what constitutes a rebound relationship

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10-03-10, 03:28 AM
Zanderini

what constitutes a rebound relationship

As the title states how do i know if an ex is in a rebound relationship? She broke up with me after 18 monthes and told me she didnt want a relationship and that she wouldnt be in one in the foreeable future. She said she didnt have the time or energy to put into a full blwn relationship. Now after a few rough rough monthes dealing with her she is in a new relationship with someone she used to make fun of and say how he wasnt attractive and always high and such. does this sound like a rebound relationship?
10-03-10, 03:34 AM
girl68

Maybe you'll never know. What you need to think about is why you give a shit? She's moved on, so should you.

BTW feelings and attraction change. I used to make fun of short and skinny guys. The love of my life is short and skinny but I couldn't be happier.
10-03-10, 03:47 AM
soulsurvivor23

Yeah as the above poster said, it doesn't really matter. I of all people know how difficult it is to get over something that was going on that long, but the only person you should be concerned with is you, and making yourself happy.
10-03-10, 03:57 AM
Zanderini

i understand that and am doing everything i can to keep myself busy and stay happy. Im just curious as to what could have changed her mind about somrething like that in a few weeks? also why would someone want to date a stoner when they go to NA? I undertand that attraction changes.
10-03-10, 04:04 AM
soulsurvivor23

You never know.. In a relationship you're never really gonna tell your partner if you have any type of interest in someone else right?
10-03-10, 04:31 AM
VincenzoG91

She might be deliberately (or subconsciously) dating somebody very different from you as part of the whole moving on process.
10-03-10, 04:54 AM
Zanderini

so you think it is part of the whole moving on process?
10-03-10, 05:10 AM
girl68

I do. She's moving on, she wanted a change, she decided to go for different. Perhaps her time freed up. Perhaps she lied to spare your feelings in the first place. In any case it really doesn't matter. Keep focusing on yourself. Get busy, go out with friends, focus on school or work etc. Anything to keep yourself engaged and occupied is the very best for you during this time.
10-03-10, 08:06 AM
cmacattack1

Yep, all the above mentioned are all possibilities and like they say, why should you care? You are hanging on and hoping you can wait it out if they don't work out. If they are wrong for each other, it will work itself out in due time. While this is happening you are sinking into misery, and even if she were to come back to you, the misery wouldn't just disappear like magic because she's back. You cannot be happy with somebody else if you can't be happy with yourself. And all your confidence and attraction will be gone and she'll be right. Again.

My ex liked bigger, taller, stronger guys. After getting screwed over by them, me included, she is now currently dating a smaller skinnier guy that she can't even wear heels around. All she was looking for was somebody to treat her right, and the bigger and stronger are perks. Connections are all mental. If she is finding what she finds in the least likely of places, does it matter?
11-03-10, 10:09 AM
Zanderini

i am happy with myself actually im not sitting around being miserable. i get out with my friends surf a lot , work on my perfecting my diet and spend countless hours in the gym. I keep telling myself there is no reason to like her and that im better off but part of me always still thinks about and it is quite often. Especially when im out doing things other than the gym. Surfing my biggest stress relief reminds me too much of her even when done with other people. Quite honestly this person she has found is always high all the time and she goes goes to NA i dont get i mean he's not a bad guy but what i dont get is how there is attraction to someone who does drugs doesnt take care of himself and a person who she used to make fun. I continually want to contact her but i dont so that i dont piss her off anymore than she already is with me.
12-03-10, 10:28 AM
Zanderini

i would just like to understand what is going on...and i do understand thats a relationship is not going to happen with her. any advice on how to get her out of my head besides what i am already doing?
12-03-10, 01:17 PM
cmacattack1

You can't force her out. She'll be out when you are happy with somebody else. Much easier said than done.
12-03-10, 01:22 PM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmacattack1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You can't force her out. She'll be out when you are happy with somebody else. Much easier said than done.

agreed. i mean i think about her even when im busy with other things and being around other people it really sucks.i got pissed of i saw her driving and she cut cut me off what a bitch
13-03-10, 12:03 PM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you'll never know. What you need to think about is why you give a shit? She's moved on, so should you.

