Pregnant by ex bf & don't know what to do

I had been on four dates with a great guy & he went out of town for work for a week. My ex-bf, who had always been persistent about getting back together, kept calling/texting me one night wanting to come over to talk. After repeatedly telling him no, I gave in & let him come over. We started drinking & ended up having sex. The new guy came back to town & we continued going out. I liked him a lot & let him meet my mom,dad,sister,aunt, uncle, & cousin. They all liked him so much & never liked the ex-bf that much. I told the new guy I loved him so much & never wanted to be with anyone else. He said it back to me & we continued telling each other we loved each other for the next few weeks. Then my period was late & I'm now pregnant by my ex-bf. The new guy & I hadn't been sexual at the time that corresponds with how far along I am.

The ex-bf & I always would get in stupid arguments that would lead to us breaking up & usually alcohol was involved. He's in the Navy & will be out to sea when the baby is born. He's a good guy & wants to be with me but he's not as good a guy as the new boyfriend was. I stopped things cold turkey with the new guy when I found out I was pregnant & told him I just didn't have feelings for him which was a lie but I was ashamed to tell the truth. When he came over a couple weeks later to get his things I told him the truth. He was hurt but surprisingly said he still wanted to be with me & would treat the baby as if it was his own.

My parents weren't supportive at all in the beginning when I told them but have come around some lately. They still do not like the ex-bf & are mad at me for screwing things up with the new guy. I know I will have a bond with my ex because of our baby for the rest of my life so I'm wondering should I try to make the relationship work with the baby's father, get back with the new guy, or just concentrate on myself right now until I have the baby?

Stick with the new guy. Trust me. Been there done that, except I'm the "ex" in your story. Your best interest is with the new guy.

If I was a woman in your circumstances, I'd have the baby and give it up for adoption... unless, and only unless, your new bf finds it completely objectionable and truly expresses a real desire to be the babies father...

If that's the case, he's one in a million..

Don't screw him about EVER again for as long as you live.

He is a great guy.

But, how long have you been seeing each other? Hopefully the feelings you have for each other are real, because jumping from being in love to having a family is intense.

If he wants to raise the child as his own, you better count your blessings and give this guy all the love, respect and appreciation he deserves (without putting yourself down of course).

I had been seeing the new guy for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. The ex and I dated for about 3 months or so before we broke up because we were always arguing, granted sometimes over stupid, small things. Both guys are good guys which makes it hard for me to decide what to do. I feel like I should try to be with the baby's father but in doing so I know what I'm missing out on.

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Originally Posted by chloe80 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The ex and I dated for about 3 months or so before we broke up because we were always arguing, granted sometimes over stupid, small things.

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He's your ex-boyfriend for a reason.

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Originally Posted by chloe80 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The ex-bf & I always would get in stupid arguments that would lead to us breaking up & usually alcohol was involved.

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You have to do what is best for you and the baby, and verbal abuse mixed with alcohol doesn't seem a great environment for a child.

Your life of course.

I suggest you go sit down and think very, very hard what's the best for you and the baby in the long run.

Stick with the new guy. Even based on the recent events you got impregnated by your ex, and the new guy has shown that he'll stick around even though he hasn't been with you for long, and also despite that you lied to him and almost broke up.

So yeah, new guy for sure if you're insisting on continuing with the pregnancy/keeping the baby.

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Originally Posted by Lipp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Stick with the new guy. Even based on the recent events you got impregnated by your ex, and the new guy has shown that he'll stick around even though he hasn't been with you for long, and also despite that you lied to him and almost broke up.

So yeah, new guy for sure if you're insisting on continuing with the pregnancy/keeping the baby.

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I didn't almost broke up with the new guy, I did break up with the new guy. I don't know if it was the right decision or not. Right now I'm not with either guy but do talk to the baby's father more. I feel like he has the right to know how things are progressing with the baby. He & I still talked occasionally while I was dating the new guy also. I don't know if the new guy would take me back or not but so many of you seem to think that is the right thing for me to do so I'm wondering if I should talk to him. Thank you for your insight and help. Feel free to add anything and for anyone else to respond. Thank you everyone.

Big question...how old are you and the people involved?

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Originally Posted by damn2008 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Big question...how old are you and the people involved?

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Hi,

I'm 29, the new guy is 35, and the ex is 31. I have a master's degree & a good job. Financially I would be able to support myself and the baby without help from either guy.

I say go it on your own until the baby is born and then perhaps you'll see things more clearly. Right now chances are you are hormonal and needy.

