What do I do if my brother forbids me to talk to a guy?

My brother knows that his friend likes me since the guy told him and now he's telling him not to talk to me. I tell me brother that I won't let him be my boyfriend but can't I at least talk to him? Today he talked to me about our height but only after a few words by brother shut him up saying to not try something and saying "you know why" to him about 3 times. Now the friend doesn't know that I already know he likes me. Even my mom says that there's no harm in just talking to him but my brother keeps saying he doesn't care and forbids me to talk to him and vice versa. My brother is only 1 year older than me and since the only class his friend and I have together also has my brother, it makes it impossible to ever have a chance for him to talk to me again. That was the only time he talked to me and now he won't ever speak to me. But knowing his personality he would probably talk to me anyway. I don't know what else to do, I can't do anything and neither can my mom since she's not there. I'm not the first person to make a move and I don't really talk to people much so it would be awkward for me to go up to him since we don't really know each other and he's also very popular in the class. How do I convince my brother to let his friend talk to me freely without him getting in the way? My brother knows I'm not stupid and can stand my ground without being swayed. I know he cares but I'm old enough to make simple decisions like talking to a guy. I don't want him to control who I can talk to and not talk to. He says I can talk to any of his friends and guys other than the friend who likes me. I don't know what else to do since even my mom's words can't convince him and no matter what I say or do he won't listen to me. No one already talks to me because of my quietness and now the guy who does want to talk to me can't because my brother says so. Please help me! I'm in high school and don't really have much experience with talking to guys who like me since it's very rare. I just want help to convince my brother :mad:

Hmm...maybe he knows something about this guy thats not good? Have you asked him about his exact reasoning?

Can you shoot the guy a FB message if you really want to talk to him?

Whatever your brother is saying, he says because he cares about you. I think you should trust his judgement on this.

How old are you? Tell your brother to f**k off.

I agree with the older/smarter women. your brother KNOWS his friends like no other and he is only trying to protect you. you'll have tons of guys wanting to talk to you. don't become disheartened because of this.

I know that and I'm not disheartened I'm mostly mad because he always tells me what to do and says its only ok for him because he's a guy and is 1 year older. So just because he doesn't like it I can't even say a word to the guy, what if I just want to be friends with him like my brother and many other girls are with him. I tell him this but still forbids me and not caring for what I think. My mom and dad both agree that he's overreacting and they know the friend and they know how I am so they have no problem with me just talking. If he had more control he would forbid me to talk to any guy that was a bit interested in me. He knows that I'm not easily fooled and knows that I'm smart and cautious about the people I befriend.

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't want him to control who I can talk to and not talk to. He says I can talk to any of his friends and guys other than the friend who likes me.

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I don't think your brother is controlling of who you can or can't talk to as he said he's okay with you talking to anyone besides this one person due to an unexplained reason, a person who happens to be his friend and someone he knows intimately. That unexplained reason may be something which is not your business to know. By crying that you are being controlled I believe that you are purposefully trying to make it part of a bigger issue than it actually is.

You do know the reason you want to talk to him so bad? It's the same reason the friend wants to talk to you so bad. Because you've been told not to. It's forbidden therefore about a thousand times more appealing if your brother said "sure, go for it- talk away!"

Your brother must know something you don't know. Now why do you insist that you just MUST talk to this guy. You already know he's no good...

Thank you, finally someone agrees with me although I don't like to cuss but I feel like saying that to him! Everyone says to listen to your brother but they don't know his dominating personality towards me and I know he cares but I'm old enough I'm not 5 anymore and I don't think TALKING to a guy is such a horrible thing I mean he's even friends with him.

Sorry, but I don't agree with you. I'm on your brothers side. I was JUST in your bro's position. I didn't want my friend talking to my brother. Though I didn't "forbid" it, I was pissed.

