She isn't very responsive with text messages. Should I just walk away?

I met this girl. I got her number. I discovered that she lives 5 doors down from me on my street. I texted her and invited her over. She came. We drank beer on my porch until 7:30 that morning. She wore my hooded Adidas sweatshirt home with her. I didn't kiss her, but I did hold her knees while we talked.

A week and several playful texts later, I asked her if she'd like to accompany me to a Fall Apple Festival. She agreed and we went. It was a fantastic day time date. It did rain the whole time, but we had a blast none-the-less. After the festival, I went back to her house, made dinner for her, and we drank beer and talked until 1:30 am. I did kiss her this time for about 2-3 minutes or so.

I wanted to give her space, so I didn't text her the next day. I didn't want to seem like I was coming on like a Sherman Army tank. But now I feel like I may have messed something up. I have tried to get a response from her, but she is just so spotty with text messages.

I sent her a text two days after we kissed that just basically said, "You were cool at the Apple Festival. I had a nice time w/ you." No response. Two days later, I text her to ask when she gets off work. She says she doesn't have to work. So I ask her if she'd like to do something that night. She says she would, but she already made other plans. I said, Awww, that's a shame. Some other time then.

And now today... I texted her that she should invite me over for lunch this Saturday so we could carve a pumpkin and watch a DVD. She never responded.

I just feel like I have put forth 100% of the effort here, and she just sits back and either tosses me a crumb, or she ignores me altogether.

I ran all this by a female friend of mine, and she said that by me "giving her space" i.e. playing it cool, after we kissed, I rejected her, and that was a turn off. So now she is hesitant to be excited by my texts.

So my only question is... do I keep on texting her everyday, and just keep it light, to show her that I do care about her. Or do I just drop off the face of the Earth and wait to see if she comes around and contacts me for once?

Do not keep texting her every day.

Send her something to the effect of "Hey I'd love spend some time getting to know you, give me a call if your up for it" and then let it go. Toss the ball in her court and let her handle it from there.

I'd say lay off the texting for a while. Hopefully it gets her thinking about you more due to the absence and perhaps will initiate something?

The post above is a good idea too... let her make a decision.

definately put the ball in her court. shes probably not too sure after you played it cool after the kiss- for future reference its always good to send a msg or something afterwards that says something along the lines of 'i had a really good night' or whatever..so that she feels wanted etc.

I know you guys are right. It sucks too, because all this text bullshit has made me even more curious about her... and I hate that.

Before, I was like, "Well this seems like a nice girl. I think I'd like to get to know her more." Now, after a couple weeks of her basically quasi-blowing me off via text, I am almost on the edge of my seat about the whole thing.

It's definitely the not-knowing that is the worst. If she'd just say, "Look dude, you are a nice guy, but I just don't want to lead you on." That'd be fine. I could handle the kick to the balls, and move on. This stringing me along, blows!

I am decidedly picking up that she isn't into it though. My last two messages were...
"Maybe I just wanted to watch the DVD with you." and, "This is where you are supposed to invite me over for lunch..." And both of those went unanswered.

She'll answer any text message as long as it is about some dumb movie, or anything superficial. But if I even hint at getting to know her better or do something nice with her, those go unanswered.

Argh!!!

Hey why don't you CALL her!?

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey why don't you CALL her!?

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That's a very good point. Why don't I? I think the main reason is because she works so much, and for such long periods each day. She gets to work at 10:00, and then works until whenever lunch is over. Could be 1:30. Could be 2:45. Then she gets off for a couple of hours or so, and then goes back at 3:00-4:00 and works until the bar closes, which could be 11:00 or it could be 1:00. It just depends on if there are people in the bar or not.

Okay... all of what I just wrote is an excuse. The reality is, I like this girl, and I don't want to mess up. If I had just called her a month ago, everything would have probably been fine. But now that is has been a month of texting, and then the kissing, and the weird sporadic texting since the kissing... my head is not in a good place anymore.

Basically ladies... I've just got a good old fashioned case of the nerves. I am 11 years older than this girl, and she even told me herself that the last guy she dated was 11 years older than her. And she talked about him and how they only hung out a couple of times, but after that he started calling all the time and coming by the house etc.

It makes me very apprehensive that I am on track to giving her a repeat performance. I know she likes me. I even heard her telling her roommate what an awesome time we had. I just don't know how to proceed. If I do call her, what do I say? Do I ever address the sporadic texts? Do I ask, "So what's up with you not responding to my texts?" To me, that sounds like weird jealous needy boyfriend shit that no one wants.

I think you should call her.

