edit: removed for legal safety reasons given my unfortunate situation. Story is: my ex accused me of assaulting her when i did not. all this was at a time of uncertainty and when she was playing around with me.
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edit: removed for legal safety reasons given my unfortunate situation. Story is: my ex accused me of assaulting her when i did not. all this was at a time of uncertainty and when she was playing around with me.
Firstly, sorry to hear something so awful but.....
Before I can comment, can you please tell us what is was that she did which you didn't agree with? Was it something illegal?
What were you arrested for if I my ask?
Secondly as you were in her place were you prevented by law to see her, I am not following when you said you were arrested for breaching a bail condition. What happened?
I know is difficult but please explain more maybe we can help you!
thank-you.
no, it wasnt anything illegal by law. you could say illegal by relationships on the moral and ethical grounds. she was trying to contact a guy she had a one night stand with. she is in her 30's and has 2 kids, and is divorced. if she loved me alot like she said, and we had that connection, closeness and intimacy that one can only imagine and if I am a "perfect gentleman" like she said then why do it?
this is the #1 reason why relationships go bad and fail, because of these things and she knew it.
she basically said that I assaulted her on 2 levels which was never true. on one of the counts, its weak, very weak but serious in terms of the type of assault, and the other is even if you say touched a person by the hand or accidently bumped into them, that is assault pretty much on a very low level.
as for breaching the condition she said i was trying to contact her and tried sending threats which is complete nonsense as that is not me at all and she knows it and im not stupid to break something or do something against the law and she knows this too. im a man of honesty and integrity. she never has had nice in her life until I came along. I can tell and she admitted that to me.
maybe i gave her too much freedom. i dont know but im never the one to control or argue or anything. i dont believe in such things.
Ok nevermind ...
huh? ......
What a sticky situation you've found yourself in. I really hope things turn out ok for you legally.
Some people here might disagree with me, but in my experience people with a long history of trouble often times bring it on themselves. They complain about past abusive boyfriends, and then either run back to them, or run to another that's just as abusive. They complain about past drug problems, and then continue to find friends with drug habits. They complain about money problems, but keep quiting their jobs. Some people just can't get their shit together. They will always find ways to screw up their life, and will drag down anyone that's unfortunate enough to get close to them.
I can only hope you've learned a lesson here, and in the future you'll avoid women that seem to have nothing but bad things in their past.
well I do agree with you to some respect on that.
thing is, over here its so difficult with the way women are (no offence) and their high standards and I never get a chance. Not even a date. as with her, it seemed pretty mature, and level headed but obviously I was wrong.
for one woman to do this to someone like me, just makes no sense. this time last year we were close together and now, apart and im being taken to court. makes no sense at all.
i supported her in every way, at one point she wanted to quit her job because of the low pay but i encouraged her and talked her round to not doing that at all, and because of that she stuck and was proud of it and furthermore with my motivational talks to her, she even got a pay increase.
how many people would REALLY do what I have done for her? Answer: very few. VERY few given the way today's society is. I always put her first and never catered for me at all as I valued her. She was the queen of my world and these things arent just something I say.
There's nothing you can do about it. People like that will destroy everything in their path to ensure their life continues to suck. You said her ex was an asshole. Well, there's a good chance he started off being a nice guy like you until she sucked the life out of him. She's probably going around telling people how much of an asshole you are.
There's nothing you can do but try to avoid women like this in your future. Also read the sticky post here about White Knight Syndrome.
indeed nothing i can do but suffer in pain for something i havent done and have my heart broken when we agreed and knew we would always be together. bunch of lies. and im in trouble.
Legally I hope things work out for you. After that take some of the heart break, and turn into productivity and creativity.
thanks. but i dont have much faith or hope either way to be honest since women here get the upper hand always.
Such is life. You work in the music world. Why do you think there are so many songs about broken hearts? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Tech [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
no idea as thats not something i come across/do
my primary role is in IT. everything I do is not because I have to but because its my hobby. i beleive you can do anything you want as long as you can make it happen and if its a hobby, it can easily become a job :)
ha! I work in IT also. Where are my global awards?! You must be doing something right. :)
Hey Tech thats not a nice position to be in and I hope the legal problems you can work out, just keep fighting.
