Lost the love of my life, where do I go from here...

This is long and mostly just a way to vent, but some advice would be greatly appreciated.

About 2 months ago, my gf of 8 months left me. Her reason for leaving was that she "wasn't happy", yet our relationship was very good (in my opinion). When she left she was still very much in love with me, but I guess not enough to stick around and try to figure things out. She said many times that I was the best relationship she ever had and that she never loved anyone this much before. But when she decided to break things off she felt we just had to go our separate ways for now and take the next step in our lives, then maybe down the road we could try again, and said that "right now this just isn't what i want". I guess she felt that her life wasn't going in the direction she wanted it to, and with the way things were going, couldn't see the future she wanted with me. For two weeks straight I tried everything to get her back, but to no avial. She just kept saying that she "still has feelings for me but knew that, right now, things aren't going to work out".

Since she left, I have done alot of maturing and personal development as well as rearranged my priorities in life. I've never loved anyone as much as her, and even after two months I am still DAY TO DAY on trying to deal with this. I feel like I'm going crazy because no matter what I do she is still in the majority of my thoughts. I've been keeping very busy with work, excercising (alot actually), hanging out with friends, and have even been upgrading my education so i can go to univercity next year. Non of it seems to be able to keep my mind off her for more than five minutes though. It seems like the only time I am happy nowdays is when I believe that she will see all the good things i've been doing and will eventually want to be with me again, but as time goes on it just feels like wishful thinking. The fact that we were still very much in love with each other when she left is what keeps me clinging on to the hope that she will come around eventually. I treated her like gold and highly doubt that she will find someone else that would love and care for her as much as i did. But recently I have started to have my doubts about her...

Just a few weeks ago I seen her at a bar with another guy that is, in my opinion, a big time loser, and completely lost it when i found out she was hooking up with him. At that point I should have had some closure to things between us, knowing she had moved on, but I could only stay mad for a short while cause i know she doesn't love this guy. I told myself I wasn't going to have any contact anymore, but then a few days later, like an idiot, I continued talking to her as though nothing had happaned. Then, just the other day, someone told me that she was hanging out with another guy that is a total dirt bag as well, and most people that know him share the same opnion. Basically she is just rebounding all over the place now, and it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. Everyone is telling me to just stop talking to her completely, which is what I have officially started doing. As of recently, I don't know what to think of her anymore. She is only 19, and I knew that eventually she was going to start hooking up with other ppl, but not like this. It appears that she isn't as classy as i though she was and is showing her true colors. Dare I say she is a slut now? Or is it just a rebound phase that will pass? I am more confused than ever now because I am twice the man compared to any of these douchebags she's been hanging out with lately. If the scenario of her realising that she does miss me and wants to come back ever does happen, I don't even know if i could take her back now. It feels like she is a different person that I would become jelous around because I'd feel as though I couldn't trust her anymore.

If I truely felt that her heart was 100% sure of wanting to be with me again, I would probably forgive her, because as much as I hate what she is doing, I still love her and want to be her man. I guess it's just a matter giving her time to figure out what she really wants. In the meantime though, how should I be going about this? Should I just continue to appear as though I don't care about her anymore? A girl-friend told me that if she were to ever find out about me being with someone else she would realise how much she really misses me IF she still loves me. Is this something that is generally true? Is jelousy an angle i should exploit to try and get her to realise how much she still cares?

No, to the issue of jealousy.

And you should read my post (should be near the top) and message me. You and I have LOTS we can talk about. Do you have AIM?

Have secks with other girls. TRUST ME, this is the BEST cure.

First thing, stop referring to her as "the love of my life." She wasn't. Pretending that she was is simply prolonging your pain. Move on, because she certainly has.

