Take for example, the people posting in the general love advice section. Do you think that they generally take our advice? Or do they go off and do what they want anyway?
Most don't come back and update. So I always wonder.
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Take for example, the people posting in the general love advice section. Do you think that they generally take our advice? Or do they go off and do what they want anyway?
Most don't come back and update. So I always wonder.
Answer B. Totally, or 90% of all posters are B. I was one of them :)
I believe that most people come here for commiseration, not advice. They want to be heard. Some are open to listening to what others have to say, but most are just backed into an emotional corner and looking for relief.
I think the poll is too black & white. I've taken the advice I get here, but I do falter from time to time during moments of weakness.
I voted B, too. I think one needs to be in the mindset of wanting help and most just aren't.
Although I think if the forum can help just a handful along the way to have an "a ha!" moment which might keep them from making a mistake they'll regret, then it's totally worth it.
Well I actually took your advice, so I have to vote for A. :)
I vote B for majority.
I miss the members who would come, not get the advice they want, throw a fit and say they are gonna delete their account.
Those were entertaining.
Well, it's supposed to be to a certain extent. There is always a grey area of posters that follow some of the advice. Or all of it, but then make the same mistake in a completely different circumstance.Quote:
Originally Posted by shheadz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I certainly wouldn't that people should follow LF advice like a mantra. After all, people should make their own choices and mistakes sometimes. As long as they're not causing the suffering of others, they can be good learning experiences.
For this particular poll, I'm more or less referring to the people who make one post, and we never hear from them again.
You've crossed the line into *gasp*....regular!
"One of us! one of us! Gooble Gobble we accept you!" <---Very twisted movie reference.
i think some of our advice is really hard to follow. like when we encourage somebody to get a divorce or leave someone they're miserable with. those things have to happen on their own time. but i think eventually they follow it, or they see why we advised them that way. at least if they don't they take it to heart.
+1 for the Freaks refference!
I don't know about the one time posters, but I notice people who post in a thread 3 or 4 times will often scream about how we "don't understand", "you people are cruel" or "our relationship is unique" THEN take our advice. That's always fun.
When I finally left my drunk-ass, neglectful husband, I got flack here for "not dealing with the problem". I didn't take it too personally- that person had not just spent 10 years with Mr. Stinky.
I got some great advice from forum posters about the rocky moments in my current relationship, though. You guys are great at getting me to simmah down, now.
Even if people don't follow our advice to a T, they do keep it in mind and it does seem to change what they would've done otherwise (even if just a little bit).
For that reason, I chose A.
Also, we tend to remember the instances where people don't follow our advice more so than when they do.
Maybe because they are majority?Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanctuary [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Or maybe because the people that follow the advice don't come back, so they are hardly noticed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pettit-Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't think it's just the forum, it's human nature in general. When you're having relationship issues, you want to talk about it with whoever will listen. Everyone will give you an opinion....your mom, your online forum, your best friend. No matter who gives it to you, you don't take the advice until you're ready.
I think a lot of people come on here in fresh pain needing an emotional release, someone to talk them down off the ledge so to speak. They may hear what we say, but they don't take it to heart until they're ready. Some are ready right away, but most need more time.
I think it depends on the question. The "He does, this, this, and this" posts and the "break up with that loser" responses - I think that advice almost never gets followed.
But questions which ask how to address a specific problem, like, "how do I get her interested in sex again?" or "what should I text her?," I think that advice gets taken a lot.
True. I guess I can say with all honesty that I came here looking for a place to vent, someone to hold my hand, and someone to say "everything will be alright". So any advice given to me at that time would have been totally wasted.Quote:
Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I swear I remember maybe one or two posters who said 'Thank You, You really helped me, I think I won't have to come back here.Bye' .And I swear again, I remember a lot of posters were saying 'You guys are crazy haters, You don't understand nothing,Your advice is shit,I'm leaving!'Quote:
Originally Posted by shheadz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Maybe that's why I stopped to respond to as many threads as I used to... Cause those people almost never listened to our advices... And that's the fact, cause I know it . :o)
In the short time I've been here, I only remember one successful follow up post. Some shy kid who couldn't muster up the courage to talk to a girl he liked in school. He did, he posted about it, and he never came back.
I wrote a successful follow-up in my first post. I told everyone I had followed the advice and had broken it off with the dude and got some very supportive responses. I was already leaning that way, but the advice I got helped tipped me over the edge.
In my early posts here, I got a good number of followups.
Maybe it's that first impressions stuck with me but people here for the most part really did listen to what I told them.
Nowadays, I'm too lazy to give advice and I no longer contribute to this forum like I used to.
No because most of it is innacurate and constantly repeated. Anyone who tries to given practical advice is argued with constantly.
Anyone who follows the normal ' You'll be fine, just work on your personality because that is what really counts ! ' will get endless praise. This advice is paramount to asking for magic fairy dusty to help you with your minor life troubles.