Theres alot of simularity about your story and how things played out with me and my Ex GF. She had a history of mental problems (manic depression) a very difficult childhood and had a string of failed relationships and a 6yo child. Im pretty niave but i did fall for in love with her, like you id describe myself the opposite of a player, reserved and also im in IT. We didnt last and it all ended when she met someone else...
You say you would often go home or leave when she would confront you or get angry, I'd do the same, I found thats probably a mistake, in my case every time I backed off things would escalate. I thought I was being calm and didnt want to upset her any more but in my case she saw it as a form of rejection, me leaving etc. You also said she told you she was "comfortable" and felt "sane" with you, the Ex told me the exact same line... Perhaps she appricated the support you were providing, money, emotional support and the encouragament. Why contact the guy for the one night stand? probably to see your reaction and how you'd deal with her, I suspect she is very insecure about everything?
I'd agree with shheadz here totally, these kind of women literally suck the life out of every man they get involved with, when you fall for someone its so hard to remain objective you see things so one sided. Try stepping back and thinking, actions tend to be much more genuine than any kind word she ever told you. As for why would she do this to you after everything you did for her? Who knows its probably just the way she is and always will be. Dont waste time on trying to make sense out of it, you'll probably get a few answers blaming her bad past etc, but really now thats her issues to deal with and not yours.
Best of luck with the court case, remember to keep fighting and don't stoop down to her levels in this, when its all over with and it will be, move forward and dont ever look back.
Chazza2k and shheadz are both correct and I can't really add anything further tbh.
It sounds like your typical case of someone offering the world and delivering nothing. You end up with the worst bitter taste because... did any of it mean anything?! was any of it real?!.
Like Chazza said, try not to make sense of it. You wont be able to. Just try your best to move on and mentally prepare yourself for the court case. As crappy as the court system can be, its rarely wrong. Stick to the whole truth and you should come out fine. lets just hope she sees sense before it gets to court. Would save a lot of hassle and stress.
Hey Tech. Remember I told you my brother was going through the same thing? Well, his case went really well. The judge basically threw it right out, since it was so obvious his ex was lying.
Glad to hear that gigabitch. im VERY happy for you. VERY happy for you :) Good job.
unfortunately in the UK, the rules are more stricter than the states. Given the fact of what had happened at xmas time, there is no way the judge will throw it out. its definately heading for the trial and dates will be confirmed in march.
im just so lost and scared as I said. words cannot describe that feeling at all. there "is a case" to answer they say over here which means, at no point will the case be dropped especially since it involves a serious (but minor) charge against a woman (domestic) which never happened any way!
His case wasn't dropped- it went all the way to court. The judge heard both sides and determined that there was no way her version of events could have happened and that was that. This could happen to you, Tech. Don't give up hope. You didn't beat her and it's possible that the courts will see this.
Judges don't actually look too kindly on women using the court system, wasting taxpayers' money, just to punish their exes.
well I would hope so. but in today's society it is common for men to "abuse" women sadly and do the things she has alleged. she knows i dont believe in things like that which again is one of many reasons why she fell for me as its just not within me, not my nature.
i just hope and pray it will get dropped (unlikely) or I win.
Wow, that's one f*cked up situation. I hope you'll get out clean.
indeed its messed up but dont think ill get out clean to be honest. im so messed up in the mind because of her. makes no sense.
Wow.Good luck.I feel for you.
I know the feeling of being messed up in the mind.My heads a mess and i'm sick of not sleeping.
Really I hope all goes well my friend.
my "story" just isnt believable is it? ive just had someone say that to me.
great. just...great.
just as i thought/suspected that even though you try to be a good person and know you are, is never good enough. i may as well just plead guilty and not only get a record as well as the punishment, but also be on the offenders list for something i did not do.
damn. i still keep seeing/remembering how great we were and what we usually do together, me being a gent and taking her out, having a break away from her kids. be it going for a walk, or watching a movie, or taking her out for a meal.
