I will be single forever :(

I'm so frustrated. I went on a "date" with the Italian last night. Though I'm attracted to him physically I realized during that date that I find him incredibly boring, he finds my humor weird and we aren't a great fit.

This is the 16th guy in the last 6 months that I've gone on 1-3 dates with before deciding "He's not it."

I know what I want out of a relationship and that's a double edged sword because if the guy is not it, he's not it. I'd rather tell him that the moment I know and be friends (or not) rather than string him on romantically. :( I wish I could casually date but I don't think I can, I want to be in love.

Such a pain in the a**.

Go into each new situation without rigid expectations.

There's a man somewhere in this world with your exact same thought processes, wants, and stipulations. You'd both probably find one another to be incompatible if you met.

Love, like shit... just happens.

That's the thing. I'm not dating with a list! I don't have a check list of qualities he has to have.

I want to be with someone I like, who likes me. We have fun and the spark is there.

That's it. That's all I want. It seems something even that simple is impossible to find.

Same thing has happened to me for the past year or so. As Doc mentioned, i go in now without expecting much so it does help quite a bit. It will happen for you Laila, don't worry too much.

Then you're not looking in the right places. You won't find fellows who like similar music if you're looking at the library or find guys who enjoy similar books at a car boot sale. Well, not likely. There is always a chance, though slim.

Make yourself whole by doing what you enjoy. You'll find like minded sorts in the process.

All I do is invest in my hobbies. I will continue to do so I'm just tired of being single and ranting a bit.

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

All I do is invest in my hobbies. I will continue to do so I'm just tired of being single and ranting a bit.

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Maybe you're just really picky. I know i am. hehe

I find that having common interests is not the most important thing. What is important is that people are open to new experiences and people. Find a guy who has an open heart AND an open mind.

I am extremely picky. If that spark isn't there then I won't pursue a relationship. It's not so much about common interests as it is about matching personalities. I like to laugh and if a guy is a boring downer I'm going to get bored really quick.

I'm fine with the fact that I'm picky, I just wish there were more guys out there that I liked.

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am extremely picky. If that spark isn't there then I won't pursue a relationship. It's not so much about common interests as it is about matching personalities. I like to laugh and if a guy is a boring downer I'm going to get bored really quick.

I'm fine with the fact that I'm picky, I just wish there were more guys out there that I liked.

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Exactly! I find it weird when people say "well she's really nice why won't you give her a shot?"..hehe..It's not just about being nice. There's many nice people out there, it doesn't mean the chemistry is there.

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am extremely picky. If that spark isn't there then I won't pursue a relationship. It's not so much about common interests as it is about matching personalities. I like to laugh and if a guy is a boring downer I'm going to get bored really quick.

I'm fine with the fact that I'm picky, I just wish there were more guys out there that I liked.

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I know what you mean. But I don't think chemisty is as obscure as you think. I have noticed that people who are more open-minded and sociable are usually also the ones who are compatible with lots of people.

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm so frustrated. I went on a "date" with the Italian last night. Though I'm attracted to him physically I realized during that date that I find him incredibly boring, he finds my humor weird and we aren't a great fit.

This is the 16th guy in the last 6 months that I've gone on 1-3 dates with before deciding "He's not it."

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Where did you find these 16 guys? If they are all from the same place, the problem may be with the place where you are finding them.

Don't forget that finding the right person is a long, labourious and painful process, apart from what you might have seen in the movies it's mostly a long road for everyone. Don't expect to find someone quickly. Take it as a learning experience of you finding out more about yourself and the world around you. When the time, circumstances and the person are right will happen. Just be patient.

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know what you mean. But I don't think chemisty is as obscure as you think. I have noticed that people who are more open-minded and sociable are usually also the ones who are compatible with lots of people.

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People who are so open-minded also make more mistakes. I find one of the reasons for so many divorces in North America is because too many people are exactly like that. You either know what you want or you don't.

What's so disasterous about staying single forever? It's not like it's the end of the world or anything as long as you're healthy, live comfortably and is happy.

Wanting to stay single forever is far from being a crime. Stalking is a crime but wanting to stay single without the restraints of relationship is not. And the people who make it look like it's some sort of crime are the ones who have some issues in my opinion.

Besides being single makes more time to focus on and improving yourself.

You're worried about being single forever? Try being me. Try having been so lonely and miserable for your entire life, facing nothing but rejection around every turn, and then finally finding someone who truly appeared to be "the one" for you, then have them vanish overnight never to want to be with you again over trivial and ridiculous reasons. Then imagine that person spending months refusing your attempts at reconciliation, spitting every possible type of venom to push you away. Now after all that, imagine knowing you're never going to find someone else the rest of your life. That you're going to die lonely and miserable just as when you started, that the one single person God made for you is gone and is never coming back. Walk five feet in my shoes and let me know if you don't kill yourself immediately. Because every day I feel a little bit more like that is the only acceptable resolution.

