Help. WHat should i do :(

My first boyfriend of 3 years dumped me 3 days ago. We're both 18.
After Christmas he seemed confused about the relationship, every time I tried talking to him about it over the phone I would get a "I don't know" or silence after EACH question about it.

Meanwhile in person we always hung out with each other, had a great time and nothing seemed wrong like at all. We had a brief breakup in February. I was very upset I called him a lot and talked to him texted him etc. he eventually got back together with me before valentines day.

3 days ago we hung out,ate watched tv and slept together. When it was time for him to leave my house he seemed very upset so I asked him what's wrong? He just said "we're a weird couple" (I figured he didn't want to leave and wanted to spend more time together so I toke the train ride to his house with him) He then told me he didn't want the relationship anymore. I was upset and told him I won't call or contact him this time and that I agree with the breakup.

He promised me if ever regrets anything I would be the first to know and that he will make sure I get my delivery (I order things online and have them shipped to his house all the time). That's the last thing I told him before I left his house.

As soon as I got home I packed his ipod& a picture of us I didn't want anymore and express mailed it to him (so he definitely received it by now)

I haven't contacted him on the phone yet. I tracked my package and it was delivered to his house yesterday. He hasn't called me about it or anything (Which I find weird).

Should I sit back and keep waiting? My mom told me I was too available to him, called too much, hung out too much and never gave him space so he doesn't appreciate me.

What should I do? I know right now since the weather is nice he's probably playing handball all day and doesn't care that I haven't called him because he's busy playing :(. Should I keep waiting for him to contact me and at least tell me that my delivery arrived? What should I do?

I have a gut feeling that continuing to leave him alone and wait for him to contact me first will do me good in trying to get him back, but I'm also scared he might move on.

Here's the thing- this is your first relationship, so you don't know that it's actually okay if he moves on. I know, I know, right now it's excruciating to imagine your life without him, but believe me, you're going to be FINE. You don't even realize how much your life has revolved around this guy for three years because you're used to it, but there is a whole big world out there and you are now free to go and check it out.

Forget about him. Forget about dating at all for a little while. Enjoy being single and having all of your time to yourself. It's way more fun than you think.

and yes, your parents are right. listen to them when it comes to relationships, they've already been through it all.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by utzelf [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm also scared he might move on.

---

I think he already has :(

I'm sorry and I know its an awful pain right now but its for the best if the both of you aren't on the same page. People drift apart. You and he probably aren't the same people you were at 15. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. You wouldn't really be happy knowing he's with you just to appease you.

I say don't call him yet. If you don't hear from him in a week about your packages then call or whatever and ask about the packages but only the packages. HE chose to walk, so let him walk. Let him do what he needs to do. Don't be the sad, nagging ex girlfriend. It'll only make you look more undesirable. Listen to sad music or cry but don't let him see you crying. Keep yourself so busy with friends and family who love you. Don't wait around for him. Go out and have fun.

I know it feels like the end of the world. I know it hurts like hell. I know you wanna cry and want to hold him and erase all thoughts of sadness.
Just know that this is a part of life that we all have to go through, and that things will get better. You will fall in love again....someone will love you back.
You will be happy. When I was your age, my 1st love sucked the life out of me when she broke up with me. I thought I was gonna die....or become a sterile monk.
Fast forward 18 years, a marriage, 2 kids, a divorce, and meeting the love of my life, I am glad to say I'm finally happy. It sucks that I had to go through so much pain, but I think without such experience,
I wouldn't have known what I wanted in my mate. Just hang in there. I would trade an arm and a leg to be at your age again. :) It's so much more fun to be young.

My 1st girlfriend dumped me when i was 21 after being together for 4 years. I got into a rebound relationship too soon after and it didn't work out either.

In hindsight, I should have just gone out, make more friends of both sexes, experience more of the world with different platonic friends.

I can imagine the hurt you are feeling now.

But hey. You're still young. Its time enjoy some single time again ! It's his loss and your gain :):)

Thanks for all the posts everyone. I wake up in the morning and look at them again and again.

