Is he trying to screw with my head?!

So - my ex broke up with me abruptly in late February, 2 weeks after he told me I was "the one" on Valentine's Day. We dated for over 2 years, and we're both 22 now. After dumping me, he came back 3 weeks later and we discussed our relationship issues and how to fix them, because he never communicated that while we dated. We agreed to "slowly reconcile," and work on what needed work. He even told me he "kind of wanted me to get pregnant again," as I had gotten pregnant the previous year and miscarried. But, he didn't want to be "officially together" right then. He wanted to take some time apart but still kind of be "together," because he claimed if we jumped right back into dating and being normal, our relationship issues would NOT change... it would go back to our routine of fighting and whatever.

This so called "reconciliation" lasted a month. He ended it again after ONE fight, and I was rightfully mad about that fight. So we both went strict NO CONTACT for 3 months. Then the contact begins (ALL initiated by him, NEVER me). 1st time - he apologizes for hurting me and we have some small talk. A month later, he wishes me a happy belated birthday the day after my bday. I don't respond. 2 weeks after this, yesterday, he texts me saying he was just thinking about me and thought he'd see how I was doing... I break NC and respond. We "catch up" and I ask him if he's going to a certain concert on Friday because I couldn't remember if he liked them. (And I DIDN'T want to run into him). He said he "kind of" liked them, but has to work.

Today. He texts me AGAIN! This time, he asks me if that concert I was talking about is tonight. I tell him, "No. It's on Friday, why?" I'm sorry to be so detailed, but I'm just trying to paint the whole picture. He replies, "because I was thinking of going if it was tonight but nevermind." He knows I'm going... why would he GO!?!?!?! I don't respond. So he says, are you going on Friday for sure? I tell him yes, and more small talk follows. He keeps conversation flowing, and is still texting me hours later.

So... is he trying to be my FRIEND!? He always told me he could never be friends with me if we were to break up. Is he just screwing with my head? Should I just flat out ask him why he has randomly been talking to me after 3 months of silence? Is he looking for an ego stroke? We haven't talked about missing each other, or mentioned our relationship or breakup AT ALL, or asked if he or I are dating other people. I'm just confused as I figured he'd never ever speak to me again since he told me he "wanted me out of his life forever" over 4 months ago. My mom and a few friends think he wants me back...but I can't and do not believe that, and wouldn't unless he flat out told me that.

For what it's worth, we were each other's first loves, but I had been in previous relationships and had previous sexual partners, whereas he didn't.

He sounds lonely ...

and he can also be bored ...

It's too early to tell what's really going on ... Right now, it's just talk, so don't think too deeply into it. You were his first, so you're always going to be SOMETHING to him. I wouldn't think too much on it. You don't want to get back with him, so it shouldn't matter ...

I guess you're right, Tooxshort, it may be too soon to tell what's going on.

Anyone else??? I'm so confused :upset: I'm trying not to read into it, and take it for what it is, but I can't help but wonder what the heck he's trying/not trying to do.

If he wanted me back, would he straight-up come out and tell me? Without trying to ease his way back into my life first?

Ok so....

As he didnt asked u bout ANYTHING related to the time u2 been apart, then i believe he doesnt care about it. That can mean:

1 he still loves u and is a mature person that knows that this kinda conversation is useless (he will get hurted and u will get hurted).

2 he wants some1 to have sex, since you were his first and he KNOWS u like him that much u would be "easier" than others.

But u cant really judge without talkin with him more often, just DONT read into it.

Use ur brain and let ur heart take a nap, its hard but its safer for you.

Tori, this is messed up.

You were pregnant, at 22. He *dumped* you. Then he comes back & you get back together. He *dumps you again* at the drop of a hat. Then he says about wanting you to get pregnant again?

Read carefully this paragraph^ a few times. Imagine one of your girlfriend tells you this is her experience. What do you think?

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Yea. I think you're pretty dumb too. This guy doesn't know what he wants, or he's playing you. Tho he really doesn't sound smart enough for it. I'd say he's irresponsible with a healthy dose of selfish. You are stupid to continue carrying on with him.

Oh, and you might want to figure out what YOU want from a BF as well. Seems like you don't know. Mbe that means you shouldn't have one right now? Just saying.

Indie is right, what the heck? after the way he has behaved, if he outright told you he wanted you back (its coming trust me) you would consider it?

