Printable View
After ignoring my ex gf for a while now, i replied to her email today telling her that its too hard for me to be in her life right now. I decided to call her on the way home from work, and we got to talking. Basically i initiated the conversation about this other guy she's with, and it turns out that she is in love with him. I can't even fathom what's happened, or how i lost my gf of 6 years...f*ck everything.
Awww sorry about that Roger :(
That must be realy hard to hear
Try going out and having some fun with other girls usaly that help me feel alot better, even if i'm not interested on those other girls
Weeks after we broke up and i found out she was hooking up with this guy, i sent her an email telling her that i have to move on with my life. She got really upset and wrote back that she thinks we are meant to be together and doesnt want to risk losing me forever. She said that she would get back together with me in a heartbeat. Then she followed up with a voicemail saying "hey baby, i just want to let you know that i am dead serious about what i said in my email. I would do that [get back together] in a heartbeat."
I saved that voicemail to my phone. I keep listening to it over and over right now, and it hurts so f*cking much. The love and sincerity in her voice just devestates my heart hearing it now. She still loved me. We still had that connection. She was still my girlfriend. I still had my life. She isnt even the same person when i talk to her now, like i was a horrible person to be with. Hearing that love in her voice - now that she isnt in love with me anymore - it just destroys me; its too much to take in. What i wouldnt give to go back; I would do and say so many things differently. Dammit make it all go away :sad2:
sorry to bring it up and everyone else might know, but why did ya'll break up? and if you wanted her back, why didn't you get back with her when she said she would get back together in a heart beat? just curious so maybe i can give my words of wisdom! :)
Well i'm sure there's someway for you to see all my posts and read about my break up. But to sum it up: My girlfriend wanted a break because she was "unhappy". She decided this after only 6 years with me. But she said not to worry cause we'll get back together.Quote:
Originally Posted by luvtif
I was with my girlfriend for 6 years, went through college together, vacations, graduation and first real jobs and new cars. 5 months ago she wants to just take "a little break", but insists that everything will be fine. She didne even want me to tell anyone cause she didnt think it would last too long. within a week she ended up hooking up with another guy (it was obviously out in the open before). That didnt go over well with me at all, so i wrote that email (like i said above), and she gave the response from above. After talking with her about everything, she told me that she has never loved anyone so much, etc. so i decided to respect her initial wishes and continued on our break.
But as time went on she became more serious with this other dude. EVERYONE told me not to worry (including my ex - she said she had absolutely no intentions of pursuing him seriously). Her mom, dad, 2 sisters, 3 of her good friends. Told me not to worry because she isnt gonna move on with some guy with a dead end job and no college education. My ex insisted for 4 months that "everything will be OK with us". But as time went on she started to bring up all these problems with our relationship. She claimed she was "unhappy".
So here i am, lost the girl i was with for a quarter of my life, for seemingly no reason. Nothing happened that should have ended a 6 year relationship. She jumped right from our relationship head first into another one in a couple weeks. This guy is living at her place now...f*ck her...
That really sux. i would say its a phase and she'll get over it, but i guess i don't know how long she's been doing this-maybe she won't. I have been with my bf for almost 6 years and i can't imagine being without him---but yet i can cause sometimes you just want some excitement and "newness" in your life. if it was me, i'm sure i would outgrow it, but if not maybe your two weren't meant to be. maybe you will meet someone even more amazing than she was. best wishes to you!!!
Ok dude, since EVERYBODY so far in your life, including people in this forum, have told you that it'll be ok and not to worry cuz it will all end soon; I will be the first to tell you it is NOT ok. I'm sorry to say, and I'm not saying this cuz I want to hurt your feelings or anything but let's face it, it's over. I think the minute she said she was "unhappy" and hooked up with another guy already goes to show that your relationship was not "serious" for her. I mean for somebody to just break up from a 6 year relationship would be extremely devastating for both sides. But to act as if nothing has really happened and go and hook up with another guy within a few weeks. That's BAD. I'm sorry to be the first to say this but I think you should forget about your gf. And trust me, I know how it feels when your gf wants to break up with you and you start to slowly notice her liking another guy within a short period. But let's face it, if that's the way she's gonna be then she's not worth all this drama.