I agree with Jazzy, I should continue with NO contact in benefits to myself and not him.

It's just hard waking up every morning and rolling over to my cellphone and realizing that he has not
contacted me at all about the packages, about me or ANYTHING.
Every morning I just feel so miserable, especially when its nice and sunny out.
I just want to go back to sleep and not wake up. Ever.

But sadly I do wake up.

I wake up very confused. Sometimes when I'm busy showering or doing something playing game, tv or w/e i feel happy (a little)
I'm just like "He'll call me back he knows its his loss, he backed away from ME again and I'm not nagging him this time... NOPE."
I will never know if he misses me or not unless I actually give him space for once.

I believe he should because I know i was a great girlfriend, i was always there for him, thoughtful (bought him 1 small thing every time i went shopping),
cooked once or twice, listened, made him feel better when he missed school, gave him a guitar for his birthday the whole 9 effin yards.
(Hindsight- never gave him 100% space in fear of losing him probably 75% at most, but guess its all wasted efforts since he left me)
I seriously never saw this coming.
Never saw this coming because when I first met him I didn't like him AT ALL, I was very hard with him.

And sometimes I feel mopey so I can't get my work done . The amount of schoolwork that has piled up on me is ridicoulous.
Then I wonder what he's doing and start to cry and sleep.

Anyhow I'll keep updating (great relief). I guess i still feel horrible because its only day 5.

Today (and its probably to early to think about this), I was thinking about why my ex hasn't contacted me about picking up my stuff. Is there any reason why? Could this be a sign that maybe he doesn't want to end things? I don't plan on contacting him about that until next week.... I guess I'm still devastated, hoping to get back together if I ignore him.... guess I haven't healed at all. And this morning i thought i did. :'(

edit: I don't care about the items just the fact that he hasn't contacted me about getting them gives me false hope.

Utzie, it will get easier with time. try to go out and make new friends or hang out with old friends. the reason why he hasn't contacted you about his stuff is men are afraid to contact women after they know that they did something wrong. doesn't mean that he ever will. and you shouldn't either. keep his stuff. don't contact him. EVER. every break up feels like a little death and only time and friends can heal it. i am here for you, keep us updated :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by utzelf [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Today (and its probably to early to think about this), I was thinking about why my ex hasn't contacted me about picking up my stuff. Is there any reason why?

---

He doesn't want to see you and he's hoping you'll just forget about your stuff. I think you should tell him to give it back and cut that false hope thing off at the knees.

i think she should refrain from all contact and forget about her things

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He doesn't want to see you and he's hoping you'll just forget about your stuff. I think you should tell him to give it back and cut that false hope thing off at the knees.

---

Posting on this forum has been a great aid. All i ever get from my mom is "oh he'll call, he'll call you just wait. dont cry hes definitely not crying etc". Sometimes the reality check I get here hurts just as much or more than the breakup. I can NOT believe he doesn't want to see me :( [ouch]. Now i'm scared to even think about my package shipment (Which was only a bikini and shoes i was going to wear on the trip we had planed to the beach together). Contacting him about them for now is out of the books for me... at least this week.

I just want to cool down :( i need a NEW life. This is not how i wanna die :'(

He's just a blip. He seems big now because you don't have much perspective, since it just happened.

So. Today I finally contacted him. I basically just asked about my package and he was like "what package"..."oh yea its here."
He then said He had to go because he said he's going to go see his dad in the hospital with his Grandparents.
He said he will drop my package off Monday. I told him i wasn't going to be home Monday. (I don't want to see him)
He then said "oh why what are you doing"
I told him I was volunteering.
He said Volunteering for what?
And I didn't tell him.
He then got mad and told me "I'm playing games" and that I don't mean anything to him and
"tell me when your coming for your package. I'll leave it OUTSIDE for you"
(at that point i just wanted to cry, what happened to the guy that WOULD never do something like that, what happened to the guy that would bike ride 4miles to my house at 5am just to tell me he "cares")

I told him he shouldn't be yelling at me like that because He knows I NEVER did anything bad to him.
He got quiet and said "yea" and I just told him to call me back when he returns from the hospital.