I still remember that during the summer, I took her to this little place which had a small river stream and a shopping mall around it, with restaurants outside and we sat outside of one of the restaurants and had dinner. was absolutely wonderful, and remember seeing smiles on her face and how she held my hand.
Then we would come back to mine and just curl up on the sofa together, before getting ready for bed.
jeez. i really should shoot myself. all the things ive ever dreamt about I did with that woman and meant heck of a lot to me, and her. what a waste.
Hi--
I'm sorry to hear you are in such pain. I agree with the others on this board that it sounds like she is pretty damaged and, in a sick way, wants to keep it that way. Sometimes it is easier to stay with "what you know", than change for the better.
Much as we humans want to believe in "forever", it doesn't necessarily exist. I have no doubt she was sincere in all her talks with you when she told you of her love and undying devotion, but people can change.
That doesn't mean we have to stop trying or stop believing in people. It just means we need to always be able to rely on ourselves also...for our own happiness and own self worth.
As hard as it is, do not have any more contact with this women at all...even if she contacts you first. You're in trouble and you need to preserve your own welfare.
I know you thought she was the right women for you and I know how terribly it hurts to find out she is not. You're not alone and, it's hard to believe now, but I promise the pain will lessen over time.
Tech, if you are really going to court you'd better delete your thread (just delete the first post you made). Despite the directions against, juries DO research the internet & your post has enough specifics that it could be found.
Just saying.
thanks. I appreciate that.
you maybe right indiReloaded but the jury wont know anything about this or who is involved until about maybe 2 weeks before the trial. but they still would have to stick to the facts given on the day and nothing else.
i will edit the first post and if anyone wants to ask what it was, feel free to PM me.
Yes, but the mighty Google crawls non-stop these days. If you left it much longer it would definitely be cached, might already be. Hopefully not, good luck with everything.
Got the call from the solicitor yesterday and have an appt for the end of the month.
She basically said that she is preparing an expert report which will include retrieval of content for emails and text messages that were sent between us.
But also for the recent unfortunate incident about apperently trying to contact her through IM which wasnt true.
I am just very worried if something shows up regarding the last part. Reason I say that is because I don't have her on my contact list but I was talking to other people and changing my screenames and so on.... as one does, so it makes no sense on why she said I was threatning her, which wasnt true. What type of woman is this? Seriously. From loving each other to death, to one wanting to actually kill themselves - dramatic/extreme woman she is!
But I know for sure, I did not contact her or spoke to her on IM. why she has me on her list, if she does, is beyond me.
The reason the solicitor said that she wants the experts to analyse the IM stuff is for her credability. That's fine but even that I dont think is big enough for having her credability in doubt.
but does make me think on how they can retrieve things like this.
I thought I would update everyone with my situation.
My father sadly passed away 2 weeks ago. I had to drop everything and travel abroad including my mom and sister. They are still there but I came back last week to take care of things.
I also saw something on the internet. This person posted on a site, begging for money from people as she is apperently getting evicted (again.....previously, I stopped it by loaning her money) and says that she has "broken free" from an abusive relationship, which is not true.
she also makes further accusations that I frauded her bank account and she had a large sum of money etc.... (really? Since when did she have a large sum of money....if she did, then why ask me for money?)
Now this is good evidence but do not think it can be used in my case/defence sadly.
I also just found out she is moving to live closer to her parents. Funny. Last year she wanted to move in such difficult financial times but didnt because I told/explained why she shouldnt and she agreed and felt it wouldnt be right. Now she is moving.... interesting. how did she manage to come up with the money and so on?
its like she is getting away with it, showing "happy" smiley pictures of herself but is supposed to be abused, traumatised and so on? give me a break, im the one suffering and I still miss her big time. That love we had will always be there regardless how much mud she puts on it. she just cannot accept she was at fault but blames everyone else.
she also got me arrested 2 days before xmas for apperently breaching my conditions by threatning her? this was never true and I was so scared. What could have happened was that I could have been kept in custody until the trial! Thank goodness that didnt happen but still, its so horrifying. I cannot believe she is like this and has done this.
I have a meeting with the sols tomorrow but again, as time is getting closer to the trial, the case is petty but my defence is weak and have nothing to stand on I believe. :(
she is getting away with it.