What you should do is take your mind off of things. Go out more often. Hang out with ffriends more often. Get to meet new people. Who knows, maybe over time you'll find somebody new. I'm not saying right away but definitely taking your mind off of things will help you heal. And a word of advice, take her oout of your life. Don't talk to her, don't see her, don't do anything that has to do with her. Once you gradually get used to having her not being around and stuff or talking to her...etc it'll be all good. You were running a good race dude, 6 years is commemorable (sp?), but you slipped and fell down. Now it's time to pick yourself up and get back on the hunt!
i've gotta disagree with that a little bit. who says she is not upset. so she wasn't happy, broke it off fine.(that doesn't mean it wasn't serious for her. people have needs and if she was unhappy, hers obviously weren't being met). but the fact that she hooked up with a guy soon after could be her coping with the situation or taking her mind off of it. that said, i don't think you should sit around and wait on her to call the shots, roger. move on, no matter what her intentions may be-she is hurting you. she might expect you to still be there when this escapade is over. do you want to be used like that? of course, being in 6 year relationship myself, i know this is easier said than done. fell for ya man.
I guess i should elaborate a bit and fill you guys in since you probably werent here for my original posts (and I need to get everything out of my head for one last time). First, I agree with you Kermy, its over. It was over a long time ago; more than 5 months ago. But i she should have been more honest back then so i wouldnt have had my heart crushed over a 5 month period. I guess the point of this post was to say that, not only is it really, truly over, but she has fallen in love with "the grass is greener on the other side" guy.
I have completely severed her from my life. I cant talk to her right now without it making things harder. What i dont understand is that, in the beginning it seemed like everything would be ok. And she claimed that she didnt fall out of love with me, or anything like that. She just wanted a break. And she didnt want to pursue this other guy seriously. So i cant understand how things got to this point. I guess i will have questions that i will never be able to have answered...sucks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kermy
she falt out told me not to wait around, even back then she said that. and i'm not waiting around for her. even if she offered to get back together right now, there's no way i could do that. too much has happened between us. she knows this was a decision that she was making and she knew the consequences. and yes, months ago she was very upset, and there were times where we were both crying to each other about the situation. But she wasnt happy with me. I have a lot of resentment because she didnt even let me know she was unhappy, or give me a chance to fix things until it was too late.Quote:
Originally Posted by luvtif
shit, reading this makes me scared of long term relationships :)
Ill keep it nice n short, i dont have much else to say that i can think of atm :s
What makes my whole break up twice as depressing is that, as sad as it is to say this, i really dont have a life outside of work (and my ex-relationship. She WAS my life [bad move]). i just moved to a new area, so i dont really know anybody here. i have absolutely zero girl friends that could even be potential dates/hook-ups/rebounds/whatever...etc. AND, i only have contact with 2 of my good friends, who both happen to NOT have any other friends or connections where there would or could be women to meet. So how the hell am i gonna meet women??? i have to start from f'ing zero.
I know exactly how you feel in that situation. And yes, sometimes it just happens, people "fall out of love". But I think you should be open and honest with the person then at that point,a nd not drag the hurt on and on. Like she did in your case.Quote:
Originally Posted by RogerPodacter
My ex did the same thing, except when that "better" woman broke his heart he came crying back, and it took me 2 weeks of his begging, but I realised I did not need him, or even want him anymore. HE hurt ME, and I was not gonna let him do it again.
But, it's a very good thing you realised it's over and that YOU don't want HER back. That's a big step to take, and I think once you reach that point it slowly (and I mean slowly) starts to get better and hurt less. And, I know it may not seem it right now, but you will find someone better. It may take some time, but you will.
Well. you're not alone. I had a similar thing happen.. although we weren't involved as long. He said he wanted a break and said it didn't have to do with anyone else. I found out through the grapevine he IS seeing someone else. I am SO pissed and the pain is awful like you're saying Roger. So.. anyway.. I'm feeling the same things.
