Men, do you think about your girl when you're not with them??

Hi guys,

Just curious... Also a bit frustrated, so all thoughts/angles on this welcome.
So.. you have a girl you love right? Be it your girlfriend, or wife. You've been with her for a while now, maybe it is the time of the relationship where you are the most comfortable with her.

So, you love spending time with her, whether it be everyday of the week or once a week, and when you are together everything is perfect and wonderful.
But...

:detective
Question 1 for men that fit into the category I have stated above.
Honestly how much do you think of your girl when you are not physically with her? Do you text/call her often, or not much (because you are too busy)? Is she on your mind every second, or only when she calls/texts you?

Question 2.
Truthfully, what is a mans priority in life? Is it his 'girl', his mates, or family. Or a delicate balance between all? And if it is such a balance, then how do you know you are not neglecting one party whilst pleasing the other?

Sorry about all the questions... just had to get it out there...
Please help me clear my thoughts...
and Thank You. :D

I try to balance all aspects.,not always easy to do and you will never please everyone all of the time. Communication with your partner is very important whether it be a call or text from you.,it makes her feel cared for.

Well yeah, I think about her all the time, but there ust be a healthy balance of everything else as well. My life is more than my relationship with my gf, much much more and each aspect deserves it's time ya know. I always FIND or even make time to atleast say hi to my girl though seeing how she does mean a lot to me.

Unfortunately I put far too much time into my girlfriend. It was starting to hurt my academics actually. I text her constantly when she's not around and I think of her often. I've been trying to balance things out a lot more, it's just ridiculous how much I care about her. Never felt like this about another girl before so it's a little overwhelming, especially since it has carried on for so long. What about you? How often do you think about your man?

Thanks for the input :)

I asked those questions because I (like 1337Lizard) spend ALOT of my time thinking of or wanting to call/text my boyfriend. It's so weird, I care about him so (?too) much...

Everyday after I wake, every night before sleeping, he is on my mind. It's like I've been brainwashed by thoughts of him, but its because I love him so so much.
And the thing is... he loves me back just as much, though I do not know if I occupy his mind as much.

The thing you mentioned about texting your partners, just to say "Hi" and make them feel cared for etc. Sometimes I feel like that is lacking from my boyfriend, I don't feel he does it on purpose, but it's like he is...too busy with what is in front of him eg. his friends, his work etc, to remember to text me sometimes?

I've asked some close friends about somethings (female & male) and their take on it ranges from that he maybe just "not good at the relationship stuff" or that perhaps he doesn't put as much effort into the relationship as I do. :(

All in all I understand that communication is key, I have a few times expressed my unhappiness, and he is unhappy too if I am unhappy and does his best to change things, but it seems though it is better for a few weeks, then it starts going back to the way it was again.

So... technically, what is wrong. Are we both at fault..?
(I don't want to be the clingy freak girlfriend, whom everyone hates...) :shocked:

I try not to think too much about my girl when I'm not with her. I wouldn't want to neglect the girl I am with.

O_o For shame Mr gribble!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I try not to think too much about my girl when I'm not with her. I wouldn't want to neglect the girl I am with.

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You're such a brat. :D

Hahaha, aww OP you're in the same situation as I am. It's great you've found someone you care about so much but let me just say that I have a hard time maintaining a balanced life style because of it and it's actually slightly damaging. First on your relationship - too much attention produces the "cling" factor. Second for the rest of your life. Career, friends, school, life ambitions, etc. My friendships have decomposed a bit because of how girl crazy I went for my girlfriend.

So I guess what I'm saying is that you should take a mere two minutes (It's all you need! Less time than brushing your teeth :) ) and think only about things that make you happy that don't involve him. Don't do anything but think about those things. Then, once you've got a hold on some things that are just ridiculously fun, see if you can go and do some more fun stuff like that. If it's something like hanging out with friends or going snowboarding, go do it! Just reconnect with yourself. In the long run you'll be a lot happier if you do. Just my personal experience. :)

Hahahaha Mc. Daddy Gribble <3

Yeah I really want to get out and tighten up the slowly loosening ends of all my friendships, that would help :) ..just that I'm ill at the moment... and have been for about 2 weeks now :( so it makes going anywhere hard.