I feel so confused because, I feel like I deserve more appreciation than that, I literally feel like he's treating me like 2 cents recently but I'm like "I never did anything bad to him EVER" so maybe it's just in my head. Maybe we need to talk in person.

But then I think to myself
it doesn't matter how pretty I look, he will only treat me nice while i'm in his face and as soon as i go home I don't exist to him.

I feel like I should have listened to everyone who has told me since 2008 that I was "too good for him" and that he was ugly, and that I could do better. But i never listened because I don't think looks are everything. And in the past I agreed, He isn't aesthetically perfect but then one day I just magically didn't care and just liked him because he always wanted to be with me. And since i realized that, I wanted to keep him and always have him. It's what made him different to me besides him being Ukrainian (I'm Spanish)

At this point. I don't know what I want anymore, I cant move on. I should step back, but I'm scared, I cant stop crying.
It's just. It all HURTS, all the money I had spent (most of time we were out I usually paid +gifts), my wasted time thinking that I ment something to him, the "why didn't you tell me this earlier dilemma" It's just all too hard to swallow. And I cant. I honestly rather die.

Just wish I knew wth has gotten into him. Why doesn't he love me anymore as if I did something bad. Where did I go wrong. Did I smother him? I feel so "bipolar" about this whole thing because I want him back yet I feel like he doesn't deserve me, but heck I still want him back.

I think I should go with my cousin to pick up my things Monday, I don't think I should go alone. That way I wont feel alone walking out the door.

I know you want answers and you want the pain to go away. It doesn't sound like either is going to happen as quickly as you want it. Talking to him and having him treat you like that just really opened the wound again and that's why you are feeling horrible right now. In a way, him treating you like that is helping you detach from him because he isn't the person you fell in love with now. But he's not going to magically change and swoop in and whisk you off your feet and say "I'm sorry, I love you". He thinks he is right, he is stubborn, and it's not realistically going to happen.

He needs to be on his own to really sort things out. Ironically, this doesn't usually happen unless he can't have you. As long as you continue to call him and contact him, even if it is about your stuff or something important to you, it's just going to further validate his decision. If you need your stuff, get it back and go into all out no contact mode so we can get you away from square one here and get you back on track to being the normal happy girl that he loved about you in the first place. It hasn't been too long a period of time, and it's going to be hard. Devote each and every day to doing things for yourself while taking care of the things that need to be done (school, work, etc.).

Sorry you broke up. Its your first one, it will get better tho it won't feel like it for a while. Go out with friends, be with your family and avoid contact with your ex. This is important for a quicker recovery, as everyone has said.

He was filling a part of your life where this is now a void, so getting out and doing other things will be very important even if you don't feel like it.

You aren't alone. Almost everyone has been where you are. Take comfort in that, knowing that it they made it, you will too. Breakups hurt, but they also make you stronger, like catching a cold and then fighting it off so the next one doesn't flatten you as easily.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cmacattack1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know you want answers and you want the pain to go away. It doesn't sound like either is going to happen as quickly as you want it. Talking to him and having him treat you like that just really opened the wound again and that's why you are feeling horrible right now. In a way, him treating you like that is helping you detach from him because he isn't the person you fell in love with now. But he's not going to magically change and swoop in and whisk you off your feet and say "I'm sorry, I love you". He thinks he is right, he is stubborn, and it's not realistically going to happen.

He needs to be on his own to really sort things out. Ironically, this doesn't usually happen unless he can't have you. As long as you continue to call him and contact him, even if it is about your stuff or something important to you, it's just going to further validate his decision. If you need your stuff, get it back and go into all out no contact mode so we can get you away from square one here and get you back on track to being the normal happy girl that he loved about you in the first place. It hasn't been too long a period of time, and it's going to be hard. Devote each and every day to doing things for yourself while taking care of the things that need to be done (school, work, etc.).