There's no point in living without the one you love. The woman I love is GONE. FOREVER. There will not be another. Why do I bother going on?

I'm pretty much the same when it comes to women, I have absolutely zero romantic interest in a girl (and plenty of 'em around at uni) if I haven't got a serious crush on her and her personality solidifies my liking.

I'd say that acceptance of it works better than seeing it as a problem, and not trying to force it - I'm currently in my first relationship, been in it for more than a year and probably accomplished far more than half a dozen mediocre "she looks good, so might as well try" relationships ever would. Hell, if things stay swell this it might be my first and last.

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is the 16th guy in the last 6 months that I've gone on 1-3 dates with before deciding "He's not it."

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That's a lot of dates! Consider yourself lucky... there are a lot of people who can't even get ONE date! You are obviously doing something right. How old are you?

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Originally Posted by ChristianonLI [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're worried about being single forever? Try being me. Try having been so lonely and miserable for your entire life, facing nothing but rejection around every turn, and then finally finding someone who truly appeared to be "the one" for you, then have them vanish overnight never to want to be with you again over trivial and ridiculous reasons. Then imagine that person spending months refusing your attempts at reconciliation, spitting every possible type of venom to push you away. Now after all that, imagine knowing you're never going to find someone else the rest of your life. That you're going to die lonely and miserable just as when you started, that the one single person God made for you is gone and is never coming back. Walk five feet in my shoes and let me know if you don't kill yourself immediately. Because every day I feel a little bit more like that is the only acceptable resolution.

There's no point in living without the one you love. The woman I love is GONE. FOREVER. There will not be another. Why do I bother going on?

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It doesn't work like that, though... matey

"The One" was the "the one" for the world you knew up until the point you met THAT one.

The fact that she wasn't "The One" means that "your one" is still out there looking for "her one" and you're not "that one".

(It works each, every, and both ways)

In a field of over 6 billion flowers, do you mean to tell us that you couldn't again be enthralled by a chance scent encounter??

Not likely.

Live your life, be true to your friends and family, but above all... be yourself.

That's the secret of both happiness and hooking up when the random seems most pronounced.

Open yourself up to the possibilities you did previously not consider or yet realize.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's a lot of dates! Consider yourself lucky... there are a lot of people who can't even get ONE date! You are obviously doing something right. How old are you?

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I'm 24. I like dating. In fact I love it. I love men. I'm just having trouble finding someone I like enough romantically past the 3rd date (you know, the part where most guys want to kiss you).

Out of that all the guys I've dated recently only 2 of them have made my heart speed up. One of them got himself a girlfriend (who wasn't me) and the other just isn't that into me. Such is life.

I want a spark!!! What's a girl gotta do for a spark!!!

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I want a spark!!! What's a girl gotta do for a spark!!!

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Jam a fork into a power outlet.

Laila

What I've learned over the past few years: all the dates I have looked for myself (internet dating) did not work out...

I have dated 4 men I met online. They were so different age, look and personality wise. There were excellent beginnings online, we shared pictures and long chats...

But the dates: after 3 dates interest wore off....no spark, they didnt make my heart melt...they didn"t pursue me either.

Years ago, I remember a guy at work (he was quite charming). He once confided: 'I really like a girl at work...but she 's not even pretty'...

This just goes to show that there is something unexplainable to that little initial little spark...no rule...but yes it needs to be there to keep you interested...and you know it's sooo not worth it to pursue someone when there is no spark and just because you want to be with someone...

So really wait and see...but you know that already :)


Over the past 3 years I felt a spark for someone....he was someone I met in a work environment...I met him very unexpectedly...and I found it ironic that I put so much efforts and time on websites when really life has a funny way to naturally bring people into your life...

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm 24. I like dating. In fact I love it. I love men. I'm just having trouble finding someone I like enough romantically past the 3rd date (you know, the part where most guys want to kiss you).

Out of that all the guys I've dated recently only 2 of them have made my heart speed up. One of them got himself a girlfriend (who wasn't me) and the other just isn't that into me. Such is life.

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You make it sounds like you are somehow the only one in this boat. You are forgetting that everyone goes through this, not just you. It's difficult for everyone. Once you accept this it will get a lot easier.

That "spark" is a rarity. It's a fantastic feeling, and I certainly understand why you'd want it, but I am not sure it should be a prerequisite for a meaningful relationship. After all, it wears off, and you would have to live without it anyway. In the end, people forever chasing that spark are the ones who end up with multiple divorces under their belt.

Of course, this is not to say there shouldn't be some level of attraction and desire. Just be careful about keeping yourself in balance. I've only felt that spark twice in my whole life, and the one time it developed into a relationship, the guy was a disaster.

It's not the spark which one looks for, it's the subsequent maintenance sparks....the continued affirmations of interest, desire, respect, and love above all else.

Sparks can happen with anyone... Renewed sparks happen for a very few select couples.