I'm a bit worried. One of my close friends has advised me that my boyfriend is not right for me, and its making me shrivel up inside like a raisin... O_o
I think I have this problem, I have a hard time making decisions, so go to others for advice (hence why I'm here on this thread too), sometimes I'm jumping from one end to another.

If it's just one friend telling you this, you don't need to worry. It's when all your friends and family telling you this that you need to worry. And if a gaggle of girls get together to try and get you to break up, don't bother with that. There's something called social influence at work there, and it actually caused my girlfriend to break up with me more than once (she has a close knit group of friends that wanted her to break up with me so she would spend summer with them. UGH.) so I'm just going to say that you need to think about whether he is right for you on your own terms.

I see... I don't want to make any rash decisions. I just sometimes feel like I'm not 100% happy, so its weird for me, also because its my first real relationship, I never really am sure of what things are "supposed to be" like.

I've had talks with him before, but it just feels like..
Is it that thing???
Where the man becomes "comfortable" in the relationship, so is no longer is as bothered with making the same effort as initially. Like the effort just slowly diminishes like an old birthday candle..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Okay [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Question 1 for men that fit into the category I have stated above.
Honestly how much do you think of your girl when you are not physically with her? Do you text/call her often, or not much (because you are too busy)? Is she on your mind every second, or only when she calls/texts you?

Question 2.
Truthfully, what is a mans priority in life? Is it his 'girl', his mates, or family. Or a delicate balance between all? And if it is such a balance, then how do you know you are not neglecting one party whilst pleasing the other?

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1. I think of her often, but not constantly. We're both independent people, so we don't call or text each other a lot unless something specific is going on. She calls me two or three times a week at work to talk for a while during my lunch break. We trade the occasional text or email, several a week is typical.

2. The balance shifts, depending on what is going on, but generally she is tied with my job as my first priority, family is a close second, and friends come in third place. But I get together with my friends on a semi-regular basis, at least several times a month, and that tends to take priority if plans were made in advance.

It sounds like you're worried that he isn't paying enough attention to you. Rather than wait for things to change (for the better or worse), you should get assertive and tell him what you need from him. If he can't or won't make more time for you, then you need to decide if you're okay with that. Just don't be that clingy girlfriend that people can't stand. Don't neglect your own friends and family, and if you have too much time on your hands thinking about him, get a hobby.

Are you kidding? I worship her. She is a goddess. I have a golden statue of her in my closet!

I think about my gf alot yeah, but I also make sure that I dont neglect the other aspects of my life; be it family, studies, my religion, my friends whatever. Actually, reading about what your bf is like, I'm actually quite alot like him. I dont really text her all that much unless I have a reason, I almost never call her, but I do see her out of school 2 or 3 times a week-ish (seeing her in school isnt the same...)

If your bf is anything like me, he's probably just trying to give you space :)


Also, maybe you could look at this a different way. How about seeing it as 'time your not spending on him (be it communicating with him or actually seeing him), can be spent on doing things you enjoy or spending some time with your friends or family. This way you maintain being an individual?

What do you think?

My main annoyance her is that my bf went to another country for a few weeks and prior to him leaving I let him know I would miss him and he reciprocated these feelings and said he would try at least to call/text/email.

I understand that being abroad is very exciting and busy busy, but he didn't text me for over a week and only when I texted out of curiosity to see if he could receive it abroad, did I get one back. So in a way I was disappointed in him for that. :(

Am I expecting too much in the little things..?

Going far away from home can be...overwhelming. Might have something to do with it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Okay [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I see... I don't want to make any rash decisions. I just sometimes feel like I'm not 100% happy, so its weird for me, also because its my first real relationship, I never really am sure of what things are "supposed to be" like.

I've had talks with him before, but it just feels like..
Is it that thing???
Where the man becomes "comfortable" in the relationship, so is no longer is as bothered with making the same effort as initially. Like the effort just slowly diminishes like an old birthday candle..

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How long have you two been dating?

It depends on the guy. Personally, I can't get much emotional satisfaction from my family because they all tend to have emotional problems, nor can I get much from my friends, because they're typical guys without feelings. Because of that, I am always most connected to my girlfriend, when I have one. I think about her a lot, and feel really happy when she contacts me. I contact her as much as I think I can without being overwhelming.