---

Thank you :(. That just stopped my tear fountain & saved my face from getting redder. Eff Monday I will NOT contact him or see him about my things or anything until I feel like I can look him in the face and completely NOT care, I will NOT contribute to validating his decision anymore (wow i thought i was helping by contacting 1st but guess I was just hurting myself, while he eats his ****ing cereal and not care about me or my things... wow now i feel Angry)

Ah easier said than done. You never know how you feel or how you will react until you see them in person. I haven't talked to my ex in six months, and I forsee me running into her in about a month from now. I feel fine, I know that she is gone as she is dating somebody else and seems happy, I've told myself over and over that there is nothing I can do to change the past but who knows how I will feel if I run into her. Last time I did, I was so hurt and emotional I couldn't even fake my way through a happy normal conversation so I just ended up ignoring her. I've been doing things to make me happy and I feel like I'm back to normal. Hopefully it doesn't come crashing down.

You can't make yourself get over somebody and you can't help how you feel. All I know is a lot of time is necessary. Much more than you think. Maybe you will be lucky and find a guy improvement and that will certainly help. You are a girl, it shouldn't be TOO difficult. But either way, you just have to do the best you can and keep yourself happy with things in your life.

I felt the need to get the issue about my package out of the way in order to completely move on. So I emailed him.:( :( :( [im such a baby :( ]
I don't want to post what I emailed him, I don't think it's necessary (or is it?)
But basically I didn't whine or anything. I did give myself closure by letting him know he's changed, has lost my trust and will have to earn it again in order to be friends one day (which is what he last told me he wanted when we broke up... why isn't he showing it yet? has he changed his mind?, or maybe i'm expecting friendship too soon),

and that I'm not trying to "validate his decision" by sending that 1 email.
It's also mostly about giving him the option to let me know whenever he's ready to let me pick up my things or to ship it to my dad's address.

I have no idea why I believed/felt that he's holding on to it, in attempt to hold on to me
(its the only excuse we have to communicate with each other so i need to get.it.out.of.the way :( )

And now i feel like i have. I feel better for now. I haven't cried today which is improvement, but i still feel empty.
Added a count down to my iTouch and realized... its ONLY been 12 days. If this is truly a bump in the road
he will come back, but that's his decision and not something me and all my crying to myself can make him do.

All I could really do is wait. Wait and move on. Breathe and be happy. And calm down. Yes. Calming down is important.
ALL THE WORRY in the world will NOT bring him back to my door step. It would just pre-age me
and ruin life FOR ME. Not him. Am i really worth less than him?.... NOPE.

12 days ago I really wanted him back and would have taken him BACK with no second thought.
But now, If he does come back i will take it with a pinch of salt and really think about it & make him
work for it. (Like he's supposed to....YEA! lololol)

I'll keep updating for reference and maybe look back one day and laugh.
I still want him but I am at the point where I feel like "Yes, I can ALMOST move on".
Just incase its truly over, because for some reason I dont yet feel like we're done.
*confused*confused*confused*

I think you are realizing that while you still love him and care about him, it would never be the same again. That is why most will tell you to move on and never look back. I would have done anything to get my ex back and I was a terrible boyfriend, and even if she were to come back right this instant I would also have to think about it as well. After everything has happened, you cannot just jump right back into a relationship and expect everything to be normal. It would require taking it slow and really discovering what you both loved about each other in the first place. Much easier said than done, as you may forgive but you will never forget what has happened.

By all means, if you had to write the email for yourself, then you did it for the right reasons. I don't know if you were expecting more out of it, but if you got some peace of mind and closure from it, than I'm happy for you.

Moving on to you may mean not caring about him and never being with him again, but to me it's accepting that while you may care about them even though they hurt you, you understand that you do not need them in your life to be happy. It makes it much easier to becoming friends or maybe more in the future. This should not be your concern right now as you have a long road ahead of you from waiting. And life is way too short for that.