Work, school, friends, and exercise... those are all good things for you right now, and in general. You're doing the right things, but you need to mentally re-frame the past to move on. Instead of "the love of my life," try to think of her as "someone I used to date." That's more dry and abstract and distant, which is how you want to be looking back on that experience, if you really must look back at all. And judging by the caliber of the guys she is with now, she wasn't that great, she didn't appreciate you, and she has low standards. Just leave her in the past, move on, and you will eventually meet better women. Keep up your self-esteem, because women are more attracted to confidence than almost any other quality.

Let me first say that I'm sorry you feel the way you do. But I also want you to understanding that sometimes it is better to move on and make a fresh start than try to reconnect a broken love string. Remember, there was a reason it broke in the first place (no matter how lame it may seem), and that reason will always come back to tear you apart even if you're able to reconnect. So my advice to you is to move on and forget about her. Remember she has already moved on.

She's 19, she doesn't know what the hell she wants. Unfortunately, the only way for her to realize what she wants is by sleeping around and being a "slut". Did it ever cross your mind that she doesn't want someone who treats her like gold? I am going through what you are too, treated my ex like a princess, would have dropped anything I was doing for her, and I did lots of times. Read my post if you want to. It hasn't even been 2 months for me and it's still hard, I focus on lifting, work, and other friends. Yes, I still think about her a million times a day and still dream about her, but hell, we all gotta move on sometime.

I think the healthiest thing for the both of us to do is to start dating, only when you're ready of course, or just to get your mind off her. Just remember, 19 year old girls tend to do really stupid shit, maybe they will regret it one day, maybe they won't. I wouldn't stick around to find out.

I can certainly understand why you are confused. She tells you that it's the best relationship she has ever been in before but still breaks up with you? Why on earth would anybody do that? The truth of the matter is she doesn't feel for you like she used to. It's lost it's magic and allure to her. I know it's hard on you and you feel like a reject or a failure for getting shot down like this, but your self worth is not reflected upon her opinion. She just didn't feel it anymore and wants to go out and try something new. That sounds terrible to say, so she didn't say it in those words. She just gave it the "it's not you, it's me" routine.

So you thought the relationship was pretty good in your opinion. You've had to make some mistakes because you do talk about all the progress you've made, and grown up so much since she dumped you. So maybe it wasn't as good as it could have been. You also say she was the "love of your life" and still continue to say this. She has been the love of your life so far, but the extent of love you can feel has been expanded that much greater. Believe it or not, you will be able to connect to somebody even more deeply and more passionately then your ex girlfriend, because of how much you have grown. I know you don't care about anybody else but I'm sure as you see her go on and do her own thing with other guys, you will start to see the opportunities that are there right in front of you that you weren't looking before.

She was clearly a very immature person to handle a break up such as this. By sugarcoating it and saying she still cares about you, then hanging out with other guys, it makes her look very contradictory. Most of us had acted like this because we don't know any better. But you never break up with somebody with intentions to get back together, because that logically makes zero sense. She's kept you hooked when she alludes to it working "maybe in the future", and it is very possible that it could happen in the future. Is it likely however? Nah. Not usually. There are so many people out there that we could want to be our "one", it usually doesn't have the ending that you want right now.

You have the problem of every single person ever dumped on the planet at this moment: you are thinking in terms of getting her back. It's a fatal pitfall. It's pushing your stress to the edge and creating a kind of cushion for her at the same time, and both is working against you. To let her know you care for her and will always be there for her, gives her more confidence to push forward and try something new with somebody else. If she already knows she has you, why not? Meanwhile you are doing all this "improvement" with your ultimate goal of getting her back with it. Why not concentrate on just doing things for you and making yourself a better person? This will allow you to also be a better boyfriend, son, friend, etc. in the future. I remember I tried all the above in efforts to get my ex back but when she had a new boyfriend, it kind of came to a screeching halt. I picked it back up again though because I came to peace with the fact that I didn't need her to be happy. Same with you. You do not need her to be happy. You should want her in your life to make you more happy. There is a big difference. Your focus on you should be breaking your dependence off her and finding happiness without her in your life. Or doing things without having her as the ultimate end goal. Because once you do, you will suddenly realize that you don't care to chase after her anymore and will be readily available for somebody new.

