I'm a fucking moron :/

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07-07-04, 05:53 AM
BillyGalbreath

I'm a fucking moron :/

Ok. I dont exactly think this thread goes here - but meh, it will have to do...

As you all know, I have been talking with a 17 y/o girl online/over the phone that lives here in my city. We have met in person a few times, each time she comes to my house and we just hang out and talk like friends would, and when I take her home we would make out for like 5 minutes each time.

The first 2 kisses I was kinda shy about and didnt really get into it all that much. I was really really nervous and everything (idky). But this last time I kissed her I really got into it and she could tell. She loved it. And frankly, so did I, hehe.

But here is were I want to kick myself. She is perfect in every way that I have been looking for. She's smart, mature, witty, she likes the same things I do, she LOVES to cuddle, she hate clubs and strippers as much as I do... etc etc etc - she is a perfect compatibility match, on paper AND in person.

BUT (yeah, there's ALWAYS a damn 'but')

She is bigger than I would normally date. I aint saying she's a cow or anything. She's just a bit over the peak for my personal taste... She is 5'2" at about 150 (she hasn't told me her weight, but its an estimate I've done with my eyes...).

I am affraid this is going to be the thing that stops me from even giving her a truely open chance to be with me. I mean, the things we do now are fun, but any friend can do these things with me. Its other things, the small things. The 'title' of a relationship. The commitment. The making out non stop for hours. The p.d.a. The sex...

She is very beautiful, dont get me wrong. Fair skinned, blonde, long hair, blue eyes. She's just big... I have looked at her and can see what she would look like if she was 20-30 pounds lighter - and I'll tell you what, every guy I know would want to be with her... Especially me.

I am trying my hardest to over look this small feature of hers and move on, but it nags at me all the time in my head. I cant make it stop. She could ****ing be the woman of my dreams and I'm just going to let her slip thru my fingers just because she isn't as skinny as "my taste".

And then THAT starts to irritate me. I used to think I didnt really care about things as little as appearance. I always said "It's what inside that counts" and shit like that. But I never actually been with anyone that didn't fit my certain "taste". I look back and I never had a big g/f. Ever. No girl I ever dated was ugly either. They were all very beautiful (super model beautiful - well not really, but they would turn guys heads...)

None of those girls ever really matched my personality, or my interests, or any of that non-look crap, but now that I find one why the hell does she has to not match my taste in appearance (cause obviously i have a taste in appearance that i never knew about) ?

ARG !! I just want to slap myself, or run head first into a brick wall ! Why am I affraid of her ? Why cant I commite myself to a slightly over weight person ??

Is there any advice someone could give to me in this situation, or is this one of those things I am gonna have to work out on my own ?
07-07-04, 06:04 AM
jslaughter

I don't know how to begin to tell you how to broach this subject or what to do. I can only say that some of your reservation may come from the fact that she's 17 and right now her metabolism is pretty active as she gets old and it slows down she may put on more weight if she's not careful.

I dated a guy that I used to work out with on a regular basis - maybe a gym membership so you can spend time together and help her get in shape?

Was this REMOTELY helpful?
07-07-04, 07:58 AM
Fawn

ahhh.... being 17 again! *pauses* wait... what am I talking about, that was just a year and a half ago! *hits head*

Oddly enough she sounds kinda like me when I was 17. I mean, I was the perfect angel then, no sex yet, no older bf's, very mature... What a year (and college.lol) can do to you....

If I were you, I'd give it a chance. Sure, she may not be absolutly perfect in the physical department, but no one can be perfect to begin with. Theres always going to be a flaw. Plus, at that estimated weight, she's deffinitly not big in my standards. Its normal to see girls in the 170's around here. Don't ruin something that could go well just because of something physical. As you've said before, its better to look within the person, thats what really counts anyways.

Good Luck Billy!

PS: I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I've heard the talks you've had over not using protection. But please, for the love of god, she's 17. Use contraception, or you'll be responsible for ruining her future.
07-07-04, 08:14 AM
sweetdreamz018

This girl sounds incredible, and she really means a lot to you. You two really have something special, something rare, and you shouldn't give that up over a little extra weight. There are subtle ways to try and get her more active and whatnot, like playing a sport, riding bikes, going to a gym, or whatever together, but that's not what's important.