Women makes alot of excuses about why a man doesn't seem to want to contact her. But the main reason is probably he isn't into you as much as you are into him. Does he seem indifferent or cool in his feelings towards you? If he does, then I think he is just not very interested in you. Try to minimalize your texts and phone calls. If he doesn't make initiative in contacting you for a long time (more than a couple of days) then he just isn't into you.

We have known each other for about four years and have been dating seriously for about 2 of those years. Family is important to both of us, we get along all round, his family expect us to get married one day in the future and have blessings for us (which is really lovely). My family have not discussed any marriage things too seriously, because they see me as too young for anything, which is true at this moment in time (I will be 22 soon). But anyyyyway that is going off topic.. :/ But I thought I'd mention that to emphasize how deep we are into this relationship and how "into" each other we are.

As I said he didn't text/contact me since he went on this holiday for a week, until I texted him first. I understand he is probably very busy and so I have calmed down a little and am trying to not make a big fuss out of it anymore..

I think perhaps he is the type of guy who is generally a wellrounded almost 'perfect' guy, whom is wonderful to be with, sugary sweet and if I am upset with him.. he will panic and do his best to resolve the problem. I feel that as it is also his first real relationship too, he is probably sometimes not sure of what he is supposed to be doing.

What are we supposed to be doing..?? :sad2:

Alot of the time I overthink things, but then I realise that perhaps the person who is messing up the relationship is me... If I toughened up and stopped thinking stupidly then maybe I wouldn't be down like this... maybe I need therapy..

The one thing I'm kind of concerned about is that he will scramble to fix things with you immediately with one whiff of you getting upset. Maybe that's a good thing, but as you noticed after a few weeks it goes back to the same.

He has to want to do it of his own free volition, I don't think you should need to guilt him into doing things for you. Because doing things to make you happy isn't because he wants to do them, its to make you not upset. It's not genuine. You see?

I'm not the spitting image of a perfect boyfriend, my ex girlfriend really dug into me about the not texting calling and all that. I didn't really go along with it, and she cried and begged and it made things worse for us. It scared me for her to be so dependant on me. When she finally stopped doing that and gave me a little space, I noticed that we weren't talking and I put more effort in. However, by then, she was ready to dump me.
It's not that I didn't care about her, I just had some other things going on and her constant need drove me away. I'm sure your boyfriend is more mature and more well rounded than me, but I think that it'll have the same effect.


You've already expressed that he should do it and if it keeps goin back to the same, I'd just give him some space on it. We tend to not notice things until they are gone, right?

well my girl just left me and yeah i thought and talked to her 24/7 cause i loved her and she meant everything to me.. i mean she was like my main thing when i was with her.. but now she's gone :(

Why are they gone..?

I mean I admit sometimes I get myself so worked up that I almost feel like breaking it off myself, but self control stops me.. and a little personal reasoning..

Actually wait, I know why they are gone.
It is because like me they had had enough and felt the other side was being selfish and not serious about the relationship. :upset:
It's like emotional neglect...

Like it is that difficult to keep in touch!!
When there is so much freaking amazing technology out there!
FFS! I have had enough!
He goes off and does whatever he wants to his hearts content and expects me to be there for him on a whim and yet when I need him I get next to nothing!

You're right, he doesn't change, hasn't changed and I don't know if his halfassed behaviour will ever change.

Sorry about all the exclaimation marks.. I had to vent...
I can't sleep right now because of all this horrible stuff running through my mind.. I just need to get it out there :(

Has he always been this way? Meaning, did he try harder to contact you when you first started dating?

I was talking to someone last night about this exact same situation. It is annoying, and was actually a deciding factor when I dumped my ex. It literally takes 4 seconds to send a text like "How's your day going?".

Keep in mind that people usually treat others the way they want to be treated. He may not text you all that often, because it's not important to him to be texted every day. It doesn't mean he's not thinking of you.

Geez.. what did we ever do before texting? I miss the good 'ol days when you were lucky to catch someone at home on the phone.

