High school relationship problem (please take it seriously)

Okay, so first off I just want to point out I am in high school and if you don't want to give advice about relationships relating to that, don't.

Okay so here's the situation, the year 10 formal (or 'prom' for you americans) is coming up in the next couple of months and there is a girl at my school that I have been talking to quite a lot lately, albeit quite flirty too, and I have been consdering just asking her out as well a to the formal.

I have a male friend (i'm not best mates with him, but I do talk to him at least once a day) that is also friends with this girl and talks to her a alot as well.

A couple days ago, he asked her out to the formal but stating something along the lines of "you're my last resort, I have no one else to go with" and my female friend was absolutely devastated after this and was on the verge of tears etc. and then he apologised. The next day she heard a rumour (that was true) that he was bragging/talking about this. And now, she has told me she is definetly not going to go to formal with him from that.

Ok now I've got that out of the way I want to add that I talk to this girl quite alot, as well in a flirty sense, but I am not sure if I am in 'the friend zone' or not. I guess this friend zone isn't that much of an issue in asking her out, but it still sort of is an issue I guess..

Now I've come to the decision whether or not / when I am to give it a go and ask her on a date and/or the formal.
I know this sounds selfish, but I don't really care about hurting my male friend in the act of asking her out as he hurt my female friend.

So I guess my question is, how long do I leave before asking her out (to give her some emotional relief from this guy) AND maybe some tips on doing so?
As I've never really had a real girlfriend before (I'm just going on 16 y.o. btw)

Do it tomorrow man! Don't leave her hanging, just ask her so she can stop worrying about who she's going with and start worrying about what dress she's going to wear etc, etc.

Your right as well: f-ck that other guy. He actually did you a favour, though.

Do you think I should ask her out once or twice before asking her to the formal (prom)? Or just go for it?

I only say this though as I've only been talking to her this like this and been this close to her for a month max.

Cheers for the help, I truly appreciate it.

no just ask her to the formal. You don't have to make your girlfriend yet, just ask her if she wants to go with you. If she likes you, you'll probably hook up at the formal.

And I'm from Sydney as well, I know what a formal is.

alright thanks bro, I'll go for it.

good man. ....

should I just straight up ask her or say like "I know you're still reeling/hurt from what happened [male friends name]" but... then blah blah ask her? (because I don't really want to give her too much pressure unless that's maybe what I should be doing? I don't know..)

sorry If these questions are a little raw/dumb, but I haven't had any 'real' experience so far with asking a girl out (or in this case to the formal) properly in my high schooling life...=\

Just ask her, ''hey, do you want to go the formal together?'' Forget all that other stuff.

K.I.S.S.

Keep it simple, stupid.

You definitely shouldn't feel bad. The male friend ****ed up by being a rude ass.

And don't worry about the friend zone. It doesn't exist much in high school. Friends date all the time. It's when you get older that women start to separate friends from potential dates.

Your asshole of a friend just pissed on a girl, and you think you need to wait before you hand her a towel?

I agree with most of the other answers you've got so far: Ask the girl out. Ask her out today. Right now.

After the way that guy treated her she's probably feeling miserable and rejected, and the best "emotional relief" she can possibly get will come from having a nice guy like you ask her to the formal.

Ask her right away, as this will give her emotional relief much better than you waiting.

thanks so much for your replies guys...

but uh oh i think I'm in a bit of a conundrum now. It's the weekend and I haven't seen in her person right, so I couldn't have asked her, but....

I was talking to her on msn and she's be talking to me about the formal in general and she seemed really kind of annoyed about the formal situation, and I made a bad decision by asking her what gave her the mindset of being hesitant about going. And i'll quote what she said: " this whole thing where everyones pressured to "go with" someone pisses me off you know?
like its yr 10, why cant people just go with their friends "
"this shit makes guys act funny"

I'm not sure if she's just still really pissed off after what my male friend did or if she really means it though...

she also was talking and said: "*the shit with (the male friend), and then someone else tells my friends hes gonna ask me to it, but doesnt know coz "lots may happen between now and then" blah blah blah and then someone else was full hinting theyre gonna ask me"

"i just want to throw bricks at them all"

I've started to really develop feelings for this girl in last week or so and now I have no Idea whether or not I should be asking her to the formal after what she's told me today. ughh.

What's your advice guys?

I'm not surprised she's annyoed. That was a really low act of your mate's.

People always say "I hate this pressure to go with someone" and "why can't people just go with friends,'' when they don't have anyone to go with, or they're freaking out about being asked. It's standard.

Don't worry about it. Do it tomorrow. Just ask her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sydneyite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

" this whole thing where everyones pressured to "go with" someone pisses me off you know?
like its yr 10, why cant people just go with their friends "
"this shit makes guys act funny"

I'm not sure if she's just still really pissed off after what my male friend did or if she really means it though...