Why put the new guy through the ringer and have him be attached to you and the baby when you really have no clue as to what you want.

As for the the first guy, he's an ex for a reason. Alcohol, arguments
and babies don't mix.

What the f*ck is wrong with you people?

I'd like the new guy to come in here so he can see she was still getting boinked by her ex. Clearly putting this guy in the "ex" category wasn't enough to keep her legs closed to him.

Stay away from the new guy, he's too good for you, and doesn't need to raise a stranger's kid.

Alcohol? :detective

What do you want to do chloe, with the baby and all?

I wonder how 'accidental' was the pregnancy. Accidents like these don't usually happen.

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Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I wonder how 'accidental' was the pregnancy. Accidents like these don't usually happen.

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I assure you I didn't get pregnant on purpose and wasn't looking to get pregnant. I finished my master's degree and am doing my practicum right now with my exam to become licensed in October. Being pregnant through this is not something I wanted. I even was on Yaz birth control but had been taking some cold medicine during the time also so I know it's effectiveness was lessened.

Were you saying he may have finished inside of me in hopes of getting me back so I would get back with him?

chloe80,

Priority check:

this isn't about him, this is about you and your baby.

Now please go sit down and ponder what's important for you and your child.

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Originally Posted by chloe80 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Were you saying he may have finished inside of me in hopes of getting me back so I would get back with him?

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That's a possibility. Though, it was your responsibility to make sure he was wearing protection. Things like that don't usually slip a person's mind, I say that from experience. The only times women were interested in unprotected sex with me was when they had an interest of starting a family with me or were open to possibility of an accident so we could then take things further.

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Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's a possibility. Though, it was your responsibility to make sure he was wearing protection. Things like that don't usually slip a person's mind, I say that from experience. The only times women were interested in unprotected sex with me was when they had an interest of starting a family with me or were open to possibility of an accident so we could then take things further.

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I understand where you are coming from. However, I've never liked the feeling of a condom inside me. I prefer sex without one and know that is not wise. I am now pregnant partially because of that preference.

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Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Alcohol? :detective

What do you want to do chloe, with the baby and all?

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Yes, the ex and I would had numerous arguments and quite a few of them took place while we were drinking.

I have never believed in abortion and don't know that I could live with myself if I put the baby up for adoption. I know that is a great option for some people but it would bother me so much knowing I gave my baby away and always wondering where they were and how they were doing. I intend to keep the baby & fortunately have the financial means to do so without financial support from a guy.

Chloe, just because a man is a father biologically doesn't mean he's cut out to be a father emotionally.

Avoid a relationship with him. It wasn't healthy BEFORE you got pregnant, and it's not going to change because you're having a baby (like sooooo many women seem to think).

My parents had a shitty marriage, and they only got married because my mom got pregnant. To this day I still wish they'd have divorced earlier or just never married at all. Bad relationships are poor atmospheres for children.

stay with the new guy..if you really love him (i know its gng to be hard) but try to tell him the truth. if he really does love you he will find it in his heart to forgive you n maybe give u another chance. if not, then u knw its not meant to be..otherwise this thing will haunt you the rest of ur life if ur not honest..

Last night the ex proposed to me and I accepted. We haven't set a date but will get married in a small ceremony before I have the baby. I know it's not what most of you said I should do but my heart tells me that is the right thing to do. He is treating me so much better than before & wants to be a part of our child's life. If we can make this work I feel like it is what is best for me & the baby.

Well look on the bright side, attraction is one of the necessities of a healthy long term relationship. It seems you guys have that since you two were sexing each other but was not in a relationship. Now you need to work on trust, communication, and respect. It can be done. You are slowly turning a dramatic affair into something more responsible and that's a good thing. :D

I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't tell the whole truth with my story. I am indeed pregnant and was dating a great guy that I was having sex with while also sleeping with my ex at the same time. I didn't just sleep with the ex once, I was sleeping with him about once a week. As you all know I'm engaged to the guy that was originally my ex-bf. About a week & a half ago I was talking to the guy I was dating at the time because him mom had a treatment for cancer & I wanted to see how he & her were doing. I do genuinely care about him. In our conversation I casually mentioned that my due date is December 2nd. I didn't think much about it. Well he put two and two together & figured out that my pregnancy isn't the result of my sleeping with the ex once before the new guy & I started sleeping together. With my due date, he figured out my conception was around Mar 11-12 give or take a couple days. The new guy correctly says he & I had sex Mar 7, 8, and 12. However, he never ejaculated in me & my ex did. The new guy now wants me to have a paternity test after the baby is born. What are the chances this is his baby if he never finished inside of me? My life has been such turmoil the past few months & will be horrible for the next five months if this comes out that it could be his baby. I told the ex, my family & all my friends that this couldn't be the new guy's baby bc he & I never slept together. What are the odds this is his baby?

