Possibly Making a Mistake/Two Women

So here's the deal: The ex and I have been broken up for close to 2 months now. I say broken up, but honestly we didn't even really break up. We just sort of separated if that makes any sense. She started talking about being too stressed with life to deal with the relationship, and she started hanging out with friends most of the time. Her and I were still hanging out a couple times a week though, but she was never clear on her intentions. Were we just friends? Was she slowing the relationship down to a less stressful level? I didn't know, but I felt like I was being strung along, so a few weeks ago I completely broke off contact with her.

I started to feel really lonely, which was made worse because I knew she was out having a great time with friends, and I don't have any friends here. So I started talking to another girl that liked me. I'll call her headache girl (Inside joke between me and some other LF friends). Headache girl and I hooked up a few times, and we're still talking. She's coming over tonight to watch a couple movies.

Here's where things get complicated. I'm moving to a different state in a month, and I started to think about how much it's hurting my ex that I won't talk to her. She told me it's hurting her. I decided she's really special to me, and I don't want to leave this state with us not talking to each other, so I broke NC. She invited me to her place the other night, and we slept in the same bed. She ended up curling up next to me, and slept in my arms the whole night. The next morning we laid on the couch together cuddling, holding hands, and eventually had sex.

I have no idea what her and I are doing. I don't know if we're in a FWB situation, or.. Hell, I just don't know, and we've never been great with communication. I know she'll run if I ask her what's going on, because it's the pressure of being in a relationship that caused our split in the first place. I do love her though.

So that's my problem. Do I break things off with headache girl or not? Headache girl is a sure thing. I know she's really into me, and I like her, and I like her company. The ex isn't a sure thing. For all I know we won't hook up again before I leave. Neither of the relationships have a chance of going anywhere because I'm leaving soon, but I'd happily drop headache girl for just a few more special moments with the ex.

Dude. Please tell me you at least use condoms. Damn.

I'm sure you already know this, but you're being terribly irresponsible with Headache Girl, emotionally speaking. You're stringing her along and using her, which sucks even if she's into it.

I think you should break things off with her, clean. She was just a rebound fling to you, but you were more to her than that. That's not fair.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you should break things off with her, clean. She was just a rebound fling to you, but you were more to her than that. That's not fair.

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Yeah, but she knows I'm leaving soon, and we're just having fun, and enjoying each others company while I'm still here. So I don't really feel like I'm stringing her along.

How would she feel if she found out you porked your ex the other day?

Giga has a good point on the last post.

Alot of times too, even though a woman says "It's all good" to a fling, they can't help the emotions that come along with being with someone you click with, so you really don't know how she is feeling.

My best advice, break off whatever it is that you have going with headache girl. Also, concentrate on your move to another state. Maybe when you get settled wherever you are going, you can meet someone there & be more stable in that you can have something more with the girl if you want to.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How would she feel if she found out you porked your ex the other day?

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I know. As far as she knows the ex and I aren't even speaking to each other, and I have no feelings for her. She doesn't know what I'm doing behind her back, so I suppose I am stringing her along in some weird way.

I hate the way girls assume they're the only one. I think we should assume we AREN'T the only one until we have The Exclusivity Talk.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I hate the way girls assume they're the only one. I think we should assume we AREN'T the only one until we have The Exclusivity Talk.

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Hrm.. well I'm not exclusive with either of them, so I wonder if I should feel bad about this at all. I say feel bad, because the only solution I've come up with (that I like) is simply juggling both of them till I leave, which makes me feel sleazy.

Believe me, they are very likely both assuming that they're the only one.

I guess in the long run it doesn't really matter, since you're leaving anyway. Just don't get busted and use condoms.

Well at least you have a conscience about the matter. For some guys I know (most of which, thankfully when we were younger) this is just any given week for them. Throw in maybe another girl or two.

I don't want to hurt either of them. I know/think the ex would be hurt if she knew about headache girl. Although I honestly have no reason to believe she hasn't been seeing someone too. That's partially what makes me feel conflicted here. Why give up the company of headache girl to be more faithful to the ex, when the ex could very well be using me.

Oh well.. I guess I'm going to juggle them both, although my gut tells me it's going to blow up in my face in a bad way.

Well, we'll be here for you when it does.

Reminds me of the R Kelly song...

"My mind is telling me no but my body, my body's telling me yes.
I don't want to hurt nobody
But there is something that I must confess...........

I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind"

I'm not sure why you feel the need to keep anything up with either one of them as you're leaving soon. Aren't you just complicating things for yourself? Unless you're able to have a long-distance relationship with one of them after you leave, what's the point? Having a sex partner for a month?

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what's the point? Having a sex partner for a month?

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And having some company.

Well, if neither one of them is assuming exclusivity, and you're all practicing safe sex, you're not really doing anything wrong. There is no problem in theory, but like any other FWB situation, there is always the chance that expectations differ.

BTW, your ex really has no right to be hurt that you're seeing someone else. No matter how serious it is.

Yeah... I think what's really bothering me is I might end up having to lie to one or both of them to pull off the juggling thing, which not only makes me uncomfortable, but could screw up any chance of having a long term friendship with either of them.

I notice you haven't assured anyone you're practicing safe sex. I know I'm beating a tired old drum, but it can save lives.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I notice you haven't assured anyone you're practicing safe sex. I know I'm beating a tired old drum, but it can save lives.

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Oh.. didn't think I needed to say anything about that. Well, I didn't with the ex, because she's on the pill. I am with headache girl.

I was thinking last night that I shouldn't be messing with the ex at all. I'm at that post-breakup stage where I only remember the good times we had, and have conveniently forgotten about all the bad times. I also came to the conclusion a long time ago that I'd never be happy with her, so I don't know why I'm even bothering.

In the back of my mind I was hoping to work things out with her before I left, and then maybe we could figure out a way to keep seeing each other. The topic of her moving with me did come up before we broke up. But that's dumb. I'm letting my loneliness guide my decisions.

Sheadz, I think that sounds wise. You know that something doesn't feel right about this situation. Otherwise, you'd not be posting here about it.

You'll get over her eventually. But you're not giving yourself the chance by bringing her back into your life. No contact with the ex is going to be the best thing for you.

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You'll get over her eventually. But you're not giving yourself the chance by bringing her back into your life. No contact with the ex is going to be the best thing for you.

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We work together a couple nights a week, so total no contact is impossible. I did try. I tried completely ignoring her at work, and after a week of that she started to feel really hurt, and I hate being mean to people.

Honestly though I'm alright. The night we spent together was kind of a good thing, because I saw my feelings for her had changed. I still adore her because we shared something special together, but I don't feel in love with her anymore. Maybe it's something we both needed to see if there was still anything there, but I don't think there is for either of us. It's actually helped me move on more.

Well if the night you spent with her was a good thing, then now you can move on from your ex & work more on yourself & your move.

Now have you thought more about what you want to do in regards to headache girl?