That feeling you have of it not being totally over is because it's not totally resolved and there wasn't total closure. It takes two for that to happen and neither of you are ready for that right now. It's a big hole in your life and there is no way to magically fill it. You will hit your ups and downs and probably continue to do so until you have somebody new in your life. Trust me on this. You will find a way to get by and deal with it and eventually it will be on your own terms and not require him in the picture at all to do so.

The fact that he's a great big jerk is going to make this whole thing a lot easier.

There's nothing wrong with emailing him about your package. That's your stuff, and he's had it long enough that it starts to look like he's holding it hostage. What a wanker. You'd think he's be happy to just get it over and done with, but no. he appears to be punishing you for going out with him in the first place.

If he asks, don't take him back. He sounds like a wiener.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You'd think he's be happy to just get it over and done with, but no. he appears to be punishing you for going out with him in the first place.

If he asks, don't take him back. He sounds like a wiener.

---

Exactly, That's what I've thought since day 1. That he will quickly get anything to do with me out of the way so everything could keep moving.

I know I did. As soon as I came home from his "no i don't love you i don't know what i want lets be friends" speech I express mailed his things to him.

But no, he hasn't returned it, he has read my email [i kinda peek in his inbox :( ] and he still hasn't called me about it.

Does he expect me to nagg him? I don't want to ask him a third time. I don't want to break NC again.

At this point I guess he could just eat the bikini and stick the shoes up his ass.

I'm so angry. These two weeks have been horrible & lonely for me. (especially since its spring break) I still miss my stupid ugly wiener :(.

I'm afraid.. afraid of a future where he doesn't come back and afraid to even picture myself with another guy while he's still alive and straight
and i suddenly realized that I'm on a huge "don't want him" "i want him" roller coaster .
Today's a rainy foggy dark day in NYC so its a "i wish he was here" day. :(

While you may still want him back and you may even feel like you need him, remember that being with him at this particular point and time would not be good for either of you.

Being by yourself sulking about it is going to make it that much worse for you. Please, for your sake, surround yourself with people that love you and care about you and try your best to do things that you know you will like and bring you joy. Keeping busy won't be a permanent fix, but it's better than sitting around wishing for the stupid ugly wiener back, isn't it?

Kept myself busy today. It's actually the first time (ever since the break) I ever went outside to get things done for myself. (not involving school or actually "needing" to be out). Retail therapy has kept me happy for a couple of hours.

Downer: The feeling is so temporary. I bought home shoes, accessories everything except the "happiness". As soon as I got home it was gone. It wasn't in the bag and it definitely wasn't in me. Did I accidentally leave it at the mall?

I still wonder about what he's doing. Like does he still practice with the guitar I gave him or has he discarded it?
It bothers me to not have any idea about him or how he is. But I guess it's even since he doesn't know what I'm doing either. Difference is I care.
Sometimes it feels like it's sooo obvious to him that I'm not doing anything so he probably doesn't care since he hasn't contacted me ever since the breakup.

The suns setting right now. The sky looks white, godly and inviting. Its not golden like it usually is. Another day's almost over. The days have all felt the same. They ALL blend into each other. Every slow day is a reminder that I cant just skip this part of life (Or any part).

Its all just a big 24 hour cycle leading into.... the next 24 hour cycle with no fast forward button to help it all go by just a little bit faster.

The only reason I know what day it is,... is because I'm counting how many days can go by until I see him again.

My approach to this situation has a chance of delivering myself grief because I think I've decided that I want him back.

Sometimes I get these sparks of joy from just thinking about how cool it would be to see him again while HIDING how upset I am about the breakup, Just hanging out with him like nothing has happened in hopes he would regret leaving and come back.
NC helps me hide it from him. But how can I hide it from myself?

