Long Story involving a girl... Some advice please

Hey guys, this is my first post here. I hope some of you can help me out. Just a warning, this may be a bit long. Here's a bit of backstory about myself and my situation.

First off, I have only been in 5 relationships in my life, and out of all those only 1 was real, where I felt I was in love with the person. Since then, maybe in a revelation, or maybe to get over her, I did a lot of research about love and came to the conclusion that love is overrated and fake for the most part. That it is just a bunch of biological and psychological irrational feelings. Since then, this was 5 years ago we broke up, I have only had 2 relationships which were short, not serious, and I knew I didnt like them that much either. So I gave up and have just been using 'intimate friends' to get what I need physically, and vowed not to ever let my emotions get involved with anyone because I believed it to be irrational and fake.

Well about 2 and a half years ago, I met someone at University and I must say, she changed my life around. I liked this person in an entirely different way. It didnt feel like some biological or psychological BS, it felt rational. And rationality = longterm. She was seeing a guy at the time we met, but things weren't going well, so I was always there for her. When they broke up, I still didnt really make my move on her and about a month or two later she started dating someone else and we stopped talking. I was heartbroken, but a year later, they broke up and she called me, we spoke for a bit, and I thought this time I'd finally get my chance to date her. But I dont know exactly what happened, but she ended up dating someone else for another year, I was heartbroken again, but they broke up a couple of months ago. And AGAIN, same deal, she msg'd me soon after and we started talking again.

Now the problem is, we actually got things in the open this time, and she told me how much she liked me since back then, and while she was dating those two guys (don't know if I entirely believe her), and I admitted that I liked her too and she said she could tell already. We went out on one date, and I was the happiest person on the planet, I knew I had her this time. She was such an incredible person and exuded true beauty, not just 'hotness', she was only about a 7 on the hotness scale. She really liked me, texted me a lot, I could tell she was really happy to be around me.

I had gone over to her place a couple of times to watch a movie, and the 2nd time, I don't know, but I feel like I pressured her into sex. Maybe I felt:
1. That I had to because I've liked her for 2 years, and didn't believe that she liked me for that long so I was 'owed it' or
2. Maybe I was scared I'd lose her like the last two times and had to get the sex in.

Either way, the next day she told me she really didn't like it and ever since then things have changed... she hadn't been texting me as much, and I felt a disconnect... I tried to overlook it, but things gradually got worse and worse... It's making me sad even as I write this...

We used to talk everyday on the phone, then it was reduced to just MSN, then reduced to 3 weeks of not talking at all. I didnt know what to think so last week I broke the silence and invited her out for a couple of drinks in a couple of days, she agreed, but when the day came, she didnt answer my texts or answer my calls. I invited her over the next day on msn and she refused. I confronted her about everything and she finally just said she's not attracted to me because of the sex. I thought it was because I pressured her into it, but no, she says it's because I'm not as thick as any of her exs (she seems to date mostly black guys). I am above average girth and a lot above average length so this made me really sad. She also said I had a premature ejaculation problem and she never wants to go through that again because she had an ex with the problem and he didn't care about her feelings during sex.

So all this has crushed my soul. I admit the sex wasn't good, but there was a lot I could do or buy to make future sessions better if I had an open partner. I told her I couldn't keep talking to her like this though, especially when she finds a new man (which will probably happen soon). We said bye to each other for the last time 5 days ago... fukk i'm gonna cry... um where was I?

Well I know I'm not getting over this girl. I know I have two options,
1. to keep living my life as I was, knowing love is BS just using my 'intimate friends' (if I'll even still have any after this), and stay alone
2. I am thinking of trying again in another year. i dont even want her right now. I will make improvements on myself until then.

I am leaning on option 2 because I do feel I have a chance. I know I will have improved a lot by then. I will have a job soon, will get a used car, be back in school. I will even try PE exercises to get a bit bigger (1-2 hours per day). Again, doing all this is improving myself, and not necessarily done FOR her. She has told me she's been very lucky when it comes to sexual partners, that they were all thick and could last for hours. I know men, and I'd imagine it would be hard to find yet ANOTHER guy like that, so hopefully she won't get into another relationship soon, or if she does, maybe she'd be willing to give me another shot in the future.

