Haunted by girlfriends past :((

I know i'm most likely to get response such as; get over it, grow up etc but i wouldn't be here for advice if i didn't love her so much.

Basically whats eating away at me is her sexual past, we both live in a very small town and i saw her out clubbing etc way before i knew her/we got together.

I only met her because she was my ex-girlfriend's best mate, and me and my ex-girlfriend hooked my current girlfriend up with my best friend at the time. (hope i havn't confused you yet) anyway he ended up giving her chlamydia and they broke up.

2 months later me and my ex-girlfriend broke up and i started talking to her best mate, anyway after getting to know each other properly we fell for each other and got together... needless to say her and my ex don't talk anymore.


The thing that's bugging me is i'm only 19 and had 3 sexual partner including her, where as she has slept with 16 people and had a threesome with 2 men, both of which i know personally and are complete dicks, she's only 18.

She went through a tough 4 year relationship of being treated like ass and was cheated on 3 times. She finally broke up with him a 9 months ago, and since then she just rebelled and felt like sleeping with guys made her feel better, that they weren't all just out to hate her.

When i'm with her, it doesn't even cross my mind, but when i have time to think alone i can't get it out of my head, i really don't know why.

It doesn't help that some of her one-nighters i see out in pubs clubs etc and they come up to me and talk to me shake my hand all that, because i knew them before i got with her, and a few of them are actually friends. It's just constant reminders.

I love her so bloody much, i adore her and her family, especially her little sister.. they have asked me to move in yesterday as i am having problems at home, just until we save for our own place. We have only been together for 2 months, but have spent every night of that 2 months together, only time apart is for work.


It's jsut bugging me, and i feel like i want to get more experience with other woman, i feel like i want higher numbers.. and this is not good.. i think she knows i feel like something is wrong, as she has told me if i ever want to experiment she will allow another woman to join us for sex (threesome) because i think she knows i feel inexperienced and unhappy about it.

I just can't stand to think of these other men enjoying her, shes so delicate and funny it just hurts me.

You guys are moving way too fast. You both are going to burn out on each other at this rate. And you're possibly moving in in addition to already contemplating moving in together? Way too fast.

I know you're excited to be with her, but please listen when I say that too fast, so soon rarely does anyone any good. Especially when you are this young.

I stayed with my boyfriend's family for a time last year when I fell on financial hard times, and I worried endlessly about how our sudden closeness would ruin the relationship too early. In fact, our relationship changed its pace several times and this was very nearly a reason we could have ended a few months ago.

Do you have any other housing alternatives right now?

You gotta start young and fresh.. but really, that's wayyy too much dick for an 18 year old girl. She's already had 1 STD. Isn't that a bit of a red flag, that she doesn't take good care of herself? I mean, come on. Use your senses man. She is a one-night girl if anything.

The STD was really my fault, it was my best friend who gave it to her and i knew what he was like, she didnt.

But what you say is what worries me..

5 or 6 of them she actually was talking to before they had sex and was even in a relationship with a few, they just didn't work out.. i knew her before we got together and she loves going out getting completely wasted, we both do.

The threesome she told them no but she was so drunk she couldnt react to it, and i know both the guys that did it are tw@ts that are like that.

The others.. i dont know... shes a very pretty girl and gets herself in some extremely drunk situations where people can take advantage of her.. she says she doesn't really remember most of them.

Well, if you really loved and cared about her you wouldn't give a damn.

It's not something that will affect our relationship, i just don't want to think about it.

How should i react towards the people she's been with that think i'm their friend? i've been civil to them so far, but deep down i wanna chin someone.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CraigQQ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The STD was really my fault, it was my best friend who gave it to her and i knew what he was like, she didnt.
But what you say is what worries me..
5 or 6 of them she actually was talking to before they had sex and was even in a relationship with a few, they just didn't work out.. i knew her before we got together and she loves going out getting completely wasted, we both do.
The threesome she told them no but she was so drunk she couldnt react to it, and i know both the guys that did it are tw@ts that are like that.
The others.. i dont know... shes a very pretty girl and gets herself in some extremely drunk situations where people can take advantage of her.. she says she doesn't really remember most of them.