:sad2::sad2:

When will it be safe for me to try and be with him again?
When can NC end? (just in case he decides to never contact me & really DOES end up keeping my things)

I feel hopeless. I would give a toe just to have a peek into the future so i can FINALLY know how this all ends for me.
But heck, nobody wants my toe so I guess I wont get my peek into the future :(

You should listen to your mother. When a guy thinks they have gone to far, this is usually what happens. He probably didnt want to go as far as things did a couple of days ago, and felt bad for it. This is horrible for you, because by your own words, you did contact him a lot, and it probably made him rethink things. I would just let him go. If he wants to be with you, he will be, but if he doesnt, you are young, move on, go to school, and be glad you didnt get married young to him or have children by him. Just keep your head up and move forward. (dont make yourself available for no body.)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by fallenone [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You should listen to your mother. When a guy thinks they have gone to far, this is usually what happens. He probably didnt want to go as far as things did a couple of days ago, and felt bad for it. This is horrible for you, because by your own words, you did contact him a lot, and it probably made him rethink things. I would just let him go. If he wants to be with you, he will be, but if he doesnt, you are young, move on, go to school, and be glad you didnt get married young to him or have children by him. Just keep your head up and move forward. (dont make yourself available for no body.)

---

Wow you sound exactly like my mom she said the same exact thing! "Be glad he didn't leave you with kids, focus on school etc etc"

Anyhow I realized my problem.
And I am finally going to fix it!
I need to stop being clingy and OVERCOMPENSATING will become a thing of my PAST. I will NOT be a doormat anymore.
I found the perfect self-help book to help me with that.
I'm finally going to gain back a piece of mind that i have LOST.
I FEEL HAPPY!

He still has my package after contacting him twice about it. (guess we'll meet about it in the future) Maybe... he is as confused as I am.
But whatever he's NOT important right now (omg did i just say that!....)

I feel free. SO freaking free. My life is no longer on HOLD. Out of nowhere today he NO longer occupies 110% of my mind
AND HE NEVER WILL. Even if i get back with him.

As of now I understand why all of this happened. I'm glad it happened.
I need to self improve, I need to rid myself of clingy-ness (and I WILL and he will see that, if not then oh well the next guy will!)

After i heal/improve w/e put MYSELF first, i can then CONSIDER getting back with him.

:) :) :) :) :)

Good for you !! Get out there and live your life ! There are many more things to see and experience. Many more people to meet !

Shame him into sending your package. Tell him it's a pathetic ploy for contact and you're not interested.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Shame him into sending your package. Tell him it's a pathetic ploy for contact and you're not interested.

---

This sounds like a good idea. I would LOVE to shame him but it's A little bit out of my character ... Actually it's wayyy out of my character. (for now atleast). How can I do this? Over the phone? In his face? Should I wait a little longer? I want to inflict as much shame as possible but at the same time not shame him to the point where he might not persue me or anything and think I'm a bitch while thanking god he dumped me :/

First love is always the sweetest and the most painful. 18? Explore the world and have some fun...just leave sex out of it.

trust me..you'll remember that guy fondly years from now.

So he picked me up from school today and gave me my things. Orginally we were going to have tea but it's Like 87 degrees so I changed my mind

So we start walking and he started bitching about how broke he is and how he feels shitty about having unlimited text and calls (he recently got his first cell... Ew lol) but only four people in his phonebook (me his mom his dad and his brother) how he didn't text me before he got there becuase the phone battery died (more bitching about the phone) He walked me to the train station and he just kept talking about himself and how he wants to play handball with his shirt off so he can get a litte summer "burn" Duringg the whole "crappy walking me to the train station date" I just ignored his nagging and said "whatever works" about his shirt off comment. And basically just told him about kitten. I couldn't get to many words in because he just kept talking about how his phone sucks and how his spring break sucked he just wouldn't stop talking.

I got my things back I have no other reason to contact him and I won't.
But now I feel confused....I know I could do so much better but at the same time I feel like ... I can't describe it I just want to cry. I suddenly don't feel the need to chase him I feel okay with him or without him (thanks self help book).

I can't help having this "side feeling" that if I follow all the rules of putting myself first always, continue being the awsome person that I am ,letting him chase because guys like to chase (I've forgot this fact) , not letting him be my first priority, being a bitch not letting him have me easily etc might not bring him back to me and it will be all my fault becuase Im choosing to not go after him. (even though I know it's not my job now I can't help feeling like I need to) I feel like a dead end.

