playing easy to get

Do any other woman here tend to fall for guys who are easy to get. Easy to get as in that despite their shortcomings, they exude confidence and you just get swept away by their go getting spirit. They ask you out, you reject them or you play a bit of hard to get. Perhaps, because you have cool feelings towards him or he isn't the type you normally would date. They keep on trying so you finally decide to give it a chance.

You admire their persistent and protective nature. And they are the type of guys who makes you feel safe with them and they will never let you wondering where you stand in the relationship. They make you feel adored at all times. And before you know it, you fall deep in love with them. Those are the types of guys I find desirable in a long term partner. I don't know about the others but I find guys who gives up easily (in anything in life) unattractive. I'm one of those people who appreciate a man and never be annoyed with one who has the courage to asks me out (in a respectful way). If I don't return those feelings, I will still be flattered and have increased respect for him.

What do the other females in this forum think? Am I the only one who isn't even slightly annoyed by a persistent guy?

LOL. Why is it that all young females want to believe they are special or different from most others? Its such a typical mindset.

Then you agree with me Indi? : )

I don't mind being complimented. I agree it takes balls for a guy to approach a woman, especially nowadays. I can't tell you anything about falling for them. Tho I suppose my husband was persistent back in our dating days, now I think about it.

I just found it amusing you chose to phrase it as a way to distinguish yourself from other females. That self-psych is as old as the hills. ;)

I find persistence over rated. For every girl that rewards guy's persistence when the girl play's hard to get there are ten girls who just want to use him and dispose of him as soon as they find someone who treats them as equal (a guy being strong, firm, who can stand up for himself, who doesn't take crap from anyone including women and who is not a door mat is what worthy women find attractive in a man). I don't buy into whimpering persistence and continuous asking out of a woman playing hard to get, asking out once or twice should be enough. If it's still a no then the girl can play those games with some one else.

Mishanya has it absolutely right. While the custom of guys making the first approach is still alive and well, the modern confident man has little patience for a protracted version of the "chase me" game because they realize that girls are just people, not prizes to be won. So the guy who won't take "no" for an answer is NOT the highly desirable (to women) confident achiever as you assume, but is either 1) an obsessed doormat; or 2) a player who likes the challenge of the conquest. Both are far from the ideal man you describe.

Carl.

Do you mind elaborate door mat? Thanks.

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Originally Posted by Reath [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you mind elaborate door mat? Thanks.

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A guy is a "doormat" if he does everything to please his girlfriend ... even if her demands are unreasonable. The typical doormat believes a girl will love him more if he gives her everything she wants and dedicates his life to pleasing her ... sort of a spin-off of the "knight in shining armor" syndrome where a guy dedicates his life to fixing a girl's problems hoping it will make her love him. In truth, most girls find this quality very unattractive, and many will push the limits just to test him, hoping he will stand up to her bullsh*t (an attractive quality).

A confident, self-assured man will want to please his girlfriend as well, but never puts her up so high on a pedestal that he demands nothing in return. The "doormat" label is a simile for someone who lies on her front step and lets her wipe her feet on him.

Carl.

I still don't get it... what unreasonable request? I do understand the part he dedicate his life to please the girl. Do you have any examples in layman's term? English isn't my forte, thanks again.

sure.

Examples:

You have plans to meet your friends after work on Tuesday. Your girlfriend says "I don't want you to go, come over and see me Tuesday night instead."

A confident guy says "Sorry, but I already have plans ... I can see you Wednesday if you'd like"

A doormat cancels his plans with his friends and goes to see his girlfriend instead.


Your girlfriend sees an expensive ring that she really likes in a store. She knows you can't afford it, but tries to get you to buy it anyway.

A confident guy says "I can't get that for you now" and probably remembers it for her birthday.

A doormat buys her the ring and eats cheese sandwiches for a month because he has no money left.


Your girlfriend starts a fight over a small disagreement.

A confident guy says "Stop your bullsh*t and stop being a brat."

A doormat says "You're right, I'm sorry!"

Carl.

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Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A married man says "You're right, I'm sorry!"

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Carl, I agreed with your whole post except this last point. You've never been married, have you? :lol:

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Carl, I agreed with your whole post except this last point. You've never been married, have you? :lol:

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Yeah Indi ... but the difference between a married man and a doormat in this situation is that the doormat is actually listening to what he is agreeing to, right?

Carl.

Of course, Carl. The husbands do get their own back. Here's a few I've heard over the years:

Marriage - the reason for bars.

Marriage - Why bother? Just find a girl you hate and give her your house.