---

She sounds a lot like my ex gf .(we broke up jan. 1 of this year) Honestly, you guys should of never spoken of your sexual partners number in the first place. Thats the past and doesnt help anything in the relationship. At 18 and 19 years old I think both you need to still do a lot of growing up. She was using sex to boost her self esteem and you're not mature enough to handle her past sexual advetures. Now, for a lack of better words, sounds like she to be pretty loose. You guys live in a pretty small town you say so I'm sure she has quite the reputation as well. My ex also went through this phase but one thing I didnt have to deal with was actually metting her past encounters.......that would be torture. Although you do care for her a lot, if you want this to work you two need to slow things down........waaaaaaaay DOWN! 18 and 19 years old, believe me, you're just fine with 3 sexual partners. You need to decide if you can look pass the past or if it's going to be a dealbreaker. Take everything else out of the equation for now because this is the issue at hand. And the STD, yeah, NOT your fault. That's her fault and you buddies fault. Oh yeah, go get yourself tested ASAP.

I would get tested.

Lol well was hoping for some advice to get it off my mind but noone seems to think this relationship is a good idea.

The moving in part is good for me, or i'll be homeless. i am not getting on with my family and i have to be out of the house in 2 months time, as the parents are moving to spain.

She got her STD cleared the second she got it, and she's really ashamed of it. Yer i should get myself tested but i dont think i need to, but i will when im out and they do those tests in club toilets.

I guess i may have made her out to be some town bike, but shes really not.. She doesn't have a reputation, believe me or i'd know. I know everyone and everything in this town lol.

Shes just had a really tough time and i guess sex made her feel better about herself.

It all happened in the space of 8 months when she finally broke up with her 4 year long boyfriend.. in 8 months she had sex with 15 people, and yes that doesnt make me happy and does give me doubts but im here to look for help and get over it.


I really don't want to lose her because of this, my life has improved soo much since meeting her.


God i'd have my face ripped off if she read this. lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CraigQQ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

they do those tests in club toilets.

---

Ummmm.... What?

In night clubs around essex, people often stand in the toilets offering free chlamydia tests, just piss in a pot and they send it off, and you get a result.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CraigQQ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yer i should get myself tested but i dont think i need to, but i will when im out and they do those tests in club toilets.
l

---

Unless you didn't touch her at all -yes, dumb dumb GET TESTED FOOL. And at a DR. not some nasty club toilet.

How much do you end up paying for a piss test in a club bathroom? That sounds like a huge scam.

It's free, they're from NHS.

You're stupid if you don't get tested by a legitimate DR.

She needs to go to a clinic and get a proper set of tests done.

You knew all of this before getting together with her, right?

IMO, that makes you just as big a twat as the two guys who double-teamed her when she was wasted if you turn around and dump her now.

If these tests are being offered by the NHS in club toilets, they will be legit tests and exactly the same test that a doctor would do. The NHS is our national health service and they will be professionals from the NHS administering these tests. We can just walk into a chemist in the UK and get a test done, ....we don't have to go personally and to see a doctor. I guess it's being done and because sex diseases are on the rise, not surprisingly and at the rate kids seem to put it about these days...they are like rabbits!

OP, if you can't deal with it, then end it....or get over it and grow up ffs!!!!

I also agree with Giga.

It's his attitude that's alarming. He thinks he's clear but has no reason to think that. Unless he never had sex with her. Not to mention all the other STD's she COULD have (you know how it takes like sometimes up to 6mths for something to show up and even then there might not be ANY symptoms) either way, it's his lack of sexual safety that is like WHOA, really?

I came here for advice, not STD help and lectures.

I know shes clear because she got herself fully tested after she got chlymidia.


Anyway i have now moved in with her and it's going really well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CraigQQ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Anyway i have now moved in with her and it's going really well.

---

It gets really old, really fast. And If it doesn't work out between the both of you, you'll end up being branded a moocher.

Quote:

---

Anyway i have now moved in with her and it's going really well.