Every day is a struggle. I understand. Keeping in touch with her is just making things more worse. You have to think of yourself here and cut her off for good, even if she tries to talk to you. You know what she is doing and she is ultimately trying to keep you around to catch her if she falls. It's not helping you keep focused on you. So you have to, because let's face it, keeping in touch hasn't gotten you anywhere has it? Another thing: stop keeping tabs on her. Stop checking her facebook, stop checking out who she is hanging out with, just stop. That's what she wants to do. It doesn't involve you. So you think the guys she hangs out with are dirtbags. You don't know them and you are just making assumptions based on what you hear from other people. If they are dirtbags they will prove themselves to her and she will deem them unworthy. That's her perogative, her experience, her life lessons to learn.

I've been on eight months of being without my ex and like I said it's a battle every day. Still. What are you going to do though? She isn't going to come in and save you when she's the only one that can help. You learn to deal with it like every single one of us has dealt with a break up. Don't think you are the only person in the history of this world that has felt the pain you have. You aren't and we all get through it somehow without them. It's time for you to do the same. No games. No trying to make her jealous. This is about you and how you will grow and become a better person from this experience.

I agree, I should stop refering to her as "the love of my life". I keep telling myself that she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but ultimately, her leaving was the best thing FOR me because it has driven me to become a better person. My only regret was that I didn't make an effort to do the things I'm doing now beforehand, but I guess great losses result in great gains. Seeing as how she was my first serious relationship, I guess I was just too inexperienced to understand what it takes to keep a long term relationship alive. I've definately learned alot from this though, and you are right cmacattack; my understanding of love and passion is greater than it ever was. Everyone has to go through heartbreak at one point or another, it's what you do after and how you deal with it that makes who you really are.

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Originally Posted by Shy Guy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree, I should stop refering to her as "the love of my life". I keep telling myself that she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but ultimately, her leaving was the best thing FOR me because it has driven me to become a better person. My only regret was that I didn't make an effort to do the things I'm doing now beforehand, but I guess great losses result in great gains. Seeing as how she was my first serious relationship, I guess I was just too inexperienced to understand what it takes to keep a long term relationship alive. I've definately learned alot from this though, and you are right cmacattack; my understanding of love and passion is greater than it ever was. Everyone has to go through heartbreak at one point or another, it's what you do after and how you deal with it that makes who you really are.

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brother, i'm going through the exact thing you're going through right now. and your post definately helped me a lot so thanks for that. and you're totally right. great losses result in great gains. appreciate it brother, even though you didn't mean to help me out! lol

Wow, in a way you sound a lot like my ex. Except when he broke up with me I was the one going off dating other people. I never did anything sexual though, he was my first love and the guy i did my first everything with. I was so devastated i had a rebound guy for a few months. And it's been 5 years but feelings for him has just recently surfaced after i found out he started dating again, he hasn't dated since me and him broke up 5 years ago. Anyway, your ex apparently seems like she doesn't know what she wants. I would stop all communication with her because that's how i'm dealing with this pain for my ex. I know it'll be tough at first but trust me, things will get better. Don't show her that you would still do anything for her back because that's what she wants. She wants to feel wanted and needed and she's so young she does not know what she's doing. Just let her date other guys and break their hearts and do whatever. As for you, just go out and talk to new people. hang out with friends and eventually she will fade out of your mind.

*READ THIS CAREFULLY*

She is not "rebounding" right now. She is being a typical 19 year old.

Did she feel like she loved you? I'd say yes.

However, that DOESN'T mean she was ready to be committed, and settle DOWN at this stage in her life.

Again, she is 19. She's not 25, 29, or 34. She's 19. One year after 18. (I'm hammering this point home for a reason)

This is the age where women want to explore, "see what else is out there", and ENJOY themselves (yes, sexually).

No commitment, no expectations, no feeling guilty about having sexual desires OR ACTING on them.

