Coffee addict seeks geek girl.

I hate introduction threads. Oh well...

I'm one of those guys. Computer geek (although I'm not a gamer). 20 year old virgin. Never had a girlfriend. Never kissed anyone. Girls hate me. No hope... no reason to live... :upset:

decaffeinated chambers a round...

um... right. Anyway, I joined hoping to get some advice, and maybe understand what I'm doing wrong. And maybe I can make a suggestion or two about some topic I know nothing about while I'm at it. :)b

I'm currently working as a web designer, and attending college. I'm not saying where, because you'd all laugh and make fun of me. I've been reading this forum for a little while, and the seamless blend of inspiring brilliance and abject stupidity is fascinating. Hopefully I'll become a regular.

See you all around!

welcome enyoy you saty and aly off the cafine

hey enjoy your stay here :), dont worry man, there is always someone for someone ^_^

you sound exactly like my friend chris....... too bad one of you isn't a girl, then i co uld set u up. jk

wow girls don't like you?? maybe you're doing something wrong... like cross dressing or soemthing. you probably have to change your approach.

raverboy

ROFL.. whats up Decaf...

Welcome.. :)

Welcome, Decaff,

So you're a cross-dresser? I would agree that this diminishes your chances with girls because most girls don't go for that sort of thing. You can increase your chances by dressing in the more traditional male's attire.

Freddie

(heh, heh..this is how rumors get started)

What? He's a cross dresser? Man, you are never gunna get laid. :goofy:

how do rumors get started??

raverboy

But seriously, this time...I, myself, was a late bloomer..but I was never one to ask what I was doing wrong, because I knew exactly what the answer was..as I'm sure you probably know too. It's almost common sense. If someone described their situation, you'd have all kinds of good advice for this person too..whether it's things you've read or things that made sense to you and were always on your mind, but you never articulated them. For me it was not a matter of what am I doing wrong..or what am I not doing..but rather, the why? Why don't I do what I know I should do.

Do you know the answer to that for yourself? If someone presented the same presented this situation you've described to us to you..what advice would you give him? Of this advice, have you done these thing?

Why??

That is the question. If your head is anything like mine, anyway.

Freddie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Freddie

Do you know the answer to that for yourself? If someone presented the same presented this situation you've described to us to you..what advice would you give him? Of this advice, have you done these thing?

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I have a few problems. One of them is my living at home. I'm doing it because it's the most financially responsible thing I can do, but let's face it - girls are attracted to independent guys. Another problem is that I don't drink or party, which is where most people seem to meet girls. Another problem is that I was home schooled, and thus I have been isolated since 2nd grade (when I left public school.) Ergo, I have no high school sweet heart. Those seem to be my biggest problems. I dress fine, I look good, I'm friendly, I'm funny... I don't see any personality issues.

The key, it seems, is just to ask out as many girls as possible. Eventually, one of them is going to say yes. But the problem is that I don't want to date random girls - that's a recipe for an incompatible relationship. I usually watch a girl for a while to gauge her personality and likes/dislikes. THEN I make the decision whether or not I want to ask her out. Unfortunately, that's time consuming and vaguely stalker-ish, so I don't really have the enrgy to do it very often.

I want to be one of those guys women throw themselves at. "OH MY GOD CAN I HAVE YOUR BABIES PLEASE!?" What's with those guys anyway?

1) As in I dress well, not that I make a good piece of furniture.

The parallels continue..

I saw this in me too. I always thought of myself as "too mature" for playing games. Unfortunately, they call it "the dating game" for a reason...and most people play it. From your own advice I gather that you're not out there playing the field as much. Maybe, like me, you've seen too many movies, rather than have been out there experiencing life for yourself, and while realistic in that you know life isn't like in the movies, you can't seem to feel like you can just blend right in to the scene..hitting the ground running. So you stick to what your good at, the social scene not being it.