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you, finally someone agrees with me although I don't like to cuss but I feel like saying that to him! Everyone says to listen to your brother but they don't know his dominating personality towards me and I know he cares but I'm old enough I'm not 5 anymore and I don't think TALKING to a guy is such a horrible thing I mean he's even friends with him.

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How old are you? Because you sound pretty young. I doubt your brother is worried about you TALKING to this boy, and I am pretty sure he knows that this boy wouldn't be interested in just TALKING to you.

Do you have some valid reason to believe your brother has malicious intent? is there some motive that would make him not want what is good for you?

For the record, i have two teenagers. I never approve of a boy hanging around my girl until her older brother tells me the kid is a good one. Your parents don't know this boy the way your brother does.

My brother has only known this guy for a few months and no they don't know each other intimately because they only have one class together and my brother always tells me everything about him and their discussions. And when I say controlling I mean him telling me what to do when to do it without question and no matter how much he says he wants me to die I should just listen to him. But if I said that he could care less. So I'm angry that he won't let me say a word to one guy that just wants to start a conversation with me. I hardly ever talk to anyone because everyone is always intimidated by my serious face so when someone does talk to me I'm gladly willing to reply. My brother knows how isolated and reserved I am towards people and nags me on how I should stop being cold to people and to stop being a loner. So when I do talk to someone he tries to shut me up. The only reason he doesn't want me talking to the guy is because he knows he likes me so he doesn't want me to talk at all to him (He would act that way to any guy who liked me but so far he's the only one who likes me). But if I were to say that to him he'd cuss me out and ignore my insight. So that's what I mean by controlling and yes it is a bigger issue than it actually is, I'm just saying I want to be able to talk to whoever I want since I'm old enough to make my own decisions and he knows I'm more mature for my age than my peers. He's just selfishly acting on how he feels and not considering of what I may think or feel on this matter, as he usually does so I'm not suprised.

I will not be surprised when the friend makes a move on you, your brother punches him in the face and he says: "I told you so".

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm more mature for my age than my peers. .

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I wish I had a quarter for every kid who says this. (rolling eyes)

Listen, little girl. You may well be mature in one area, and completely clueless in another. In fact, that would be my best guess at this point.

I understand where you and my brother are coming from but I'm not mad at that part. I'm mad that he interrupts him and me from talking and it embarresses me since he makes it obvious and loud that he doesn't want him talking to me. At least you let him talk to the person and you don't get too involved in who he meets with. You let him make his own decisions. Even if it's good or bad some people have to live and learn to grow up and to not make the same mistakes twice but all I'm doing is just TALKING to a guy. My brother makes it seem like I'm going to marry this person. Just keep doing what your doing and he'll be fine.

Sweetie you have no idea what you're talking about in my situation. I think you're talking to him so you can "prove a point". This is the wrong way to do it. You're going to feel stupid once it's over and you realize that you fought this hard for basically nothing. You don't ACTUALLY want to talk to him. You just want to piss your brother off.

If you want boys to talk to you, stop coming off like a stuck up girl. Do something about the way you carry yourself, attempt to be more approachable. You should be putting your effort into THAT not pissing your brother off.

I'm not saying I MUST talk to him. We just had a casual talk and it was about how tall we were which is why I'm getting mad at my brother for flipping out and saying I'm not allowed to talk to him no matter what the topic is. I like the guy but my brother tells me everything they talk about so I know what he's all about so it's not like I'm going to go out with him. My brother knows this but he doesn't care. And no that's not the reason why I want to talk to him plus I don't need to talk to him so badly I'm just mad that he won't even let me talk to him. Also the reason that he wants to talk to me is because he likes me but is afraid to because I'm his friends sister. They're not close to each other and don't plan to be any time soon trust me I know my brother. Is it so bad to be at least friends with the guy like the others I've had in the past. The only difference is that my brother knows this guy likes me and would act like that to any guy he knew who liked me. My brother is friends with him and so are many people. Just because someone is no good doesn't mean you judge them based on that especially if you want to be friends. If they're good people but are just into bad things doesn't mean you automatically judge them based on that. You keep a certain distance from them but don't avoid them when they just want to talk which is what I'm doing.

