Profile Review

I've written a profile for JDate:

You'll have to trust me when I say that I'm funny, intelligent, loyal and somewhat unorthodox (take that how you want). I work in the travel industry is a great way to meet so many weird and wonderful people (hopefully you're not in the former catergory). However it's all made up for in the fantastic perks - my last stop was San Francisco, and I'm now planning a visit to Japan. I like doing things my own way, and want to get off the tourist trail. I have a really close circle of friends, who are kind, funny, yet somewhat strange. As for family, you can't do with them, but neither can you do without them! Please don't worry about the fact that I live in Carlisle, I won't expect you to wear a sheitel! I'm actually looking at moving away anyway, so I'm hoping to meet some people in other parts of the country. If you can put up with someone who hates text speak, but who also loves obscure TV programmes then we might just get along, so send me an email.

(A sheitel is a wig worn by very religious women, the type of woman that I'm not really interested in, but that's all there is where I live, so I have to look online.)

Please tell me what is good and bad about it.

p.s. I am 24, male and live in the UK. I don't think that that makes any real difference, just wanted to give you some background on where I'm coming from.

If you are open to dating orthodox women, you might want to drop the bit about the sheitel, or call it "optional".
"I like doing things my own way" sounds like you may be stubborn.
The remark about being able to leave off the family makes it sound like your relatives are crazy.
"hopefully you're not in the former category" - hmm... everyone is weird in some way, I think. I dunno, I just don't like this phrase.

Thanks for your reply.

Obviously, some of it needs re-writing, so I'm going to have a look at that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you are open to dating orthodox women, you might want to drop the bit about the sheitel, or call it "optional".

---

I'm not into really religious women, but I might try and make the language more neutral.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"I like doing things my own way" sounds like you may be stubborn.

---

I meant that I like to do my own thing on holiday, but I can see how it can come across. I will try and re-write this part.

As I am in the middle of rewriting this, I'd like to know if there is anything else that I should add, take away, or just do differently? Are there questions that you could ask me that I could answer in my profile? I'd prefer to ask now, than have to do 100 re-writes.

I think if you want to weed out the religious women, it's okay to leave IN the bit about the sheitel. My point was that any religious woman would see that comment as evidence that you aren't observant.

I read it the first time imagining I was a woman on the website scrolling for a bo...

I have been on dating websites before and yes it's amazing the effect a piece of writing can have when trying to figure out someone.

So reading this I thought:

- you appear somewhat unconventional which could make women worried or attract them...me, I would put you in the 'unsure category'. You might not realise it but a few words here and there can put a woman off. Our biggest worry when dating online is to meet Mr Weirdo.

So the words 'unorthodox, weird, somewhat strange' struck the alarming bell for me + the fact you like obscure movies...

The line about family I see what you mean but you could re-write in a more conventional way.

Yes, overall I' say you appear as someone who is different which is great but you also need to be a bit more conventional in order to reassure women.

Also if you could add some bits about how you enjoy being in the company of a woman, to share quality time with someone who would be as much a friend as a lover.

Something romantic...really

JDate is a site for Jewish singles. The use of the word "orthodox" in this community isn't going to be received the way it might in a secular site.

Otherwise, I agree with sookie. Except maybe about the movies, because I tend to think of people who aren't sucked in to the latest big blockbuster favorably, but I suppose that would depend on what type of "obscure" movie you are talking about. Is "obscure" another word for "independent' film? Maybe that would be better received.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

JDate is a site for Jewish singles. The use of the word "orthodox" in this community isn't going to be received the way it might in a secular site.

---

Ah right...thanks Vashti...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

- you appear somewhat unconventional which could make women worried or attract them...me, I would put you in the 'unsure category'. You might not realise it but a few words here and there can put a woman off. Our biggest worry when dating online is to meet Mr Weirdo.

---

I can see what you mean - I know you mention this below, so I will try and neutralise some of the wording, or make it more positive. I think I've gone out of my way to come across as not boring, and it seems to have back-fired a bit!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So the words 'unorthodox, weird, somewhat strange' struck the alarming bell for me + the fact you like obscure movies...

