am i reading to much into this??

at the weekend i saw my ex in a bar, i didnt speak, just went outside for a cigarette, she came over to me and wanted to chat.

she said that she never cheated on me when we were together, other than what i knew (she kissed a couple of lads)and that its hard for her, when my daughter is sleeping she reminds my ex of me (she has also met someone else, i have too), she asked why i cant look at her, i said because i resent her for breaking up our family, and all the problems she has given me over access. she said that i treated her bad, i disagreed and said that she was much worse to me, she said she can see now that she was bad to me, but she couldnt at the time, she asked for a cuddle, i gave her one, she also started crying when we were talking about my daughter.

she said we would never get back together, i agreed (although i think she was trying to get me to say i wanted her back), we chatted for over an hour, i said i was happyier than i have ever been, she never said she was happy at all, all she said is that this bloke is good to my daughter and would never be her dad. also that her mum likes him (one of the biggest reasons we split up was due to her mum and me not getting on)

she asked why i deleted her off facebook, i said because i knew we were over so dint think it was in either of our interestes to know what the other one was upto

she also said i would also have a place in her heart etc

am i reading to far into this, thinking that she wants to get back together or is not inlove with this fella?

i would like to give it another go if possible, but im unsure what my next move should be. i think this chat has stirred up some old feelings

thanks in advance :)

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am i reading to far into this, thinking that she wants to get back together or is not inlove with this fella?

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You are seeing things that aren't there.

Your next move should be to make it very clear to yourself that your relation with her is over. Her life is none of your concern anymore. You guys broke up for a reason, you moved on, she has someone else.

In my opinion, what happend was her way of finding closure.

She clearly stated:

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she said we would never get back together

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Don't start phantasizing or living in the past.

You are happy. Keep it that way. For whatever reason you guys broke up, that reason is still there.

ok, its just very strange, she is never like that, and we never chat.

there will never be closure, as i have to see her every week when i pick my kid up also.

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Originally Posted by stokefan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

ok, its just very strange, she is never like that, and we never chat.

there will never be closure, as i have to see her every week when i pick my kid up also.

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She's never like that and you guys never chat? It just happend...

And kids grow up and go their own way to live their own lifes, so even that comes to an end, eventualy.

All you should focus on are the kids and yourself.

i do focus on the kid, and no we dont chat, but she made a point of coming upto me, if as you say she needed closure, why did she say some of the other stuff.
i thought i may have been reading to much into this.. its good to get an outsiders opinion on this

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Originally Posted by stokefan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if as you say she needed closure, why did she say some of the other stuff.

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She's trying to make herself feel better by saying things like:

Let's stay friends, I still feel for you but we can't have a relation anymore, etc etc...

She doesn't want to be a 'bad' person.

It's a pretty normal reaction and part of finding closure from her end.

In other words: she went way to fast into another relation, not giving herself enough time to recover from the one with you and grieve over what she has lost. She's most likely in for a rebound with the other guy.

Count your blessings. It's her problem, not yours.

Hope that explains it all a bit better.

Don't try to make sense of it.

well you have a good point there, she started going with this bloke at the end of febuary after still wanting me in january, (her mum didnt want us to get back togeher, and my ex couldnt make her own mind up).
its little things like we were talking about her mum at the weekend, and she made a point of saying i have grown up and make my own decisions now (i know that aint really the case)

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Originally Posted by stokefan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

well you have a good point there, she started going with this bloke at the end of febuary after still wanting me in january, (her mum didnt want us to get back togeher, and my ex couldnt make her own mind up).
its little things like we were talking about her mum at the weekend, and she made a point of saying i have grown up and make my own decisions now (i know that aint really the case)

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Well, my advice is to not get involved with her again, even if it's hard sometimes. She had her shot, she made the choice to leave you, you deserve better. Bottom line.

anyone else?

It sounds to me that you need to work on your friendship first. Meaning, the attraction is no doubt there, and you were successful in having her relive her emotions... (aka The door is partially open)...

The key is understanding what went wrong before you more forward, and there is little doubt that the two of you need a little more maturity in how you manage a relationship. Meaning, for now just make a point to start talking together a couple times a way. Maybe go out for a drink a couple nights a week and simply talk. Do not allow it to become sexual, however, for now.... In time,.the right answer will become obvious to you..

She's just working through some regrets that things didn't work out better for your family. Its a healing process; I doubt very much she wants to get back with you. Take it at face value & thank your stars you are on the path to getting along. This is a very good thing for your daughter, you two must be able to interact with civility. I wouldn't stir the pot *at all* over this.

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Originally Posted by Tim Jones [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It sounds to me that you need to work on your friendship first. Meaning, the attraction is no doubt there, and you were successful in having her relive her emotions... (aka The door is partially open)...

The key is understanding what went wrong before you more forward, and there is little doubt that the two of you need a little more maturity in how you manage a relationship. Meaning, for now just make a point to start talking together a couple times a way. Maybe go out for a drink a couple nights a week and simply talk. Do not allow it to become sexual, however, for now.... In time,.the right answer will become obvious to you..