If you haven't told the ex-, then maybe you just run the whole thing by the new guy, have the baby, and (assuming new guy doesn't care that his genetic material is obviously of no value to you), then have him listed as the "father" on the birth certificate. Live happily ever after knowing that the new guy is an agreeable putz who will always love you and take care of your son/daughter.

Don't worry, new guy will compromise on this...at his age (and I know from where I speak), he's running out of nice 29 year old women to marry.

Just have a good life with him and your child and raise the kid well...that's your penance...to actually be a responsible parent. Hopefully, it is a rewarding penance for all concerned.

Cam,

I think you may have the guys backwards in my story. I am back with my ex, engaged to him. He has NO IDEA that the baby could be someone else's and will be irate if he finds out. He could be irate enough to leave me and I have no idea what my parents will do. The guy I was in a relationship at the time is the one that wants me to have the paternity test, in fact he is even considering filing a paternity case against me in court. If he does that I will be so stressed out that it will be obvious to those around me that something is bad wrong. I don't know what to do. Timeline wise this could be either guy's baby but I feel like it has to be the ex's (the guy I'm now engaged to) bc he is the only one that ever finished in me. If the guy I was in a relationship with goes through with this paternity test paperwork things could get very ugly for me.

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Originally Posted by chloe80 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I assure you I didn't get pregnant on purpose and wasn't looking to get pregnant. I finished my master's degree and am doing my practicum right now with my exam to become licensed in October. Being pregnant through this is not something I wanted. I even was on Yaz birth control but had been taking some cold medicine during the time also so I know it's effectiveness was lessened.

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But no condom was (also) use?

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Originally Posted by Henry123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But no condom was (also) use?

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That is correct Henry. Neither guy used a condom when they had sex with me.

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Originally Posted by chloe80 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That is correct Henry. Neither guy used a condom when they had sex with me.

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Always good to have secondary birth control as a back up. Not to mention the danger of HIV/HPV etc.

Regardless (whomever the father is) its best to have good relationships with him even if you have no plans to be together. It could get pretty ugly if you dont.

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Originally Posted by chloe80 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Cam,

I think you may have the guys backwards in my story. I am back with my ex, engaged to him. He has NO IDEA that the baby could be someone else's and will be irate if he finds out. He could be irate enough to leave me and I have no idea what my parents will do. The guy I was in a relationship at the time is the one that wants me to have the paternity test, in fact he is even considering filing a paternity case against me in court. If he does that I will be so stressed out that it will be obvious to those around me that something is bad wrong. I don't know what to do. Timeline wise this could be either guy's baby but I feel like it has to be the ex's (the guy I'm now engaged to) bc he is the only one that ever finished in me. If the guy I was in a relationship with goes through with this paternity test paperwork things could get very ugly for me.

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One of the new ironies of modern medicine. Free and easy sex was supposed to liberate the female of the species...she could now mate (or at least "practice" mating) with anyone she wanted without repercussions.

Now, it appears that opening one's legs has closed many doors in life.

I think that your decision on what to do now should focus less on "what will happen to me" (repercussions for you) and focus a lot more on "what's good for the child" (assuming that you decide not to have an LT abortion).

At the end of the day, the child will be born, will be raised, will live out a full natural existence with you as its mother (ALWAYS). So, your choice now is not which guy is better for you. Its about which guy will be a better father for that child. If the current guy would be pissed as hell, then I'm guessing he won't be such a good father...might even harm the child.

Remember: a good father is one who loves the mother will all his heart...and her offspring, no matter who is the genetic father.

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Originally Posted by chloe80 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That is correct Henry. Neither guy used a condom when they had sex with me.

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No protection? Well, what you are saying is, "I have no plans in life...what is brought in on the wings of circumstance are better than whatever existence I currently enjoy."

That's a pathetic attitude for a human being. Millions of years of evolution brought you to the world. With a brain. With consciousness. With the capacity to reason and to make choices.

You know, not even single celled organisms allow chance to dictate their future.

I think only pollen and seeds blow with the wind...and dust. Then again, they are sentient beings...just objects.

Maybe that's what you subconsciously want. To be an object.

"...not sentient beings...", that's how it should read (a typo)