What's important is the relationship itself that you have with eachother. You don't know how either of you will look awhile from now, but that's not what lasts. What you two FEEL for eachother is what is meant to last. Don't lose something that special over some extra pounds (that she could even lose- possibility!).

You're a really lucky guy, and she's a very lucky girl to have a guy like you that sees so much in her. Good luck to ya!
07-07-04, 04:12 PM
Killerbabe

Hmph. Supermodels you say? I haven't seen that many around... as in 5'9-6'3 and about 100 lbs you say? Wow, Billy I must say I'm pretty impressed. I thought I was skinny (5'7, 100) but you must really like 'em...very skinny.

So anyway, she's only 17 like Jules pointed out and could lose all that baby fat, potentially. Just you wait a year or two and you'll regret when she'll have the entire neighborhood stalking her...

Here's a little piece of advice - why don't you guys bust your butts and go play some sports or do something active to jiggle that fat instead of hanging out at home?
07-07-04, 10:24 PM
BillyGalbreath

Well, Fawn, she's no angle in the sex department. She has had sex with 9 guys already. But she's not a slut ( i dont think ).

And she has a really slow metabolism, and the B.C. she is on (depo shot) she said made her gain a bunch of weight...

Killerbabe, when I say "super model hot" I mean "so beautiful every man one the planet want to get with her"... Or in other words, extremely skinny with not too big boobs and a little bubble butt, perfect teeth, beautiful face, with no fat what-so-ever, etc etc etc...

Jslaughter, sweetdreamz, I have already gotten her to play baseball with me and my friends (well - we went to the batting cages and she actually wanted to get out there and bat - its a start i guess). But I dont want to force her to do physical activities in hopes that she will loose weight - its just, well, wrong. And that night we were at the batting cages her weight didn't cross my mind, we were all just having fun.

Maybe it isn't her weight at all, maybe subconciously her age is nagging at me and I am just looking for reasons to back out... ****, i dont know.

I had to lie to my family and say she is 18. They still kinda freaked out about her being so young, so I can only imagine what they would say if they knew she was 17....

Maybe I am just scared I will be hurt again.. The last time I met a 17 y/o and got with her we lasted for 2 years. When she hit 18 and finished school (dropped out) she kinda was entered into a whole new world. She grew up, and ended growing opposite of me and she left. Maybe I am scared Jeni will grow up and realize I am not the kind of guy she wants...

Or maybe its something else that I cant pinpoint yet...

****ing hell ! I am thinking too damn much. I should just do like I always do. Go with the flo, expect the worst, and hope for the best. Then I'll eventually fall in love, then she'll grow up/get skinny and leave me for some attractive guy... Then I will be back to where I was 5 months ago. Rock Bottom.
08-07-04, 12:29 AM
PandaCivic

dude, you're looking at it all wrong. of course girls are going to leave the guy if they have enough confidence in themselves to be their own women. what matters is how you treat her now. ya, she can get all skinny and care about her body and then all these guys will give her all the attention. but if you treat her just right, she'll stick with you. sooner or later, her body will change, but not because of how active she is or shit like that but she'll change depending on how much she wants to change. don't go out with her hoping to last forever, just enjoy your time with her. you're thinking way too far in the future. you don't know what she wants later on, you only know what you want from her. if she's pretty, she's pretty. you have to picture her as the prettiest in your eyes and if she's ugly to someone else, so what? if she's ugly to you, then kick her off the home team. there's something about her that makes her very pretty to you. you're finding a way to make her look like she's not the one by choosing her weight? that's all good and everything but you'll regret it later. the best thing you can do is to get it into her head that SHE needs to want to be skinny. that will make it easier than slyly having her play sports with you and getting more fit, she might head to a Burger King after the game...who knows. just do what you can to show her how you feel.
08-07-04, 03:22 AM
BillyGalbreath

Your all right - she gets a chance :D hell it might not work out in the end for other reasons :P but she might end up being my wife one day (not that i am planning it)...

I'll never know unless I give her a chance. Thanks guys :D
08-07-04, 04:40 AM
Killerbabe

I'm glad you've figured it all out.