Difference b/t marriage & a mental hospital - When you show improvement in the mental hospital, they let you out.

:D

That's why a guy should marry a doormat girl

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just found it amusing you chose to phrase it as a way to distinguish yourself from other females. That self-psych is as old as the hills. ;)

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The last "What do the other females in this forum think? Am I the only one who isn't even slightly annoyed by a persistent guy?" is an actual question in search of the opinion of other female LF posters. Not a rhetorical self-promoting one.

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Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

sure.

Examples:

You have plans to meet your friends after work on Tuesday. Your girlfriend says "I don't want you to go, come over and see me Tuesday night instead."

A confident guy says "Sorry, but I already have plans ... I can see you Wednesday if you'd like"

A doormat cancels his plans with his friends and goes to see his girlfriend instead.


Your girlfriend sees an expensive ring that she really likes in a store. She knows you can't afford it, but tries to get you to buy it anyway.

A confident guy says "I can't get that for you now" and probably remembers it for her birthday.

A doormat buys her the ring and eats cheese sandwiches for a month because he has no money left.


Your girlfriend starts a fight over a small disagreement.

A confident guy says "Stop your bullsh*t and stop being a brat."

A doormat says "You're right, I'm sorry!"

Carl.

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I don't mean guys who are doormats and put aside everything in his life for a girl. I mean guys who persists in asking out a girl even when she says no the first few times.

I don't know what you mean by the confident modern men who sees women as people, not prizes to be won.

I think all women would be flattered to have a guy see her as valuable enough for the persistent chasing. And I know the guy who I will be serious with will have to meet that criteria.

When a men persists in asking a girl out, it shows devotion and it shows to the girl, he is serious about her. In this modern era where men just "picks up" girls everywhere in the street and wants to "add a notch to his bedposts", you don't know who is serious and who is not.

Mish and carl, I appreciate your opinion on this matter. Just need a few more opinion from the females in the forum.

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When a men persists in asking a girl out, it shows devotion and it shows to the girl, he is serious about her. In this modern era where men just "picks up" girls everywhere in the street and wants to "add a notch to his bedposts", you don't know who is serious and who is not.

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That's true, but there are other ways to find out whether the guy is serious or not apart from continuously rejecting his invitations. I would actually say that the guy who persists after being told no has a lot more chances being only after one thing because he is driven by a questionable (physical?) obsession over someone he doesn't really know, where as a guy a who doesn't persist genuinely wants to get to know the girl as a person, but doesn't want to be rude by persisting if the girl is not interested.

I'm ofcourse speaking from experience, asking girls out who show interest to be told a maybe several times in a row. That's not a turn on in any way shape or form. Girls like that just appear flaky and uncertain about what they want.

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The last "What do the other females in this forum think? Am I the only one who isn't even slightly annoyed by a persistent guy?" is an actual question in search of the opinion of other female LF posters. Not a rhetorical self-promoting one.

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You're posting in a general forum. If you are specifically looking for more female responses, you should post in the "Ask a Female" forum. Guys still will answer there, but you will get more female responses.

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't mean guys who are doormats and put aside everything in his life for a girl. I mean guys who persists in asking out a girl even when she says no the first few times.

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Understood, but my long discussion of Doormats was mainly for Reath's benefit. Don't forget, I also included "Players" in the over-persistent men category. For a player, persistent chasing is not only part of the game, it IS the game!

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know what you mean by the confident modern men who sees women as people, not prizes to be won.

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When i say "modern, I mean post-sexual revolution, post-new feminist movement men. Prior to the 1960s, "run and chase" was the normal social custom. Since then, that custom has been substantially eroded. As a consquence, most confident desirable men see it not only as just a game, but an obsolete one at that ... so they opt out, preferring to find a woman to be with (a person) rather than a woman to win (a prize).

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think all women would be flattered to have a guy see her as valuable enough for the persistent chasing. And I know the guy who I will be serious with will have to meet that criteria.

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You're not looking for a relationship, you're looking for an ego cookie!

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When a men persists in asking a girl out, it shows devotion and it shows to the girl, he is serious about her. In this modern era where men just "picks up" girls everywhere in the street and wants to "add a notch to his bedposts", you don't know who is serious and who is not.

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I think you are reading way too much into the man's motivation. How is persistence an indicator of "devotion" (except in the case of a doormat)? I think it's dangerous to assume that repeated turn downs will discourage players. A skillful player will feign "devotion" to make his conquest. Persistence is at the very top of his bag of tricks.

Carl.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't mind being complimented. I agree it takes balls for a guy to approach a woman, especially nowadays. I can't tell you anything about falling for them. Tho I suppose my husband was persistent back in our dating days, now I think about it.

