Age Gap Relationships

I know age gap relationships can and do work - but is there such a thing as a gap which is just 'too' big?

I'm in love with a man thirty one years my senior, and if it wasnt for age (although there is also an issue of distance) I would almost definitely have asked him if he wanted to take it one step further by now.

I know I should talk to him about it but I cant seem to bring myself to, probably because Im scared of how he'll react or the possibility of rejection.

I dont even know if I would feel comfortable in this relationship, I havent had much experience whereas he obviously has, but is this a genuine reason against a relationship or am I simply making excuses because I dont want to tell him how I feel?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thirty one is a bit of distance apart, now I can understand men might mature a little later then women but >.< hehe, but if you two care about each other, I don't think age would really matter as you two have common interests and care about each other...

Are you sure he's not just dating you for sex from a young lady? If you're sure, I suggest you tell him your feelings. Age is not a large factor unless it comes to something like a guy wanting his own children, in which case he won't go looking for a 50 year old lady to do.

Do you truly know him well enough to be "in love"? Or are you just infatuated with him because of what little you do know? For all you know, should you try to even start something, he could turn out to be a creep. I'd lay back on saying you're "in love" until you truly have a chance to know how he would be in a relationship with you and if you still enjoy him after a relationship has formed.

Rod Steele

I've seen a number of "age-gap" relationships turn out well and believe that they're certainly a possibility, presuming both people are adult. On the other end of the scale, a seventeen year old young woman in a relationship with a fourty-five year old man is not something that's likely to develop into a lasting commitment.

I would suggest that you tell him how you feel, but only if you've proceeded cautiously and know that there are genuine feelings present rather than more minor, passing feelings.

Yup, I agree with everyone. 2 out of 5 age gap relationships is real the other 3 is just because of pleasure. I know! :smug:

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Originally Posted by sfalexi

Do you truly know him well enough to be "in love"? Or are you just infatuated with him because of what little you do know? For all you know, should you try to even start something, he could turn out to be a creep. I'd lay back on saying you're "in love" until you truly have a chance to know how he would be in a relationship with you and if you still enjoy him after a relationship has formed.

Rod Steele

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Well Ive known him for quite a length of time and I do know him extremely well, we're very close friends as it is. Maybe I'm not "in love", how do you know if youre in love anyway, I dont know, I do have strong feelings for him though.

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Originally Posted by GBRaul

Are you sure he's not just dating you for sex from a young lady? If you're sure, I suggest you tell him your feelings. Age is not a large factor unless it comes to something like a guy wanting his own children, in which case he won't go looking for a 50 year old lady to do.

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I know he would never use me, I think he wouldve wanted us to be more than friends, and the only thing that has stopped him is the age issue.

We do get along very well and are already close friends so if it was anybody else I think we would be together by now. It's just the age thing...

Age doesn't matter except in the scenario I posted above. I still think you should just talk to him on what you want from this relationship. You as in both of you. If the two of you are sure that this relationship are headed in the correct direction, there's nothing wrong with being together. Just make sure that you know him well enough before you make this decision. Personally, much as I say that age doesn't matter, I think if it came to me I would be wary. And KirstyM, getting along well is not really good enough. There must be an emotional connection and both of you must be headed in the same direction.

I think there is an emotional connection. As I said, if it hadnt been for the age thing, we'd probably be together by now. I dont know whether he would be willing to try it since I'm so much younger - but I guess that isnt something I'm going to find on here, I just have to talk to him... Aagh.

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Originally Posted by KirstyM

Well Ive known him for quite a length of time and I do know him extremely well, we're very close friends as it is. Maybe I'm not "in love", how do you know if youre in love anyway, I dont know, I do have strong feelings for him though.

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ohhh trust me, when your in-love...you'll know it. But I'm talking..real love.

Want a little hint as well, if you ever question your love in any sort of form..your not truly in-love.

Oh yeah. I agree with Innova. When you're in love you can go, "I'm in love." Then someone asks you how did you know? And you say I... I just know.

I think I would know if I knew he felt the same in return. I think it's the uncertainty and the possibilty it might be unrequited which gives me doubts. But I agree, if I was in love I'd know it.

Go ahead and talk to him about it then. Age gaps like that are not all TOO uncommon nowadays. Especially when the man is a lot older than the woman. And I'm sure he's been around the block and is mature enough to seriously think about it and consider it before giving a reply. And even if the answer is "No", I'm sure he's mature enough to not let that affect the friendship you already have.

Sounds like you like the guy and get along well. Why not give it a shot? Worst case scenario, he says no, and you know that you'll have to look elsewhere. Otherwise you'll always be wondering about it whenever you talk/hang out with him.

Rod Steele

Aaaaagh I know I should talk to him... now comes the part I'm dreading most...

What I usually tell people is that as long as the two of you are mature about it then it's all good. However, for myself in general, because I'm still at a younger age, I general don't break the rule of more than 3-4 years old/younger.

I think it depends very much on how old the youngest one of you is. If you're 18, then I think dating someone 31 years your senior is insane. If you're 35, then it's not such a big deal. .

Do yourself a big favour and be realistic.

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Originally Posted by LoserMan

Do yourself a big favour and be realistic.

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Care to explain that?

Are you afraid of it being awkward afterwards?
It seems this question burns in your mind a bit, if you don't bring it up, it might nag you to death, eh? =)

And just maybe you might wanna consider that HE could be more scared than you are, right now. Think about it: you're the young one. He's most certainly had his heart broken (if not many times) before.
I'd go for the talking, anyway, but wouldn't rush things.
And totally echo Jenrick285's remark.

The last poster made a valid point. It's entirely possible that -he- is fairly uncertain about the friendship that's been developing between both of you. Being considerably older, he might be concerned about being portrayed as "creepy" if he starts to show more personal feelings.

Actually that is true. I've recently confided in some close mutual friends about my feelings and they all seem to be of the opinion that he feels the same way and they think it would work. I dont think I'm going to talk to him though - unless the subject comes up in conversation - because I'm useless at things like that, and I think it would be a bit strange afterwards if he said no. I quite like the way things are going just now, we're getting closer, and he had been hinting at things not so long ago, so... I think I'm just going to wait and see where it goes and then if nothing is happening maybe that is when I talk to him. I would rather it nagged me to death for awhile if there's a possibility I dont have to bring this subject up!