Just going out, having fun, being with friends, meeting guys, drinking, having sex, etc. Nothing too serious.

Unfortunately, she may FALL for one of these "casual" guys (who IS a douchebag) which will suck even MORE for her (as WELL as you, since you still love her)

Now, NONE of this is to say that I agree with Shark here...

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Originally Posted by Shark [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Have secks with other girls. TRUST ME, this is the BEST cure.

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No, it isn't. Sex with other girls is merely a temporary fix. It's not a long term solution. Time is.

I WOULD, however, recommend trying to DATE other girls and get to KNOW them. Something with more substance to it than just random sex.

yeah..why is tt guys always get blamed when gals are such jerks at times..y cant they just be faithful at times..

Move forward and up, its all you can do. Don't just go bang other chicks, wait a few weeks. I'm waiting like a year, mostly because at this point drunk women absolutely disgust me. Have some dignity and self-respect holy christ.

You know the saying, you have to slay a lot of dragons to find a princess? Its more like Super Mario.

You beat a whole bunch of bowsers and just when you think you've found your princess, boom its a trap and its another bowser.

ALSO LOL that its ok for girls to have fun at 19 but make sure that you don't go bang chicks man. Sit in your depression.

The older I get the more I learn. Women don't want love until their late 20's so just rail. Rail as many girls as you can you need to 'explore' and 'have fun'. Don't settle down, women get bored with a man who settles down. They want a guy constantly hitting on other chicks, then they work for YOU.


In response to MR. Thinkalot:
Look through this forum, I'd say ~70% of the 'broken heart' posts are from men. We jump in both feet and give our complete hearts to our women. But the women are still playing a game. We are naiive, we think women want a steady relationship but they want to 'have fun' until they hit ~25 when they grow out of party mode. Its the guys who do cheat and make their girls work for their attention that DONT get heartbroken and its ALWAYS the guys fault.

learn to forgive ..

Just let her go and next time take some protection measures.

Well, I don't know if it was a mistake or not, but against all the advice not to, I spoke with my ex the other day over facebook. She was pretty choked that I had been ignoring her for the past week or so; I just said that I had my reasons. I don't know why I decided to talk to her, but I did. At first it was just small talk about everyday things and what we had been up to, and once I felt the timing was approriate I changed the direction of the conversation and asked her some questions that had been bothering me for a while. I asked her how she still felt about me and if she ever thinks about trying again, and she said that there were still feelings but she couldn't answer the second question. I told her about the positive changes i've made to my life since she left, and that I have rearranged alot of my priorities becoming a more driven and mature person. She said that there was nothing wrong with me and that she loved the person that I was, but it was more to do with her than anything. For the first time she told me that she felt things moved way too fast with us and our relationship, and I agreed with her. We never actually got the chance to date each other, because within the first week we were already a couple, and within a month she had moved in with me. We both agreed that the reason we got together so fast was because of how well we clicked, but moving in with each other so soon was a mistake. We were constantly around each other and never really got a break from one another for very long, we didn't get much of a chance to miss each other, and eventually the relationship had become dry and unpassionate.

Her telling me this gave me a much better understanding of how she felt and why she chose to leave. I told her that we have had alot time to figure things out and put things into perspective for ourselves, and that I felt we were ready to try again, but this time take things slowly. For a moment she agreed and said "yea it could work" but also said that she has alot on her plate right now and that it's alot to think about. I understood because she does have alot going on in her life right now: She is currently moving to a different place with one of her friends, just got a new part time job, and will be starting back up with her old job that she got layed-off from a few months ago. I said to her I can see how hectic her life is right now and that I don't want there to be any pressure or expectations between us. I suggested that we can start by just hanging out once in a while and go from there, but she said she "wasn't sure if it was a good idea". At this point she told me she would brb because she was on the phone, and right then I knew that she was talking to one of her girl friends, getting advice on what she should do. By now I know that she is considering trying again, but I had to wait for the final verdict. When she got off the phone she told me that there is just "too much going on in her life right now" and that she "still needs time to figure out who she is". She said "I'm not sure when i'll be ready to hang out; it could be next week or next month. I don't expect for you to wait for me, just keep doing what you're doing and i'll let you know when I'm ready to try things again."

