I'm in love with an "ugly" old man!!

Here's the story:

I'm a 28 year old woman... not the prettiest in the world, but I look OK.
I've always liked older men. By older I mean 35-45 year olds. Being 28 and having a relationsship with a 40 year old man is not a big deal, but what have happend recently makes me feel disgusted!

I've falled head over heels in love with one of my co-workers. He's a 61 year old ugly man... and I don't mean "ugly old man" in the kinky porno way. He's unattractive and has never had a relationsship in his whole life!

He has the greatest personality ever and he's very easy to get along with. At first, I liked him as a great friend, but now I have fallen deeply in love with him and I know he likes me too.

You can laugh if you want, but I can't control my emotions :upset: I'm ashamed of it. People always say those pretty words about not being shallow and love the person, but when I do that, Im ashamed of it!

What to do? Should I try to forget about it or go for it?

Um, do you want to try to figure out WHY you have a thing for crusty old men?

I don't think you love him if you're going to talk about him that way. Just saying!

Maybe I said it the wrong way. He IS attractive to me... but most people would find him very ugly. I know I shouldnt care about what other people think, but I do!

I dated an old woman when I was in college.


She was a lot older than me, and not attractive at all, but she was very wealthy. She bought me expensive things, like a 10k dollar suit I still wear to this day, its very comfortable, like wearing only a loincloth.

I did perform for her, she was very crusty but she could really get the juices flowing when it counted. I still think about her from time to time.

Only the good things.


Paul Cho

Ew Paul. Just ew.

Ok OP, you say you're 'deeply in love' with a man you're not even in a relationship with. That tells me something right there. What you are is deeply infatuated. You are making too much of your feelings for them and by doing so are amping up the intensity in your own head. What you are feeling is likely a rush from something considered taboo.

One of my bosses had the hots for me once and I didn't really like him (because he was a man-ho). But his interest coupled with the fact that dating him would be so dangerous and scandalous got me excited about the possibilities between us. Luckily I had the common sense to talk myself down off that ledge. It would've been disastrous.

Sit down and think about this a little more rationally.

Ok so if you dig the guy, he digs you, then who cares about what other people think?

If you really like him then it shouldn't matter.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ew Paul. Just ew.

Ok OP, you say you're 'deeply in love' with a man you're not even in a relationship with. That tells me something right there. What you are is deeply infatuated. You are making too much of your feelings for them and by doing so are amping up the intensity in your own head. What you are feeling is likely a rush from something considered taboo.

One of my bosses had the hots for me once and I didn't really like him (because he was a man-ho). But his interest coupled with the fact that dating him would be so dangerous and scandalous got me excited about the possibilities between us. Luckily I had the common sense to talk myself down off that ledge. It would've been disastrous.

Sit down and think about this a little more rationally.

---

Maybe you're right. I'm a very emotional person and maybe I got my feelings all mixed up, but true love or just foolish passion, it doesn't matter because I feel like shit anyway.

What exactly are you 'ashamed' of? the fact you like an other man or that you like somebody who isn't attractive to others?

The only thing I would question is why he has NEVER had a relationship with something in 60 years. That surely can't be just down to looks. I think that is the scary thing, not that he is 30 years older than you!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by miss_behaving [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you're right. I'm a very emotional person and maybe I got my feelings all mixed up, but true love or just foolish passion, it doesn't matter because I feel like shit anyway.

---

Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

You admit to getting caught up in your emotions, so you know that maybe you are making too much of this? Why do you feel like shit?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by abra kadabra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What exactly are you 'ashamed' of? the fact you like an other man or that you like somebody who isn't attractive to others?

The only thing I would question is why he has NEVER had a relationship with something in 60 years. That surely can't be just down to looks. I think that is the scary thing, not that he is 30 years older than you!

---

Im not ashamed of the fact that I like an older man. I've liked older men before and even had relationsships with them, but those have been pretty youthful older men that most women would find attractive.
Yes, I am ashamed that I like a man who isn't attractive or even "ok" to others. Sad, but true.

I don't know why he has not been in a relationship. He's a great person... it's a mystery! Maybe he doesnt feel comfortable with himself or something...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

You admit to getting caught up in your emotions, so you know that maybe you are making too much of this? Why do you feel like shit?