You're right all of the above is just an excuse. If you get her VM leave one. I don't care what you know about her liking you. If she doesn't call you back the message is clear: she doesn't have time for you. Weather of not she likes you is irrelevant if she isn't going to make the time to see, call or text you that speak volumes about how she *actually* feels about you.

When you call hopefully you talk to her and if you do do not address the texts. Just try to talk to her, how is she, how's work, what fun things has she done lately, what fun things does she want to do soon and there is the gateway... ask her out to do one of those fun things she just mentioned.

If she truely likes you she will accept your invite and you hang with her.
If she can't go for whatever reason suggest another specific time or ask her when is good for her. If she really likes you she will name a time. If she doesn't she will say "I'll let you know" but she never does.
If she declines for whatever reason, you leave the ball in her court. Again, if she really likes you she will pick up the ball if she doesn't game over.

Goodluck.

CALL don't text- obviously texting has failed you. If you text I'm going to say "I told you so".

I wouldn't ask why she hasn't responded to your texts, if a guy asked me that I'd probably be more inclined to keep ignoring them but instead like others have said put the ball in her court tell her ( either via call or text) that you like spending time with her and if she wants to get together to give you a call.

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Originally Posted by pisces7378 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I met this girl. I got her number. I discovered that she lives 5 doors down from me on my street. I texted her and invited her over. She came. We drank beer on my porch until 7:30 that morning. She wore my hooded Adidas sweatshirt home with her. I didn't kiss her, but I did hold her knees while we talked.

A week and several playful texts later, I asked her if she'd like to accompany me to a Fall Apple Festival. She agreed and we went. It was a fantastic day time date. It did rain the whole time, but we had a blast none-the-less. After the festival, I went back to her house, made dinner for her, and we drank beer and talked until 1:30 am. I did kiss her this time for about 2-3 minutes or so.

I wanted to give her space, so I didn't text her the next day. I didn't want to seem like I was coming on like a Sherman Army tank. But now I feel like I may have messed something up. I have tried to get a response from her, but she is just so spotty with text messages.

I sent her a text two days after we kissed that just basically said, "You were cool at the Apple Festival. I had a nice time w/ you." No response. Two days later, I text her to ask when she gets off work. She says she doesn't have to work. So I ask her if she'd like to do something that night. She says she would, but she already made other plans. I said, Awww, that's a shame. Some other time then.

And now today... I texted her that she should invite me over for lunch this Saturday so we could carve a pumpkin and watch a DVD. She never responded.

I just feel like I have put forth 100% of the effort here, and she just sits back and either tosses me a crumb, or she ignores me altogether.

I ran all this by a female friend of mine, and she said that by me "giving her space" i.e. playing it cool, after we kissed, I rejected her, and that was a turn off. So now she is hesitant to be excited by my texts.

So my only question is... do I keep on texting her everyday, and just keep it light, to show her that I do care about her. Or do I just drop off the face of the Earth and wait to see if she comes around and contacts me for once?

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I have had 7 Girl friends so far and had sex with 4 of them. So, I think i can answer your query. So here it goes......

1. Don't do anything. Just concentrate on what you were doing. girls usually like those who are busy in their life. You did your job its her turn now. So wait and watch, But definitely don't keep thinking of her. Many girls come by in your life as you grow older. So, Keep it cool.

2. Don't try to impress her as it makes her believe that you are a pervert.

3. Don't give too much importance to her than your friends. Your friends are important as they were with you from long. If you start giving importance to this girl, it will ruin your basic life. Keep it cool until you both are intimate.

4.Never get too Personal. Give her some space and yo don't reveal too much yourself. Keep it less and let her wonder about you.

I guess that's enough

She was just using you for your sweatshirt.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey why don't you CALL her!?

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Exactly.

It took me 2 months to get around to answering a text from a close friend. So, unless you know she's a text-fiend and is just ignoring you, pick up the phone. You'll get your answer faster than the time it takes to read all these replies.

Call her. Texting sucks. Quite honestly, I hate delayed responses. If you talk to her on the phone, you will get a synchronous response instead of an asynchronous response. Texting is like sending someone an email. They will respond to it when they want to which could be never depending on what you say.

Everyone on this forum could vouch for me when I say that I texted way too much. I just came to the conclusion that I would stop being a whimp and just call, and it's actually helped out so much.

Women can be two-faced when it comes to text messaging anyway. They will tell you something on the phone different from their text message. Don't even text to make plans. If she texts you, then fine. If she doesn't, call instead of text, but never call saying "did you get the text I sent you?" That will make things awkward fast and the result won't be good.

And also, wouldn't you prefer talking to her? Your conversations will be more fulfilling if you talk to her on the phone rather than trying to text her.