My plan in a year would be to surprise her with a call and invite her for coffee or something, I would pick her up in my car (another surprise) and maybe give her a gift. I'll tell her to call me the next day if she's interested in getting to know me again, but after that, I'll have to give up forever...

Would this work? Is it a good idea? Other suggestions? I'm trying not to be too clingy with her, and I am giving her space right now by cutting contact. I want everything to be fresh again in a year. If she's dating someone when I call next year, I'll just make my intentions known and that she's free to call me when/if they break up.

SORRY it's such a long read, but I mainly had to vent I guess.

No one has any advice for me? For now I'm happy with being alone, but do you think waiting a year is my best bet to restart things with her? In psychology, it's called a freeze-out, and it usually gives you a better chance. Hopefully it'll work out for me, I'll be improving myself until then.

Why would you want this female, who sounds like an insensitive bitch btw. To turn around and say she didn't like you anymore and because of the sex and her exes were 'thicker' in girth and after only 'ONE' time...I can imagine that this shit crushed your ego.

Gawd, Id forget her. Find someone else, who isnt solely looking for a massive dick to fill her big, gaping, porno hole!!

You're right, I was really crushed as it was a 2 fold CRUSH. Firstly, being rejected like that over something so stupid which could have easily been fixed. Secondly, it makes you think back on every sexual encounter you have and wonder if you were too small for those women too.

To be honest, she is a really nice person otherwise, and I'm a rational person to the max, so I know I'm not just saying that because I have feelings for her. She has been through a lot. I do see her as a potential long term mate, and if anything will use this as motivation to improve myself. I had two choices, to sit and wallow, or improve myself no matter what the reason. I chose the latter and think I have a 50/50 chance on us being together when I make my attempt next year if she is single.

And I do understand what you mean by calling her insensitive. I've analyzed this before and she always did try to make me jealous constantly and brought up her exs a lot and has always said a lot of insensitive things. I am good at reading people, so I could tell it wasn't because she actually wanted those people or was trying to tell me to go away, but because she was just insecure.

First of all, this girl doesn't seem all that deep (and slightly insensitive) if she isn't open to working on something with someone she cares about. From the way you talk about her it seems like you really care about her, but I would try not to grow too attached, because it may or may not end positively. I think calling her up in the future is a great idea, and be sure to make it clear you just want her company, coffee, etc, keep it casual the first time you see her, and if things are meant to progress they will. I hope this works out!!

Thanks a lot, thinking about it makes me really happy. But that worries me because I know I'll be crushed if nothing comes of this. At least I'd have gotten my life back together.

I know you said to make it casual, but I was planning on either:

1. Casual: Take her out for a coffee, take her back home and tell her if she wants to start things up again to give me a call tomorrow. I won't reveal I still have feelings at this point.

2. Casual/Suggestive: Take her out for coffee, take her back home and suggest I still have feelings (w/o saying is blatantly), give her a gift (telling her she's special and deserves it, but still not saying I have feelings), ask her if she is interested to call me the next day.

I really want to do Option 2, I don't think she'll be pushed away by any feelings she may think I have for her.

It's time to forget this girl, find someone else.
I know it is really hard to forget a person that you have ever really loved,but all the difficulties,time can prove everthing

I just re-read our last convo on msn again, and damn, I'm almost in tears. I don't know if there's ever going to be a chance we can be together. I'll have to give myself a 30% chance by next year instead of 50%. There was no hate in her words at all... just indifference... That's when you know things are over...

I will be praying every night that this freeze-out helps.

I really, really think that you should forget her. You can't form a relationship or make one work and alone...it takes 'two' and I'm doubting she would give you another chance and especially if she's looking for the 'well endowed' man.

If you were not good enough a first time around and especially in bed (according to her), what makes you think you would be good enough for her to want to try a 'second' time?

I'm sorry to say but I do think there's better girls out there. I'd have to agree when everyone said she was insensitive. To me, even if you like someone, you wouldn't just cut them off like that because the sex was bad. If I like that someone so much, I'd tell him about it right away instead of avoiding to talk about it. I do think she's a little insecure, though, since you mentioned she felt 'unloved' when that guy had a premature ejaculation.

Sounds like a right stoopid tart to me. She feels unloved and because he ejaculates prematurely. What a first class moron.