---

Yes, I know I might be making too much of this, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm attracted to him.
and I feel like shit because I feel disgust about myself.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lovable [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok so if you dig the guy, he digs you, then who cares about what other people think?

If you really like him then it shouldn't matter.

---

Word. Who cares what anyone else thinks? You're a big girl, not in jr high. Be sure you are going to be strong enough to not flee when/if you think someone is judging you for dating him and crush him.

You are a grown woman, or at least I assume you are. Who cares who you fall for? You are big enough to understand the disadvantages.

Maybe if you really want to find out if you love this old man, is to bring him back to your place, jump his old bones and take him around the world!

I've noticed a trend that older men who have bad or no relationships tend to be pedophiles, so maybe when you get a second, you should run his name through the sex offenders database to see what comes up.

and just a thought, does he smile like this
[url]http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/pedosmile1.jpg[/url]

and is he good with children?

If people really care about you and are good friends, they are not going to judge you for dating someone unattractive or older. They may ask you about it initially, but if you are happy they should be happy for you.

I agree thought that it is worth examining why he has NEVER had a relationship? That is strange.......very strange.....

My first thought wasn't sex offender but maybe closeted homosexual?

Quote:

---

My first thought wasn't sex offender but maybe closeted homosexual?

---

nah. If he was gay, he would have at least had a relationship with a man or something, and as you said, he's a nice guy so it can't be his personality that's holding him back.

But then again, I knew of a guy who was in his 20's, married, had a kid, and lured 13 year old girls from forums, so he could be gay.

Does he wear an ear stud in his right ear, talk kinda femine, and/or always dresses really nice?

Whether or not you're mistaking your emotions is one thing. Certainly, if you think you might be misplacing your attraction, you should be cautious. But if your hesitance comes mostly from what other people would think of your relationship... well, that's a problem, too.

Think about it realistically. Anyone who would look down on you for giving an unattractive man a chance is probably a terrible person. I had a friend who was a pro on his boxing team: confident, athletic and outgoing. His girlfriend, though, was very, very unattractive. All of his friends noticed, and would point it out occasionally behind his back. But most of us realized that him being able to see through her physical appearance and stand up for what he liked about her as a person made him not only confident, but loving and genuine. I will probably always remember him as a great guy.

alright, here's the deals. if you're got a strong mind set then i would tell you f*ck it. nevermind what everyone else thinks about you because it's your life. they aren't the ones in your shoes.

however, if you're not a strong person, then in the back of your mind, other people's opinions will always bother you and make you feel self conscience. if you are this way, then you're better off without this guy because in the end, i'm sure that you will be the one to hurt him.

raverboy

Hey, I'm in a little bit of that same situation. I wouldn't say I'm in love, but I have had this ongoing crush for over a year now. I'm 28 also, and the woman I work with is getting close to 50. My friends/coworkers don't find her attractive but I really do. The one thing that's different with me is that she's married with 2 kids!!! So it's a pretty easy choice for me to make...just stay away lol.

What makes it complicated is that I get the same feeling from her and she does little things like text me outside of work sometimes and pay extra attention to me at work etc.....

But I know i have to stay away because I've made those mistakes before and done things I shouldn't have with married women and the end result is never good.


Back to your question....how do you feel when you think about dating him? Does it make you happy to think that? What has your past relationship look like? Have you dated someone recently?

If your grossing yourself out now and u haven't had his sweaty palms or slobbering chops all over you - then god knows what would happen when/if he ever did.

You either fancy him and sod the others or you don't.

The questions you need to ask yourself are can u:

1. handle the denture cup next to the bed
2. grey pubes in ur teeth
3. premature ejaculation
4. impotence
5. losing him when ur still young
6. alzeihmers
7. being woken up 5 times a night cos he needs a wee
8. ironing his vest and Y-fronts
9. being forced to watch Dad's Army re-runs or other such oldies tv
10. plucking his nasal/ear hairs

now thats what i would be worrying about!!

lol

ny bf isnt the handsomest man in the world but in my eyes, he's the cutest. You care little about people's thinking after you're in the relationship. If you dont, that's just the sign for u to walk out of the door. We cant tell your future you know

A man's balls will only get wrinklier.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by miss_behaving [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Here's the story:

I'm a 28 year old woman... not the prettiest in the world, but I look OK.
I've always liked older men. By older I mean 35-45 year olds. Being 28 and having a relationsship with a 40 year old man is not a big deal, but what have happend recently makes me feel disgusted!