It is NOT too early to tell what is going on here: you tried to work things out, he pulls on the heart strings and tells you that he would like you to get pregnant again,( emotional gamer) then after a month he throws in the towel,(thank god you did not get preganant) then tells you he can't be friends and ''wanted you out of his life forever''

You have been given advice from your friends and family, and yet you stil need some other perspective on this?

If I am being harsh here, it is because the things we go through in life are supposed to make us stronger, the way people treat us is supposed to teach us how we want to be treated by others, and how we DON'T want to be treated by others...if you do not learn from these things, then whether it is him or someone else in the future, somewhere in the back of your mind, you find this kind of treatment acceptable...why?

email him and tell him to jog on....

reading carefully all the history again i gotta say that andie and bumblee are right.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM A BF ???

You need some boundaries, t0ri. He's treating you like this because you let him. Stop it.

How does it seem like I don't know what I want from a boyfriend?

First, you are asking the wrong question.

Second, you didn't understand Giga's post. You don't seem to have boundaries, which suggests you don't know what you want.

What do you want from a BF, Tori?

I don't want a boyfriend for quite awhile. I need to work on myself first, because I have no idea why I would tolerate my ex's behavior and consider taking him back! Especially since I would think every other girl doing what I'm doing/wanting to do is an idiot! I'm going to read this thread every time I have the urge to respond to his texts (assuming he'll text me again).

You're right, that was an emotional gamer for him to bring up the pregnancy thing because that was a huge issue for me. And I seemed to have forgotten the reality of all that he has done to me.

What do I want from a boyfriend? Someone who respects me, first of all, can make me laugh & be my best friend, is reliable and trustworthy, and one who actually cares and loves me and makes me a priority like I do him. That's all I ask.

Thanks for the harsh-ness. I need it. I honestly do not know why I would consider taking him back, if he ever wanted that. What's wrong with me?! I used to never be like this, I wouldn't put up with any BS. I think I'm just lost. I don't even know what (some of) my boundaries should be anymore. I feel so dumb and pathetic that I'm still pining over this guy.

Oh you're not lost you just needed a little DUH, wake up call. Just leave him to his own business, don't respond to texts and whatnot.

You will find such a guy!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away....

I was a bright eyed young kid. I was with a girl I loved more than anything in the world. At the time I was completely convinced she was the one. We were living together and nothing made me happier than her telling me she was pregnant.

I would get up to go to work every day and kiss her and her belly goodbye. (She wasn't showing she was only two months pregnant, but it still felt good.)

One night she started cramping very badly and spotting blood. I rushed her to the hospital. We spent the entire night in the hospital, there was nothing they could do, she had lost the baby. The doctor explained these things just happen sometimes and left us alone. I spent an hour holding her as she cried.

I took her home and tucked her into bed. I woke up in the afternoon to find her gone. I was out of my mind with worry. The doctor said if her cervix didn't close on it's own we would have to come back for emergency surgery. I flew down the stairs looking for her.

I found her naked crying hysterically in the fetal position on out bathroom floor. I'm a big strong guy. I'd rip someone apart for hurting her. I can fix anything. I jut couldn't fix this. My heart broke. I wanted to colapse and cry. That's not what she needed.

So I choked back the tears and I scooped her up and held her in my arms rocking her back and forth. It took me hours to calm her. She went to the bathroom and realized that she had finished passing our baby. She was devestated.

She went through a nervous breakdown.

Things fell apart between us. I remember the day she walked out of our home. Pride wouldn't let me stop her or tell her how I felt. I spent every night for three months crying alone sitting in a half finished nursery. By the time I got it together the damage was done. She was too hurt by losing the baby. It broke her heart that I let her walk out. She wanted me to stop her, to tell her that she was safe, that I still loved her,that she was my everything.

Miscarriages can be very hard on a relationship.

My point is that there may be a lot of emotions that have taken him time to work out, indeed he might still be working them out. Just because men don't verbalize how they feel doesn't mean that they don't. I think in a lot of ways we feel more and are more emotional than women, but we are taught to hide it and push it down deep.

Maybe it's worth having a conversation face to face if for no other reason than giving the guy closure.

I'll shift bak into my sarcastic response mode now. That's enough actual emotion and memories for one day.