He used to text/call every single day, and he was the one who initiated most of them. So now that he is away, it literally feels like he has forgotten, or has chosen to ignore the fact he has a girlfriend, who would like to know how he is and just generally like a little contact :(

It's how relationships typically go. He is falling into the comfort zone. The more time you spend with each other, the more you get to know each other, the less you really have to talk about. It soon goes from what you talk about, to just the gesture of it.

I was always concerned I was boring my ex and didn't have much to say. I liked having a day or two inbetween to live a little life to relay to her something. I thought about it way too much. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, don't take it personal.

Think about this in terms of you. Do you really need somebody to call and text you multiple times a day to keep this relationship going? Do you need constant reminders that he cares and is thinking about you? Are you feeling insecure because you don't know how you feel about him or he feels about you? This might be more about you than you think.

Its ok, I realise everything is never what it seems. Love is weird for me that way..
I am just happy that he loves me and I love him. He came to the realization that he is in the wrong, and felt guilty for making me upset (again).

I don't need texts/calls multiple times a day, but I'd like to be in touch at least every few days if not everyday. And I admit I have been insecure at times, I have personal issues... I always have, but they make me who I am. If anything perhaps my bf and I are together because his personality allows him to handle me. Also I realize I cannot rely on anyone else's opinions but my own in the end, because listening to my close friends advices, just proved that they were wrong. Thank you guys for all your help, when I felt like I had no where else to turn to. xx

Does he realize he was being wrong? Or does he feel guilty? If he feels guilty, I am going to tell you that this "problem" isn't going to resolve itself in your favor.

And you say he loves you and I love him. Then you say we are together because his personality lets him handle you? <---That sentence isn't love, that's tolerance. And they are not the same...

And yeah, your friends opinions are probably not going to be right. We all think we know so much about relationships, but we all break up so many times and that alone is proof we don't know anything about relationships. And their opinions are biased.

If you have personal issues, you have to dive in and figure out why you do and where they came from. That is the only way to fix them. And you want to fix them don't you? To be a better person for yourself and for who you are dating? If they are getting in the way of this, they will continue to. Do not be like me and lose the important person in your life because you didn't want to deal with your issues and you didn't want to change. I self destructed my own relationship.

I'm married. I think about my wife several times a day, but I don't typically dwell upon the fact that she's not right there with me as I'm busy working. Then, after work, I go home and she's there so I don't really have to think about her not being there. Funny how that works.

The question I'd ask is, do you want to date someone who doesn't have a life outside of you? That depends upon you for all of their social interaction? Why shouldn't friends or family also be a priority in life? If you're not married or at least engaged you're pretty much just friends with a romantic twist.

@cmacattack1
I understand where you are coming from...
The tolerance and love thing, what I intended to say was that I think we love each other because of our ability to tolerate each other. As in certain things I do may not appeal to other people, but he will not mind it and see it as cute, and certain things he does other people may not think is good, but I rather like. Perhaps I should have used the word compatibility instead :P

I know personal issues are a bad thing... but I don't know how quite to deal with them.. I'm not a very confident people person as my parents have (and still do) keep me in a very protected bubble, they do pretty much everything for me. So my life skills I admit are lacking, but also the restrictions they've put on me has also given me a lack of social skills. The thing is my bf is quite social and I suppose 'bubbly', so when I see how much fun he can have... and how much he has experienced, I admit I do feel some rotten self pity and a longing to be able to do what everyone else can do... I also feel left out when he goes out with friends in a night on the town, yet I'll never really ever be a part of that, or even get to experience it.:upset:

I'm also wondering if I might be emotionally unstable sometimes, because when I get upset by something important to me (e.g. family or bf) it really hits hard and I either get really really angry and angsty or really depressed, or a mixture of both... Or maybe I'm bipolar... I really don't know. I do know I have the tendancy to think like a hypochondriac sometimes though... :nerd:

@Lite "just friends with a romantic twist" sounds... crappy to me.
We are lovely lovers, and like having cute fun corny talks about the future and marriage and even scary but normal things like babies :D

But sometimes I feel like I really don't want to grow up so fast, because with age comes responsibility, with that is the job and the ... routines...
I don't think those prospects sound fun to me... But then again like my parents sometimes say: Life isn't all about fun.

