Not gonna work out?

Hi, me and this girl have been dating for 3 months now, we both claim to be in love with each other...

So recently, she decided to go to Utah for college and I was hurt by that because she decided on her own. We were going to a school at Humboldt so that she could get what she wanted and still be together with me. But she recently decided she wants to go to a school that's best for her.

Then she tells me she doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship and she does not want me to go to school with her at Utah.

I asked why not? she said i should go to a school that's best for me. Then I told her that there's a school in Utah that's great for me and she says "you're following me and i don't want that"

So she said she doesn't want anything to change right now and still wants to be with me, but I want to move our high school relationship to a real relationship, but it seems like she doesn't want to...

she tells me she's young and doesn't want to devote herself to one person and that she doesn't want to be tied down, but I didn't ask for that.. I just wanted to have a real relationship with her after high school...

So then I asked her if she plans to end this relationship when high school ends, and she said yes... what do i do now?

She tells me.. if it's meant to be, it'll work out.. but it seems like every possible chance has been shot down

She is doing the right thing by choosing to go to the school that is best for her, and it is right that you do the same.

You will both be going through a period of rapid emotional growth during your college years, and it IS best you do this without being tethered to someone who lives in another state.

It's going to suck for you for a while, but if you are open to growth, you will move on - just as the vast majority of kids do when they go to college. To tryto hold on to her is to try to hold on to a piece of your childhood, and that is not the best path towards adulthood.

Thank you Vashti. I want to know how.. I am a very emotional guy.. I want to know how.. i can cope with this.. she fills the emptiness... do I find a replacement?

Why don't you just continue dating until you go to college? Then you will have all the excitement of a new environment to distract you. (Assuming you are both interested in continuing until that point, that is.)

Turf her, fellow. Don't listen to the "coming of age" pseudo wisdoms. If you consider yourself an adult, don't tolerate a relationship of convenience which has been already ended with a termination date in the future (if that's not what you want).

Her actions are no different than a 20 or 30 something couple taking jobs in different cities or moving to different states/regions.

It's a relationship breaker and done by choice.

We are both interested in still dating until that point. but I don't know how I can handle not having her anymore.. she's all I ever wanted.. I have enough reasons to hold on to her...

Why would you want to date someone who is leaving you?

If you're not old enough to be drafted, vote, live as an adult, etc...already, it's just around the corner.

The relationship has been ended. She ended it. Move on.

I don't know if I can move on... will find another girl like her?

There are 6 Billion and counting people in this world. A good portion of them are female and around your age.

You've got plenty of options, mate.

Options.. sometimes I wish I had none.

Hanging around and acting like a kicked dog will assure that. Girls are biologically equipped to avoid weak men unless there is something to fleece off them.

LOL. Both of you sound immature, but sadly she is the more mature of the two of you. She's doing you a favor by letting you go.

Well dude you will find another one.. To be honest, I'm younger than you, and I had what... 2 girlfriends before? I felt the same way for both " Will i find another one like her". First of all, I'm not even an adult yet so that was a stupid question. I know that I am emotional. But just break it off, and move one, do sports or something.What I did: change completely my schedule to school ---> Monday to friday 1 hour to the gym, 1 hour of piano, 1 hour of practicing my acting and homework, each friday morning from 6-7 am I am at the arena practicing hockey. Saturdays are passed with friends or at music school and acting school.

I mean your making it sound like your life is revolving around hers, and if thats true well make your own life THEN find a girlfriend, it will work out better I think.

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Originally Posted by NewToLove [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know if I can move on... will find another girl like her?

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You'd better hope not. That one will dump you too.

I don't understand one thing.

There are key points here...
-She says she will feel obligated to be with me if I go with her to school.
-She says that it's not fair for either of us
-But I say "I don't want to have a high school relationship with you, I want to date you for real after high school and you're not giving me a chance by not letting me try"
-And if it doesn't work out, then that's too bad, but why isn't she giving me a chance here?

Update:

So I asked why she won't give us any hope, and she answered saying that past experiences protect her. She told me she compares me to other guys in her past relationship... does that mean she lied when she said she loves me unconditionally? cause all that has happened.. tells me that's a lie... you don't compare someone you love unconditionally with another... you don't protect yourself and leave the other hanging... and you're suppose to be willing to take risks.

She's confusing me.. she wants to be together right now... but wants to break up after high school... what is the meaning of this? why would she want to build on this relationship when she knows it's gonna end? is she hoping that I'll change her mind?

She doesn't want to be single while still in high school. You're the stand-in till she hits college.

If you go along with it, later on you'll look back and feel ill that you allowed yourself to be a pawn in her very self centred coming of age story.

Adults generally say, "shit or get off the pot" to these situations and don't hang long around to ask the same question twice.

Suit yourself though.

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Originally Posted by Doc Durian [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She doesn't want to be single while still in high school. You're the stand-in till she hits college.

If you go along with it, later on you'll look back and feel ill that you allowed yourself to be a pawn in her very self centred coming of age story.