I know this, because I did the experiment. Anyone remember ?
Ah yes, well if the advice involves breaking up with/hurting a man in some way, then that advice is usually given and followed to the letter.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There was a thread about a professor and a student where a number of posters had to vehemently intervene to stop this sort of thing from happening. If it had, the result probably would have been bad for both parties either way that it went.
Some people have come back.
Doesn't matter much to me since it's all just leisure, anyway.
Most of the time, when posters give advice to break up with someone, the advice is given because STAYING in that relationship would be more hurtful to the OP than leaving it. We are here giving advice to the OP not their hapless other. This goes for both genders.Quote:
Originally Posted by BoredGeorge [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Don't bring your woman-hating into my thread. Go peddle those papers somewhere else.
I voted yes. For the most part I think it is, and I haven't been here for long but I've already taken note of a lot of good tips. :) Now, I came here because of that messy situation with the infamous non-girl... I'm still talking to her, and I'm not completely over her yet, but at least I'm making a little effort to get talking with other girls and not letting myself get carried away by those feelings. So I guess I'm following your advice just in part.
The advice that probably gets ignored the most is "non-contact". That takes a lot of willpower to do, not easy at all. I ignored it myself... I agree it's important but sometimes you can get addicted to a person just like a drug... you probably understand...
Where can I get some of that magic fairy dusty? I'll pay good money for it.Quote:
Originally Posted by BoredGeorge [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
No, they don't take our advice INITIALLY. If they come back its always the same story: "You guys were right, I should have listened."
Welcome to life.
I agree with Giga, I think most people are here for group therapy and not for advice per se. They are here because they need some psychological air and to know that other people have been through the same as them and they are not alone. The occasional fights that break out I think have little to do with bad advice, but from people feeling not accepted.
I agree with BlueSummer, sometimes you just need to get things off your chest and you maybe feel you can't talk about with friends or family and its nice because you can spill your guts and not feel judged in the same way as you might with people you really know yet you still get different points of view.
Yeah, I came here and spilled my guts before I spilled it to my friends and family. I couldn't bear the shame of being judged by people I cared about. I can handle strangers ripping me a new one, but not people I care about.
I did listen to what people said, but applied it only when I had the mental strength to do so. I think it took me almost a year. I came back obviously.....that was four years ago now.
I'd be curious to know, if LoveAdmin wants to run the query, just how many members have 1 post. Maybe 2. There seems to be a large number of people that pour their heart, get a bunch of advice, but never say anything more. No thank you. No "ok, I'll give that a try". No nothing. They just disappear after that first post.
Edit: With that in mind, I can understand why a lot of the regulars here keep their initial posts short and almost carboned copied.
A lot of the regulars don't bother responding at all to someone who is brand new. I mostly respond to the threads posted by people whose screen names I recognize, and I respond to teenagers. Anything more on my behalf is just sporadic.
Ditto^.Quote:
Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My impression here is that people usually already know the answer to their problem. What they are looking for is a way to get over their mental block, fears, or other obstructions to doing what they know they should. Or, some simply need to know their situation isn't nearly as dire or unique as they think it is.
This place can be very helpful for that, I think. The anonymous nature of the forum means there is no ulterior motive or agenda for the most answers they get. Even those horrible answers are diluted by the volume of responses. Its about as close to 'true answers' one can get without climbing the mountain to see the monk in Tibet, IMO. Especially with the quality of many of the posters here. Collective consciousness effect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shheadz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Well yes, because those people pop on here with one thread, and it's the same question with the same answer. I can only vary my answers if there's some variation to the posters situation.
I swear I have a filing cabinet in my brain with responses to every single standard 'situation' that comes up here. Six years of it will do that to you.
Indeed. FWIW, my own personal experience echoed through this forum revealed that this experience isn't unique, which was of great help.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Nice thing about this forum is that the replies are genuine and practical answers, not the usual 'pull yourself together' crap.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I recently had one lost case and won case (i think hehe). Still I'm for B :)
Did that bend your head out of shape, or were you able to focus?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pettit-Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The lost case was pretty annoying. It was about a girl who can't let go her ex,even tho he doesn't love her and never was. I don't like when I give my story and people ignore the things I say. She is making the same mistakes that I did. I don't like when people don't want to help themselves :)Quote:
Originally Posted by workaholic70 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And the second one is pretty easy, but I can't say if it's won case,because this girl is out of her relationship pretty fresh. Time will show :)
It didn't bend my head out of the shape tho, I mostly have no emotions towards those people. Why should I?They are strangers :)
It can be pretty frustrating when you see the same thing pop up, but these people feel like their dilemma is so unique, like it requires a team of neurologists to issue proper advice. So they fight you with tooth and nail about how wrong we are because we don't "know" them.Quote:
Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You stop caring so much.
6 years will do that to you.