DarkAzrael, that is THE only reason I would consider getting back with him - because I know that the turmoil and distress we went through from the miscarriage (it DEEPLY affected us both) was the turning point in our relationship. Everything about our relationship was perfect before that point. We just didn't know how to deal with what had happened. I wanted to get some counseling together, and he refused, so that probably says something. He kind of shoved it under the rug while I dealt with what happened and every emotion that comes along with it. That's just cruel of him to tell me he wanted me to get pregnant again, though and seemed sincere - and he told me if I did get pregnant, we would HAVE to be officially back together right then.

BUT, I don't think his motives behind speaking to me suddenly have anything to do with that, or me for that matter. They're all about him. And if he truly loved me, he would not have walked away from me. TWICE. He had his chances and threw me away both times. I will admit, though, that I had broken up with him twice before and he claims that the second time I did it, was the turning point in our relationship, not the pregnancy. So somehow I find myself blaming myself. UGH.

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Originally Posted by t0ri [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

BUT, I don't think his motives behind speaking to me suddenly have anything to do with that, or me for that matter. They're all about him. And if he truly loved me, he would not have walked away from me. TWICE. He had his chances and threw me away both times.

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Now you sound like a woman on her way. Good for you. Don't beat yourself up about what has passed, tho. Remember: live forever, learn everything.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by t0ri [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

DarkAzrael, that is THE only reason I would consider getting back with him - because I know that the turmoil and distress we went through from the miscarriage (it DEEPLY affected us both) was the turning point in our relationship. Everything about our relationship was perfect before that point. We just didn't know how to deal with what had happened. I wanted to get some counseling together, and he refused, so that probably says something. He kind of shoved it under the rug while I dealt with what happened and every emotion that comes along with it. That's just cruel of him to tell me he wanted me to get pregnant again, though and seemed sincere - and he told me if I did get pregnant, we would HAVE to be officially back together right then.

BUT, I don't think his motives behind speaking to me suddenly have anything to do with that, or me for that matter. They're all about him. And if he truly loved me, he would not have walked away from me. TWICE. He had his chances and threw me away both times. I will admit, though, that I had broken up with him twice before and he claims that the second time I did it, was the turning point in our relationship, not the pregnancy. So somehow I find myself blaming myself. UGH.

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Well it's up to you what you do. I will say that letting your pride get in the way of you heart is something you end up regretting for life. At some point you have the break the cycle of "he hurt me so I have to hurt him". Life is too short to spend it looking back with regret and wondering.

What helped me get over the loss was having a funeral. It didn't seem right to me that someone so important "didn't exist". Having a funeral and burying the toys I had bought allowed me to move on and grieve.

If you say that he just suppressed his feelings and showed it all down deeply and ended up hurting you, I can speak from experience and say that the further down you push the pain the deeper it seeps into you. It eats away at you and tears you apart. You try to not show emotion or vulnerability because that's what we are told to do since childhood. Then when you're alone you spend all of your time crying alone.

He's probably still very in love with you, but scared out of his mind. More than that he probably beats himself up for failing you. He blames himself for you losing the baby and feels he should have been able to protect you, to fix everything.

As boys we are taught to never cry, to fix what is broken, and protect. Women will never really understand but the thought alone that he failed you makes him feel responsible, hurts him just as much as losing the baby.

Maybe it's just me being very negative, but something is very fishy here, considering I know somebody who has done the same thing to his now ex-girlfriend as this guy is doing to you. each time, when he broke up with his girl, he was screwing around with other girls, and even banged a few when they were still together. Every single time he was done having his way with the girls he wanted, he would go kissing up to his girlfriend again with the same type of messages like "I miss you" and "I didn't mean to hurt you" e.t.c.

this happened every month or two, so your man may be ok, which in that case, if he is, I'd say you give him another chance, and if it happens a third time, stay broken up with him, and find yourself a new man.

I think no contact and moving on was strong :) I also think that your questioning his motives about contacting you are good. Obviously you cared about him but have come to the realization that what he had to offer wasn't good enough. I think if he is interested he needs to get it together and be clear with you and I also think u r right it is about him... he hasn't thought about you. Keep strong and be proud of the boundries you have built. Also, because of the past ... it is easy to wonder what they are up to etc but you can't really tell other than he was lonely. Looks like he was feeling you out to see if you minded seeing him in person. I think your response was good.