My understanding here is that she is clealy not ready to be in a relatioship right now, and by no means am I going wait around for her to figure her life out. I'm not sure how I should be dealing with her at this point. There is something that is everyone needs to know about this situation though; at the end of the summer we are BOTH going to be moving to another city to go to the same University. Because she will be moving in a few months anyways, I know that she wont be looking to get into a relationship with ANYBODY ELSE because that would be pointless. This however doesn't apply to me though because I'll be moving as well. I am at peace with the fact that she is young and is going to go out and have fun and have sex with other people, because I am only 22 myself and will be doing the same thing :). I am also at ease knowing she isn't looking for a relationship right now, so I don't have to worry about her finding someone else. I obviously still want to be with her, but like I said I'm not going to put my life on hold for her. This is about her figuring her own life out more than anything.

How should I act towards her now? Do I go back to no contact to with her? Do I continue to talk to her and just play it cool, and is it possible to make it seem like I don't care if I do? And for that matter, Is it really detrimental at this point to show her I care?

First of all, why would you break the no contact?! She should of been off your facebook friends list by now, and you should have remained strong with the no contact. You just proved to her that you've been waiting around for her, while you saw it yourself, she's off on dates with other guys.... Damn man, I don't mean to sound like a prick but, wake the fu** up. It isn't going to workout between you two right now, probably not anytime soon. Yeah, she said your relationship went too fast, but, you could have worked it out if she cared enough, right?

You wanna know how you should act towards her now? MOVE ON, delete her from your friends on facebook, all pictures of you and her, DONT text or call her. Trust me, this will send a very powerful message, she will be thinking, "Wow, he's moved on, I thought he needed me." If you plan on crawling back to her again, be ready for more heartache in the future. Don't think doing all that will make her crawl back to you either, it's just for YOU, because that's all you need to focus on right now. I know it's hard to stop thinking about someone you care so much about, but this is just one of those shitty lessons life tosses everyone's way. You are supposed to learn from shit like this, not ignore it and try a relationship again with the same person, use this experience for your next relationship, you know to not move in with someone right away, and much much more. Good luck man, we're here if you need anything.

First of all it may seem now that she is the love of your life cause u didn't let her go to make room for the next one,i'm not saying u should forget her instantly but in time you will.Don't think of the happyness it would bring you if the relationship will be back on,think of the sadness if she breaks up with you again.

Not talking to her did scare her a bit and she admitted this. It's only been a week. Not a long period of time either. Not long enough for you to change everything even if you told her how much you have changed. Saying what you did to change really just proves that you haven't changed at all, because if you did, you wouldn't feel the need to prove it. And you've only had a week to practice these changes. You would have to show her serious consistency in your change for her to believe you, and how will she if you guys aren't together? Just something to think about.

I know you felt like you had to talk to her and get some things off your chest but nothing was really sorted out by your conversation. Okay, so she admitted that things were moving a bit too fast. You pryed a little information out of her. You can't force her to do anything and you can't push her into being with you again. You still have questions and still are confused. This is why no contact is good. Because it won't ever totally be solved and now that you are reaching out to her, to fall off the map again would just send signals you are confused and this will confuse her as well. If you just stick with it from the beginning you are sending the message that you don't want to be friends, this is what she wanted, and she will have to live with that. Remember you don't need her in your life to be happy, so don't keep your dependence on her strong. Because now that you have talked to her, you are thinking about her and thinking about more questions you have. Not helpful for your situation.

Total and utter no contact is what needs to be done. Please do not be afraid of losing her. You will be fine regardless of what happens.

