Single mother advice please....

So I am a single mom of a perfect eleven year old girl- I'm 31 and I am new to the dating scene. Yesterday a guy (looking 23- yikes) came up to me at the store and handed me his digits after bumping into him and making small talk in a few of the aisles. My problem is that my daughter wasn't with me and how in the hell do I bring up the fact that I am a mom!? What is the best way to present that to someone? Obviously not when he is initially wanting your number...."hey, btw, I am a momma".....I just don't know when or how to approach the subject when dating someone who doesn't yet know me. What do you guys suggest??? And am I too old to be dating a 23 year old (hot!) guy???

I do think you're too old to date a 23 yr old guy. But props on being a single hot mother obviously.

However if you decide to proceed for whatever reason I think that when you speak to him on the phone and he's asking you out mention something about finiding a babysitter because you're not sure if you told him or not... but you have a daugther... Likely unfortunately I don't think he'll be interested after that...

I agree, unless he's some sort of alien 23 year old he's probably not looking for a package deal right now. I know even at age 30 the package deal I'm in is hard but I couldn't have done it at 23.

Its not like you have to warn him like you are looking to get married tomorrow or looking for a daddy but its important obviously for everyone to know what your deal is. I don't know if you are only looking for a POA or a relationship or what. If its a sex only thing I'd say keep your daughter 100% out of the picture. Get busy with him at his house only. She doesn't need to know and I wouldn't bring him around her if thats the case.

You're not too old to be dating a 23-year-old if you're just looking for a bit of fun, but he's probably not up to the maturity level you need in a boyfriend. I think a 33-year-old might be more what you need.

Pish posh. People are misled if they think age has anything to do with maturity, or wisdom, beyond the simple fact that that person has been alive longer. Age doesn't ACTUALLY mean anything.

I say you don't say anything about it and see how it goes. You should be able to tell fairly quickly if he's actually serious or not.

Age is just a number, baby.

Hey I was reading your post I am also a single mother of a 4 year old son and Im only 24 soon to be 25. I am single because of me being a mother. I have met some really cool guys and Im just honest and upfront. I would say ask him to be just friends and see if he accepts your child and for you being a mother and if he does good than you can see where it leads. I have dated a few guys who were 22-25 years of age and its all just strictly friends now becasue they dont or arent ready to date the whole package deal yet. They still want to party and not worry about anything. Just be careful. Oh crap I just realized this is a forum for the guys lol. oops.

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Originally Posted by dono01 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Pish posh. People are misled if they think age has anything to do with maturity, or wisdom, beyond the simple fact that that person has been alive longer. Age doesn't ACTUALLY mean anything.

I say you don't say anything about it and see how it goes. You should be able to tell fairly quickly if he's actually serious or not.

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Originally Posted by SirWagginston [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Age is just a number, baby.

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BULLSHIT! I know for a fact that people change and do become wiser with age.

Depending upon how long you've been out of a relationship/what you're looking for.

He may have been looking for a hook up, but if you were shopping surely you would have had kid-related things in your cart-
we'll make that null as sometimes guys aren't that observant when going for the kill.

Serious mad props on grabbing that guys attention though, he may not exactly be as young as you're marking him either.

Go out on *A* date with him. If that's what he is looking for.
If sparks fly and there is chemistry, find a subtle way to tell him. Don't be one of those weird people who bring their kids to dinner unannounced. That's unsettling. And creepy.
Just be wary, as he might need time to process it.
If he comes back for round 2, you're ok. If not, well hell, at least you're capable of catching some guys eye WITHOUT standing around a bar.

*edit*
@
Sonrisa; I will say for the most part people are pretty predictable at certain ages. There are a rare few who've garnered life experiences well beyond their peer group and can handle some things better than others. Just like there are 50 y/o men who act like they're 20 >.>
Point being, you never know until you try :)

*edit edit*
And do be careful about introducing dates to your daughter.
I'm not a fan of women running a train of men through their children's lives. Especially if it's a series of relational failures. It has a damaging impact on kids. So when it's time to introduce new-boyfriend to your wee one, be very careful on how you do it. *THAT* I imagine would be the most complicated part of it all.

My son is 2, so I don't have to worry about communicating all of that with him *too* much, but it's certainly an interesting learning experience.