---

Good for you.

Then you won't need anyones help anymore.

Lol 90% of the people replying to my thread are idiots. Seriously.

'Spose thats what i get for coming to a place like this for some simple advice.

Whatever.

You are dealing with GROWN UPS in this thread, who have a hell of a lot more life and love experience than you have had in your mere 19 years on the planet.

If you don't like to hear the truth and listen to good and sound advice...PISS OFF.

\hardly sound advice, i'm being told to dump my girlfriend whom i adore because she's had a bad past?? sort yourselves out, i could do a better job at giving people advice.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CraigQQ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

\hardly sound advice, i'm being told to dump my girlfriend whom i adore because she's had a bad past?? sort yourselves out, i could do a better job at giving people advice.

---

Weren't you thinking that it might be a good idea for you to go out and get equal amounts of experience? Bad idea. It wouldn't help.

So did you just give yourself a harsh talking to and tell yourself to get over it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Weren't you thinking that it might be a good idea for you to go out and get equal amounts of experience? Bad idea. It wouldn't help.

So did you just give yourself a harsh talking to and tell yourself to get over it?

---

Really, GTFO dude. You wanna get smart now right? Forget piss off, **** off!

Oh geeze- ignorance like that spreads those STD's around. We see threads like yours sooo often it's not even funny. It never really works out. But I'm sure for you it will because you guys are different. Funny, they all say that!

about the whole reputation thing...? people talk yknow A LOT. you either... 1. liked her before and didn't wana admit that she was like that or 2. you really dont know that much about her. or your town.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CraigQQ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

\hardly sound advice, i'm being told to dump my girlfriend whom i adore because she's had a bad past?? sort yourselves out, i could do a better job at giving people advice.

---

If you really are, you'd be giving them, not asking for it.

i know how you feel man, ive been in that situation before and trust me, its just going to bother you non-stop until you finally break up with her. Not only is she a walking STD if she has the guts to sleep with 16 guys and have 3 somes, what do you think shes going to do when you guys have some rough spots? do yourself a favor and end it early, unlike me i put up with it for a year and a half until i finally told her im leaving

This:

Quote:

---

Basically whats eating away at me is her sexual past, we both live in a very small town and i saw her out clubbing etc way before i knew her/we got together.

---

and this:

Quote:

---

The thing that's bugging me is i'm only 19 and had 3 sexual partner including her, where as she has slept with 16 people and had a threesome with 2 men, both of which i know personally and are complete dicks, she's only 18

---

Contradicts with this TWICE OVER

Quote:

---

hardly sound advice, i'm being told to dump my girlfriend whom i adore because she's had a bad past?? sort yourselves out, i could do a better job at giving people advice.

---

The thing is, it actually does bother him, that is why he posted it here. That is a big factor, but he avoids it and professes his love for her like it didn't matter to him.

he's trying to defend her cos he likes her and they're going out. i think he should revert back to the reason he posted here [being 'haunted' is pretty big] and understand that we're trying to help.

The only thing that would result is "I've got issues about her sexual past, but I love her. So please tell me something I want to hear."

You should have never gotten with her in the first place if this is how you felt. You knew about her sexual history BEFORE you guys got together. No use whining about it now.

nerdy_guy
The only thing that would result is "I've got issues about her sexual past, but I love her. So please tell me something I want to hear."

sums it up.

Ofcourse im going to protect her and defend her, i really do love the girl, and i respect that she has had a hard time before with boyfriends, and that it has messed her head up a lot.


I'm not here to argue and listen to people trying to be smart..

the situation is better for me now as it is, i've learnt to block it out and not think about it, i understand what she went through.

If in the future she cheats on me so be it, i wont stand for that crap and she will lose me. I was cheated on in my first relationship and it took all of 3 days to get over it.

does it not seem weird that in the short amount of time you've been together you're already having to block things out? if it was right, you'd be accepting her past but like you say it's haunting you and eating away at you. it's not healthy in the long-run. IMO you shouldn't even be thinking to yourself about if she's gona cheat on you in the future either, makes it seem like you think it's gona happen at some point.