What could I have done that was sooooo ****ing bad?

I asked a girl out after 2 months of knowing/flirting with her. When I say flirting I mean she would say stuff like "You should personal train me, be my personal trainer." Well, I asked her out, and she said yes before I could even finish asking her out. I take her out, I hold doors, make her smile and laugh, we even locked eyes without saying anything a few times during dinner, and I also made some funny comments during the movie (which was depressing, though). We both seemed to have a really good time, and when I drove her home she talked to me much more "freely" (without me asking questions) than when I first picked her up. I popped open some mints and took one myself, then asked her if she wanted one, she said yes. When we got to her house I asked if she wanted me to walk her to her door, and she enthusiastically says yes. I walk her to her door, and before she goes into her house she gives me a hug (I was going to leave without initiating any physical contact because I didn't want to come on too strong, and no patting either during the hug). I kinda gave her a half-assed one-armed hug, but it's not like I pushed her away or something. She asked me if I was going to be in the gym the next day, and I said yes. It seemed to me like she really liked me and wanted to see me again soon and she said she had a good time and wanted to go out again. She also agreed to work out with me today (monday), so I could show her a few things.

Well, here comes the bad news. A guy in the gym told me that she is dating another "thuggish" guy as well as me, and he told her that he was glad she went out with a nice guy (me), and that I had nothing to worry about. Well, that kinda sucked, but here's the thing that is making me extremely angry: she completely lied to me about something really trivial just today. Asked her if she wanted to hang out with my friend and I, she said she had to go to IKEA with her dad. Okay, legitimate excuse, that's cool. When I go to the gym she isn't there, text her 30 minutes after the scheduled workout time, she responds that she is still in Baltimore with her dad, fishy, but okay. When I get home I look for her Facebook so I can add her to my FL, find it, and the wall update says exactly this: "day offff :) gym, getting nails done & mall w/caroline. get @ meee !"

So, she spent the day with her dad, huh? So what she really did was go to the gym early without me and didn't tell me even though we had scheduled to workout together, then went out with her friend(s) but lied about it, and lied again when I texted her while in the gym by saying that she was still with her dad in. What could I have done that would make her do this? She seemed to really like me, and really enjoy our date.... I don't get it. And I AM going to confront her about it, just casually at first and ask why she did this. I really don't get it. Lying to me about something so small and trivial after ONE date? What could I have possibly done to turn her off so much out of no-where.

Some people at just liars, doesn't have a thing to do with you.

Skip confronting her, just move on.

Sounds like she enjoys pedalling several guys at once and may even be a compulsive liar. I'd say back off and stay away.

it's called parallel dating, and everyone should do it if they aren't already. Until you become a real item and go exclusive it's totally normal to date a couple of girls or guys at the same time.

The thing with the internet is we can find out all kinds of stuff about people very quickly - try not to bring up the fact you know she was lying because you read on her facebook yadda yadda bad bad.

It's an interesting lie, but normally if a woman is interested they will reciprocate if they are busy. IE when you asked her to hang with you and your friend she says "I can't tonight I have plans, but I'm free Thursday if yuo want to hangout then" or some such.

I'd follow the other advice and either move on or do some parallel dating of your own.

Usually people lie because they do not feel they can tell the truth. Though it sucks that she is a liar. She probably really likes you and didn't want you to feel like she ditched you. Personally, honesty is better for me. I'd rather have hurt feelings.

I've heard two different things:

1.) I act uninterested in her and only talk to her if she talks to me. Basically, move on.

2.) Ask her out again, possibly looking like a total fool because of what I know, and possibly getting rejected.

I know it seems like it would be easy to just "move on," but it's truly disappointing that the first girl I ever ask out turns out to be parallel dating and a liar... As well as being a party girl, stoner, drinker, and supposedly a slut (heard it from a friend). The funny thing is, even with all those horrible negatives, I still feel like I want to ask her out again...

I'm leaning towards just holding it all in and trying to move on and not talking to her. What should I do?

Welcome to life, my friend. And the part of yours which still want to ask her out, it is just your ego which is hurt. Don't bother about her. Move on, you'll find a much better girl :)

Just make sure to check exactly when she posted that update. You don't want to get all huffy and look silly.

She posted the update saying: "day offff :) gym, getting nails done & mall w/caroline. get @ meee !" at 12:13 PM, and texted me saying she was meeting he dad for Xmas shopping at 12:35 PM. Then instead of working out with me at 6:00 PM she texts me saying she's still out with her dad at 7:02 PM. So.... Thoughts on this?