I only 23 and my gf has a baby not quite a year. Now we do have a very long history so maybe its a little different for me but I have no problem accepting that she has a baby.

As everybody calls it, the package deal isn't that frightening of a prospect to me. I'm not the little girls father, I'm not trying to be her father. Right now I just see myself as a man in her life. She is obviously to young to really influence but as she gets older if I am still around I hope to be a positive male influence in her life. If things get really serious then I will be her father. That is the way I believe things should progress.

Honestly I'd go out with the guy and see how the first date goes. If he asks for a second date and you like the guy you might just say something like "before this goes any further understand that I do have a son and that it can complicate things" Also mention that you don't expect anything from him in terms of being a daddy or anything but you know it is added baggage that he will have to accept.

If he is a good guy chances are he will be cool with it...if not well then he either isn't ready or a d-bag and your not looking for either I'm sure.

I just keep thinking of Ashton and Demi....it worked for them! I am NOT POSITIVE about his age- but he looks it and WORKS at the college...I don't look 31 though, either...so you never know, I guess. The 33 year old that I've been hoping to see more of is keeping me in limbo- this new guy was bold enough to go after what he wanted so that was pretty impressive to me. At least HE can make a decision!

That 33 year old sounds a little like he's yo-yoing more than one lady if he can't make up his mind.

Don't wait around for him to decide!

I don't think he is. He's my neighbor and no one is ever there but him! Also, he works a lot (driving alone). I think he is just used to being alone.....

Lulu,
I'm also a single mother (29) met this wonderful guy when I was 26 and he was 20....we've been together for 3 years and will probably end up married. Some guys are mature at a young age so I don't think age matters that much. Be willing to give it a try and see where it goes from there. I told my boyfriend about my child on our second date--he has always been cool about it and they get along really well. It always depends on the situation. Good luck!

That is so cool. Good for you! I know a woman that is 40 and has been with a now 25 year old guy for going on five years!!! She has an eleven year old, too. It's working for them....you never know. My ex on the other hand is 32 and relates better these days to teenagers and 20 year olds than people in our age range.

Looking younger is good, but I also just worry that this guy is going to find out how old I really am and think that I am a wierdo for wanting to date someone as young as him in the first place! What if THAT happens! :(

Do you think you're a wirdo for wanting to date a guy that age? I hope not...there's nothing wrong with it. I think he'll actually be flattered that someone like you would consider him an option. Many times younger guys who are very mature for their age like older women because they can relate better---i don't know if this is the type of guy he is but if he is not then you don't need to waste your time with him- you don't need an immature guy around.

I also look good (young) for my age and unless we tell people they can't tell I'm older than he is (actually once on a date I was IDd and he wasn't---I had to make fun of him for that)
Stay young, take care of yourself and be confident. Like I said earlier, he should be flattered by your attention.

Don't make it seem like you're too interested or worried whether he'll be okay with you being a mom and being older. If he is ready for that he'll take you for who you are. I know it can be nerve wrecking at first so just be honest and ready for whatever comes. I think the sooner you tell him the better but don't go out of your way. Have a first date with him and you tell him during dinner....don't let it be the first thing that comes out of your mouth though. Let him get to know you a little bit before you bring up serious conversations---best thing is to let him tell you about himself first ---
Good luck!

NO way are you too old to be dating him, go for it..I would! He is legal and young but good for you..he will be energetic and have a hell of a sex drive.. just be honest and tell him that you are a Mom. Honesty is best regardless of the age.

Age is irrelevant, he could be really mature for his age. No one is too old to date anyone unless they are a minor, legal is all that is important. Only he knows if he wants a package or not and they just met, one step at a time.

Lulu, just be careful about showing your daughter what you think is appropriate. You're her model of womanhood, and she's paying attention. Don't date guys that can't handle your scene. This means you have to tell him about being a mom before you go out with him.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Lulu, just be careful about showing your daughter what you think is appropriate. You're her model of womanhood, and she's paying attention. Don't date guys that can't handle your scene. This means you have to tell him about being a mom before you go out with him.

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I have a huge problem with suitability, so I'm at a loss on how to convey to someone else how they SHOULD bring up a situation.
Current guy, I've known since highschool, so before we got together, we had the benefit of "Lets catch up since we hadn't heard from eachother in some years."