Raze

Yeah... you see, the thing is that our conversations in "real life" are absolutely effortless. With my last serious girlfriend of 9 months, I have to admit now that our communication was NEVER effortless. There was always this slight blockage, or tension somehow. But with this girl, I can be myself instantly when I am around her. And she is way loose around me too. And she even seems like a pretty shy girl.

So the text messages are definitely not very "good for us". But I can't help but be affected. Maybe I am just being a little bitch. I wish I had just called her the next day after we kissed. Me trying to "give her space", I think just planted this virus in my head that has now turned into a tumor of doubt. And we all know that nervous self-doubt is to a woman what holy water is to a vampire.

Can I get an Amen ladies?!?

Amen!

Now call her you "little bitch" (your words). Goodluck.

Amen.

Not 'little bitch'. You big, much hair He-Man. Pick up fone like scruff of woman neck and make talk for go out and have big sex.

Okay? ;)

Obvious problem is obvious.

Phones actually have more functions than texting, try exploring these hidden features.

Okay, so last night I was at a bar with some friends, and who should stroll up with all her co-workers who just got off work??? The girl I've been writing you about.

She did say hello as she walked by me sitting, but then she just went inside and sat down with her friends (all female). I really didn't know what to do. I know all her friends "kind of", but not well enough to just pull up a chair and sit down like I'm part of their group. They looked like they were having girl-time, so I just didn't say anything for the most part. Then about 20 minutes before the bar closed, I sat down because one of them said hello to me as I walked past. It was casual. Nothing weird.

Anyway, when they all got up to leave, I went outside and stood off to the side kind of, giving her ample opportunity to stop and talk to me alone. She just walked on past and walked away with all her friends.

What do you guys think?

If you really like her then try to ****ing call her and talk 10 min

It means your a pussy who didn't make a move. DUDE, be agresssssssssssive BE-E aggressive!

If you don't call today consider this an epic fail.

So even though she was sitting in a corner against a wall surrounded by her friends, I should have walked right up to her and just started talking to her and her alone?

I can assure you I am NO PUSSY... there's nothing I wouldn't do. I just want to be as close to sure as one can be, before I do something stupid. I was married for 10 years, and even though I've been divorced for 2 years and single for 7 months, I still don't have my legs under me yet.

So I'm going to call her.

Where can I invite her? I don't want to always just sit on porches and drink beer, or go to bars and drink beer. I really like alternative weird things to do. Like the Fall Apple Festival that I took her too.

You should have done more than a pass by "hi". Think of it from her perspective. She kinda might like you. She bumps into this guy at a bar and says hi. He says hi back and that's it. In her eyes she thinks "wow, he can't really be all that interested..."

Call her. Ask her out. Every date can't be something unique and fun. You're going to have to do the "regular, old, boring" things too. It's the company that matters more, not where you are.

I know... and I agree. But women seem to be the weirdest creatures. Imagine it from my perspective.

I invite her to my house. She sends a text message that says, "Ok, all my friends are being lame, and I'm bored. I'll come over." So she's only coming because she's "bored" (which makes me feel extra special), but then she stays at my house until 7:30 a.m. and leaves wearing my Adidas sweat shirt.

Then I ask her to go to the Fall Apple Festival with me. She tells me on Wednesday that she doesn't know if she has to work that Saturday. NO BAR has that weird of a schedule that the servers don't know if they have to work three days later. She finally agrees on Friday, by texting me, "Saturday sucka! It's on." (Why would she call me a sucka?)

We go to the festival and have a fabulous time. We go back to her house. We laugh. I cooked dinner for her and her roommate that came home. He roommate is a cool girl, and when I was leaving she gave me a hug. The girl I am into said, "Oh I see, you give her a hug and are just gonna leave me eh?" So I say jokingly, "Well damn girl, you're the one all lagging back there. Come walk me to my car." She comes out onto the porch, and we talk for a minute or so about how cold it is, and about I have to get up early. Then I lean in and say, "I'm going to kiss you, okay?" She grins and says "Okay". So I do for about 3-4 minutes, but knowing that she was cold, I said, Good night and left.

And from that moment on, she hasn't acted the same. I texted her two days later that I had a nice time. She didn't respond at all. NOTHING. So I waited two days and then texted her that I don't think she'd like the DVD she borrowed from me, and that she shouldn't watch it unless I am there. She responds with a joking, "How would you being here make it any less of a bad movie?" Then I respond with, "Okay, maybe I'd just like to watch it with you." NO RESPONSE. Then I playfully text, "Come on girl, this is where you are supposed to invite me over for lunch on Saturday. We can carve a pumpkin and then watch a DVD. NO RESPONSE.