Adults generally say, "shit or get off the pot" to these situations and don't hang long around to ask the same question twice.

Suit yourself though.

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Yeah I've come to realized this. she has started to ignore my texts and started tweeting how free she feels now that she's over me or something.. I just need to get over it. any ideas?

You really want to move on and/or throw a spanner in her works? (looks as though she's advertising her eligibility to others)

Start dating and do the NC thing others here have mentioned.

Nothing says "Yo, baby... that was just pillow talk" (Army of Darkness Quote) better than getting back onto a better mare and riding it like Tonto till the cows come home.

If I were you, at your age, and still too hung up on the girl to see another it still wouldn't have stopped me from at least hiring a barely legal escort agency honey (same rough age) from a distant city to pick you up from school once or twice a week in a racey little number. This assumes that you can keep a secret, even from supposed friends.

Add a fog of mystery and intrigue.

A few smiles with nothing else whenever questioned about her.

Then a week or two later, end the arrangement.

I did that one time in my junior year. You should have seen the ex's face when "Bree" rolled up in a cherry red mustang convertible, laid a kinky tongue pash on me, then slid over as I drove the pair of us off cranking up one of Warrant's better tunes.... extra f'ng loud for effect.

The ex looked like her heart had been carved out of her torso while still standing.

Ended up getting asked out by 4 seniors who previously didn't know me from a bar of soap.

Nothing says "I'm over it, next" like a new piece of arm candy. Even if you're not emotionally ready. Put out the vibe.

Thing is.. I will never use another girl to ease my pain ever again, I've done that with my previous ex to get over the current one, but we got back together... and now we're taking a break, I assume she wants to move on and so do I

Escorts aren't girls or women. They're a product just like athletes foot ointments, Stove Top stuffing, and prostitutes are.

The point is... she's broken up with you "in advance". Which is a crock of steaming poo-dungery.

Do you really think she's going to be able to keep that sordid little secret from her friends and family?

If you go along with it, in the matter of weeks, everyone and their uncle's dog will know that she broke up with you in advance and you hung around like a lovestruck and kicked around puppy dog.

You'll have to find girls from distant towns and schools to date when you're eventually ready to date because you'll virtually smell like weakness to any of the locals you might be interested in.

The majority of escorts don't sleep with their clients, incidentally. They are solely there to act a part in whatever play you're making.

To my way of thinking, it's time for you to man up by not giving her any satisfaction for her falseness and transparency. Whether that be an escort con job, actually getting out there and taking a stab at dating, or doing something for yourself with your free time, you can't let her have the cake and eat it too.

Besides, there's a good chance that she'll hook up with another guy before she goes away to school... whether you're pretending to be together or not.

Consider.

Oh wow.. so apparently we're not broken up and I think she wants to break up tomorrow.. well, im gonna just dig the truth out of her and get over it.. it's the only way.

This girl sounds like a relationship power jockey. The relationship isn't over till she "officially" states it is.

If you reckon that's the case, beat her to it.

I'd be meeting her and saying, "look, I've got something I need to get off my chest with you. I care about you a lot and would love to remain in this relationship, but I can't invest myself totally in a relationship which has already been doomed to fail. You're going away and that's it, so that's why I'm leaving you. Best of luck in this life. Goodbye".

If she tries to cut you off, stop you from getting it off of your chest, or blurt out that she's breaking up with you... ask her to let you finish.

She's already said that the relationship will end when she leaves.

You have the floor now.

I have been feeling alright without her and all, i opened myself up to more of the things around me, including family and things around the house. I've started to be more calm and straightfoward with things now. She somehow changed me over night. She seems to still want to be with me even though our relationship is to end in a couple of months, heh I don't mind, i guess i could slowly detach myself from her, wouldn't it be easier that way?

Hey Newtolove,

Some of these people are being a little harsh with you, in my opinion. All of us have been there, especially in high school. You think it's the end of the world, but trust me, it'll be OK. It is sacrificing some of your self-respect to stay with this girl for the final two months when she's being so inconsiderate of you, but ultimately the choice is yours. You can do better, and you will. College will be a life-changing experience, but as long as you stay open-minded and try to be outgoing, you'll be fine. There will be other girls, I guarantee it.

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Originally Posted by jimmyjack [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey Newtolove,

Some of these people are being a little harsh with you, in my opinion. All of us have been there, especially in high school. You think it's the end of the world, but trust me, it'll be OK. It is sacrificing some of your self-respect to stay with this girl for the final two months when she's being so inconsiderate of you, but ultimately the choice is yours. You can do better, and you will. College will be a life-changing experience, but as long as you stay open-minded and try to be outgoing, you'll be fine. There will be other girls, I guarantee it.

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I understand there will be other girls, but im not through with this one yet. I've changed, I've come to realized many things and I want answers. I don't want her to be with me forever, I want answers.

answers of why she led me on this way, she made me hope we could have a real relationship after high school, now this is bull shit, i respected her too much and was way too dedicated.