I don't agree with everyone else. I understand how you feel and I don't like it when older male family members try and dictate how you live your life.

If your brother can't give you a good reason why you should steer clear, tell him to shove it. It's your life and you have the right to make you own mistakes and decisions.

The part that gets me is you honestly believe this guy wants to JUST be your friend your brother knows this, and I know this. He likes you, he doesn't want to befriend you to just chat about your height. If you must, tell your brother to piss off then. Or you can ask him exactly why you he doesn't want you 2 talking. If he's got nothing legit, then fine tell him to screw himself that you're going to talk to whomever you want unless he can come up with a legit reason and to why conversation must not go on.

Somehow, I doubt this is going to work in your favor though.

I don't want to piss my brother off I'm not that kind of a person my brother loves to do that to me. You still don't get it do you? If my brother didn't tell me not to talk to him I would have just been the way I always was but I find it ridiculous to not let me talk to a guy over a one sentence conversation. And only over this computer am I fighting this hard so I could get my point of view across to people like you. In reality there's no point in arguing this to my brother because he could careless on what I have to say even though it's my decision to make. I don't come off as a stuck up girl on purpose on the otherhand people see me as unapproachable based on how I look. What do you intend me to do put a smile on my face for 7 hours just to seem approachable to people who judge only on how you look and how funny you are. It sucks that some people aren't willing to talk to me but I'm not changing on how I look especially for them. There are people who look past that and end up talking to me and trust me I don't get a kick a t pissiing off my brother in fact I sometimes feel bad for him. I don't ever make the first move to talk to someone unless I have to most of the time I'm just quiet. He talked to me first I was just going to ignore him of course not because I'm stuck up but because I"m not good at talking one on one to people. I don't take joy at pissing my brother off because even though he's older than me I've proven countless times to be more mature than him.

I know he doesn't want to be just friends but seeing on how he knows my brother doesn't like the idea of him going out with me he probably won't ask me. He does respect my brother as a friend. But I would keep him on that friend line and not let him cross it.

I know and my brother knows this as well since he tells me about him everytime so there really isn't anything (at least that I know of) I don't really know. Plus they've only known each other for one class period for a few months. When I ask him why I can't talk to him he just says because I don't want you to, and since he's told me mostly all the bad things about him he can't really say anything new so he says because I say so.

Ok seriously is there only one right answer? You complain your bro won't let you talk to this guy, but you won't stick up for yourself? But then you sit a whine that your brother tells you what to do. Then you say no one ever wants to talk to you because you come off as stuck up or whatever, so I suggest you do something to not appear like that and you say "I'm not changing". You have just proven how mature you really are. Best of luck.

I am clueless in life in general but when it comes to for what's best for me and my future I'm confident in that since my parents raised me the best they could which paid off. I don't go gaga over guys and let them cloud my better judgement and I see both sides of things. I want to get out of this horrible lifestyle I'm in and get a good education and so far I have all A's in my classes. My teachers say I'm their best student but that's probably because I don't really talk much and focus only on my work. They also say I would fit in perfectly in a college environment. I know where my priorities lie and aim for a better life then the one I'm living in just like how my parents wanted me to do. I worry more about school than what I'm doing this weekend with my friends or who I should text since I can't even afford texting. I don't get along well with my peers mostly because my interests are not at all on what their interests are and they hate it and find it boring when you tell them to work hard in school especially if you even go near that topic they just stop talking to you altogether. The kids I'm surrounded by care only about boys, getting wasted or blazed, bragging about beating up someone, or practically shouting out on how they could careless if they don't do good in school (which is a lie they do care about their grades but are too lazy to do anything). I am mature for my age or maybe I just see the logical and obvious side of things which most kids have seem to have lost as they grew older. When it come to the how the world is and how to survive in it I'm clueless but what I find more important and my beliefs along with what I think is right from observing on how my parents make all the mistakes, I learn from them so I won't have to experience it the hard way, I won't faulter in the way I view myself just because you want to compare me to other kids who don't know what mature even means.