Wow, I feel like a relapsing drug addict. I really thought I was past all of this, but today I heard the song "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw and actually broke out in tears. It was the song that was always the ringtone on her cellphone, and more than any other song I hear, that one reminds me of her the most. I thought I was doing so well at dealing with this, but all it took was one simple song to bring down the bridge that I had worked so hard to build. It doesn't make sense why acting like I don't care anymore is the wrong thing to do. You would think that showing her how much I still want her in my life would actually mean something, and prove to her how much I truely loved and cared for her. Ultimately, isn't that what everyone wants? To find someone that cares about them more than they could possibly imagine? Maybe it does make sense, I guess I'm just having a hard time accepting it. It really sucks that I would allow myself to fall for someone with such little understanding of herself and the direction she wants to take in life; I should have seen this coming from a mile away dating somebody so young. It's like someone else on this forum said, "Timing... it is a motherf***er." Man, was this EVER a bad case of timing! I don't want to wait around for her, I'm just wasting valuable time and energy if I do, but right now it's almost impossible to believe that I will find someone that I can connect with on the level that we did.

I'm certainly never going to date someone that young again. You don't play the game to lose, and young women are a sure-fire way to a broken heart.

I was foolish to ignore all the advice thusfar, because it really is doing alot of damage to keep allowing myself seem vulnerable. I need to stop pretending like I'm ok with just being friends; I'm not and possibly never will be.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I read tons of relationship books telling me what to do and I still ended up making the same mistakes they told me not to. You are right, it doesn't make sense why people can't accept the love that you want to give them. But if you had somebody that projected such feelings of desperation onto you, that they begged you not to go, and that they NEED you in their life and can't live without you, wouldn't that kind of scare the crap out of you and make you feel sorry for them at the same time? Not saying that you acted like that but it's an example. My ex girlfriend did the exact same thing and the problem with me was I was not in the right frame of mind and in all honesty too immature to accept it. I was unhappy, I needed to sort things out on my own and she was clawing at me not to go and it....scared me away. I didn't think I deserved it and the truth was I didn't deserve that kind of love at that particular time.

As long as you still talk to her, still keep her in your life, basically any form of contact with her will keep you thinking about her, feeling your feelings for her, and keeping that attachment and that sense of need for her. You have relapsed a bit and fallen backwards, but keep in mind that you aren't totally at square one. This feeling you have right now isn't new, you felt it recently before. But you have to do your best to think logically here, because you are emotional. If logic was the Christian Church, emotion is the Anti-Christ.

Logically, it's best to be on your own to regain the happiness you had with yourself and who you were before you met her. Because she wasn't attracted to you because you were this pathetic, shriveled up little shrimp that sobs all the time. She was attracted to the happy, fun loving, great guy that you were before. You cannot restart a relationship in this situation of sadness and loneliness, you would be trying to build a new relationship on a shit foundation. It scary to be on your own, it hurts to lose somebody you have such an attachment to, but you have really no other choice. She's not going to save you and make everything feel better. So what are you going to do?

My situation was quite similar and I can really relate to the sickening feeling you get when someone who you loved with everything you had is out hooking up with other people while you mope around crying for them. But I guess at the end of it you just have to remember that you aren't her and you aren't defined by what she chooses to do. No matter how hard it is hold your head up high and be proud of everything you did for her. Maybe one day she'll realise she made a mistake, maybe not. One thing I can PROMISE you though (and its quite a sad thought) is that eventually, she will become the past. Whether you meet someone else or not, this will stop hurting and become just another set of memories.

Eventually you'll feel relieved the whole thing is finished and behind you, I promise you that.

What exactly does "I need time to figure out who I am" even mean? That is probably the most confusing thing i've ever heard someone say, especially coming from my ex. Makes me realize that if SHE doesn't even know who she is, then I never truely knew who she was either... which is pretty sad.