---

Unorthodox, as Vashti quite rightly mentions is to do with being religious (orthodox means religious, so it's a pun). The one about weird people, I'm thinking of changing too. By the way, I actually said obscure TV programmes, but I'll explain more below.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes, overall I' say you appear as someone who is different which is great but you also need to be a bit more conventional in order to reassure women.

---

I see what you mean by this. I've mentioned this above already. Thanks for this comment alone!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Also if you could add some bits about how you enjoy being in the company of a woman, to share quality time with someone who would be as much a friend as a lover.

Something romantic...really

---

I'm struggling to think of anything that isn't cheesy. Maybe something to think about!

The only issue I have is that there is another section about what your ideal parner is like, and I thought it'd be covered in there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Otherwise, I agree with sookie. Except maybe about the movies, because I tend to think of people who aren't sucked in to the latest big blockbuster favorably, but I suppose that would depend on what type of "obscure" movie you are talking about. Is "obscure" another word for "independent' film? Maybe that would be better received.

---

I used the word 'obscure' to mean things that aren't mainstream, that not many people watch. I just thought that saying it the latter way would be a bit long-winded, and I couldn't think of a better way of saying what I meant.

I'll give you an example of a TV programme that you'll have heard of, that over here is obscure: The Apprentice USA (the one with Donald Trump). We do have The Apprentice in the UK, but they also show the American version (which I know for you is the normal version). The only difference is that unlike the UK version, they show it really late at night, so nobody watches it (I tape it, as I like to pause things anyway).

I've re-written based on the advice above:-

I'm funny, intelligent, loyal and honest. Always thinking outside of the box, and more than capable of forming my own opinions. I enjoy a good verbal joust, but I'm also a good listener. I work in the travel industry which is great because I get to meet so many interesting people from all over the world. My last stop was San Francisco, and I'm now planning a visit to Japan. I want to see the the real Japan and get off the tourist trail. I have a really close circle of friends, who are kind, funny and caring. As for family, I definitely could not do without them! If you can put up with someone who hates text speak, but who also loves listening to radio comedies then we might just get along, so send me an email.

What do you think?

ah, i could never do self advertising....no matter what you put in there be ripped apart by us.
for some reason i don't believe a word when guys say that they are honest or good listeners :)

Much better! If there is an option to include your picture, be sure you do it.

What's a 24 year old young male doing on an online dating site???? You meet all these people in your line of work.
Makes me wonder what is "wrong" with you. If I were a girl I would ask that.

Kaius,

Wake up! Nowadays a lot of people join dating websites for all kind of reasons. I bet the OP is too busy working to go out often enough.

Plus it's an extra venue where you can meet interesting people.

The view that people on these websites are only weirdoes and desperate souls is borderline stereotyping now...

OP your text is so much better now. I would just add:

As for family, although independent, I can't do without them'...

Am objecting myself to abuse here but I personally preferred the first draft - it was way more original and depicted your sense of humour - the second version is so blah, it's bland, there's nothing striking there - isn't that like any other profile? Think most peeps focus too hard on trying to come across as normal that they lose the unique factor in the process.

Orthodox, true does have religious connotations but for the most part we use the word to convey what is traditional or conventional so your use of unorthodox seems absolutely fine to me.

"Please don't worry about the fact that I live in Carlisle, I won't expect you to wear a sheitel!" - quite funny, although you should add something along the lines of 'however it's perfectly okay if you do'.

The aspects I find worrying are that you like doing things your 'own way' and that you have 'somewhat strange' friends. The former suggests somebody unwilling to compromise or bend, somebody who is not flexible, whilst the latter just portrays you as plain weird! You are to an extent defined by the friends you keep. Also, possibly less emphasis on the whole moving away/travelling thing - yes, it shows that you are fun, exciting and adventurous but am uncertain as to how well it would bode on a dating site, girls looking for a relationship would be repelled by the instability, they want to date somebody who is going to be around, not somebody jetting off all over the world.

But hey - it is just my opinion, that's all!

It's true the second version makes you appear more "normal", however I have to think that women are LOOKING for "normal" when they use this sort of format when trying to form a relationship. I could be wrong...