Change of plans? Even if that's not what happened, it COULD have happened, so you can't go all Daffy Duck on her about it.

It has nothing to do with you per se. If you're so messed up about it just ask what's up with the facebook status. See what she's got to say.

I walked in, she noticed me (kinda hard to not see who walks through the loud door right in front of you) and said "Hey!" So I replied with a smile and "what's up." Yes, "what's up" with a PERIOD, not a question mark. She then says "Look at this! Do you like it?" or something, and shows me her new tattoo on her lower stomach, right above her underpants (don't ask why I went into detail, I just do that). So I said, "Cool, I guess. It's alright." And walked away to start my workout. Didn't see her at the end when I walked out, she was in an office talking with a bunch of staff members.

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Originally Posted by Jhcl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I walked in, she noticed me (kinda hard to not see who walks through the loud door right in front of you) and said "Hey!" So I replied with a smile and "what's up." Yes, "what's up" with a PERIOD, not a question mark. She then says "Look at this! Do you like it?" or something, and shows me her new tattoo on her lower stomach, right above her underpants (don't ask why I went into detail, I just do that). So I said, "Cool, I guess. It's alright." And walked away to start my workout. Didn't see her at the end when I walked out, she was in an office talking with a bunch of staff members.

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Playing it very aloof aren't we? Careful this hasn't turned her off of you completely... Here's some things to consider.

If she lifted her shirt to show you the tattoo she opted to show you a little skin... most girls are completely aware of who and what they show to guys. Not typical flirty behavior but flirty for sure.

She might think you were put off by the tattoo or something, who knows. You played your card so if she's interested she's got the next move I think. Just wait and see!

It is possible she sent the text about meeting up with her dad BEFORE she actually met up with him. You are still new to her so she may not feel like it's required of her to display timestamps on everything she does. She's got her own life, y'know. If you wanna hang in there and get to know her better, you're gonna have to grow a little backbone. Calmly bring it up. Say, "Hey, it sucks that we couldn't hang the other day. I would've liked that."

And every girl should be parallel dating! In fact, every person should. It's a great way to figure out what you like/dislike in relationships before settling.

Um yeah it's over and it didn't even start.

Dude, you fail.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Um yeah it's over and it didn't even start.

Dude, you fail.

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What do you think I should have done?

Well, you want to come off as attractive, right? Getting huffy and giving her the cold shoulder because you feel slighted by something that MAY have been a misunderstanding is not attractive behavior. You guys don't know each other that intimately yet, so deciding that she's a liar is pretty harsh. Like I said, she doesn't owe you a time stamp on every one of her activities. She's trying to live her life, you should too.

Now, if you want to get back in after already giving her the cold shoulder, you might try approaching her by saying, "Hey, sorry if I seemed unlike myself the other day. I have stuff on my mind." Which you do! Hopefully, if she is into you, she'll inquire if you want to talk about it. Maybe you can even ask to see her tattoo again, which will show you are interested in something about her.

i'm sorry to hear that man. i think tho u didnt do anything wrong. it was HER fault for lying to u in the first place. and dont let this weigh u down. u'll b able to find a way better girl that wont lie to u.

Okay, enough bullshit. I'm going to give you all some more info...

First of all, we're both young. I'm 19 and she's 18 (PLEASE FACTOR THIS IN). I've been getting advice from different people. Some guy friends have been telling me to act polite, but uninterested in what she says for 1-3 weeks to see what she does, so if she did lose interest this could possibly increase interest and attraction (I do not want to be in the dreaded friend zone, either) because she may wonder why I would go from nice guy who talks to her multiple times (going out of my way) during my workout, to just saying hi and bye (with a smile) but not going out of my way to talk to her at all. That's why I said what I said to her. This was my initial question, what did I do to make her lose interest? I have an idea, but am not sure.

But I'm feeling like shit. I like her for more than just physical looks, and I know what I feel for her is more than just lust... And that's one reason why I am starting to re-think this 1-3 week "ignoring her to see if she talks to ME and is interested." The other reason is this, she has guys talking to her (possibly hitting on her) all the damn time every day while at work, AND she is dating another guy, so why in the living **** would she care if I (even though I was mr. nice and took her out on a date) starts to ignore her? In other situations where the girl wasn't surrounded by guys drooling over her, it would make sense to me, but I'm in the worst case scenario.