Erm, Billy there's just something I want to clear out for myself. The way you described all your past girlfriends as super-model hot really got me thinking. I've seen your profile and your picture and no offense, but you're about average. I don't think an average joe can score "super-model hot" girls because don't you think that given their looks they could go for someone supermodel hot too?
08-07-04, 04:55 AM
Bonovox40

It just depends. Sometimes "super model" girls just don't get asked out. Or the guys that do spout cheesy one-liners implying that they just want a lay. Sometimes if a confident guy comes along and makes them feel good, it doesn't matter that he's "average" in looks and such. Hell, my one friend is definately average and when he opens his mouth and says anything, that usually drops him down to less then desirable. But on one occasion he picked up this one girl and got her to go out on a date. (mind you, just one date because she realized that he had no convo skills) But she was a knockout! Wayyyy better looking than any of my ex's I dated. I didn't know how he did it, but he must've done something right to get her number!

It's all about confidence, control and approach. Physical looks is only a small part to play when you're able to tap all the right buttons of a woman's mind and heart with your words and body language.
08-07-04, 05:09 AM
BillyGalbreath

Quote:

Originally Posted by Killerbabe

I'm glad you've figured it all out.

Erm, Billy there's just something I want to clear out for myself. The way you described all your past girlfriends as super-model hot really got me thinking. I've seen your profile and your picture and no offense, but you're about average. I don't think an average joe can score "super-model hot" girls because don't you think that given their looks they could go for someone supermodel hot too?

Exactly - I know I aint cute or anything - I ended up getting with these girls when they were young - when they matured a bit they realized what they could get and just dropped me and moved on to hotter guys.
08-07-04, 05:11 AM
BillyGalbreath

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonovox40

It just depends. Sometimes "super model" girls just don't get asked out. Or the guys that do spout cheesy one-liners implying that they just want a lay. Sometimes if a confident guy comes along and makes them feel good, it doesn't matter that he's "average" in looks and such. Hell, my one friend is definately average and when he opens his mouth and says anything, that usually drops him down to less then desirable. But on one occasion he picked up this one girl and got her to go out on a date. (mind you, just one date because she realized that he had no convo skills) But she was a knockout! Wayyyy better looking than any of my ex's I dated. I didn't know how he did it, but he must've done something right to get her number!

It's all about confidence, control and approach. Physical looks is only a small part to play when you're able to tap all the right buttons of a woman's mind and heart with your words and body language.

I wish I knew how to do what you just said - cause I know thats not the reason I had these girls... LMAO ! I aint THAT good...
08-07-04, 05:44 AM
PandaCivic

it's how you play the game.
08-07-04, 05:52 AM
BillyGalbreath

If its a game, when do I win ? When I sleep with her ? When she moves in ? When we get married ? When I die ?

I hate games.
08-07-04, 06:01 AM
Bonovox40

It isn't about HOW good you are, it's what you do. (sorta like what panda said) Alot of the time, if a girl KNOWS she doesn't hold any real power over you in the desire aspect, (like you aren't drooling over her or getting an obvious boner around her) she can find that all the more attractive. "Hmm, my tricks aren't working on him...what makes him so special?" Of course, that's not exactly how they all think. But it's like I read from one guy that "There was this one girl at school who wouldn't give me the time of day. And then for a drama class, I was in charge of a play that she was an actor in. She was all over me because it wasn't that I was any different. It was that I went from "Ok, you're a hot girl, maybe we can hook up." to "Ok, you're a hot girl but you're the actor and i'm the director. It's business."

The thing is, he treated her like a normal person. She didn't have any control over how he felt about her and that's attractive to women. That's not to say that when you're with a gf, that you should treat her like a normal person, but you should still live your own life. My gf gets somewhat jealous when I hang out with other friends and more so when they're girls. I know there's no way in hell i'm going to mess with them, and she does too, but she still gets a little jealous. I think it's good sometimes because she knows I can be a commodity and that other people are worth my time, not just her. I have a life that involves other people and I want her to respect that. Just like I am cool with her having girl/guy friends also when i'm not around. We both know that we're important, but our lives don't have to bend to fit every whim. Plus I know when she's a little jealous, that I must not be acting too clingy, which sometimes I can be so it's a good "keep in check" thing.
08-07-04, 06:15 AM
blue_moon2

Billy always remember have FAITH not hope....lol ;)
08-07-04, 08:54 AM
PandaCivic

it's a game you never win, it's a game you keep on playing. kinda like pac-man, there's no end boss, you just keep playing as if to get better. but ya blue moon2 knows the drill. gotta have faith.
as for me, i'm sitting on the bench until school starts. wimmen **** with my head too much.
08-07-04, 10:23 AM
ellikitten

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillyGalbreath

And she has a really slow metabolism, and the B.C. she is on (depo shot) she said made her gain a bunch of weight...