Actually my brother has said he wanted to punch him many times. Plus I would put the right amount of distance between him and me so he won't ask me. If he does then I'll just reject him since everyone is against him.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How old are you? Because you sound pretty young. I doubt your brother is worried about you TALKING to this boy, and I am pretty sure he knows that this boy wouldn't be interested in just TALKING to you.

Do you have some valid reason to believe your brother has malicious intent? is there some motive that would make him not want what is good for you?

For the record, i have two teenagers. I never approve of a boy hanging around my girl until her older brother tells me the kid is a good one. Your parents don't know this boy the way your brother does.

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My brother doesn't know him that well he just judges based on what he's told. I know the guy isn't interested in just talking but that is all I will let him do. And it's true when I say that he doesn't want me TALKING to the guy because he told me. He knows I'm cautious and responsible but he doesn't care. Some parents don't know their kid like they think they do trust me. When the parents aren't there that's when their true colors come out. My brother does it all the time but maybe you son is different which is good for your two younger daughters because my brother treated me like crap when we were younger and still does.

Why do you make it sound like I'm being bullied and picked on? I just don't go to people and say "I'm not changing" I do that with how I present myself and people see that and probably that's why they don't want to communicate with me. My school is like that. Plus changing how you look is easier said than done. When I do talk I'm nice and respectful unlike some idiots who don't have manners. But I learn to deal with it and someday there will be someone who accepts me for how I look and who I am so I don't go looking to please other people other than the ones I care about.

I have to agree with girl68 on this one. I don't know how old you are but you need to man up (woman up? :)) and live your own life. "I don't want my brother to be mad at me..." who says that? I can understand not wanting to upset your parents, but your brother? I wish my brother would try to tell me what to do. I'd laugh in his face.

If you're going to let him dictate to you what to do, that's on you. Don't complain about it when he tells you to do something you don't want to do.

Word.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sweetie you have no idea what you're talking about in my situation. I think you're talking to him so you can "prove a point". This is the wrong way to do it. You're going to feel stupid once it's over and you realize that you fought this hard for basically nothing. You don't ACTUALLY want to talk to him. You just want to piss your brother off.

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What girl said^

If you want to "fight your brother's control over you" you should pick a different issue Tuffy. I think you have lost the moral high ground on this one.

Here is her other thread ,maybe you guys find more infos you need... Unfortunately noone saw her posting the same thread at the right time, now it's too late to just merge to posts so I post the link.
And to OP, don't post the same thread two times ok?? People get confused seeing two threads about the same problem, got it??

[URL="http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/40230-liking-type-guy-just-wrong.html"]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/40230-liking-type-guy-just-wrong.html[/URL]

PS. FYI , I close the other thread

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for the advice, but even though I'm young and unexperienced I"m very cold when it comes to feelings or so my family tells me. It's because I'm young that I always remind myself never to fall for a guy too much that I would have my heart broken but I think it would be my fault if I ever broke up with someone because sometimes I'm very coldhearted and don't like to express my feelings. So in that part you don't have to worry about my heart being broken.

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I was like a robot not 5 years ago, no feelings basically because I blocked them away. Until someone came along and broke me... Believe me, it will hurt when it happens if something goes wrong.

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

At first it was like that but just because I'm easily flattered doesn't mean I'm easy to get with. A overweight fat person could tell me that he likes me and I would be flattered but I wouldn' actually be his girlfriend.

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You'll probably find one day that being fat is not important, a good amount of sweet guys are fat (ironic, isn't it) and are probably better than what most girls are used to. Besides, fat is really easy to loose.

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm not saying I MUST talk to him. We just had a casual talk and it was about how tall we were And no that's not the reason why I want to talk to him plus I don't need to talk to him so badly I'm just mad that he won't even let me talk to him. Is it so bad to be at least friends with the guy like the others I've had in the past.

