Ok here goes - Please don't hate me!
Last november I split from my wife of two and a half years and partner for twelve, I just didn't love her anymore.
We still got on well we never used to argue and even after twelve years the sex was still pretty great but for me there was just something lacking so I ended it.
Two weeks later, yes two weeks...., I met someone else and we began to see each other(dating). Now from the time my wife and I split until the end of January I was still living with her staying in the spare room for financial convenience for both of us and I was putting money aside so as to move out. All the while things were going great with my new girlfriend and things were remaining mostly civil with my ex.
I moved into a shared rental at the end of January, two weeks later I started to miss my wife I contacted her shortly afterwards to tell her so but she was having none of it. After an afternoon in a sports bar one saturday in which I stayed too long and a couple of drinks too many I went round to my girlfriends and told her how I was feeling, naturally she didn't take it too well though we didn't split as I told her it was her I wanted to be with, however my doubts about leaving my wife remained. In the meantime I continued to text and message my wife on Facebook and within a couple more weeks I had talked her round, so I ended it with my girlfriend and spent a weekend with my wife. Before the weekend was even out I was beginning to question had I done the right thing. So I got back in touch with my girlfriend and though it was quite difficult talked her round.
Once back with my girlfriend I was entirely happy in her company but when alone and at work the doubts about my wife lingered. Then about four weeks later it went full circle again, finished with girlfriend, went to wife, missed girlfriend, talked girlfriend round and again finished with wife and again the doubts returned this was around april. From then until three weeks ago I was with the girlfriend but remaining in contact with my wife telling her I was still unsure and missing her etc.
So three weeks ago my girlfriend and I were camping for the weekend on the west coast of Scotland and had a really great weekend but going into the weekend I had decided that afterwards I was going to end it with her and go back, for real, to my wife. On the sunday evening there was an atmosphere, naturally she picked up on it and later she instigated the conversation that led to us breaking up, again. At the time I thought great saves me the difficulty. So we ended and I spent a couple of days with my wife before I had to make a trip to Ireland. This was three days later and I started to miss my girlfriend I contacted her and told her so we met and had a tearful conversation but did not get back. My feelings of loss for her intensified and I was very uncomfortable around my wife and rather than hurt her again i said we needed to slow down, this was so I could buy myself time. I have continued to contact my girlfriend and have met her one further time and had an hour long telephone conversation as well as the odd text message but she is standing firm.
The crux of it is I have now realised my feelings for my wife were actually an inability to let go whereas the feelings for my girlfriend are genuine Love. I am now completely devastated and heartbroken at the loss of my girlfriend I am missing her so so badly and desperately want her back, like I say we have had contact but if I send her emotionally charged text messages she does not respond but does if they are just chit chat. She has tentatively agreed to meet for a drink tomorrow but says she doesn't want to go over it all again.
I wish to add that in my defence, although I'm not using it as an excuse I suffer from depression, stress and anxiety and around the time I left the marital home I had run out of meds and did not pick up my new prescription and went without for around two months.
Plus I am 37 years of age and have never ever behaved like this or been in an even remotley similiar situation before.
So girls hit me with it, just not too hard please:(, can I rectify the situation with my girlfriend who I love deeply or is it game over, I just wish I had realised how she actually meant to me beforehand and not got my self into this hellish situation.