It doesn't even matter why, I think the point is that she wants space and she wants to be on her own. Whenever somebody breaks up, you always want to know why, like some kind of reason is there to justify it. We always end up confused anyway though. She didn't fool you and put up this big giant facade, I think you have gotten the chance to know who she is. Sure, she could improve herself in some areas and maybe that's what she wants to do. Don't read into too much, it's pretty obvious you have given this some serious thought.

No offense, but I really disliked guys like you when I was dating. Noone should want to emotionally own someone this much. Its creepy. Learn to detach a bit more. I bet you'll be much happier and fun for it. Shit happens man, she didn't 'click' with you longterm. Endit.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No offense, but I really disliked guys like you when I was dating. Noone should want to emotionally own someone this much. Its creepy.

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In my defence Indi, this is the first time I've had my heart broken, and learning to deal with it is still very new to me. Letting go has been one of the hardest things i've ever had to do, but I didn't realize how obsessive I was becoming over her. I'm a very independant person, so being attached to someone this much, i feel, is very out of character for me. This whole situation has revealed some things about me that I never knew existed, but in no way do I want to appear as a dependant or obsessive person, let alone creepy lol.

In thinking about it though, the way I've been acting would seem pretty pathetic if I was in her position. I just couldn't let go of the idea that I could still fix things, but what's done is done and there is no looking back now. I'm actually doing alot better now though. The mornings for some reason are still tough, but as the day goes on I start feeling better and realize that I've got so many good things going for me, and ultimately she is the one that missed out.

It's been about two months now and it's crazy how difficult it still is to move on from this breakup. For three nights in a row now i've had dreams about her, and non of them were good because we weren't together in any of them. More than anything I want to reach out to her and try to convey the amount of love I have for her still, but I know that if it would be for nothing because I know it's not what she wants right now. What bothers me the most is that I know there are still feelings on her end too, but as time passes they will fade more and more, possibly to the point where she will never have any for me again :(. It seems like such a waste when the good greatly out numbered the bad in our relationship. Communication in a relatioship is extremely important, and I never had problems with being open about anything to her, but unfortunatley she wasn't as good at being open, and it really proved detrimantal because when I realised how unhappy she had become about things, it was already too late.

Since she left I havn't had sex with anyone because I really havn't had any interest in pusuing it. Last night though, I got drunk and took someone, that i've been friends with for a long time, home. She is very good looking and is not somebody I would not normally regret sleeping with, but last night was the most meaningless and unpassionatel sex I've ever had. I kept thinking if my ex during, and it really ruined the whole ordeal for me and didn't allow me to enjoy it at all. It's really hard to find happiness now when I'm not entirely sure how happy I actually was before I met her. She made my life so much more meaningful and gave me happiness like i've never experienced before. This small town I live in is a dump, and the scene here has gotten really old and dull because finding new things to do, and fresh faces to meet, is difficult. I'll be moving to a much better city in August with my buddy though, and I know that will give me the fresh start that I'm looking for, but in the meantime my search to find that special someone seems to on put hold until then.

It doesn't matter where you go, where you run, if you aren't happy with yourself and can't find that happiness on your own, it will follow you. I'm glad you are doing things and have alot to be optimistic about. Keep doing those things that bring excitement, trying new things, etc. to your life. Maybe the thing that happened with your friend was a mistake and I hope you don't lose the friendship with her on top of that. But it's pretty clear you aren't ready for it, and you want to know what? That's okay. To not need somebody makes all the difference.

Two months without sex? Where's my violin? I'm on about 4 times the length without it, brother. And it made things worse right, you still felt like shit and you still care about somebody else. Probably because she is a friend that you think couldn't really go anywhere, could it? It's fun to meet new people so try and put yourself in situations like that and DATE them to get to know them a bit.

Good to see you recognize her making those mistakes. At least you are taking her off that pedestal. And remember that it doesn't matter what you hear or what you think "you know" about her feelings, if you guys aren't together at the end of the day, any kind of speculation means absolute squat.