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the problem is- her fella would defo not like that, and i doubt my lady would, (she may be a little more understanding if i mentioned it was about my daughter). i know what happened in the relationship to get iyt where it is today and i think she does. at the weekend i was just chatting to a female friend of mine and my ex was giving me dirty looks. im wondering if she is starting to regret her decisdion to finish wwith me.

what questions should i be asking her the next time i meet her on her own?? (i dont want to rock the boat or make her think shes got the upper hand in this).

anyone else

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Originally Posted by stokefan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what questions should i be asking her the next time i meet her on her own?? (i dont want to rock the boat or make her think shes got the upper hand in this).

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I don't understand what you mean by this. You aren't together anymore. Why should you care what she thinks, except as relates to your daughter.

Still looking to win, Stoke? There's some ego there, man. Have a look at that dark space & figure out how to get over whatever happened.

Truth is, you both lost. Your daughter is going to be some undetermined amount of messed up b/c you two couldn't sort it out. There is no winner in this, only getting on reasonably so your daughter is taken care of as best as the circumstances allow.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't understand what you mean by this. You aren't together anymore. Why should you care what she thinks, except as relates to your daughter.

Still looking to win, Stoke? There's some ego there, man. Have a look at that dark space & figure out how to get over whatever happened.

Truth is, you both lost. Your daughter is going to be some undetermined amount of messed up b/c you two couldn't sort it out. There is no winner in this, only getting on reasonably so your daughter is taken care of as best as the circumstances allow.

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my daughter will not get affected by this, im not looking to win, but i would like to give it one final shot with my ex, my little un is only 8 months old and i certainly aint got an EGO. my daughter is everything to me. no one or nothing will ever change that, i would do anything for that girl, she is the only thing that kept me going after me and her mum split up. I aint happy about those comments, you dont know anything about me and my lovely daughter.

Time to grow up, Stoke. I don't care if you don't like what I say, it doesn't make me wrong. I read your "upper hand" comment exactly right. Even your response to me says you have an issue with being "wrong" in your mind. I wonder if your wife had similar comments for you.

Anyway, despite what you say about your daughter, I don't need to know your specific case. Statistics are clear about children of divorce. They generally end up with more problems, esp in developing close adult relationships of their own. Its well documented that kids who grow up in a 2-parent household, with parents who can find a way to get along, are better off financially, socially, and emotionally.

Are you parents still together, Stoke? Or your wife's? Just curious. You might want to perhaps consider counselling if either of you are children of divorce. There may be some issues there to unlearn.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Time to grow up, Stoke. I don't care if you don't like what I say, it doesn't make me wrong. I read your "upper hand" comment exactly right. Even your response to me says you have an issue with being "wrong" in your mind. I wonder if your wife had similar comments for you.

Anyway, despite what you say about your daughter, I don't need to know your specific case. Statistics are clear about children of divorce. They generally end up with more problems, esp in developing close adult relationships of their own. Its well documented that kids who grow up in a 2-parent household, with parents who can find a way to get along, are better off financially, socially, and emotionally.

Are you parents still together, Stoke? Or your wife's? Just curious. You might want to perhaps consider counselling if either of you are children of divorce. There may be some issues there to unlearn.

Good luck.

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stats can be made to prove anything, and yes my parents are still together.

For some reason it seems that YOU may have issues, i appreciate your advice BUT there are always exeptions to any rule that you bring up.
Your saying that my little un will suffer (which is not the case at all) but cant you see that my daughter is a big influence in my decision to try and make the relationship work? Me and my ex were not married, perhaps you can get back on your high horse and come up with more stats to prove unmarried couples aint as good as married ones???

Numbers don't lie. You are living in a dream world if you think your daughter won't be affected by a divorce. Look around you, tho I suspect you aren't old enough to know many couples w/kids who have divorced. But, you are motivated for your daughter, so this is great. Just remember tho: marriage for the sake of the kids is rarely enough to hold it together. I would suggest counselling for you & your wife if you are serious about reconciling.

I am married w/children. With my husband for almost 20 years. First marriage, both of us. :)

But yeah, I don't know at all what I'm talking about. Anyway, I wish you well for your daughter's sake.

ooooooooooooooh i say go 4 it wotz the worst that can happen jus ask how shed feel dnt try kissin her or nowt and if u get gd vibez then yaaaaas (thats yey in scottish) i hope ur happy either way but dont disrespect the new guy by makin any advances just hook up n jam 4 a bit and see if your feelings make u tell her! how excitin :)

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Numbers don't lie. You are living in a dream world if you think your daughter won't be affected by a divorce. Look around you, tho I suspect you aren't old enough to know many couples w/kids who have divorced. But, you are motivated for your daughter, so this is great. Just remember tho: marriage for the sake of the kids is rarely enough to hold it together. I would suggest counselling for you & your wife if you are serious about reconciling.

I am married w/children. With my husband for almost 20 years. First marriage, both of us. :)

But yeah, I don't know at all what I'm talking about. Anyway, I wish you well for your daughter's sake.

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as i have said earlier on we aint married, I assume your the best parents ever. Plenty of familys split up and the kids are fine so your generalisation on this matter is laughable, my father works in child care and my parents have been married near on 30 years with 3 kids so perhaps im more qualified than you, being bought up in that environment probably gives me a better insight than your years of marriage.