Me...though I'm only 6 years your senior...find it difficult to get in the "game" because I feel my convictions are too well set now that change feels like hypocracy. I do crave some of the stories I hear about the decadent and debaucherious behavior that goes on. I know my chances are greatly reduced by electing to continue with my current behavior and lifestyle, and maybe it's that my hormones are not raging the way they once were, but I've made my decision. As I am, my greatest chances at romance will come from girls who come to know me well and see that while I don't have "game" I have my own brand of "substance". (because everyone can define substance differently)

I think that's kinda where you stand....and here's where you make a decision. Try to change your ways a little more toward the social/extroverted atmosphere where there are more options..and I'm not asking you to drink. I don't drink myself. But know that, yeah, this may hurt your game some. But above all, tweaking your own advice.., no, don't "ask out as many girls as possible", but definitely approach them and make them your friend. If you have all the qualities you mentioned, they'll see it in the friends phase and it may develop into a relationship.

IMHO

Freddie

Nomas,

Very wise words, you speak. Yoda, they remind me of. Make me want to talk backwards, they do. ;)

Your insight confirms what I have been pondering for a while. If you check my "Existing boyfriend == bad" thread, you'll note that it's the general strategy I'm taking with a girl right now. And it seems to be paying off. (b^_^)b

"Good friends make the best lovers." Now I've just gotta wait for Mr. Perfect to screw up, then I move in. :evil:

Well, these days I'm too careful to use any words thare sound too concrete...so I'll sound wise in not being too specific. Like horoscopes!

But, yeah, I would agree with the friends first..and if it happens, good, but I would be mindful not to force anything. Nothing better than letting things fall into place naturally, though it requires patience...MAD patience.

Freddie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nomas

Nothing better than letting things fall into place naturally, though it requires patience...MAD patience.

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I have already resolved not to push or force anything. If the relationship is to evolve into something more than a friendship, either (1) she'll have to initiate it or (2) her situation with el boyfriend will have to dissolve, thus rendering her "available."

If all goes according to plan, I'll be teaching giving her computer lessons soon. That will be fun. I'ma turn her into an ubergeek, like me. Antivirus on. Spyware off. You are doing well, grasshopper. :oriental:

Man...that waiting for her to initiate it....

I don't know, man, I don't know.

It's easy to sit here and tell you what to do when I know I probably wouldn't do this myself if she's got a boy, but truth be told..chances are, if there's a situation where you feel the tension, she's sending over the vibes that she wants you to initiate something. I'd say if you see the opening, take the shot...but "easier said than done", when you're not used to being as assertive.

That's my only input to your last post...what do you think?

Freddie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nomas

That's my only input to your last post...what do you think?

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Interesting point. You know, I asked her once if she wanted to go out to lunch, and her reply was, "I'd love to, but I'm having lunch with my boyfriend." I took that as a polite rejection, but could she be telling me something? "I'd love to" doesn't seem like the phrase I'd use if I meant, "no." Then again, maybe I'm just thinking wishfully. What do you think?

Man, I don't know. I can't make a call based on just what you tell me. I'd say do what your gut says...whatever vibe you get. You know all the advice people will post here, you can see it coming a mile away if you look. There's cases to where 99% of the time 99% of the people will advise you to act a certain way and 99% of the time they will be right.

But sometimes you want to shoot to be part of that 1% who took the risk.

It's up to you. It's always up to you.

Sorry, man, I can't tell you what I'd do in your shoes.
Freddie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nomas

Sorry, man, I can't tell you what I'd do in your shoes.

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Can't you just tell me to do something, so when it fails miserably I can blame you for my unhappiness? ;)

Seriously though, I know I'm the only one who can call it. Argh. Why can't love be more like computers? Finite and deterministic. Put in a certain set of values, and you're guaranteed a response within a certain range. ;__;

Thanks so much for all the advice, nomas. It's nice to know someone has gone through the same thing, and I'm not just crazy. I've decided to watch her for a bit, and see if I pick up any subtle cues. Then we'll see. :)

Welcome to the board.

being that i'm somewhat close to your age, I can say it doesn't really matter to some girls whether you live at home.

I for one live at home, making my life easier being a single mom, full time worker and full time student. And two rent is way high here. I'm looking into buying a house next year but Meh, prices seem to rise more. I'm actually debating on moving out of my state, even the country.

My guy technically lives at home...well in the dorms for the moment.

I've also dated many guys who lived at home. Wasn't the most convenient at time ;)

Anywho to solve your stalker thing. Start a convo with some girl. This will help build your social skills and make you more desirable. Hell some girl could be your friend and know someone you could get with.

ummm yeah. that is my opinion and ideas for the mo'. i'm kinda getting drunk.

*does the no work tomorrow dance*