Do not say this was a waste of time. See it for what it is. You learned alot about yourself, and alot about what not to do and what not to tolerate from somebody else. The experience from this is priceless and undoubtedly made you a better person that can handle a more advanced and more mature relationship in the future. Take the good from this. It's sad and unfortunate it didn't work out, but what has happened has happened. That's it. You are that much more prepared to be successful with the next relationship, whenever that will come about.

Life is too short to sulk and wallow about things. Keep yourself busy, build relationships with your friends (and maybe some friendships that suffered because of your relationships), put yourself in the position to meet new people and try new things and the time will pass much faster. This is all you really can do, as you need time to heal all. Dwelling and thinking about it will make the days excruciatingly drag by.

Been a while since I've been on here so I figured i would update my thread and let yall know how things are going at this point...

It's been almost 4 months since the breakup with my ex, and I can now offcially say that I am back to 100%, mentally and emotionally. I could have never imagined it would be so hard and take so long to get over her, but like everyone told me, time would eventually heal the wounds and down the road things would get better. It was extremely hard to accept her moving on without me, and actually boiled down to her telling me directly that she didn't love me anymore before it finally sunk in, but eventually I started realizing that it wasn't the end of the world and things could be alot worse. I would think of how everyday, people are devastated by natural distasters, war, murder, famine, etc, and lose many of their loved ones, and sometimes entire families. In the end, I'm just glad that she is happy and healthy.

It was really hard to imagine being able to find someone else for the longest time, but the impossible has happened and I'm now seeing someone else that is absolutely amazing. She is 4 years older than my ex and I'm really enjoying the level of maturity she brings to the table, not to mention she is even better looking :). She is really fun to hang out with and has so many qualities that were lacking in my last girlfriend. I've only been seeing her for about a month but it's crazy how fast we have clicked and we are absolutely crazy about each other. I'm enjoying every second of it, but at the same time, not getting too far ahead of myself; I've learned now not to jump into things too fast and to just savor the moment. It's funny how good things can fall into place when you least expect them, and I am now a true believer in everything happening for a reason. For everyone that feels the way I felt not too long ago, let me tell you this: Life doesn't always give you a choice on the direction it takes, but with every bad comes greater good, and when one door shuts many more will open.

Heh, glad to hear you are doing well and enjoying the fun exciting honeymoon period with somebody else. Probably takes that to get you back to 100 percent, wouldn't you say? Enjoy the time you have together.

take care dude and be strong!

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Originally Posted by Shy Guy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Been a while since I've been on here so I figured i would update my thread and let yall know how things are going at this point...

It's been almost 4 months since the breakup with my ex, and I can now offcially say that I am back to 100%, mentally and emotionally. I could have never imagined it would be so hard and take so long to get over her, but like everyone told me, time would eventually heal the wounds and down the road things would get better. It was extremely hard to accept her moving on without me, and actually boiled down to her telling me directly that she didn't love me anymore before it finally sunk in, but eventually I started realizing that it wasn't the end of the world and things could be alot worse. I would think of how everyday, people are devastated by natural distasters, war, murder, famine, etc, and lose many of their loved ones, and sometimes entire families. In the end, I'm just glad that she is happy and healthy.

It was really hard to imagine being able to find someone else for the longest time, but the impossible has happened and I'm now seeing someone else that is absolutely amazing. She is 4 years older than my ex and I'm really enjoying the level of maturity she brings to the table, not to mention she is even better looking :). She is really fun to hang out with and has so many qualities that were lacking in my last girlfriend. I've only been seeing her for about a month but it's crazy how fast we have clicked and we are absolutely crazy about each other. I'm enjoying every second of it, but at the same time, not getting too far ahead of myself; I've learned now not to jump into things too fast and to just savor the moment. It's funny how good things can fall into place when you least expect them, and I am now a true believer in everything happening for a reason. For everyone that feels the way I felt not too long ago, let me tell you this: Life doesn't always give you a choice on the direction it takes, but with every bad comes greater good, and when one door shuts many more will open.

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Good to see a happy ending! Very happy for you and hope things go great for you.