Why do men do stupid stuff?

I'm not saying only guys do stupid sh*t (women do too), but man, my guy can be a bit clueless sometimes.

I woke up and signed onto FB this morning and was checking to see if my guy was online (he's been away in Guadalajara since January right now for those who don't know) and I saw a message on his wall from one of his classmates that looked a bit sketchy. I was able to view their Wall-to-Wall and noticed that he'd left her a wall message saying she was tempting and asked her to marry him. She wrote back calling him a "sweet young thing" etc.

Now, I don't typically go all psycho-girlfriend, but I was PISSED. Lucky for me he was online too, so I composed myself and called him on it point blank.

"Why did you ask some girl to marry you on Facebook?"

I gave him a chance to explain and proceeded to explain that it was a joke he and some of his classmates had about this woman being an attractive older woman, and how much she had enjoyed the attention from the boys of their group, blah blah. He said it was a joke. I told him that I don't think that kind of stuff is funny, and that I was hurt, and felt disrespected. I don't know any of those girls he hangs around with as he is 2,000+ miles away. He apologized profusely and said he'd cut it out and said he'd never meant to hurt me.

I get that he didn't mean to hurt me, but my question is... How do you get it into your head that that is appropriate? And furthermore, I don't think anyone should be putting stuff up on a public network if they don't want anyone to potentially read/see it. I can trust that he loves me, and that he wrote the message in jest, but there was absolutely no thought put toward how I might interpret such a message.

Stupid is forgivable. Sneakiness is not. The fact that he put it up on Facebook for all the world to see puts him in the former category, not the latter. If you found a private email saying the same thing, I'd think it was a huge problem, but it wasn't.

I don't know what to tell you. My husband has done some dumbass things too. Sometimes I want to get him a shock collar.

Agreed. And I don't do the whole e-mail snooping thing. I remember I did it to one boyfriend when I was a lot younger because I suspected he was sleezing around. Turns out I was right. Doesn't mean it was right of me to sneak through his inbox, but it saved me another year of pain and confusion.

At first my guy thought I was all upset about the marriage proposal itself, and I reexplained that it was what a marriage proposal implies that had me going mental inside. Not to mention his calling her "tempting". "Tempting" in my head means, "I shouldn't, but I want to." So, yeah. I can get that his brain probably never made those connections, and so I laid it all out for him so that he could understand where I was coming from.

Shock collar, eh? I hope I don't have to resort to such measures :)

In general, it seems like guys find a wider range of things to be funny.

I suspect the human male brain has a big chunk of it reserved to being stupid. In all of us.

I agree that when something is sneakily done, there is more cause to worry.
A public message like that and especially a message he knew you would see, was made and without thinking.

If you wanted someone as considerate and thoughtful as yourself, you'd be a lesbian.

Would it be better if he was doing things like this without you really knowing? You know, while he's out with his buddies and so far away from you? Imo, now that you've made it a big deal he'll be more careful so you dont know but he'll still keep doing things like that.

That's my point. I don't care if he wants to make jokes like that WITH his friends that get said joke. I have jokes with all of my guy friends too. But do not put it in a place where I am going to see it. I knew that I was reading into it the wrong way and that is why I asked him about it upfront. I'm not a passive-aggressive person and he knows this. If I have a problem and it concerns you, you will be hearing from me. And her calling him a "sweet young thing"? I do not want to be privy to such a conversation because just reading it makes my skin crawl, even knowing it's a joke. Not something I want to read while I'm leaving a message on my boyfriend's wall.

Like I said, it has nothing to do with whether or not I trust him. I trust him implicitly, but I felt incredibly disrespected. Personally, I avoid such jokes because of the implications they carry, and the affect it may have on my loved ones, who are always at the front of my thoughts.

I agree with Gigabitch. If he put it on a public wall, I don't think it's that bad. But I can understand how you'd be hurt, especially by the 'tempting' comment.

My boyfriend doesn't even have a FB wall. At all. He communicates with everyone on FB through messaging. He says "I don't want the world to know everything." It hurts that he's so sketch and protective about it. I'm always wondering what conversations he has going on in the privacy of his inbox with his many female friends....

i understand exactly how you feel and i agree with you 100%. it's not just the joke is the fact that it is a bit direspectful to have ur bf say that to someone on a plublic site for everyone to see. it does shows, that he didn'tmean any harm and that it was just a joke cause otherwise, he wouldn't have put it on her wall for everyone to see. however, i think is good that u talked to him and made him understand that, that's not okay to do that.

^^ Exactly!

Guys have gotta know and from the outset preferably, what is acceptable behaviour to a woman and what is not!
And men tend to respect women more, if they are upfront about what they want and expect

Now he knows it's not acceptable and I suspect, it won't happen again :)

it wasnt stupid. it was rude and disrespectful for you. it proves that he doesnt care about how u feel before he executed his actions.

^^ People can and often engage mouth and before brain.

Yikes. Not a good way to end a long distance drought between you two. I think it's good though that you called him out on it, and not in a dramatic, rage filled way. You shouldn't have to scare him into doing things for you, unlike this girl I knew in college who told my ex that "she should be training me". But sometimes they do have to be kicked into shape, and passivity doesn't fix anything.