But when I see her two days later in a bar, I am supposed to rush right over to her and assume that she wants to talk to me? She has ignored everything that I've texted. She was with all her friends, and they were having girls night. I didn't want to roll up all sitting down butting in. Plus it was almost 2:00 a.m. and I had already had a few too many, I didn't want to be "THAT guy". So I played it cool. I did end up sitting down with them for a few minutes just before the bar closed, but I never got a chance to speak with her alone.

I don't know. She might be into me. Or she might not. I just can't imagine why she would ignore my texts unless she just wasn't into me.

She ALWAYS answers the texts that are playful and about nothing. Like if I insult her taste in movies, she responds playfully about my taste in movies. And we'll go back and forth like that for hours. But then if I bring it down to something even slightly serious, like getting together... radio silence.

Argh!!

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Originally Posted by pisces7378 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

(Why would she call me a sucka?)

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It's just a cute way of teasing a guy.

Ok I hear ya loud and clear. FREGGIN CALL HER. This is all cloudy to you because you still refuse to call her. I've said this since post one. Yet you make excuse after excuse. This is the end of the game. Call her tomorrow. If you don't you fail. Excuses are no more. You will have you answer yes or no.

You know girl68... I think I love you. Honestly, you are awesome.

Thanks girl!

Alright... I called her. It went to voice mail as I predicted. I left a voice mail that said...

"Hey *****. It’s *******. Sorry I haven’t called you sooner. This week has been absurdly busy for me. But this coming week, I can basically set my own schedule at work. So... I’d like to get together with you soon. I know that you work a lot too, so… I don't know what to do about that... I guess you’re just going to have to ask you to quit your job. Is that cool?
Anyway, I’ve got something I’d like to do with you so, give me a call back and let's see if we can arrange a day when neither of us have to work. Take care. Bye!"


That is pretty much word for word what I said (taken from memory). Now, if she doesn't call me back, I have to start thinking of a way to get my sweatshirt and DVD back. :(

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey why don't you CALL her!?

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you should call her.

CALL don't text- obviously texting has failed you. If you text I'm going to say "I told you so".

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

pick up the phone.

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Originally Posted by Raze [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Call her. Texting sucks.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Amen!

Now call her

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Originally Posted by Cbrider [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Phones actually have more functions than texting, try exploring these hidden features.

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Originally Posted by Chriso [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you really like her then try to ****ing call her and talk 10 min

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you don't call today consider this an epic fail.

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LOL. :D

(10 char)

I did call her. She is at work, as I suspected. And yes, I know this because I can see her driveway from my house, and her car is not in it... and NO I am not a stalker. :)

Oh well, we'll see won't we? She probably has to work until. 11:00 tonight. So if she doesn't call back by 10:00 am tomorrow, then I will just forget about it and sulk. :(

If she doesn't call, then she isn't very considerate. And who wants a girlfriend like that anyway?

Yeah, I guess so. It's just weird, because in person she is so lively and seems so into me. But as soon as we aren't together, and have to communicate via some other means, it turns into weird stand-off'ish'ness.

Hmmm Oh well.

So just to be 100% clear... you guys think that if she doesn't return my call, I should just literally never call her again? Just consider it dead in the water?

Ive been in these waters before...

You basically have done all that you can. It's all up to her now. If she digs it, she will return your call. If she doesn't, she probably won't return your call.

I wouldn't really hold her accountable if she doesn't call, either. Most girls will do this. Most just aren't as assertive as most guys, and thus wouldnt make a return call unless she had some interest in you.

If she doesn't call back, just say "Next...", and move on. It sucks, but thats just how the cookie crumbles i guess?

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Originally Posted by afterhourz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ive been in these waters before...

You basically have done all that you can. It's all up to her now. If she digs it, she will return your call. If she doesn't, she probably won't return your call.

I wouldn't really hold her accountable if she doesn't call, either. Most girls will do this. Most just aren't as assertive as most guys, and thus wouldnt make a return call unless she had some interest in you.

If she doesn't call back, just say "Next...", and move on. It sucks, but thats just how the cookie crumbles i guess?

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Yeah... that has been my experience as well. I guess the price for playing this game is a DVD and a sweatshirt.

It sucks a fat one too, because you just wish that girls would have the human decency to just let a guy know, "Hey man, I'm really sorry, but I don't feel the same way about you as you do about me."

I think it has something to do with age as well. This girl is 21 years old. I dated a 30 year old woman recently, that decided she just wasn't all that into me, and she straight up told me... "Man you are a great guy, but I am just not physically attracted to you."