I just found it amusing you chose to phrase it as a way to distinguish yourself from other females. That self-psych is as old as the hills. ;)

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A lot of young girls don't realize that guys actually see this "wanting to be different" state, and it can be used.

The last guy that played easy to get with me was a total player. He chased me like a dog after a rabbit for six months and dumped me flat after he finally got into my pants. Later, I found out I was one of very, very many who'd had the same experience with him.

He was a wolf in Golden Retriever's clothing.

Because of this, I'd be wary of a guy like that. If he turned out to be the real thing, I'd worry constantly that he was like that with everyone.

I make things difficult for myself.

Anyway, long story short, I prefer someone more reserved who appears to be careful about who he involves himself with. Then I want that person to choose me.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The last guy that played easy to get with me was a total player. He chased me like a dog after a rabbit for six months and dumped me flat after he finally got into my pants. Later, I found out I was one of very, very many who'd had the same experience with him.

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Was he at least good in the sack? Or a dud that way too?

Technically speaking, he was skilled, but he was a crappy kisser and there was no real intimacy, just ****ing. I hated it.

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Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When i say "modern, I mean post-sexual revolution, post-new feminist movement men. Prior to the 1960s, "run and chase" was the normal social custom. Since then, that custom has been substantially eroded. As a consquence, most confident desirable men see it not only as just a game, but an obsolete one at that ... so they opt out, preferring to find a woman to be with (a person) rather than a woman to win (a prize).

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I know what you mean by modern men. I should've used quotations.

What do you mean by wanting to be with a "person" rather then to win a "prize"?

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Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you are reading way too much into the man's motivation. How is persistence an indicator of "devotion" (except in the case of a doormat)? I think it's dangerous to assume that repeated turn downs will discourage players. A skillful player will feign "devotion" to make his conquest. Persistence is at the very top of his bag of tricks.

Carl.

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I would think a player will get so many dates, he does not need to feign devotion. He wouldn't have the time of day since he has so many girls to juggle. A player will probably be more unavailable then to be present.

A player is interested in getting what he wants as fast as he can. If apparent devotion results in you on your back, why wouldn't he employ such an easy tactic?

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I would think a player will get so many dates, he does not need to feign devotion. He wouldn't have the time of day since he has so many girls to juggle. A player will probably be more unavailable then to be present.

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I don't think you understand the player's psyche. A committed player has no use for an "easy" girl because she doesn't provide him with the challenge that reaffirms his skill and irresistabilty. So the perfect target for a player is a girl like you who falls for his bullsh*t lines because she mistakenly equates persistence and attention with commitment and devotion. As Giga said, the inevitable unhappy ending with a player is that all his nice words and persistance evaporate when he gets you to agree to have sex with him. That's his end-game.

Carl.

I would think that employing a game of unavailability will be easier than a game of apparent devotion.

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Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think you understand the player's psyche. A committed player has no use for an "easy" girl because she doesn't provide him with the challenge that reaffirms his skill and irresistabilty. So the perfect target for a player is a girl like you who falls for his bullsh*t lines because she mistakenly equates persistence and attention with commitment and devotion. As Giga said, the inevitable unhappy ending with a player is that all his nice words and persistance evaporate when he gets you to agree to have sex with him. That's his end-game.

Carl.

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Have you been a player Carl? ;)

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I would think that employing a game of unavailability will be easier than a game of apparent devotion.

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Not if it gets you nowhere near the honey pot. Here's the thing, too: players don't seem to be satisfied just getting laid. They want you to LIKE them. They want you to care. Then they want to drop you on your ass. They get off on it.

Hence, the Easy To Get routine. It makes girls like them.

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I would think that employing a game of unavailability will be easier than a game of apparent devotion.

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It can be, but I didn't mention that because it didn't apply to your question.

A different kind of player, the "bad boy" player uses the strategy you mentioned. By affecting (or by nature) the image of a sexy (dark, loner, animalistic) but disinterested guy, the bad boy player can attract the substantial number of unfortunate women who find it exciting to have sex with a guy who promises nothing beyond a raw sexual experience.

The girls who go for this are expressing their "inner whore" I suppose ... they like to be "taken" for primal sex. I don't know which type of playing is easier to pull off. The regular player has to do a lot more work, but the bad boy player needs a lot of animal magnetism and charisma.

Carl.

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Have you been a player Carl? ;)

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Nahhh ... players are basically insecure, that's why they need constant confirmation of their sexiness and skills to be happy.

I've always found sex for sex's sake to be pretty hollow and meaningless.

Carl.