I've falled head over heels in love with one of my co-workers. He's a 61 year old ugly man... and I don't mean "ugly old man" in the kinky porno way. He's unattractive and has never had a relationsship in his whole life!

He has the greatest personality ever and he's very easy to get along with. At first, I liked him as a great friend, but now I have fallen deeply in love with him and I know he likes me too.

You can laugh if you want, but I can't control my emotions :upset: I'm ashamed of it. People always say those pretty words about not being shallow and love the person, but when I do that, Im ashamed of it!

What to do? Should I try to forget about it or go for it?

---

What have you got to be ashamed of?

From re-reading your first post, it looks like you've fallen for him because of his personality or the way he is as a person. This has to be good news for you, as looks fade over time.

If you two are *truly* in love, don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, be happy together. Life's bittersweet and painful at best. If you get the chance to find a true love, go for it.

I think you're feeling ashamed because you believe that somehow a relationship like the one you describe could invite negative reaction from people you know and don't know, and possibly the age gap is a worry - don't let those factors screw with your head.

If it is meant to be, it will be and your true family and friends will stand by you.

Good luck!

You also need to take into account that 10 years from now you might have to care for an elderly.

I am not joking...or being unkind...it is just a fact that when you will hit your prime this man will start being dependent and weaker physically....which means not as much sex as you would like;..but some people can live without...fewer and fewer outside activities...

You will have to take him to the doctors, do the grocery shopping for him, get his medicine, cook for him...

Thinks ahead if you are thinking about a long term relationship...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A man's balls will only get wrinklier.

---

Actually, they don't. They get smoother.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Actually, they don't. They get smoother.

---

Now thats something to look forward to, I just might enjoy swinging a pair of marbles on top of my girlfriends face in my later years.



Paul Cho

I've done some thinking... and Im going to invite him over to my place this friday. Not to jump into bed or anything like that. Just to get to know him a bit more. Im nervous :S

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by miss_behaving [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've done some thinking... and Im going to invite him over to my place this friday. Not to jump into bed or anything like that. Just to get to know him a bit more. Im nervous :S

---

If this is both what you want, and it works out, all the best...

...keep us updated ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by miss_behaving [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've done some thinking... and Im going to invite him over to my place this friday. Not to jump into bed or anything like that. Just to get to know him a bit more. Im nervous :S

---

Just a reminder miss

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by miss_behaving [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe I said it the wrong way. He IS attractive to me... but most people would find him very ugly. I know I shouldnt care about what other people think, but I do!

---

Pursuing anything with this man will bring about a personal battle within you. Right of the bat there is already a personal conflict and you know it. If you end up together you will have to be ready of other people disliking him and setting you up against him, you will have to be ready to defend him against those people, choosing his side over theirs and potentially losing some friends in the process. Before you go any further you have to confirm to yourself that you are ready for that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Paul Cho [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Now thats something to look forward to, I just might enjoy swinging a pair of marbles on top of my girlfriends face in my later years.



Paul Cho

---

That would probably hurt (you) since they also tend to get swollen.

inlove or golddiggin? I just dont see how u can fall for a 60yrs old. thats like your grandpa.

Personally I would never date a man who is 20-30 years older than me. The age difference may not matter right now. But I think it would cause problems in th future. Having said that, if 2 people really like each other. But it shouldn't matter what I or anyone else thinks about it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by davidtorres [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

inlove or golddiggin? I just dont see how u can fall for a 60yrs old. thats like your grandpa.

---

If he were a rich man I would probably be a golddigger... but he's my co-worker with the same lousy salary as I have.
And he isnt my grandpa, he have never been my grandpa either and will never be so why even go there? What kind of a person are you who associate people's romantic relationships with incest?