How can I pursue a relationship with my male friend?

Today I caught up with a guy who I went to a creative college with several years ago in another city. We now live in the same city and caught up for the first time in a couple of years. I liked him back then, but we weren't close and a couple of my friends liked him too at the time. I realised today that the feelings have returned. We caught up as friends with another friend of mine and he couldn't stay long but said that we should catch up more often as we live so close and suggested we see an upcoming mutual friend's art installation together. I'm horrendous at detecting flirtaciousness but he'll greet me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and pats my knee a bit, I'm not sure if that's just because we're arts students? He doesn't know I like him, but I'd like to be more than friends with him but I'm not sure if he only sees us as friends? Any input will be much appreciated!

Who knows?

But I'm thinking that if he's not shy in hugging you, not shy in kissing your cheek and touching your knee, then why if he is interested in more than friends, isn't he making the moves on you?

I can't tell if him suggesting that we should 'catch up often' and 'see a friend's art installation together' is as friends?
Another thing I picked up on is that he said he was seeing a girl that was the same age as me (19, he's 21) but broke it off because he generally finds 19 year olds to be naive, insecure and not say what they mean, but said that he finds me to be an 'old 19 year old', that I seem to know who I am.

What an asinine statement for someone to make. Only a naive, insecure 21 year old would say something so stupid.

If some guy said to me that we'd catch up often and invited me to some friends work, I'd probably take it that he liked me but he was just being friendly. I also wouldn't take a comment that he finds you more mature than most your age, as a sign of anything other than friends either.

For me, there would have to be something more 'positive' and coming from his direction. Like him asking for my number, or wanting to take me out on a date.

Until a guy does this, I don't take him seriously.

I think I am this way and because I've never had to second guess guys. Mostly all the guys I've known and been involved with, have been real upfront about what they want. And if I did ever have to have to second guess, he wasn't that interested.

So, he only sees us as friends, nothing more?

Why don't YOU make an advance?

Does he act the same way with his other friends? A lot of times that is a big clue. There is not way to tell, without context, what any of that means. He could just see you as a friend. He could see you as a friend he might be interested in dating, but not sure yet. He could want to date you, but for some reason wont make a move.

There is no way to know for sure unless he literally flat out tells you/asks you on a date/kisses you/etc.

Also the 19 year old comment is ridiculous. That is only a two year difference. Finally, even if he thinks most 19 year olds are immature, he should be judging you by your own merits, so you shouldn't even worry about that. If he wont date you on principle just because you are 19, believe me, you don't want to waste your time with him.

I have no idea how to do that. I've never known how to do that before. If I invite him out, he might assume I mean as friends?

touch him!

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Originally Posted by accodata [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So, he only sees us as friends, nothing more?

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It's hard to say at this point.

You knew him several years back, but not that well. You've since caught up with him, but it sounds as though you and he havn't spent any quality time together, but he's invited you to this friends thing...
It seems to me, that this is a 'getting to know you' period. Who knows, he may ask you for your number and when you go to this event together.

I wouldn't write if off as just friends at this very minute.

'Touch him'??

We already have each other's numbers.

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Originally Posted by accodata [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

'Touch him'??

We already have each other's numbers.

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How is a phone number related to touching him??? Yes, TOUCH HIM! You know like FLIRT?

Just make an obvious pass at him. A man's friend/lover boundaries are not as defined as a woman. They are fluid. Odds are that if he's attracted to you, he'd be open for something. At the same time, he's probably well aware at this point that guys have a hard time digging out of the "friend" hole when it comes to women, which will probably prevent him from trying to make any sort of move on you. So you aren't going to know unless you give it a shot.

I have no idea how to flirt. I can't tell when someone is flirting, and I don't know how to flirt. Tips would be appreciated...

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Originally Posted by accodata [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have no idea how to flirt. I can't tell when someone is flirting, and I don't know how to flirt. Tips would be appreciated...

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People have already given you advice on this. (girl68, for one) Touch him, for starters! For example, you are sitting at a table with him in a coffee shop or a restaurant; press your leg up against his under the table. It's not rocket science. Think about what you'd like for someone to do to you to show you that they like you, then do those things to him.

Is there anything that I could say that would be an obvious flirt/pass at him?

Ask him if he's ever wondered what it would have been like if you guys had ever gotten together. If he says yes, ask him why he never asked you out.

It's not hard to drop hints. And this guy kisses and hugs you and puts his hand on your knee. TRUST ME, unless the guy is gay then he's thought of you in "that way."

Would it be okay to be that forward with him to ask him if he's ever wondered what it would have been like if you guys had ever gotten together?
Is there anything else I can say that wouldn't be as forward? The reason I'm asking is because I'm confident with friends but uptight and shy when it comes to intimacy.

I think pressing your leg against someone elses is kinda obvious and too forward.....it needs to be subtle action and touching.
She doesn't want this guy thinking she's a 'bitch in heat'...lol

Subtle touching, as in if he tells a joke and you laugh, lean towards him and gently touch his arm and as you are laughing.
Tease him. Not as in playing hard to get, but as in playfully tease him. Pick up on something he says or does, then make a playful joke of it.
Smile a lot and act really happy and to be with him.

Well, of course, there are many things that you can say, but the more direct you can bee the better, just because guys don't always do well with subtle signals. It sounds likee what you are hoping to do is subtly entice him into being the one to make the obvious move. Of course, that is one strategy, but what you have to consider is that he may be just as shy about it.

There are many small things you can do. Linger a bit longer over a hug. Touch his leg the way he touches yours. Compliment him on his looks. If you escalate things physically even slightly and notice that after a while he responds in kind, that's a positive sign. If you are scheduled to go somewhere together, wear something cute. Ask him how you look. If/when he compliments you, tell him you are glad and that you thought he would like it. Really, the list of things you could do is endless.

You need to keep in mind that there isn't any way for you to do this without putting yourself "out there."

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Originally Posted by accodata [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Would it be okay to be that forward with him to ask him if he's ever wondered what it would have been like if you guys had ever gotten together?
Is there anything else I can say that wouldn't be as forward? The reason I'm asking is because I'm confident with friends but uptight and shy when it comes to intimacy.

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Too forward IMO....:|

Be 'playful'....:)

Just to clarify - I'd like to date him and not appear like I'm only interested in sleeping with him, as xxazurexx mentioned

"OMG you're so funny" as you laugh and touch and squeeze his arm "oh geeze, you're hilarious!" as you tap his leg.

it isn't rocket science. honestly you sound way to shy to be able to pull of the flirting thing.

^^Thats true.

If you are shy OP, you won't ever be able to pull this off.....lol

This kinda stuff comes natural to me, it's 'second nature' and if I'm interested and am comfortable around him.

Could I brave it and first ask, "Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" during our next conversation. And then perhaps near the end of our meeting tell him that I like him? Would that seem too eager? I'd prefer if I could reel him in a bit first, but I'm not sure how to act or appear 'attractive'?

^^Well I'd be doing none of the above, but the braver than me would I guess.

I'd want to get some idea of his interest level in me firstly and before I went giving obvious signs/spilling my guts.

So I'd be sticking with the flirty behaviour and see how he reacts to that. And if he remains a 'dead fish' to it.....then Id be throwing him back in the water. lol

OP, I'm unsure there is any hope for you :(

What do you mean by, 'OP, I'm unsure there is any hope for you'?

If you can't flirt I HIGHLY doubt you'll be able to pull off the asking if he's seeing anyone/ telling him you like him.

If I can't flirt, is there another way I could push us past friendship?

You need to learn how to flirt I suggest you try.