without penetration.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Considering most women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone I'm not sure how this really applies. You can give women multiple orgasms without penetration.

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Did it mention orgasm via penetration? I suggest to read that line again.

Maybe it will become clear then that he can make a woman have multiple orgasms without loosing his errection due to orgasm.

So: penetration while stimulation the clitoris, interupting penetration, using his fingers or tongue to stimulate the woman even more, continue penetration... hey.. I don't have to draw a picture.

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Originally Posted by thefinaltuba [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey so I've been having trouble orgasming for a long time now. When I first started having sex I was 16 and once I started I came pretty much every time. However, since then (so for about the past 4-5 years) I've never orgasmed from head or handjobs, and I very rarely orgasm during sex. I can orgasm when I masturbate, but I have to go through this process almost and flex my body in certain ways, etc. This all gets really embarrassing when I'm with someone new, they always tell me they don't mind and stuff, but I know they want me to, and I want to as well, yet for some reason I can't make it happen. So I was wondering if anyone had any idea why this might be happening, and even better any suggestions on how to fix it. This has really been haunting me for some time now, and I'm ready for it to be done. Thanks for helping.

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Having problems with orgasm usually mean anxiety problems.

You think too much when it comes to doing the deed and how much cum you're going to let out when you're done.

Just let the deed flow naturally and do what you're supposed to do.

Try sticking 1 finger right into your asshole, and find the A-spot. It's similar to a G-spot except it's in a guy's asshole. It's a small bump in the prostate that if you gently stimulate, will get you off.

maybe get a girl you really trust to put on a strapon, and just whail the shit out of your asshole.

If you don't like that, then you could always try not whacking off or sex at all for a whole month and take vitamins to restore your sex drive.

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Originally Posted by Yggdrasil [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did it mention orgasm via penetration? I suggest to read that line again.

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Sexual intercourse is generally defined in vaginal heterosexual terms as the insertion of the penis into the vagina. I'm not sure what you want me to re-read.

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Originally Posted by Thelovedoctor [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Try sticking 1 finger right into your asshole, and find the A-spot. It's similar to a G-spot except it's in a guy's asshole. It's a small bump in the prostate that if you gently stimulate, will get you off.

maybe get a girl you really trust to put on a strapon, and just whail the shit out of your asshole.

If you don't like that, then you could always try not whacking off or sex at all for a whole month and take vitamins to restore your sex drive.

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Uhm, that's the P-Spot, not the A-spot. And massaging the prostate while aroused can cause several reactions, including ejaculation without the actual feeling of orgasm. This is referred to as prostate milking, and is often used in relationships that practice orgasm denial for the general physical comfort of the male being denied orgasm.

As for having one's ass whailed upon with a strap-on. Unlike men who can feel what's going on with the tip of their penis, a strap on leaves a lot of physical feedback out. She could literally tear a hole in your intestine and not know it until you started screaming and bleeding profusely.

Anal sex should be engaged in using caution, lots of lube, lots of patience, and rather gently until you have a really really good idea of what you're doing.

You really shouldn't give sex advice of this nature if you're not sure about what you're doing, and especially if you're not going to explain to them how to do it safely.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Uhm, that's the P-Spot, not the A-spot. And massaging the prostate while aroused can cause several reactions, including ejaculation without the actual feeling of orgasm. This is referred to as prostate milking, and is often used in relationships that practice orgasm denial for the general physical comfort of the male being denied orgasm.

As for having one's ass whailed upon with a strap-on. Unlike men who can feel what's going on with the tip of their penis, a strap on leaves a lot of physical feedback out. She could literally tear a hole in your intestine and not know it until you started screaming and bleeding profusely.

Anal sex should be engaged in using caution, lots of lube, lots of patience, and rather gently until you have a really really good idea of what you're doing.

You really shouldn't give sex advice of this nature if you're not sure about what you're doing, and especially if you're not going to explain to them how to do it safely.

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Well there you go. Lite just explained how to do it safe.

A-spot. lol. then I guess sue johanson, a world renown sex expert, needs to be corrected

perhaps you want to argue with a sexpert about what the "P-spot" is called?
talksexwithsue.com/Aspot.html

Also, here's her take on anal sex
talksexwithsue.com/analsex.html

Also, remember, your penis needs at least 15 minutes to load MINIMUM, between intercourses. 30 mins is better.

I went straight for another round after I had given her oral five minutes and adlthough I was rock-hard, I couldn't cum.

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Originally Posted by Thelovedoctor [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well there you go. Lite just explained how to do it safe.

A-spot. lol. then I guess sue johanson, a world renown sex expert, needs to be corrected

perhaps you want to argue with a sexpert about what the "P-spot" is called?
talksexwithsue.com/Aspot.html

Also, here's her take on anal sex
talksexwithsue.com/analsex.html

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I personally don't care what she calls it. Google the term. "P-Spot" is far more universally used by "sexperts" than A-Spot, but if she wants to invent her own term for it, fine.

If G-Spot stands for Gräfenberg (Which is basically a mythical spot that some claim doesn't exist, while others claim it allows you to stimulate the internalized portion of the clitoris), which is a specific zone inside the vagina (Otherwise, why not call it a P-Spot?) and what you're stimulating is called the Prostate, why would you call it the A-Spot? You're not stimulating the anus, you're stimulating the Prostate.

And... Oh look, it's a Wikipedia article!

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate_massage[/url]

Let's see how often "A-Spot" is used. Zero? How can that be? Obviously the article must be wrong, and oh... She's from Canada. Wonder if that's why she refers to it as something less common? Kind of like a toque.