---

Too bad it didn't occur to you sooner, but you could have laughed and said "is this a hint that I shouldn't ask you?"

ugh, my bad dream that i had last night has been realised..

she has reconciliated and is now talking to my male friend once again (I don't know what to tell you...i guess she's a teenager that's the only reason).

in addition she has been talking to me about her formal probelms which she has asked to keep 'completely secret' and how she doesn't particuarly want to go with this guy, but may still go with him, although there is another guy she has mentioned there was rumors might ask her out but she doesn't want to hurt him etc etc. I asked her who this guy was, but then realised what was happening (we are close friends and not so much boyfriend/girlfriend material) and said i didn't want to know and couldn't be the one to help her with her dilemma in this particular situation.

she was joyful and fine with that.
basically what i'm trying to say is that she probably would considers me too much of a friend. this thought has been in the back of my head all this time as you can see i quickly mentioned it in the first post...so i didn't ask her today. sorry guys.

i guess i am going to be grateful she is talking to me as much as she is as and considers me as much of a close friend to tell me this + not take this for granted.

i know what i'm about to say may sound spiteful or selfish to some people, but it really is not. because I am in love with this girl.. I am probably just going to talk to her in the short period of time on the way home tomorrow that i can and ask her about her formal problems and say that if she doesn't want to choose or can't choose or it is too stressful, (and be a bit sneaky here) 'being a good friend and all, if you don't have anyone you want to go with, i will go with you...' and say something about there being no pressure, and that i am there for her.
If she says no, it will probably kill me every time i see her with another guy, but I think i'll survive =] (plus a lot can happen in the 3 months till the formal i guess).

I kind of gather that we are this close in terms of 'good friends' because she has said this (after she asked me what i was doing and i said just 'thinking' or 'pondering' or some crap like that) "nawwwh, well im here if you need to, youve heard enough of my shit"

anyway, i'm a wreck now haha, so i appreciate any suggestions, and I greatly appreciate all feedback i have gotten so far.

thanks again.

well, looks like I won't be attending a year 10 formal.
they worked it out and are going with eachother.
all i can i do is be happy that she's happy..
and rest it all on the idea that a miracle may happen in 3 months..
I guess you can tell I am crushed...

thanks for trying loveforum.

Edit: It never ceases to amaze me how she took him back. He doesn't even like her I have found out, ugh... He liked her best friend. He's just going with her because she's the only girl he would be close enough to take.
And I love this girl.

sorry I just felt like venting haha..

Her message to me the night after he asked her out:
"yes
im on the verge of tears
i would be crying if i wasnt raging
im definetly not going with him now
he cant treat me like this"

It's a good lesson. For all their bluster, most girls will put up with a hell of a lot.

This is how you should ask: "Jane, all these guys are asking you but you don't really seem all that excitied about any of them, if you want to get out of it and cut the fuss, just come with me." [insert joke] and you should be golden. Even if she says no, you can play it off as a joke- "ehh, worth the try, wasn't it?"

I say **** it. Go alone, dance with all the chicks there, enjoy yourself. Sometimes women can be heartbreakers too.

Be the life of the party.

Or don't go to prom

I didn't go to a single school dance and don't regret it at all

They were all such an anti-climax.

All that shit: asking someone, the dresses, the tuxedos, the pre-formal party, the formal, the after party. It was all so contrived. And full of teenage angst.

Hey kid, take my advice and ask a girl you are friends with, that you KNOW you will have fun with. These dances can be expensive, and for that reason (and it being anti-climactic), it is best to go with a sure thing. My kids always have the most fun when they go with a large group of friends. Save the romance for another night.

update: don't ask me how the **** this happens.

but I heard from the guy and eventually the girl they had sex and are only just starting to go out a few days after that.
the morals some people can have...just ****ing confuses me.

Now I'm really heartbroken even though we were never together :|

I try to be happy for her because she may be happy, but it just ****ing kills me on the inside seeing one of my best friends with the girl of my dreams.

I guess all I can do is just persevere and become more of a friend to her and be there for her if/when it goes wrong.

Thanks for talking loveforum.
I appreciate it so so much.

ah, tough break man. Unfortunately you're only at the beginning of a lifetime of not understanding women. They do not behave in a rational way, especially when they're your age.

Just try not to be mad at her. She's pumped so full of hormones she probably doesn't know what she's doing.

This was a blessing in disguise, you wont think so or believe me right now, but in time you will understand.

Sex in high school is just asking for trouble, there are emotional factors attached to it that you never understand until you experience it yourself.

A girl that naive is not a good pick to start with. You may think shes the girl of your dreams, meant for you, blah, blah, blah. The reality is you are approaching college age and you will completely forget about this girl.

For what its worth, 10 year is a silly, over-hyped, expensive, DATE. I went to prom with a girl most guys I knew considered one of the best looking girls in school. I had fun, got to kiss her, go to dinner with her, dance with her, etc. Would I do it again? No.

Pictures, a photo album specially made for the event, a tux, I couldn't tell you where any of it is or if I still have it.

No one asked me to go to prom! Not even my Senior Year. LOL! I just danced with my friends and when I won Prom Queen I guess the Prom King became my date then. We hung out the rest of the night and went to all the after parties. I say that to say this... just go to the Formal. You don't have to have a date... just go and have some fun! You never know who or what you may get with and get into.

Formals are highly over rated and I agree with Vashti, take a friend, you will have way more fun! There is less pressure and you can just relax and be yourself. :)