You were doing well there for the 1st 3 paragraphs and then whoa, just started back-sliding there on the last one :)

The point is you are going to be happy. If he wants to come along, let him work at it. If not, you are still happy.

He really sounds like a kid, fussing over his 1st cell phone. Do you really need someone like that ?

Or are you better off just enjoying your single days until someone worthwhile comes along ?

I can't believe it's been a month. I thought by now I would have him back. I guess I'm being irrational since I saw him 9 days ago when he gave me my things. It really feels like it's been forever. I have been getting alot of things done such as getting my permit fixing my college work. I feel a little less depressed.

Even though it's been a month I feel like I'm not ready to confront him. I feel selfish and confused. I can't push myself to confront him even though I want too. I just don't know what to do. I really expected us to be back by now :/ but I feel lost and deffinitly not ready yet scared.

Throw your expectations out the window. Breaking up and sitting around waiting and expecting a get back together is just setting you up for dissapointment. And if you guys were back together, you were setting yourself up for more dissapointment because he is going to hurt you again when you figure it out he hasn't changed a bit. Maybe he felt awkward like he had to talk about himself just to keep the convo going. Sounds kind of lame to me though. Hard to believe you fell in love with somebody out to get some "summer burn"! Brah!

I don't feel broken hearted anymore. I havn't cried or felt "pulled down" from this anymore. Yet I still can't put down the "how to get your ex back, what men want self help etc" books. I guess I feel like finishing them because I already started perhaps (I did learn alotttt from them so far). Anyhow this "feeling" I can't really put my finger on it. It's like I don't expect anything..... It's like a giant pause. A little bit confused because I don't know what this feeling is (but I don't think confusion is part of the feeling). It's like a giant paused burst of relief spoiled by fear ..... I don't know what this unknown feeling is but it's deffinitly a whole level past the "broken heart" phase. And I don't feel "needy" anymore.


EDIT: It finally makes sense. It toke me 33 days I feel ashamed to admit it though :( I don't know why it feels embarrassing but

I think the feeling is:

I have learned and moved on. It feels wonderful. I feel like I have power again. I don't cry anymore, I don't care as much. I have discovered my self worth. I have rediscovered myself. I am accepting the fact that someone else will come along for me. Who knows he himself might come back along, but I will be HARD to work with because I have learned A LOT. I respect myself and have given myself the rediscovered happiness I have always had.... without him! I am positive that he will regret, taking me for granted (sadly i allowed myself to be but that's still only my HALF)

Anyone out there feeling like its end the world... it isn't. Give yourself a month or two. Message me for partially inexperienced advice if you wish. Read my thread. This is how the whole process was for me. Maybe it's similar to most cases since a lot of post have predicted/advised that I should move on. I have realized The "heart break" mountain/roller coaster whatever (as i called it) IS NOT the hardest mountain to climb in life. When you get over this mountain the power you will feel is so AMAZING. Letting yourself move on is a VERY REWARDING EXPERIENCE.

Not only is it the BEST slap in the face for your EX but it is a source of happiness for yourself. Yes it takes time. But for any further situation (even getting your ex back) MOVING ON needs to come FIRST. You need this positive feeling to admire and attract things in life. (including the ex, but its best to let him rot a little)

I will post any further updates but for now. With him or without him I am HAPPY. Wont need him, don't need him. It is such a relief. Any move he might make in the future (an inner feeling tells me he will) will be given the COLD shoulder. I am FINALLY in control of myself and my EMOTIONS. NOT HIM.

Anyhow the suns out. It looks bright pretty and inviting! I am going to shop, have fun and continue enjoying my rediscovered love for books! 33 days was too much time. I wish i felt this way day 1!

I'm only going to be 18 for 70 more days! (omg *tear*) I'm going to make the most of them.

Good that you are feeling better about yourself! This is what being on your own is all about. Rediscovering your self worth and building upon that and replacing that broken feeling with a sense of self satisfaction and your own generated happiness. Somebody else will come along, somewhere down the road, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Whenever you are ready. This was an important learning experience and as much of a shitty feeling as it was going through it, you are older, wiser, and more mature than when you went in. This is growing up.

