Unable to drink and socialise without dire consequences caused by me

I've been with my partner now for 18 months.

We get on, very well indeed. I consider her a special girl and one that I feel I could spend the rest of my life with.

The problem - Whenever we drink socially (alcohol). I get to a point and then get paranoid and jealous say things that are hurtful and we end up having time apart for a few days whilst she comes to terms with what I've said and I feel deeply regretful and annoyed with myself for it happening time and time again. She knows when this happens it's not 'me' that she's getting when I have such outburts, but that doesn't make it any easy on her or me.

We don't drink very often but whenever we do 90% of the time this will happen. It's now at the stage where some of her friends have been around during this 'explosion' of drunken stupidity by me. And it's very embarrassing for both of us.

What do I do?

Obviously not drinking is the most clear thing to do. But are there others with such experiences. I know many feel insecure when they've had a few drinks, but my actions when feeling this way are to verbalise them to my partner which then undermines any trust and the otherwise lovely balance between us.

Any others over come this both by not drinking, or just changing their mindeset?

Would be good to hear from you.

Thanks.

People say...Alcohol shows Your real face ,maybe there is something about this....

Don't drink and drive.

stop drinking. it's bad for you. and nowadays whoever buys it for you faces a felony, if you live in the u.s.

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

stop drinking. it's bad for you. and nowadays whoever buys it for you faces a felony, if you live in the u.s.

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What? Why would that be a felony? I buy girls drinks all the time.

it's a felony around here to buy alcohol for somebody who is under 21.

i think it's stupid, but that's the way it is i guess. besides if you get drunk and act like a burro, well the remedy is to not drink.

Everyone has insecure thoughts now and then. But alcohol removes your impulse control, and so you're most likely blurting them out before you can rationally deal with them internally. I would blame the drinking more than the mindset, especially if you are not insecure or jealous while sober.

I know it's a probably a minor lifestyle change, but can you just drink non-alcoholic beverages when the two of you are out together?

EDIT - in response to misombra

Oh, is the OP not 21? I live in the US, but I just assumed the OP was 21+.

And he could just not drink a lot; having one or two beers should be fine, and he wouldn't feel left out while everyone else is drinking. Everyone acts stupid when they are drunk, I mean, if you don't want to regret stuff the next morning then don't get ****faced -- know your limits.

he's 18. and when people get started drinking they don't know when to stop.

sounds like this guy is one of those mean, jealous drunks. not good.

all or nothing for those guys, i think.

All or nothing mean jealous drinks rings true I have to say.

My sober, usual lifestyle is organised and rational in any conversations, not to say there's not wit, charm and humour or my god we'd be dull.

I guess it's knowing when to stop drinking, or not drinking at all - as has been said once one or two have been sunk, it's quite hard to stop. And always within those first two you feel a bit 'merry' and happy, two or more later and that can be completely reversed.

I really don't think there's anything within these actions when sober. Like every human on earth, there are ups and downs emotionally whether it be a level of confidence, worry/paranoia or jealousy to name but a few relevant ones. Difference is when sober it's very possibly to rationalise and extinguish the unfounded thoughts. Drinking reduces that, and after so many removes any rationalisation whatsoever. In my experience at least.

Thanks for your comments.

Maybe you should go to an AA meeting or something. It shouldn't be *that* hard to quit drinking.

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Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you should go to an AA meeting or something. It shouldn't be *that* hard to quit drinking.

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I don't think that's really the problem, actually. I mean, I've said to myself "I should stop drinking" because I've gotten too drunk and done stupid things before, but I have toned it down and drunk a lot less because I know that I am a rational human being in control of herself and I shouldn't have to cut myself off completely in order to not go out of control. The OP might feel the same way (although it seems he's recognized a pattern rather than an isolated event.) He doesn't think it needs to be an "all or nothing" - which is true, unless he can't fix the problem by moderating his drinking.

Ireland unfortunately was a nation of drinkers, thankfully we are starting come out of that trend now. the recession is also helping.

however, i remember growing up and people getting blind drunk because they could afford to. it became a lot about the fact that people could afford to drink more than others and it bacame a competition between these eejits.

many of these people did not know how to drink. you need to pace yourself, that is the key. if you find yourself getting to the point you feel tipsy that is the moment that you need to start drinking soft drinks. it means you won't make a fool of yourself and you will be able to enjoy your night and last a long time out socializing.

you need to learn how to drink.

you have to learn how to control you liquor. coming from a person who by most is considered an alcoholic, you need to slow down your drinking. drink some water inbetween your drinks, or try drinking draft beers because they seem to be lighter. haha..or eat with your shots. do whatever it takes you help you stay a bit more coherent.

bottom line, if you can't handle your liquor... then you're just like PP.

raverboy

I get funny when I drink... seriously, I keep on telling jokes with a straight face.

I streak through neighborhoods when I'm tanked.

Some folks get mean on alcohol. If that's you, don't drink. Pretty straightforward.

If you must do a soc rec drug, how about marijuana? I've never heard of someone get mean on that (who wasn't pretty mean to start with).

MJ is boring... it puts me to sleep.

raverboy

You could try drinking white wine spritzers (wine mixed with seltzer water).

That's what I drank when I was trying to cut back on my drinking. Kind of a girly drink though, hehe.

"A drunken mind speaks a sober heart." [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

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Originally Posted by Illusional [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

bottom line, if you can't handle your liquor... then you're just like PP.

raverboy

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I can handle my liquor my dear :french:

Thanks for all your suggestions. I have to say I disagree with that saying 'A drunken mind speaks a sober heart'.

I know how I feel when I'm sober and in control.

Bin the alcohol I will, don't need it anyway. I find it easy enough to talk to people and crackle witty banter.

Cheers (to binning the alcohol).

Yeah, if you feel it's best to stop drinking then def stop drinking. I don't know how old you are, but when you are younger, everyone binge drinks and it's hard to control. You have to know your limits. There were times when I was younger that I thought I should give up forever. I questioned alcoholism. Now, today, I have learned to pace it. I don't need to drink, and hardly ever find myself drunk anymore because my own natural speed is to drink slowly. When I try to match others it's when I get too drunk to function.

You need to find your limit. If you can't be around drunk people without being drunk yourself, something is wrong. Try being the designated driver. Also, you gotta really search your feelings on this one. You may have some deep-seated insecurities that you are not dealing with in the light of day.

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Originally Posted by Pettit-Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I can handle my liquor my dear :french:

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that's what everyone says until they drink with me whitey... haha.

raverboy