BTW feelings and attraction change. I used to make fun of short and skinny guys. The love of my life is short and skinny but I couldn't be happier.

reason im interested is after all of the things i done to help her /things ive been through with her theres part of me that still cares and s still attached
13-03-10, 12:16 PM
girl68

Fine you're still not over her. But as part of your healing process I'm trying to tell you you don't need to know. I'm trying to say listen son, it doesn't matter anymore. It's unfortunate that it went down like this but that doesn't mean anything is going to change. She's dating someone different. Oh well. Time to get on with life. You need to move on now.
13-03-10, 01:12 PM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Fine you're still not over her. But as part of your healing process I'm trying to tell you you don't need to know. I'm trying to say listen son, it doesn't matter anymore. It's unfortunate that it went down like this but that doesn't mean anything is going to change. She's dating someone different. Oh well. Time to get on with life. You need to move on now.

actually i am over her. I know i am better off without her and i dont spend all day wondering what the hell she is doing. there is a small part of me still interested. i do things to better myself and have a good time without her
13-03-10, 01:16 PM
girl68

Good, so then you know you don't have to know!
13-03-10, 01:38 PM
oliviareeves

I think you still love her and this is the reason you are concerned about it, or she is not out of your mind, or she didn't got involved in a relationship with you but with someone else.... in all the three cases there is only one thing I can say that is get over her... move on.... and find a gud gal for her and show her you are not dying without her or anything like that.... show her you know how to move on in life....
13-03-10, 01:38 PM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Good, so then you know you don't have to know!

there lies the the problem i know i dont have to but im always curious and shouldnt be.its just like theres a part of it i cant let go. She did the obvious things to get rid of me. delete from fb and skype refuse to be friends with me etc...
13-03-10, 01:44 PM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliviareeves [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you still love her and this is the reason you are concerned about it, or she is not out of your mind, or she didn't got involved in a relationship with you but with someone else.... in all the three cases there is only one thing I can say that is get over her... move on.... and find a gud gal for her and show her you are not dying without her or anything like that.... show her you know how to move on in life....

clearly ive demonstrated that by respecting her wishes not to contact her because i havent been except out of neccesity. I dont care that she is in a relationship im actually happy for her even though i dont think he's the right guy to be honest. ive been doing everything i can but she is not out of my mind
13-03-10, 04:24 PM
soulsurvivor23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zanderini [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

clearly ive demonstrated that by respecting her wishes not to contact her because i havent been except out of neccesity. I dont care that she is in a relationship im actually happy for her even though i dont think he's the right guy to be honest. ive been doing everything i can but she is not out of my mind

Whether you want to admit to it or not, you're not over her and you're not happy for her, and that's ok. You don't have to be happy for her, it's not a requirement. But what you do definitely need to do is to stop focusing on her and her relationship. For whatever reason, she chose him good or bad right or wrong. So, you just gotta stick the course and keep doing the things you been doing. I'm struggling right now as well, but I try to look at it like this:

It's basically like if I start doing an intense diet and exercise plan (as i've actually done for the past 2-3 weeks) and i'm not seeing any kind of fast results. Even though I would like to look in the mirror and see a cut, muscular guy staring back at me, I know that it's only been a few weeks so I can't really expect that. However, I also know that regardless of me not seeing quick results, what i'm doing is the right thing for my body and in time I will see great results. In that same sense, exercising, surfing, and all the other things you do to distract yourself and occupy your time are helping you, slowly. You will have a grieving period, and you will have times when you miss her and that's all normal. But stay the course and keep doing things for yourself without worrying about her and I believe (and hope) it'll all be better in the end.
13-03-10, 04:58 PM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by soulsurvivor23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Whether you want to admit to it or not, you're not over her and you're not happy for her, and that's ok. You don't have to be happy for her, it's not a requirement. But what you do definitely need to do is to stop focusing on her and her relationship. For whatever reason, she chose him good or bad right or wrong. So, you just gotta stick the course and keep doing the things you been doing. I'm struggling right now as well, but I try to look at it like this:

It's basically like if I start doing an intense diet and exercise plan (as i've actually done for the past 2-3 weeks) and i'm not seeing any kind of fast results. Even though I would like to look in the mirror and see a cut, muscular guy staring back at me, I know that it's only been a few weeks so I can't really expect that. However, I also know that regardless of me not seeing quick results, what i'm doing is the right thing for my body and in time I will see great results. In that same sense, exercising, surfing, and all the other things you do to distract yourself and occupy your time are helping you, slowly. You will have a grieving period, and you will have times when you miss her and that's all normal. But stay the course and keep doing things for yourself without worrying about her and I believe (and hope) it'll all be better in the end.