Valid point Jasmine.

However, I find that the second draft gives a positive and reassuring image of the OP...it also gives the impression that he's driven and well-travelled...

This profile is his selling point. Just like a 'house' you are putting on sale (forgive the metaphor) you need to appeal to the largest number.

To do that you need to present a somewhat neutral but positive image.

Once on the first date more complex personality traits will naturally show...

It's true that they are seeking somebody relatively normal but that doesn't mean you have to blend in with the crowd.

"I'm funny, intelligent, loyal and honest" - it just comes across as a list of traits, and let's be honest, there must be a gadzillion other people whom have used exactly the same words to describe their personality so what sets him aside from them? I mean you are hardly going to say 'I have no sense of humour, am completely stupid and utterly untrustworthy'. It's just standard and expected, and comes across as highly unimaginative and very fake. I think he needs to break away from the mould, not saying he should be way out there, just unique - having a sense of humour and a way with words is his best bet, something that distinguishes him and makes him memorable, and not just another forgettable profile .

Jasmine has a point OP. Mayeb think of something a bit different that you do, you like...(but nothing that could come across as creepy in writing :))

and add it up!!

Is there some unexpected endearing fact about yourself? Maybe ask these friends of yours!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Much better! If there is an option to include your picture, be sure you do it.

---

Thanks for that.

I will do.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Kaius,

Wake up! Nowadays a lot of people join dating websites for all kind of reasons. I bet the OP is too busy working to go out often enough.

Plus it's an extra venue where you can meet interesting people.

The view that people on these websites are only weirdoes and desperate souls is borderline stereotyping now...

OP your text is so much better now. I would just add:

As for family, although independent, I can't do without them'...

---

Thanks for your vote of confidence - I only do this because there aren't many Jewish women around here that are at the same level of observance. I could, if I wanted to, get an arranged marriage tomorrow, but I don't want that.

As for the family thing, I'm going to leave it as it is. The reason for this is that it seems to be one of those standard lines that you just have to put on a profile. Even if not 100% true, I believe it's easier to leave it on there.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jas_mine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Am objecting myself to abuse here but I personally preferred the first draft - it was way more original and depicted your sense of humour - the second version is so blah, it's bland, there's nothing striking there - isn't that like any other profile? Think most peeps focus too hard on trying to come across as normal that they lose the unique factor in the process.

---

Thanks for your comments. I personally prefer it, but it's what the women prefer.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jas_mine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"Please don't worry about the fact that I live in Carlisle, I won't expect you to wear a sheitel!" - quite funny, although you should add something along the lines of 'however it's perfectly okay if you do'.

---

Actually, you only wear one when you get married.

I've got no issue with someone who covers their hair in a religious setting, but someone who does it all the time is not for me.

I'm glad you liked it though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jas_mine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The aspects I find worrying are that you like doing things your 'own way' and that you have 'somewhat strange' friends. The former suggests somebody unwilling to compromise or bend, somebody who is not flexible, whilst the latter just portrays you as plain weird! You are to an extent defined by the friends you keep.

---

The "doing things my own way" was meant purely as not doing what the 'sheep' do holiday.

I see what you mean about the friends thing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jas_mine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Also, possibly less emphasis on the whole moving away/travelling thing - yes, it shows that you are fun, exciting and adventurous but am uncertain as to how well it would bode on a dating site, girls looking for a relationship would be repelled by the instability, they want to date somebody who is going to be around, not somebody jetting off all over the world.

---

That could be a selling point - if they want to come with!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jas_mine [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But hey - it is just my opinion, that's all!

---

Even if not everyone agrees, I certainly value your opinion. Perhaps, I could look at the rejected bits, and try and work them in later.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Jasmine has a point OP. Mayeb think of something a bit different that you do, you like...(but nothing that could come across as creepy in writing :))

and add it up!!

Is there some unexpected endearing fact about yourself? Maybe ask these friends of yours!

---

I'm known at work for having an excellent memory. This could come in useful in arguments.

Is this something worth mentioning?

I'll have a think about possibly re-wording the first line.