Thank you everyone. ♥

You are 18 years old. You still have your life ahead of you. Look forward to that. I wish I was your age again. Life and love is very strange. My story is similar to yours but I am 42 and she is 32, ten years apart. When we give to much of our selves we are not Appreciated. We blame ourselves and it is our fault but that is the wrong answer. Your boyfriend should be grateful for you but he is young and blind. Keep moving on with your life as hard as it is you will find anohter. In my case my I am not getting any younger. Keep moving forward.

I don't know what just happened. I was in the middle of my book about an hour ago about coherence and i can across this part

Quote:

---

The more training we have in using this technique, the easier it becomes to induce coherence. Once accustomed to this inner state, we become capable of communicating directly, so to speak, with our heart. Like Celeste talking to the little fairy who lived in her heart, we can ask questions such as "At the bottom of my heart, do I really love him/her?" and get a real answer.

---

And i just started again to feel the same way I did when I started this thread, it turned into a 1+ cry fest, in which my nose and ears have somehow "clogged" themselves (airplane ear "popping"[not sure what you call it] kinda feeling & stuffy nose).
I asked myself the question and looked at pictures and realized that I have no answer. I dont know if really loved him or not.

Most of the memories I have about him today are the ones when i'm sitting next to him and thinking to myself how i " cant stand this ****er why wont he leave me alone." There are SO MANY of those moments that i really question "How the hell did I end up with him, what did he do?" I'm remembering a lot of nagging (from him) and eventually I just gave him a chance when I realized he was hurt by rejections and I felt bad. Then I started to care. Like really care.

I really over exaggerated the SMALL amount of good times we really did have. I gave them more value than they were really worth. I can't seem to recall anything good right now [I guess because there weren't any (or very little)], except how we met in 2007 & how nice I treated him and how he somehow had me there for him 110%. What was I so into from June 2008 to March 2010? (the length of our charade of a relationship)

Looking back at my past post I find them to be ridiculous and time wasting and "oh my god did i really think that?". I have such a different view today, yet I broke down over a paragraph in a book. Maybe I just feel lonely?(deja-vu?)

But it puzzles me that my thoughts were specifically on him when i read this question (which i have no answer to). If anything I'm afraid that the answer might be "no". If it is then I have lied to myself the whole time, caused myself unnecessary pain and basically lied to myself to please someone that at the time really wanted me to be with them as more than friends. If i lied to myself then i probably hate who i am/was, had a low self esteem and thought no one else would want this kind of attention from me.

Basically I am shocked because it's been a long time and I have ACTUALLY started doing better. I was doing better. People were actually telling me i look happy (never heard that before) and I was. I wasn't caring anymore, I was pretty much over it &, I'm talking to other people and feeling happy doing things by myself, with others and potential future (wayy into the future) mates.

I'm starting to feel like the normal social butterfly I was before the relationship (some where during the relationship i stopped talking to other people so he wont be jealous)

I was basically fine up until this part of the book it some how set me back.

Of course I have maintained no contact (since April 7 when my stuff was returned) , I have absolutely NO interest in talking to him. I have nothing to discuss with him and i'm not INTERESTED. I've learned & realized the bad part of relationship (my mistake of smothering and trying to fill in/ignore his flaws) and have come to a conclusion that being with someone that doesn't appreciate me most of the time, makes me question if he loves me or not, is stubborn , is selfish and manipulative isn't best for me.

But I know he's still alive and I do fear randomly running into him. I don't know why.

You are 18 and you were in a relationship with him for 3 years. That is 1/6 of your life. Naturally, many things will continue to trigger memories of him.

There were things that attracted you to him. So not all memories of him are bad.

But it is clear now that the relationship has ended. So whenever you think of him, just think of it as an experience that you have gone thru as part of growing up. It is something of the past and you will just put it behind you. Nothing worth dwelling on. :)