Note to self: Don't joke about marriage/compliment strange girls in front of girlfriend...

He was probably joking, but it was a stupid joke and he really didn't think much about your feelings before posting that.

I agree it wasn't the brightest of moves, but since it was on a public wall for everyone to see, I think you are overreacting.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you wanted someone as considerate and thoughtful as yourself, you'd be a lesbian.

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Lesbians aren't the holy grail of relationships... one's "partner" can still suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. ;)

I don't think you're overreacting. If it hurt your feelings, it hurt your feelings and he needs to know that so he doesn't do it again. That's what honesty in a relationship is all about.

Overreacting would have included:

- Accusing him of cheating
- Breaking up with him
- Finding some random dude on FB to publicly flirt with

You didn't do any of those things so he should be thanking his lucky stars that you're not crazy.

Summon a monsoon on his plantation in Farmville - that'll teach him.

No, but honestly, yeah it was a stupid move and he gets that now. I would imagine the fact that he hasn't had you physically in his presence for 3 months has made him a little more "cut-loose" so to speak. I don't mean that in a bad way, I'm just not sure how to better explain it. :-/

Technology and the ability to broadcast one's personal thoughts via the web in the matter of seconds has made people ****ing retarded.

I'm guilty of it too on occasion, but never to the extent to make my S/O think I was checking out some other person. Or marrying them.
Everyone has a sense of what's right and wrong, although I'm siding a bit with CBrider here. When you're away from that special someone, you tend to mentally check out of that mindset that you have to "behave". It's by no means an excuse, but if he's seriously kidding, and you don't get that gut-wrenching feeling something is amiss I'd write it off.
Though I would be curious if any of his friends splattered her wall with similar comments, just to check out the theory.
I'm suspicious like that though.

You didn't make a federal case out of it, so props to you.

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Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think you're overreacting. If it hurt your feelings, it hurt your feelings and he needs to know that so he doesn't do it again. That's what honesty in a relationship is all about.

Overreacting would have included:

- Accusing him of cheating
- Breaking up with him
- Finding some random dude on FB to publicly flirt with

You didn't do any of those things so he should be thanking his lucky stars that you're not crazy.

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Yeah, I knew that getting made from the outset would only cause more problems. After he explained things, I got a little silent as I was mulling things over. He asked me if I was okay besides the fact that I thought he was running all over Mexico proposing to every girl he meets. I told him, "Hey hey (pump the breaks on the sarcasm, boy), I didn't know what all that was. It looked really sketchy out of context. So I decided to ask before I got all crazy about it." He said, "Ok. I understand." And I thanked him for explaining everything.

We Skyped later yesterday and he proceeded to gush about how much he misses me and how beautiful he thinks I am and how lucky he is. He brought the issue back up and said, "Yeah, I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to write that inside joke out. It certainly does look sketchy out of context, I'm sorry." I forgave him of course, and we actually ended up laughing about it afterward. We Skyped until I started to fall asleep on video chat.

And he is thankful that I'm not crazy. The last couple of girls he's been involved with were absolutely psychotic. I've had exes go through my shit before and do lame stalkery stuff. How they think I wouldn't have found out about it was beyond me. My computer does log the usage history.

But things are good now, guys. Thanks for the insight and support. :)

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Lesbians aren't the holy grail of relationships... one's "partner" can still suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. ;)

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I think the implication was that women tend to be more thoughtful in their actions and can better foresee how those actions affect others, whereas a guy might make a decision to do something without considering if it might affect anyone besides himself. There are exceptions though.

Only afterwards you think "$^£&!" when you realise. It seems a good idea at the time.

Although the marriage joke, lol! Call him an idiot and get him to owe you a nice dinner out to make up for it when he gets back :)

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Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

^^ People can and often engage mouth and before brain.

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true but if you are inlove with a person , care about that person, respects that person then you wouldnt pull that stupid, rude and disrespectful shit. you would put yourself on her/gf situation before you open your mouth. what is he a kid? he cant use his brain before he does stupid crap.

Haha, like I said, he can be downright clueless sometimes. He's usually incredibly thoughtful, but I think, like Cbrider said, the distance compounded with the length of time we've been away from each other, has put us under some strain. I know I've certainly been starved for some male attention, but I've been a good girl, and I know my guy is very loyal as well.

If I didn't trust him this would have been way more of an issue. I also think that his brain didn't make the connections that mine made when we read what he wrote. I think all he knew was that he and his buddies thought it was a funny situation. Since the situation had nothing to do with me really, he didn't feel that I would be affected by it at all. We gotta admit ladies, our minds can go in some pretty warped directions sometimes, and most guys I know have trouble following my train of thought.

Like Laila said, had I done something crazy it would have only made the situation worse and more painful for the both of us. And my guy isn't the type of guy that will try and make sorry-ass excuses for himself, especially if he knows something he's done has hurt me. We dealt with it head-on together and it got resolved in no time.

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Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Lesbians aren't the holy grail of relationships... one's "partner" can still suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. ;)

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It's true. Both genders can suffer from Manthrax.

Stupid ppl do stupid stuff! lol