I wish I could turn a switch and turn off whatever is attracting me to her, because I really don't need this shit. I don't want to seem like a complete asshole and have her totally hate me, but I don't want to be a huge chump and go to ask her out again (knowing all this information) just to get rejected (look like an idiot, at least in my own mind) or used so she can tell her friends she scored some chump who pays for every date and asks her out even after she blows me off which gives her another "chump trophy" to add to her mental collection case.

I'm thinking that I was waaaaaay too nice to her (seriously, if she is dating a "thuggish guy" maybe she doesn't like nice guys).

you have to build attraction by giving her something to be attracted to. You can't establish that without talking and going out with her in some fashion.

Don't focus on buying stuff, that's definitely a chump thing to do. What's important is the time you spend trying to get to know her, and that shouldn't cost you anything. Grab a cup of coffee and go for a walk. Meander around the mall. There are plenty of things you can do without spending money on her while building some attraction - just don't think you can build it cuz you took her out once and then blew her off.

When you went out with her the first time did you have any chemistry going on? touchy feely flirting and whatnot or was it standing at a distance and just conversing to converse. Your gut probably knows if she was digging you or not.

Bets of luck, in the end there isn't really a fool-proof method because every girl is different. Just be fun and give her something to be attracted to and hope for the best. If you get rejected at least you can move on and know for sure - right now you're unsure. Bump into her at the gym and tell her she should take you out for pancakes some day in the future. Be creative.

Wow... Her friend talked to me and totally gave her up... Like everything I didn't want to know....

Her friend told me all this **** like she was in a relationship with a guy for 3 1/2 years, and the guy started to be a total weirdo ***-**** creep late into their relationship. I found out that she has slept with "only" (her friends words) three guys (not too bad... BUT SHE'S ONLY 18 AND MOVED DOWN HER NOT TOO LONG AGO). Oh, and the guy she is "dating," she isn't dating, she's just ****ing him. Also, since she was in a long relationship, she wants to be single. Told me that she is attracted to ***-****s who play hard to get and those dumbass games and ****, I'm not into games nor am I an ass-hole. So, this chick has low ass self esteem. Her friend was telling me all this **** about how I should ask her out again, and she's been telling her to go out with a nice guy, blah blah...

Oh, she blew me off that one day we were supposed to work out because she's embarrassed to work out with me. Supposedly she believes that I'd think she's fat or something. Oh my God, I'm going to be such a chump for going out with her again.

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Oh my God, I'm going to be such a chump for going out with her again.

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Haha, if she seems like too much of a fixer-upper, then forget it. No harm done. See? She was nothing to get all up-in-arms about, just another chick with some more issues. Sounds like she's screwing this other dude as a confidence-booster. She'll find out that it'll do nothing for her self-esteem.

It's your move now. Most likely she's not going to listen to her friend that is referring to you as a nice guy, especially if this chick is into head games and playing hard-to-get. That is BS.

She may like you alot, espcially from what you were saying about flirting for a couple of months... It may be that she didn't want you to know that she was going out with her friend because she didn't want you to be thinking she could be meeting other people while she was out.
Try putting it to one side and seeing if anything can be salvaged... if something is worth having its worth fighting for. Trust me. If she see's you are truly interested, she may open upto you alot more! :)

Bad update.... She said yes to going out today on Wednesday, so I called her to make sure, no answer. Texts me a couple minutes later that she's at work so I text back "just makin sure we still on 4 2nite." I get a long text back: "Actually I can't tonight. I forgot tonight was my mom and brothers last night here. I have to go out to dinner with them." Well, I'm totally done pursuing her after this. Why you ask am I being so brash?

Her myspace update says that she's hanging out with a friend.

Trust your gut. She sounds like too much work and not compatible for you. Forget her & find someone more suitable.

I knew it was going to be awkward in the gym, but wow, it is awkward haha (don't really care though). Women truly are special. She's a ***** to me, and cancels on me, and she is acting like I did something wrong? Ignoring the **** out of me? Jesus, I have A LOT to learn about this special breed... I really don't know what this chick is playing. I'm about to leave the gym and always get a drink of water from the fountain before I leave, so I walk over there, and it seems like she purposely timed some **** out because she comes walking up behind me and says "Hey, what's up," I turned around and she has just made a call on her cell, and I just thought, "Wow, what is this ***** playing?"

Sounds sketchy to me. Don't risk being her plaything.