Actually I talked to her today for the first time in a while, and damn did we talk. I initiated it because i wanted to give her a Gmail invite (which, BTW, I have plenty of, if anyone is interested in getting an account). We talked about everything that has happened during and after our relationship, and how we feel, without fighting or anything. It was a nice and calm conversation, i guess since some time has passed now. We talked on our way home from work (about an hour and a half). It started out with her asking about a girl that she knew i used to like at work, and why i havent yet pursued her. Then it went to lots of stuff about dating, relationships, marriage, etc., just like we were 2 good friends talking to each other. But eventually we got to more serious issues about us. I wont go any further except to say that i'm not sure if i did the right thing (even though its way too late anyway to save anything between us anyway at this point). But I spent about the last full hour of our conversation in tears, spilling every thought and emotion that i had in me to her. I told her how hard it is for me without her. How she doesnt truly understand what an important presence she was in my life. How much i valued her as a lover and friend for the last 6 years of my life. How special she was to me because i didnt have the most healthy childhood and family life, so she became the most solid and important presence in my life. How i loved her more than anything in the world and would do anything to make her happy. How much i missed her and missed being able to confide in her. How i would give anything just for one last <hug>, <kiss>, <drink>, <cuddle>, etc. How hard it is for me to get close to someone and open up to them, which i was with her. I let it all out, and in a way it felt great. And i also felt bad for dropping all that on her, and for letting her know badly she hurt and crushed me. She just listened. She continually said how sorry she was, how bad she felt for hurting me, how she missed me. And she cried at times. There were times when we both were choked up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rach
And she is happier now in her new relationship then she was with me. She's in love with him, and she's finding things in that relationship that she didnt find in ours. And i'm happy for her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogerPodacter
In a way, I think anyway, that that's a good thing that you got to talk to her like that and get all of your feelings out like that. I didn't get the chance to do that. And I think keeping all that pent up inside can make things a lot worse. I'm glad you were able to say you're happy for her and mean it, even though you may be hurting. That I think is one of the biggest steps you can take towards being friends...
I haven't replied to any of your messages but have read everything with interest (basically because I was going through a similar thing). I guess this is what people call closure.
Onwards & upwards from hereon in (even if it requires friends hauling you up by the seat of your pants, as mine are frequently doing at the moment!)
I told her that I wish she would have told me the first night we broke up "I've fallen out of love with you and I dont have the same feelings for you anymore." But she said that wasnt how she felt at the time, that she WAS still in love with me and had feelings, she just wanted a break :shocked:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rach
so why did this happen?!?! i had to just sit back and watch her fall out of love with me, and watch my relationship go down the sh*tter. in Feb 04 she was interviewing near my apartment cause we were talking about moving in together. things were great between us. now she is in love with someone else and talking about moving in with him. WHAT HAPPENED! it isnt fair.
Well this guy that my ex is now with has liked her for many years. So i'm sure he is gonna really try and make her happy. If he does leave her i think she knows that she couldnt return to me because how ruined things are between us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rach
oh i know its over, and i know i'm not "supposed" to want her back. Everything in my brain doest want her back. But my heart still wont let go and that part of me does want her back. its so hard to move on and meet someone. it was hard enough just meeting her! i hope hope i do meet someone better. i really do..Quote:
Originally Posted by Rach
So let me get this straight.
A) You two were madly in love and were meant to be together forever.
B) She broke it off with you because she was unhappy.
C) She said she would get back with you in a heartbeat? Or that she was serious about getting back with you.
D) She started to see the other guy after 2 weeks of your 'break' from each other.
E) She said she is in love with the other guy.
Sorry to bring up all these depressing points. But sometimes you just have to deal with it, just like everyone says. Personally, I think she was stringing you along. I mean she said POINT C but did POINT D and E. Maybe she loves the fact that she has a guy to fall back on (sorry to say thats u). Or maybe her new man doesnt provide the emotional support that you gave her (not yet anyways). It seems like she likes hearing the fact that you miss her, want her cant live without her. She is stringing you along, stop calling her (period). You wont find closure by talking to her if she keeps feeding you BS about getting back together with you. If she really believes that she wants to get back with you and you two were meant to be, she would have done it already. So point A is out of the question.
I know this is sad advice. But I've been throught it and actually, it feels even better to get over it and fall out of love. Its a better feeling than falling 'in love' because at that point, you gain yourself back.... you're at a point where you love yourself more than anyone else and thats how it should be, you cant love someone else if you dont love yourself first (or give yourself some respect and stop letting her take advantage of you).
Good Luck
Hey man, Im in a similar situation, g/f broke things up, and i was on a major downer cos she was my life away from home but i beleive things happen for a reason so I picked my self up again, or at least tried to. Then i found out within 4 days of us breaking up she had slept with another guy and that just pushed me down even further.
We broke up cos she didnt want to be tied down so young and wants to live the single life again. And its hard for me to even think of her in another relationship.
But its been two weeks now, (not long i know), but cos im living mostly on my own as a result, ive had plenty of time to think. Ive realised that she was an important part of my life and i feel strongly about the "what if's" and the "if only's" in our relationship. But then i think "what if" i had never met her and it was some one else instead, would i be happier? The people you meet and are with can change the whole path of your life for better or worse. I believe that things happen for a reason and if you and her wernt ment to be, its better to end it now while you have SIX good years together than twenty bad and realise you have been with the wrong person most of your life and be left thinking......"if only"!!!