Thanks again for the responses. I really don't know what her problem is. I do think we could have a good sex life. There's TONS of things to do about premature ejaculation. I even told her I was working on it (unlike her ex who didnt care). About endowment, I'm even doing exercises to enlarge it, so hopefully by next year it'll be thicker. She said she didn't feel anything, which is kind of weird, I'm guessing maybe there was a problem with the condom to cause her to go numb or something (it expired about a month prior)...

Again, doing all this isn't necessarily for her, even if I get rejected again, I'd have used the motivation to get all this stuff done.

Being in the psychological field, I would say chances of success are going to be based on how many other guys she is in contact with at the time I contact her. I am waiting until summer because I know she won't be meeting new guys in school at that time, and she doesn't go out much so meeting new people would be limited for her in the summer.

The problem with this is if she does have a BF, during the summer she will be less willing to let him go.

I doubt that by doing dick exercises your dick will get thicker.

Why not suggest to her, to get half her hole sewn up...then you might be the perfect fit.

Sorry, I just can't take you seriously anymore.

Well the point is I'm going to improve myself. Right now, I'm jobless, was expelled from school, no car, no money, apparently small dick according to her. I'll improve everything and give it another shot next year.

Toronto girls especially don't like guys who aren't going anywhere. But anyway, so far I've been readmitted into school, will be getting a job soon, going to get a car next year hopefully. About the exercises, there are forums where people say they are seeing results, so I will continue to do them.

It's only been a week but it feels like forever so far. I'll stay strong. 12 more mths to go. I'll try with her again June 2011, but will keep everyone updated monthly on how I'm improving.

You should be improving yourself for YOU. Not for the hopes of this girl getting back to you. Honestly man, move on............

....

I know what you mean, but the end result is the same. I started working out again after a breakup years ago, using her as motivation, and now I am in great shape and happy and probably wouldn't have gone back to working out if I didn't use her as motivation at first.

Ok, it's been about 4 months and here's my update. It ends badly, so I need some advice.

Since I last posted here, I've improved myself a lot, have more money now, back in school, part-time job, almost have my driver's license and can almost afford a car (i know i should have gotten this out of the way when i was younger), new phone, new attitude, i feel like a different person, which is good with or without her.

So what I wanted to do was instead of wait until next year, which i feel would have been too late, i decided to get back in touch with her a couple of nights ago. I texted her and asked if she wanted to get together for a coffee and catch up, i also bought her a little gift and was going to apologize for cutting off contact the way i did, and that maybe she would have cut it off herself, but at least it would have been her choice. She wrote back and avoided the question and just asked me how things were, so I knew right away i wasn't going to get to see her in person.

I asked her what was up, why she didnt want to go, and after texting back and forth i just said forget it and asked if it was ok if i call. Then she said she had no interest in talking to me or being my friend and not to call. So i was in shock because when things ended 4 months ago, it was friendly. Back then, I said I needed a bit of time to get over her and that I'd try to contact her when I felt ready to be around her as a friend, she joked that maybe she'd see me in class, and we said goodbye. That was 4 months ago.

Now I don't know what happened, but I kept asking her what was wrong, and if I could call her because I felt there was something she wasnt telling me (like maybe i hurt her a lot by cutting off contact, or something like that), but she said there's nothing else to say to me and she'd contact the authorities if I continued texting her.

Now I'm not looking for any advice like 'move on' or 'stop talking to her', obviously now I have no choice but to stop, but I'm wondering if anyone had an idea about why she acted like that. She's one of those girls who when she has a bf or is interested in someone, every other guy can go to hell. So I thought it was that at first, but I know she'd have indirectly brought him up in the texts if she did have a guy. I just want to know what the hell changed so drastically. Most people would see an old friend for coffee unless they had a specific problem with them, and since we didn't end things badly (we weren't even a couple), I want to know if any of you could tell me what the problem could have been and why she is now acting hostile?

So does anyone have an idea of why she's acting this way?

", i also bought her a little gift and was going to apologize for cutting off contact the way i did, "
"like maybe i hurt her a lot by cutting off contact, or something like that"

--> "obviously now I have no choice but to stop, but I'm wondering if anyone had an idea about why she acted like that."

I think you know why. . . in the way you cut contacts, it hurt her and she have move on.