I am happy for her honestly. if she is happier in a relationship with someone other than me than so be it. its been monthes now and cant stop thinking of her although the thoughts are mainly negative but still thoughts about her. im doing my best to shed them but cant.
13-03-10, 11:10 PM
cmacattack1

Me too. I'm going through the same thing you are. I've been having a rough time with dating as I've felt I sort of need somebody. Not only because I'm used to having somebody there, but it also would be the fact that I would show her change and that I could move on past that. It's not like people reconnect after not being with other people right? You come back because what you had wasn't doing the trick. And those reasons are the wrong way to go about it. Hence me being in a single, lonely position.

I'm happy for my ex although I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to be with her. You have to keep telling yourself that you had an opportunity and it didn't work. I think it's been long enough for you to analyze what went wrong and why. And regardless of whether it was your fault or the fact that she just lost interest and you made things worse with your post breakup behavior, the result is the same. You lost her and you will more than likely never have her back like you want. You don't want to let go, it's very difficult but for your own good you have to. You cannot be happy with somebody else if you are still consumed by this. You can't control how you think about her but you can certain give it your best effort to stay distracted. You will always find a time by yourself when you are alone and thinking about her and it makes it difficult.

It is over. There isn't anything you can do about it. She isn't coming back. What has happened has happened.
14-03-10, 05:41 AM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmacattack1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Me too. I'm going through the same thing you are. I've been having a rough time with dating as I've felt I sort of need somebody. Not only because I'm used to having somebody there, but it also would be the fact that I would show her change and that I could move on past that. It's not like people reconnect after not being with other people right? You come back because what you had wasn't doing the trick. And those reasons are the wrong way to go about it. Hence me being in a single, lonely position.

I'm happy for my ex although I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to be with her. You have to keep telling yourself that you had an opportunity and it didn't work. I think it's been long enough for you to analyze what went wrong and why. And regardless of whether it was your fault or the fact that she just lost interest and you made things worse with your post breakup behavior, the result is the same. You lost her and you will more than likely never have her back like you want. You don't want to let go, it's very difficult but for your own good you have to. You cannot be happy with somebody else if you are still consumed by this. You can't control how you think about her but you can certain give it your best effort to stay distracted. You will always find a time by yourself when you are alone and thinking about her and it makes it difficult.

It is over. There isn't anything you can do about it. She isn't coming back. What has happened has happened.

What has happened has happened and i know im not getting her back. im not holding out with hopes to have her back either. I am simply just curious about whats going on with her. nothing more nothing less
14-03-10, 11:14 AM
cmacattack1

Maybe she's not ready for you to pop back into her life. In a way, completely blocking you out of her life keeps you pursuing her because you are curious. Girls like this, girls expect this, it's typical behavior. More importantly, she might not be ready for that and you might have unintentionally brought more pain into her life. You don't want to do that do you?

You want to know if her relationship will last and how long. Seems like an ulterior motive to me, that's all. It's too soon. I know you are hurting buddy, you just have to soldier through. It's too soon, don't rush it.
14-03-10, 12:11 PM
Zanderini

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmacattack1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe she's not ready for you to pop back into her life. In a way, completely blocking you out of her life keeps you pursuing her because you are curious. Girls like this, girls expect this, it's typical behavior. More importantly, she might not be ready for that and you might have unintentionally brought more pain into her life. You don't want to do that do you?

You want to know if her relationship will last and how long. Seems like an ulterior motive to me, that's all. It's too soon. I know you are hurting buddy, you just have to soldier through. It's too soon, don't rush it.

i am hurting i rally dont want t be in a relationship with her again though too many hassles. all i want to be a friend and have a friend after evrything ive done to help her turn her life around. and no i really dont want to cause her more pain hence i have been respecting her wishes of not contacting her