It was fantastic! Sure, it sucked and it made me wonder if I am somehow an ugly guy or not. But those kind of wounds heal in a day or so... the NOT-KNOWING just throbs in your brain like a hangover that won't go away.

Just so you guys can see, I am attaching a recent photo of myself. If anyone of you would like to comment on whether or not I am gross or not, I'd love some feedback. The last person to even discuss how I look, was my mother when I was in 5th grade. She was a little biased.

Thanks for all your input guys.

Is that you? Smile man, you are cute!

IniReloaded... are you a guy or a girl?

LOL. I'm not going to spoil your discovery fun. With just a tad of research, you can find the answer to your question rather quickly.

You're a real pill, you know that?!?:D

I looked and couldn't find out by you profile.

Pisces I'm glad you finally called. Great message. Puts the ball in her court. Finally whew. Now it's up to her. If she doesn't call she couldn't have been all that interested. And you honestly don't want a gal who won't even put in the effort to give a guy a call so there ya go. At least you're not wondering right!? (And I'm not going nuts trying to make you call :P).

I know what you'll say: what about when you see her? Be polite like you were when you saw her at the bar. Short, and polite, that is all.

Well she didn't call back yesterday. I called her around 2:00 in the afternoon. She had to work yesterday until late. I went to bed around 1:00 am, and she still wasn't home (I promise I am not a stalker), so she was either working or she was out with friends or maybe even a guy. If she was out with another guy, then that would be über-weak, because she mentioned being single on several occasions.

I don't know. I guess none of this really matters. I don't want you guys to think that I am always like this; some needy, weak, weird-o, that posts on internet forums about when to call some girl. I just really like this girl. And we had such a nice time together. I've been in the dating game for a long time, and I thought I knew what was up, but with this girl, I swear there were ZERO tell tale signs of something being wrong. We laughed, we made jokey fun of each other, we kissed, I cooked at her house, her room mate/best friend loves me, I have an amazing high profile job in international television news, I didn't rush things, all of her friends know me and seem to think I am a great guy.

I really just can't imagine what it could be unless she is just not attracted to me physically. I am over-weight. Like I said, I am not clinically morbidly obese or anything. But I need to drop about 4 pants sizes. I'm just a really big guy. 6"4' tall and built like an NFL lineman.

But if she wasn't attracted to me, then why would she have kissed me. And it wasn't just me kissing her. She kissed back.

I just do not understand. And I want to understand so that I can maybe not make the same mistake again. If I was too stand-off-ish, then why didn't she even try to call or text me even once? If I played it "too-cool" or some shit like that, then why is she ignoring me now that I am trying?

Is it ridiculous for me to ask her what's up with all this? I mean, I don't want to be "THAT guy" that puts her on the spot, but I mean, damn! Isn't this way out of bounds for her to just ignore me like this?

There mere fact you waited so long to call could put any girl off. No matter how much I liked him. If she doesn't call too bad. Get over it.

And if you keep asking more questions I don't care what you say about not wanting to be the annoying, needy guy... you would be.

Now wait a minute girl...

You have to keep some perspective here. I know I ask you guys a lot of questions about this and that, and what I should do next etc.

But to her, I have never asked her a question that she didn't answer. When she ignored my texts, they weren't questions that required answers. It was always something like when I wrote, "I had a nice time with you the other night", she wouldn't respond to that. And one time I sent a text that said, "You should invite me over for lunch Saturday..." and she never answered that. And now, I have called her, and she hasn't answered.

Okay... when you line it all up like that, I guess I see your point. But to be honest, my main source of frustration is not that I am somehow in love with this girl, and now I've lost her or some melodramatic nonsense like that. I mean, sure we had a nice time hanging out and going on our one date, but I'm not in love with her at all. I am just dying to know what the hell I might have done wrong.

You see, this has just happened to me. There was this girl. She's 30 years old. We hung out, played pool, met at the bars a couple of times, and I even walked her home once and we made out. But after I made out with her, and tried to call her... she just clammed up. She wanted nothing to do with me.

She at least eventually had the decency to tell me that she just wasn't attracted to me. Which was fine. And I moved on effortlessly. But now, the not-knowing is what's killing me.

And also... what the hell?!? What ever happened to a guy trying a little harder? I hate the concept that I am just supposed to ask her once, and if she doesn't go for it, I just sulk home like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, thinking Awww shucks, guess she doesn't like me. That's bullshit. Two texts and a phone call, and I'm ready to pack it in? If that's the case, then our society really has become so casual and connectionless.

Some of the best relationships in the world started out with the guy constantly asking the girl out. Sometimes people are stupid and need to be jogged out of their own heads.