He's the same age as me, and has no problem with the fact I have a son.
If I were to date anyone else who *didn't* know I had a kid, I usually just picture myself saying "Oh, but I've got a 2 year old."

I do omega agree with you Giga, on being a model of womanhood. Children absolutely absorb everything we do and say.

Ashton is probably checking out Demi's teenagers. :P

In any case, it ism't the age difference I find problematic. YOu two are in completely different stages of life. Also, you should know that if I had an 11 year old daughter, I wouldn't be bringing home ANY male I was dating to meet her. A large number of molested girls are abused by their stepdads or mom's current boyfriend.

I don't bring home men to meet my daughter!! That is for sure. The only way I would do that is if it got serious, and I haven't had that since my break up with her dad. I've been celibate since. I'm new to the single life and dating scene- which explains why I pop up here every now and then. I haven't been a single gal since age 18!!! (explains my lack of dating know how!). I do have to admit that I never had any idea how many seemingly great men would be into me!! (not to sound arrogant or boastful) but for all of you women that have been in long term dead end relationships, take it from me- the single life CAN be pretty great and revitalizing. I really had no idea. I thought that I was 31 year old mom that would never find anything better than what I had. NOW- I realize my ex was just a bum in comparison to all of these other men that I keep coming across! HA! People always say, "you can do better". Believe THAT, ladies!!!

I agree, he's not too young in numbers, but he is probably too young in maturity to be able to handle your situation on a long term basis.
I had a similar situation and looked at it in terms of no one was good enough to meet my son, there was no way i would introduce any guy into my sons life that wasnt there to stay 100%. I would just mention in conversation from the outset that I am a mother- even if i had to just say "oh, i have a son" - no point in wasting anyones time. As it goes, i dont have to worry about that now :)

Age dont matter hun. My brother (33) is married to his wife for 10 years and she is 50!! they love each other dearly

..Id tell him about your daughter pretty much straight away on ya first date !! if he likes you he ll stick around, if not then his loss...probably not meant to be.. just go with the flow..x

I'm 36, with a 9 year old son. My advice on this topic is to stick to other people with kids (probably within a few years of age either way). I'm separated from my wife-- 8 years younger than me (not the mother of my child) because she cannot handle the responsibility of being a step-parent on the weekends. A 23 year old guy might make a great 'play date' for you, but I question whether it would be feasible for a long-term relationship. I guess there's only one way to find out: call those digits and go on a date (telling him straight out that you have an 11-year-old). Good luck!

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Originally Posted by NewStart [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm 36, with a 9 year old son. My advice on this topic is to stick to other people with kids (probably within a few years of age either way). I'm separated from my wife-- 8 years younger than me (not the mother of my child) because she cannot handle the responsibility of being a step-parent on the weekends. A 23 year old guy might make a great 'play date' for you, but I question whether it would be feasible for a long-term relationship. I guess there's only one way to find out: call those digits and go on a date (telling him straight out that you have an 11-year-old). Good luck!

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Not all 23 year olds are the same. I'm 23 and I welcome the opportunity to be a father. Me and my gf have already talked about while her daughters father will always be in the picture in terms of visitation I will be a father figure....in my opinion better than her biological father. Of course thats only if things go that far....we just sort of made sure all the cards were on the table and everything was understood.

I want kids though....I think I'd make an excellent father. Mainly cause I had great parents and I've seen so many bad cases of parenting just watching my cousins raise their kids.

So don't rule him out just because he has never had kids and is young. There are plenty of 40 yr olds that have several kids and still haven't learned how to man up and be a father.

Let not throw the baby out with the bath water here. LOL. I would say right here its okay to do 35 in a 60mph zone. I know was after a single momma, because lets face it...They are the best bang for buck. By that I mean, when you date someone you dont know if they are a good mom...But a single mom who is able to hold her own with a child is worth its weight in gold. He may be interested, he may not. Date him and bring it up. If you are upfront, if he gets thrown off or scared, then he's not ready and you dont want to have to "work" anyone in. It should fall in naturally. There is a very bad stigma that single moms carry and it sucks. But there is a guy out there that just plain doesnt care about your past, just the possible future. Keep at it. The pitch is rough these days on everyone, especially the people who have responsibilities.