Life isn't about fun. It is about taking responsibility for you life. Childhood is for fun. So make up your mind. Are you a kid or an adult? Yes you still have fun as an adult but life comes before fun.

no..
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L. Tod Schlosser

To stay on topic
1. When its just a crush, well u think about her rarely, but when u know she is the right one, u cant stop thinking of her :)
2. Yes we keep it balanced but its mega hard (in time and money) u have to have to spend time with each of those category + school or work but u should also have money to pass some good time with them. Its not about how much u try, u always get criticized :(

Aww.. Anonyms, hard work is also appreciated surely?
I am very happy when I see my bf has done something very thoughtful or sweet for me.
Sometimes its overwhelming :)

I wouldn't consider myself trully an adult yet, due to myself still being under my parents care, but they are the very worrying kind and I am often very ill. So in a way I am a young adult who is getting the best of both worlds (when not considering the negatives...)

I'm hitting that transition period right now between college and the real world and let me tell you that being raised by a protective family sucks. I was completely unprepared, I squandered my opportunities and now I'm paying for them. Yeah I can blame my parents for instilling my negative qualities but you have recognized them and it's up to you want to improve and fix them. You are going to have to take on responsibility sometime and it's up to you to change your priorities. My priorities at school was my fun. It ruined my grades, it ruined my relationships and I barely left with a B.S. If you know that you could use some work, but don't put the work in, what are you doing?

So you aren't socially graceful. That's okay. I never had that problem in college and I think my girlfriend at the time was jealous of it. I used to include her when I hung out with my friends, but all she really wanted was some alone time. You can easily take some steps into improving that. Joining a gym, finding a club or a sport to play, getting another job, and getting out there could be helpful. Maybe looking at your issues and identifying some of your insecurities can help too. Are you afraid that other people won't like you and you want to impress them for example?

Concentrating on you could also go some ways into taking pressure off your boyfriend and your need to be contacted by him because you are doing more with your own time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Okay [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi guys,

Just curious... Also a bit frustrated, so all thoughts/angles on this welcome.
So.. you have a girl you love right? Be it your girlfriend, or wife. You've been with her for a while now, maybe it is the time of the relationship where you are the most comfortable with her.

So, you love spending time with her, whether it be everyday of the week or once a week, and when you are together everything is perfect and wonderful.
But...

:detective
Question 1 for men that fit into the category I have stated above.
Honestly how much do you think of your girl when you are not physically with her? Do you text/call her often, or not much (because you are too busy)? Is she on your mind every second, or only when she calls/texts you?

Question 2.
Truthfully, what is a mans priority in life? Is it his 'girl', his mates, or family. Or a delicate balance between all? And if it is such a balance, then how do you know you are not neglecting one party whilst pleasing the other?

Sorry about all the questions... just had to get it out there...
Please help me clear my thoughts...
and Thank You. :D

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1. I've been with my girlfriend over 4 years and she's on my mind most of the time, unless I am focused on a work thing.

2. Depends on the guy! But I think all guys want a women to love, and, in turn, to love them back. I'm a loner; therefore I don't care for mates that much. I like to be either with my girlfriend or on my own. Remember this: guys tend to like a lot of time away from their girl, BUT this doesn't mean they don't love the girl and want to be with the girl. Guys like "guy time" - be it spending time alone or with friends. And spending that guy time - at least for me! - makes guys enjoy the time with their girls even more.

Kevin

I can say that I'm pretty much always thinking of my girlfriend when I'm not with her, and if I don't see her for a week, the next time I see her, I'm ecstatic; I'm running to her place, jumping up and down :)

Question 1:
A fair bit really; Most of the time, I'm either at school and I don't really have that many good friends (she's my best friend :) ) so I think about her pretty much all of the day. I text her in the morning and evening.

Question 2.
Well for me, I'd probably say my girl is the same as my family, friends are below. My family are always going to be there, my friends are just tools and the only person that really makes me happy is my girlfriend :) Ever since I met my girlfriend and started going out, I kind have started to 'neglect' my 'friends' (please note the ''). I've just got real need for friends, because I've only ever had 'friends' who back stab me in the end, so what's the point in having any? So that's my stance... My girlfriend would get preference over 'the guys' :)