Well, at least you're mature and experienced enough to know when it's worth going on and when it isn't. Better single than with the wrong guy... with my current self-esteem and loneliness values it'll take a LOT of willpower not to staple myself to the first girl that shows interest.

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Originally Posted by irrelevant_89 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, at least you're mature and experienced enough to know when it's worth going on and when it isn't. Better single than with the wrong guy... with my current self-esteem and loneliness values it'll take a LOT of willpower not to staple myself to the first girl that shows interest.

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Fake self esteem and ignore loneliness in that case. You'd only get there with age, experience, and wisdom... anyway. Why not give yourself a headstart?

Damn Mish. Stfu she obviously knows there are other people in the situation. Like she said earlier in the post... she frustrated and this is her rant.

Anyway girl I am in the same boat. We are both 24, young and single!!! Lucky you... you get dates!!! Keep on exploring and don't expect. I know you don't have a list... but don't have love or spark on the brain. Just try to enjoy every date you can and make the most of it. It usually happens... when you aren't expecting.

Maybe you're writing some of these guys off too soon? Attraction doesn't always happen right away.

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you're writing some of these guys off too soon? Instant attraction doesn't always happen right away.

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That happened with me too. I wasn't all that into my bf at the beginning, it somehow came after and is growing and growing :)

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you're writing some of these guys off too soon? Attraction doesn't always happen right away.

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I struggle with this a lot. I just don't want to string anyone along or hurt anyone's feelings. The 2 guys I was interested in never broke it off with me. They still try to contact me and keep me on the back burner and I think it's very confusing behavior. One of them has a girlfriend even, so what he's doing doesn't make sense. I don't appreciate that kind of stuff and I'd rather they tell me they're not interested instead of giving me false hope.

I guess that's why I'm always so quick to break it off. If I know it's not working I don't want to lead someone on.

Also, I wasn't always a dating maniac. I didn't date for 1 and a half years and then I decided to put efforts into dating and flirting. I find dates online, at work, and through friends. If I find the guy somewhat attractive, I say "yes" to the date and then figure out the compatibility later which is probably why the failure rate is so high.

They may not have been the one for you but it doesn't hurt to have friends.
As long as if you are open and honest with the guys you are meeting you should have no trouble with stringing the guys along.
Let them know you think they are cool but you want to take things at a neutral pace. You're not looking for a heartbreak.

That's true. I could do that instead of being so severe.

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I struggle with this a lot. I just don't want to string anyone along or hurt anyone's feelings. The 2 guys I was interested in never broke it off with me. They still try to contact me and keep me on the back burner and I think it's very confusing behavior. One of them has a girlfriend even, so what he's doing doesn't make sense. I don't appreciate that kind of stuff and I'd rather they tell me they're not interested instead of giving me false hope.

I guess that's why I'm always so quick to break it off. If I know it's not working I don't want to lead someone on.

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I think it's applaudable that you don't want to string someone along. But how do you really know if it's not working after only 3 dates? Perhaps the guy hasn't really gotten a chance to show you how funny, clever, smart, responsible, etc., he can be. I know that there are some that would disagree with me, but sometimes people can grow on you.

I think because you've been lead on by guys in the past, that maybe you've become a bit severe about trying to make sure you don't do the same to others. I wouldn't worry so much about it. There is no reason to not go on a fourth, fifth or sixth date with a guy who might have potential even if you don't feel the chemistry. Like Coco said, just make sure expectations are met and that he knows you want to take things slowly.

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Originally Posted by Asip4u [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

People who are so open-minded also make more mistakes. I find one of the reasons for so many divorces in North America is because too many people are exactly like that. You either know what you want or you don't.

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I find that one of the reasons for so many divources in North America is because people are constantly trying to find someone who has to fit their mold of perfection or even worse...something magical.

I'm not saying that people should stop trying to find someone they have chemistry with or drop all their standards. But they should at least make some attempt to open up and get to know the person better before they write off a potential.

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Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think it's applaudable that you don't want to string someone along. But how do you really know if it's not working after only 3 dates? Perhaps the guy hasn't really gotten a chance to show you how funny, clever, smart, responsible, etc., he can be. I know that there are some that would disagree with me, but sometimes people can grow on you.

I think because you've been lead on by guys in the past, that maybe you've become a bit severe about trying to make sure you don't do the same to others. I wouldn't worry so much about it. There is no reason to not go on a fourth, fifth or sixth date with a guy who might have potential even if you don't feel the chemistry. Like Coco said, just make sure expectations are met and that he knows you want to take things slowly.

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I know that I've very nervous and awkward when it comes to dating and some people need time to come out of their shell a bit. We'd all like to blow them away on the first date and have them head over heels for us, and that's sometimes the problem (trying too hard). I think it's great you don't want to lead them on as well, but it doesn't sound like you are doing that. You aren't being dishonest with them and you aren't telling them how much you care about them. It's hard to know alot about somebody after a few dates so keep an open mind.