Eh, that damn depo shot is the worst... the same thing happened to me. I was on it for a while and put on some weight without really noticing it.. I was about her age too. As soon as I stopped getting it, the weight just melted off. I've been sticking to just condoms ever since... some people just get the brunt of the side-effects with that sort of birth control.
If you're really into her.. and she sounds great.. don't let the extra weight stand in your way. I was still carrying a few extra lbs when my current bf and I got together and belive me... he has no complaints now.. hehe
So, suggest she gets off the shot and just go for it. It sounds like she does it for you, but you're a little more pre-occupied with what other people may think.
Get over it! ;)
10-07-04, 01:09 AM
BillyGalbreath

*** UPDATE: ***

Jeni and I have not spoken for 4 days now. I called her two days ago 3 times, the third I left a message to call me whenever. No call. So she is gone before she ever came. lol. This doesn't really faze me emotionally at all except for its kinda a releif. I feel like a burden has been takin off of my shoulders. I feel free again. The feeling I have grown to enjoy.

This is the feeling that I am going to hold onto for awhile. Freedom. Singleness. And no, this doesnt mean that I am going to date lots of women and sleep wth them or anything. But I mean truely single. No dating. No kissing. No sex. Totally and utterly cut off from anything dealing with dating or relationships.

I am happy where I am in my life. Why leave something that makes me happy ?! I have friends now. I have a new band to play with. I play baseball all the time with friends. I have a kick ass job thats making me some kick ass money. I have the perfect son in the whole world. I dont need a woman to come into my life and start stirring things up right now. Things are working in tune with everything else for the first time ever.

Being single ****ing rocks !! Who knows, I might stay single for the rest of my life. I dont think there is one woman worthy of my time anymore. And if there is, well she is just SOL atm. I'm single, and I'm enjoying it !!! :D
10-07-04, 01:53 AM
PandaCivic

we'll hold you to those words. no more bitchin' about how you used to be happy with what's her face. "out of sight, out of mind"
10-07-04, 02:32 AM
blue_moon2

depo shot? ive never heard of that one. i just knew about the pill. sounds much better than the depo shot.

sorry guys feel incapable of talking to much because im not gunna see the guy i like for 8 weeks!! :sad2:
10-07-04, 02:44 AM
PandaCivic

so what's the bad part about that?
10-07-04, 02:51 AM
blue_moon2

cause i like him alot. and we very good friends, we havent been apart for more than 2 weeks over the last 4 years. im gunna miss him like mad.
10-07-04, 02:53 AM
Killerbabe

Hey, Billy. I'm glad you feel better and if what you're saying is the genuine truth, well let me tell you - you are lucky. You're one of those few truly self-sufficient people who don't need someone else to define their lives. Most people (like me) are needy, unfortunately. I've been feeling lonely and empty until I met Mike. Those eighteen years were actually great, my parents gave me everything and I've seen most of the world and I am really grateful for that, but the empty hollow, the yearning to share my life with someone else was just a burden. I feel like I can't be completely happy if I don't make someone else happy - Mike allowed me to fulfill my dream and try to make him happy (because that's what makes me happy!), and it's made my life so complete. I've always wanted to be with someone - while doing my homework, while sleeping at night, while doing chores. It's the greatest feeling for me, that's why I always tried to take my best friend with me, and although my mom was really strtict about sharing beds, she stayed overnight and we had the best times whispering under the blankets... When I'm with someone I love I feel protected and up to anything. I'd rather live a life in turmoil with someone I love, rather than a deceivingly luxurious life with no one by my side... Oops, alright, that's not even my thread so back on the subject.