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know I'm too young but I've never had a boyfriend and I'm in high school. I'm very independent and known to be smart, serious, quiet and pretty. Recently there's this guy in my p.e. class that's one year older than I am and is my brother's friend. I didn't really notice him until my brother told me that he wanted to know if I was single. Of course he didn't tell my brother to tell me that. My brother told me that he's good as a friend but looks bad as a boyfriend. I really like him but I'm probably the only person he doesn't talk to in p.e. class and I want to know why that is. I know I shouldn't be asking this at my age, but it's my first boyfriend and I want to know if I'm stupid for even considering such a guy.

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It's funny how DIFFERENT the same issue in two of your threads reads

Is this the guy who cuts himself?

Ugh. no. Don't do it.

I never said I don't want him to be mad at me because right now I'm pissed off at him. Plus my brother has this power over my parents so no matter what I do I'll just get pushed down. I'm younger and weaker physically so I can't even over power him. Mentally I'm stronger than him but he only knows how to deal with situations using his body. If I don't always listen to what he says he'll force me one way or another. Of course I try to stand up to him and I don't listen to him anyways cause I hate how he uses his influence over my parents and his strength to force me. But there is only so much I can do and seeing on how my parents have given up on disciplining him and how he no longer has any respect towards them especially me, there's nothing I can do. I just learn to deal with it. If he's mad at me he'll do anything to get at me. He would tell my mom ridiculous lies and she'll believe him or he will sabotage me by messing up on something important I'm working on which makes me so fustrated I want to punch him. If I stand up for myself my brother would retaliate which would make my mom more stressed as it is and I don't like seeing her fustrated since she already has enough problems. Since my brother won't be old enough to do this I end up doing it.

O my god. I'm saying that this is only one of the issues and I'm not saying this is the main thing. I don't feel like I need to prove any point since I know this already. I'm not that kind of rebelious person yet.

Tuffy, I suggest you start to use quotings, because everytime you write a post out of the blue, without any particular addressee, it looks like you talk to yourself or an imaginary person. Use the quotes, please ;)

Her brother is just one year older, so I don't think that makes him any great moral authority or source of wisdom. So Tuffy shouldn't be particularly concerned with his advice.

However, she shouldn't do the opposite just to spite her brother either, because that would be childish.

Tuffy, don't get involved with a guy just because. Take a hard look at who he is and what he does, and if he has serious issues, avoid him.

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Originally Posted by Tuffytuff [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I never said I don't want him to be mad at me because right now I'm pissed off at him. Plus my brother has this power over my parents so no matter what I do I'll just get pushed down. I'm younger and weaker physically so I can't even over power him. Mentally I'm stronger than him but he only knows how to deal with situations using his body. If I don't always listen to what he says he'll force me one way or another. Of course I try to stand up to him and I don't listen to him anyways cause I hate how he uses his influence over my parents and his strength to force me. But there is only so much I can do and seeing on how my parents have given up on disciplining him and how he no longer has any respect towards them especially me, there's nothing I can do. I just learn to deal with it. If he's mad at me he'll do anything to get at me. He would tell my mom ridiculous lies and she'll believe him or he will sabotage me by messing up on something important I'm working on which makes me so fustrated I want to punch him. If I stand up for myself my brother would retaliate which would make my mom more stressed as it is and I don't like seeing her fustrated since she already has enough problems. Since my brother won't be old enough to do this I end up doing it.

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Not meaning to offend, but if you really where mentally stronger, he'd not get over you with anything, I'm the younger of 3, and I've been playing my parents since I was a kid... my sisters don't stand a chance against me even if they wanted to be mean to me, I know their weaknesses and how to play my parents.

Also, I think you are just being rebelious.. can't tell for sure, but it seems so.

btw, if you used line breaks and quotes, it would be easier to follow up. ;)